Project Lumberdork
by SuperGroverAway
Summary: Several years in the future, Wendy is invited to join the twins on a grand cross-country trip to investigate reports of paranormal activity across the US. But little does she or Dipper realize is that while they hunt and do battle with all kinds of monsters and oddities, Mabel is secretly working on her boldest plan ever...a plan to make the ultimate match. (Future-Pines)
1. The Loner

Well, here goes nothing! A new multi-chapter story to read and hopefully enjoy. This takes place in the same semi-AU of all my "Future Pines" stories, and is basically a prequel to "Pines Will Be Pines." A huge thanks goes to ddp456 for all the time and energy he's put into helping me whip this plot into shape.

As usual, all comments, critiques and whatnot are all greatly appreciated (also my usual array of weird glaring spelling and grammar typos, which continue to escape both the notice of my editing and my spellcheck).

\- _**SGA**_

* * *

After pulling into Gravity Falls Mobile Estates, the young woman stumbled wearily from her pickup. Her muscles ached from a long day at the logging camp. Thankfully, now that the week was over she could look forward to….

Wendy's relief fizzled out before she even stepped inside her trailer home. By the time she tugged off her boots she was already wishing that it was Sunday night. Granted, work really wasn't anything special. It was just a job her dad had managed to arrange for her. But besides a paycheck, at least it gave her something to do. After all, she wasn't really into going out a lot anymore. Or really doing much of anything, for that matter.

This definitely wasn't the outcome she expected when she first moved off to Portland with her boyfriend for a new life in the city. But since that final and epic breakup with her now-ex and the hasty move to her backwoods hometown, she'd been living in a sort of self-imposed seclusion. Life now mainly consisted of shuffling back between work and this cramped mess she called home, doing her best to forget her recent disaster of a relationship and trying to forgive herself for letting it go on for as long as it did. So far she had gotten the getting up and going to work part down pretty pat. The other stuff though, not so much.

The twenty-five-year-old peeled off her sweat-stained jeans and flannel and switched to a tank top and shorts. After changing out of her filthy work clothes she checked her phone and found two messages waiting for her.

"Wendy? You still alive?" There was a mix of concern and annoyance in Tambry's recording. But Wendy couldn't blame her though considering all the unanswered calls she'd racked up. "If you are, you know the drill. Whenever you feel like you want to be a person again, please drop a line or something, okay? Robbie and I would really like it if….."

Since it was no different from the her friend's last several messages, The lumberjill fast-forwarded through it. The second message then began to play, and she was surprised by a familiar bubbly squeak of a voice that she hadn't heard in a good while.

"Heeeeey, Wen-Wen! Guess who-oooo? I'll give you a hint, her name starts with 'M' and ends in '-abel!' Haha! Anyway I'm just checking in. How's things? Boy it feels like a it's been a million years since..."

Wendy managed a brief smile as she listened to the overly long voicemail, all the way until her friend was cut off by the time limit. How long had it been since she heard from either of her dorks? She thought of the last few insane months and could only think of a few scattered texts, all from Mabel. Dipper meanwhile…..

She reached for a battered pine tree cap resting on the corner of sofa and started playing with it as she thought back. Wendy genuinely couldn't even remember exactly when she last heard from him. To be fair, grad school was probably keeping him pretty busy at the moment. He was probably juggling more than enough papers, projects, or whatever his program was demanding from him, and she knew that Dipper never gave anything less than a hundred percent for any of his work. Or at least that's what she assumed he must be up to right now. The doofus was probably in his element.

Wendy had to be honest, she hadn't given either of the twins too much thought for a while now, what with everything she'd been trying to deal with. The more she thought about how long it had been, the tighter her gut twisted with guilt. She made a mental note to try and give one of them a call tomorrow. Mabel, probably. Or…..maybe the day after. She'd definitely around to it sometime later in this week.

A resigned groan echoed through her home. Who was she kidding? As much as she wanted to chat with her friends, she balked at the idea of having one more person witness the self-pitying hermit she'd let herself become. Plus, even if she worked up the energy for a call, she highly doubted she'd be much fun to talk to. Wendy tossed both phone and cap onto the couch, plodded into the kitchen and fished a six-pack from her fridge.

"Well," She raised her first drink of the evening to no one. "Here's to another Friday night….."

* * *

"Hello? Helloooooo? Wendy?"

Wendy jolted awake. Someone was knocking so hard at her door that it was rattling the entire trailer a little.

"Wendy? Wen-Wen? You there? Helloooo!"

She stumbled out of her little bedroom and was startled to find a rosey-cheeked visitor smiling in through a window.

"Wendy, it's me! Mabel!" She banged on the window with an open palm. "Your friend! I'm outside your place right now! Do you see me?!"

There was no mistaking the grinning brunette standing there, clad in one of her many sweaters, along with some bedazzled jeans, a colorful bandana stylishly tying up her hair, and the glasses she'd been wearing since her junior year of college. Wendy fumbled open the door and Mabel bounced in with a jangle of homemade earrings.

"Hey there!" She started gabbing like if they'd last seen one another only yesterday. "How's my sister from another mister? And family? Haha! Anyways, hope you don't mind a little super-secret-surprise visit!"

"Uh…" Wendy was reeling. "You're….you're here?"

"You bet Mabel's here! I was actually driving up to the Shack when I called last night." Her grin twisted mischievously. "Pretty sneaky, huh? Anyway, weird story short, I was running a teensy little errand at the mall Wednesday when I passed by some camping gear store. I took one look at all those boots in the window and then it hit me. Suddenly I was all, 'Whoa, hold the phone here! How long has it been since I heard from my Wen-Wen?' And you know what the answer was? Way way waaaaaay too long! It was all on my mind, and when I mentioned it on the phone to Stan later he said you had moved back into town. And so then I was all 'Well what am I waiting for?' I made plans, packed up, left work early as I could yesterday, and VOILA!"

"Huh? Wait so you've talked with...uh, so did Stan or Ford...did they….." Wendy silently cursed herself for paying the two old twins an overdue visit a week back. Stan had been very generous with the beers (up until Ford cut the both of them off), and she recalled that her lips had loosened quite a bit. As anxiety quelled in the pit of her stomach, she took a deep breath and tried asking again, "Uhh….so what did they tell you?"

"Just a quickie little summary! You know, calling it quits with your old guyfriend after things got all stupid with him, coming back here, the new job with your dad, all the basic biz! Ooohh, also that you weren't all that jazzed with your new pad." She took a look around. "Hey, this isn't as bad as I expected at all! This is going to be waaaay easier than I thought!"

"What is?"

"What else? Your home makeover!" As Mabel started zipping back and forth to unload a near-impossible amount of bags from her hybrid, she gabbed nonstop."No need to worry about breakfast, I picked us up some sammies at Greasy's Diner. Bacon, egg and cheese on a roll for you, egg and cheese on a fluffy croissant for me! No coffee though. I brought all the fixings for some fresh Mabel Juice. Now you can start looking through these fabric samples and pick which one you want for window curtains. Don't worry, it's an all-flannel selection, of course. Also, I've been on a major needlepoint kick lately, so I packed a couple of my latest ones. They're nice, huh? Hope you don't mind if I hang a couple up around here. I think a good needlepoint can really help tie a room together if you chose the….."

Wendy stood there just trying to process everything that was happening. When it all finally sunk in, she interrupted her friend with a sound that was both a laugh and a sob. Mabel ground to an instant halt.

"You okay?"

"S-sorry Mabes, I...it's not you or anything, I….it's….." As the redhead fumbled over her words, she wiped at rapidly tearing emerald eyes. "Just….th-thanks. F-for showing up. I-I've….the last few months have been...kinda crappy...kinda really crappy."

A couple stray tears were sneaking down her freckled cheeks. Mabel dropped everything and threw her arms around her.

"It's okay." She squeezed tight as she felt her friend lean gratefully into the embrace. "I also brought plenty of hugs for my Wen-Wen too…."

After just a few hours of company, Wendy had made an impressive recovery. She was talking, chuckling, smiling, and even trying to help spruce up her home. Mabel wouldn't have any of the latter though, and every time her friend tried to lend a hand she'd shoo her back onto the sofa. And while she wiped, scrubbed, and decorated, she energetically filled Wendy in on all the latest developments with her current boyfriend and her new job as an elementary school art teacher. After being bombarded with updates, a significantly relaxed Wendy surprised herself by how easily she opened up about the recent happenings in her own life. To be fair though, this wasn't just any person that she was venting to; Mabel had always been the closest thing that she'd ever had to a little sister.

"...I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I gave him that second chance."

"Don't beat yourself up." Mabel was currently busy hanging some photos on the wall. "He was the one who wanted to be the Jerk of the Year. He kept seeing that girl right after he promised it was a one-time mistake! How is that not the biggest butt move ever?"

"Yeah, but I would have saved myself a stupid amount of trouble if I didn't let it drag out like I did." Wendy grimaced at the memories of all the screaming matches, tensely silent dinners and the numerous nights where she chose to sleep on the couch. "Man, I still can't believe I thought that we could work through it. All I did was put myself through hell. And for what? So I could run into his little side action again just as she was leaving our apartment. I don't even know why….."

She grabbed one of the new handmade throw pillows her friend brought and and muffled a loud groan into it. Once the frustrated eruption passed, she tossed the pillow back aside with a sigh. "Dude, if he's Jerk of the Year, then I was the Idiot of the Century."

"Well let's look on the bright side! First of all, he's finally out of of your life, so no more dealing with all of his stupid lying cheaty jerk stuff. And I know it probably feels awful right now, just remember everything great you still have!" Mabel as usual was a mountain of optimism. "You got all of your family and friends, includinngggg…..the raddest two people in the entire universe!"

The brunette grabbed one of the framed pictures that she had just hung up and playfully dangled it over Wendy's face. "Speaking of, remember this?"

It was a photo of a pair of twins wearing their college graduation robes and enormous grins. Standing between them was a lanky redhead who was looking a little dirty but also extremely proud while she hugged both her dorks. Wendy brightened up as she fondly recalled that fateful day. It felt like ages, even though it had only been slightly over a year ago.

"Oh man, check out that doofus." She chuckled at Dipper. Out of the three of them, he was wearing the biggest grin by far.

"You have noooooo idea how much you made his day." Mabel giggled. "Mine too. We thought you weren't gonna make it."

"What? C'mon, of course I was! I wasn't going to let some car trouble stop me." Wendy laughed. Lucky for her, she had managed to snag the help of a few very helpful bikers to get her to the ceremony only minutes before it started.

"Or bug trouble!" Mabel tittered as she remembered this particular detail from her friend's epic trip.

"Ugh, don't remind me." For a brief moment Wendy could taste them flying into her mouth at seventy miles an hour again. She then looked back at the young man in the picture and felt a wistful pang. "So speaking of graduations…."

Without even thinking she reached for the battered Pine tree cap and started fiddling with it. "How long does Dipper have left until he's done with his program? I haven't heard from him in forever."

"You and me both. And we only live a couple miles apart back home!"

"Jeez. So it's just been all work and no play, huh?"

"More so than he's even been in his whole entire life. It's a kookoo crazy accelerated degree program he's on. But he should almost be done soon!" She chirped with relief. "It'll be great to finally to see him outside of a library for once again."

"So that's it? He seriously hasn't been up to anything else?"

"I wouldn't say that…" Mabel admitted slyly. Wendy sat up and flashed a prying grin.

"C'mon, let's hear it." She said eagerly.

"Let's see…." Her friend giggled. "I guess for starts, he finally found out how much coffee for an all-night research session is too much."

"Oh my God." Wendy snorted.

"Ooooh yeah, that was one everyone lesson learned the hard way. I had to take three straight shots of Mabel juice to get the energy to bring him down..."

* * *

Once they finished getting the cramped trailer into shape, the girls spent the rest of the day goofing around and reminiscing about old times, and capped it off with a pizza and a wonderfully heckle-worthy bad movie. As Mabel watched the her friend finally plod off to bed, she felt so glad she decided to come all the up right before the big trip kicked off next week. It looked like Wendy had really needed this. It was such a shame that her last few months had been such a mess. Someone as awesome as her deserved way better than the hand she'd been dealt with lately.

While she got ready for bed, Mabel, of course, couldn't notice that Wendy's current hermit tendencies (as she had described them) reminded her a lot of a certain exhausted grad student back south in California. Mabel had confirmed Wendy's assumptions that Dipper was pretty busy. But for the sake of her friend's mood, she had left out how Dipper wasn't exactly having the time of his life. Her poor brother had almost let his program take over his entire life, to put it bluntly. The fact that he was still chugging along was almost a miracle.

Mabel looked out the window and sighed. No doubt Dipper was probably face down and snoring in a pile of books right now after another jam-packed day of working himself ragged.

After setting down on the sofa with a pillow and blanket, the nightie-clad brunette grew lost in her thoughts. It was a shame that Dipper had been out of contact with her for so long. No one could do a better job of helping Dipper keep him and his stress in check than his lumberjill friend. Wendy always seemed to know how to get him out of whatever shell he had managed to crawl into.

And Wendy…..Mabel couldn't help but notice the obvious change that had gone through the redhead countless times through their day together. Every time the conversation steered to Dipper, she always got a little livelier, laughed and grinned more and was always full of eager questions. It happened every single time, without fail. Just talking about him made the lumberjill automatically brighten up. She missed him, plain and simple. Mabel really wished she'd been able to track down her brother for this quick weekend trip, but the study-zombie hadn't answered any of her calls.

She fell deeper into thought. Just how could those two themselves fall out of touch for this long? Now on one hand, it admittedly made sense. Wendy had gotten herself all caught up in her last relationship (both its good times, and all its horrific ones). Meanwhile, literally no one could bury themselves in their studies like Dipper could. Her brother could easily put the most intense workaholics to absolute shame.

But on the other hand, the whole thing was so _stupid_. She couldn't think of any way to put it. It was just so stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid that she almost didn't know where to start. There was no doubt in her mind that those two nitwits would both be weathering their current rough patches so much better if they had at least been talking regularly. After all, absolutely no one could bring out the best in one another like those two could, no matter the circumstances. Mabel knew this better than anyone else after watching them over all these years. Few people really enjoyed themselves as much as they did whenever they were together, whether it was another paranormal caper or just goofing around. And she would be hard pressed to name two people who better knew one another better in and out (well, excluding herself and Dipper). There was no doubt about it in her mind, they needed to get back together as soon as possible so they could…..

"Waaaaait a minute." Mabel whispered as she paused on that thought. Back together...

Together...

Those two...

She sprang up like a Jack-in-the box. Of course. Of _course_. Mabel almost wanted to do a full facepalm, and then decided to do one anyway for dramatic effect. Why hadn't she thought of this sooner? Without further delay she leapt from the sofa, fished a glittery notebook and bedazzled pen from her backpack and flipped on the light. Before she got to work, she checked the time. The Matchmaker figured she could get in a good amount of brainstorming before she finally had to turn in for the night.

"Sleep well, Wen-Wen." She sang softly across the trailer with a giggle. "Don't worry, Mabel's gonna fix everything…."

"Huh?" A half-awake grunt startled her. "Mabes? Y'saysomethin'?"

"Uh….I...I was….was just putting in a call home! Okay Mom...yeah, I'm fine….uh the, the shower in my apartment's still not working, I'll fix it when I get back…." Mabel actually took out her phone to talk into, and kept up a whole facade until she had clumsily exited the trailer.

Once safely outside, she dropped the act and reached in her notebook.

"Okay, step one…." She whispered as she scribbled an important reminder. "Make sure not to pull a Dipper…."

* * *

Wendy was surprised when the redhead in the bathroom mirror greeted her with a grin for the first time in a long while. She felt like a whole new woman. Or maybe she was just feeling a little more like her usual self again. Either way, it was a welcome change of pace. Still clad in a junky tank top and sweatpants, she plodded around until she found her friend outside. Mabel was already washed, dressed, and now casually knitting as she lounged in one of two lawn chairs.

"Good morningggg!" She trilled. "How are you you doing?"

"You have no idea. Man, you have got to visit more often. Keep this up, and I might actually be back to normal soon." Wendy joked before she took a seat.

"Funny that you mentioned that." She tittered slyly. "Guess who's going to be back up here next weekend?"

"Am I looking at her?" Wendy guessed. The bubbly brunette laughed.

"You're only looking at half the package! It'll be me and my bro-bro, coming up to set off on a summer adventure extraordinaire!"

Wendy raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna have to clue me in a little more than that."

"Gladly! You know how Grunkle Ford likes to travel sometimes and do his weirdness investigation dealies?"

"You mean those expedition things? Yeah…." Wendy nodded as she followed along.

"Well it's been getting a little harder for him to do heavy duty fieldwork. Especially with him and Stan kind of getting on. He's been happier to just stay right at home in his lab, but in the meantime he's still been keeping track of all kinds of reports and crazy stuff going on in other places. He's run up a pretty big list of stuff he hasn't checked out but really wants to, so that's where we come in!"

"Wait," Wendy quickly realized where this was going. So are you and Dipper-"

"You bet! We'll be taking Stan's old RV out on the road and check all the stuff Ford wants to know more about!" She beamed in anticipation. "We have a whole itinerary set up and everything!"

"Whoa." Wendy couldn't lie, this came as pretty disappointing news. She slumped in her chair and muttered, "Well….guess it's good I can see him a little before you guys head off."

"A little? Sorry, no can do." Mabel shook her head, then grinned slyly. "How about you see him a whole lot instead?"

Wendy had no idea what she was talking about. "Wait, what?"

"Guess who's coming with us on an epic summer road trip? Here's a hint!" Mabel leaned over and poked her gal-pal square on the nose. "Boop! This lucky lady, right here!"

"I...wait….wait, hold on." Wendy struggled to wrap her head around this bombshell. This was all very sudden, to put it mildly.

"SURPRISE!" Always one for theatrics, Mabel reached into her sweater sleeves and released two puffs of glitter confetti with a cheer. "The gang's getting back together!"

Wendy didn't know what to say. Part of her was thrilled beyond words at the prospect of an adventure like in the old days. Another part of her was particularly happy to see Dipper again. And the rest of her had literally no idea whatsoever what to think. She fumbled over her own tongue until she could recover a little from the initial shock. "I-"

"It's great, isn't it?" Mabel squealed.

"I….it's…..maybe? Dude, just wait a sec here. I can't just….I mean, maybe you should wait until I talk to my dad. I don't think I can just up and take a break-"

"Already done!" Her friend beat her to the punch. "It's one million percent fine with him!"

"...What?"

"Yup! I made a little stop by the cabin while I was grabbing breakfast." Mabel dropped a box of donuts in her friend's lap. "Good thing your dad likes getting up early too. I popped in, said hi, and we had ourselves a nice little chitchat. Trust me, he's totally okay with it."

"You...talked to him?" said the incredulous redhead. Her father wasn't the kind of guy who willingly let others shirk work, least of all his own children."You got him to think it was fine?"

"Oh he was all for it after I was done tell him! Now he doesn't know allll the details, but he thought that a little road trip could definitely do you some good."

"...My dad?" Wendy still couldn't believe her ears. "Seriously?"

"You better believe it! "Mabel looked her straight in the eyes and clucked concernedly. "You really, _**really**_ haven't been out that much lately at all, have you?"

"Uh….not really." Wendy blushed until her face and hair matched. She averted her gaze, fished out a sprinkle-covered donut and asked around a small mouthful, "Soooo…...what should I pack?"


	2. Reunion

Wow! Thanks to everyone for the hearty enthusiasm so far! Let's hope that this story actually turns out to be good.

Special thanks goes to:

\- Vondrakenhof, for providing me a handy list of all the ridiculous typos I made last chapter. I see that I am still the absolute champ when it comes to inexplicably writing the same phrase twice in a row and not realizing it.

\- DeadSNESproject88, who is currently working on the cover art for this story, and

\- A second thanks for ddp456, who is still providing some much needed consulting with this story-in-progress.

And as usual, enjoy! - **_SGA_**

* * *

For years, the sight of the familiar road sign reading "WELCOME TO GRAVITY FALLS" in its large welcoming letters had never failed to energize Dipper Pines. Well, at least it never had until now. As his little sedan passed on by, he noted it with nothing more than a yawn before fixing his attention back to the road.

What made his spiritless reaction even stranger was that he hadn't traveled up here to see family and friends, or investigate any local supernatural happenings. He and his twin were scheduled to kick off a journey tomorrow that would be like no trip he had ever gone on before. Dipper Pines should've been absolutely beside himself with anticipation.

Instead, right now the twenty-two-year-old was only barely keeping awake. Suffice to say, Dipper had become the living personification of the "burnt out." He'd spent most of the last few months buried deep in his studies. On the plus side, he was well on his way to that advanced archaeology degree. That success though had come at a cost. The utterly exhausted grad student had basically let his life compress into all the work he was doing at the university, and very little else. One could see it in the heavy circles under his eyes, or the way his body now instinctively hunched forward, thanks to the countless hours spent pouring over books or bent over a laptop working on various papers.

He tried to psyche himself up for the road trip ahead. This was practically a dream come to life for him, after all. But his efforts quickly failed, just like all the other attempts he'd made ever since he first climbed into his car early that morning. Right now it seemed his only option was to pin his hopes on feeling better once he and Mabel set out tomorrow morning and got up to some good old fashioned investigative work again.

What definitely wasn't helping him was the fact that the bizarre town where he had spent so many summers now felt a little….incomplete. Dipper briefly wondered how a certain someone was doing with her new life in Portland, then promptly pushed the thought from his mind. Nothing good awaited him if he traveled down that mental road.

Thankfully his destination finally appeared just up ahead. He had barely parked before his beaming sister burst out of the Mystery Shack and pressed her face against the window with an excited squeal. "Heeeeey, bro-bro! Guess whoooo?"

"Hey-" Dipper only got one word in before she flung his door open and unbuckled his seatbelt. In no time he was huffing and puffing to keep while as she pulled him around the Shack.

"Come see! It's right in the back!" She whooped. Waiting for them was Stan's old RV, looking simultaneously spruced up yet also like it seen better days. The two elderly twins loading it up quickly noticed their new arrival.

"Hey there, kid!" A craggy smile swept across Stan's face.

"Dipper!" Ford exclaimed excitedly.

"Hey Grunkle Stan. Hey Great Uncle Ford." The young man gasped before he was affectionately attacked with strong hugs and hearty claps on his bony back. The two brothers quickly noticed that his mood didn't match the occasion at all. If they knew Dipper, he should have been almost embarrassingly giddy.

"Yeesh! Why the heck are we sending you two out on a big hunt when it looks like we got a zombie we need to deal with right here?" Stan poked his great nephew's chest.

Dipper went red in the face. While he wracked his tired brain for a reply, another familiar figured exited the Shack.

"Dipper! Hey!" Melody warmly greeted him. The young man gladly accepted her hug and hoped that the interruption would ward off all the concern being hyper-focused onto him. Unfortunately, no such luck. After she gave him a squeeze she took one look at his haggard face and suddenly she looked as worried as a mother hen. "Are you okay?"

"I've…..been better." He weakly relented.

"Dipper, what I have told you? You need to be careful about pushing yourself too hard." Ford watched the young man rub at his bag-lined eyes with a heavy frown.

"Says the guy we won't see for days at a time." Stan felt the need to point out on their great-nephew's behalf.

"Trust me, that's better than I was when I was working on my doctorate. At least now I remember to eat." Ford retorted calmly.

"Yeah, that's progress all right." His brother rolled his eyes. "Anyway, what's with you Dipper? You look like you should be lying in a coffin right now."

"I'm sorry." Dipper gave in with an apologetic groan. "Sorry, I….I guess I've just let myself get a little carried away with schoolwork."

"A little?" Stan scoffed.

"Don't you worry, bro-bro!" Mabel slung an arm around his shoulders. "Because for the next couple of weeks you're done being a library troll. Instead it's going to be the three of us on the open roads, traveling across the country, seeing all kinds of weird and crazy new things and having adventure after epic adventure!"

"Yeah that sounds…." For the briefest of moments Dipper happily grew lost in the mental picture she painted before he had an overdue realization. "Wait….the three of us?"

"Yup! All three of us!" Mabel repeated joyously. Her brother was incredibly confused.

"Uh…..is Ford coming along now?"

"As much as I'd like to, that would essentially defeat the whole purpose of all of this. I just don't have it in me for these kinds of trips like I used to." Ford shook his head, and right on cue something audibly cracked in his neck. "Ow! Oh for God's sake…."

"Um, is it Grunkle Stan?"

"If poindexter here can't handle it, you gotta be nuts if you think I can. Besides, it's peak tourist season. No offense to you kids, but there's rubes to be fleeced." Stan reminded them. As the Shack's official Master of Tours of the past nine years, he still adored few things more than bilking tourists who didn't know any better.

Dipper scratched his head as he thought a little harder. "Is it….Soos?"

"Oh man, I'd be like, crazy honored! But no can do, dude. Mr. Mystery's gotta stay right here." A grime and oil-stained Soos rolled out from beneath the RV and waved. "Oh, and hey Dipper!"

Dipper looked to Melody, who made things easy for him with a quick shake of her head. He turned uneasily to his sister. "Mabel….you're not bringing Bear-O along, are you?"

"Oooh!" she snapped her fingers. "I wished you mentioned that earlier, he would've been the perfect travel buddy. But nope!"

She knocked on the door and signaled to the surprise who had been patiently (and a little anxiously) waiting inside. "Accompanying us on our fantastic journey is none other than the awesome, amazing, one and only….."

Absolutely nothing happened. Dipper looked quizzically to his sister. Mabel cleared her throat and spoke a little louder. "The one and only….."

They heard some clicking, followed by a muffled curse. Mabel coughed and repeated with considerably less dramatic flair, "The one and only…."

Something banged frustratedly against the door, which remained stubbornly shut. Mabel grabbed the old latch gave it a try, and found that it was jammed.

"Um…..introducing the one and only….the….one…..aaaaand…..only….." She kept repeating between fruitless pulls.

The surprise still waiting trapped inside had meanwhile gotten sick of waiting around and charged the door with her shoulder. It swung open wide with a terrific bang. Mabel was sent sprawling on her back while the momentum carried a certain lanky redhead and sent her belly-first onto the ground.

Dipper couldn't believe it"W….W-W….."

Wendy rolled over, blew some hair from her face and grinned sheepishly. "Hey. 'Sup, dude?"

He then stared in stunned silence for a good five seconds before muttering, "You're….y-you're here."

"Yeah, uh….I'm your travel buddy." Now that the grand entrance had been ruined, she opened her arms up and laughed, "So, uh….surprise?"

Completely taken by surprise, Dipper had continued to just wordlessly. Her smile quickly started to falter. "...Dipper?"

Mabel could feel his gut clench up as she rapidly glanced back and forth between the two. This definitely was not going as well as she had hoped. The awkward tension soon became unbearable for her.

"Look! Check it out, Wendy's back! See?" She tried to rouse her brother's excitement. "See?"

"Yeah….yeah, great." He mumbled, followed by a hard swallow. "We'll uh….yeah, we can….catch up and….hold on, I'm going to go unpack first and…."

The flustered young man turned around and hustled off without another word, leaving everyone baffled.

"Uhhh….that went…." Stan grimaced. "Well, it went."

A completely mortified Mabel could feel her heart sink as she watched her twin disappear around to the other side of the Shack. They had just gotten together, and already the grand plan was already crumbling to nothing before her very eyes. She tried calling to him. "Wait, Dipper! DIPPER!"

"Hold on," A grim-faced Wendy put a hand on her shoulder. "Let me talk to him."

"You sure?" Mabel whimpered.

"I got this." The redhead assured before hustling off. At least, that's what she hoped. When she reached him at his car, he was moving like a robot as he unpacked his bags. "Dipper?"

"Hey." He mumbled. "Just a sec."

"Dipper?" She tried again.

"J-just a sec." He repeated. Dipper didn't even give her so much as a passing glance as he kept going. Her patience was quickly worn thin.

"Hey!" She yanked the bag from his hands. "Dude, what's with you?!"

Wendy had seen him take on near-countless horrifying creatures and mind-boggling abominations over all the years that they had known one another. Yet this was somehow the most rattled she had seen him in a long while. Clearly his brain was going on overload while he struggled to process her reappearance.

"...Dipper?" Her tone quickly softened. "You okay?"

"I…I think…." He babbled for a few moments before he dumbly repeated yet again, "Y-you're back."

"Uh….yeah…..and?"

"I….I don't know what to…..I don't know what to say right now." He awkwardly confessed. An agonizingly deafening silence descended on them as he stared at her like she had just stepped down out of a UFO.

"I dunno." She grumbled imaptiently "Maybe like, hi there, or something? Good to see you?"

"Hi there?"

"Yes! Something! C'mon, Dipper-"

"You mean like 'hi, glad you decided to just pop in after forever?" Even Dipper seemed surprised by this snappy eruption, but he couldn't have stopped it if he had tried.

"Hey!" Wendy fired right back with a glare. "What gives?"

"Well, what do you want me to say? Hey, nice to see you spare some time for us? Happy you remembered we were still alive?" Deep down, some strange reserve of frustration that he didn't even know he'd been carrying with him had popped open. Now all its burning contents were spewing out fast.

"Dude!" Wendy growled. "What's your deal right now?"

"What's your deal? Wendy, I haven't heard from you in forever! And then you think after all these months, where you don't call, you don't….don't do anything, and you can just...just…." In no time he had gotten so riled up now he could hardly speak. He needed a moment to pace back and forth a little before he demanded with a furious sputter, "And just…just pop in like this?"

He knew his friend was probably going to blow up back at him (he had never seen the spirited redhead back down from a fight) but right now he didn't care. But contrary to all his expectations, Wendy did nothing of the sort. Instead the young man watched her quickly deflate under the accusation with a sigh.

"It has been a while, huh?" she asked softly. Dipper could see the deep regret shimmering in her emerald eyes clear as the light of day. His temper was doused like a fire under a bucket of water.

"I-I'm sorry, Wendy. I don't know what-"

"No, no." She leaned up against the car. "Dipper-"

"I really shouldn't have-" he tried again when she gestured for a moment of silence with a wave of her hand.

"Look, I definitely get it. Someone does a big vanishing act for most of a year, then tries to stroll right back in like nothing happened? Yeah, I probably would be pretty ticked off at them too."

She let out another sigh as she ran her fingers through her long scarlet locks. Dipper's boiling frustration from only a few minutes ago was now being speedily swamped over with regret.

"Wendy I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"I'm sorry, Dipper." She cut him off with her own blunt apology.

"No, no, you don't have to-" He tried protesting before she interrupted him again.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I kinda do. I mean, dropped off the face of the earth for you guys. And for what?" She sent a rock bouncing a few feet with a frustrated kick. "So I could waste a couple months with some nobody."

"Huh?" Now he had two major shocks so far and counting "Wait a sec….you mean…."

"Yup, that all crashed and burned. I've been living back here in town for a little while now." She gave him a quick and dirty summary.

"Really? Since when?"

"Long enough to give myself one hell of a pity party." As memories of her recent breakup flashed through her mind, Dipper watched her face crumple with pain.

"Oh….oh _man_ …." The guilt welled up fast. "Wendy, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be. You didn't do anything. I was the one who bailed on you guys for a while."

"Yeah, but…maybe I could have…" Now that he had calmed down, he was doing a complete turnaround. "Maybe I…."

"Maybe what?"

"I could have made more of an effort to stay in touch too." He admitted regretfully. "Probably a lot more, actually. Like, a phone call here and there, or an email whenever I was working on a paper…..maybe even a…."

"Oh dude, c'mon." She pled. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"What else? That thing where you beat yourself up over nothing." She said pointedly. "Just don't, okay? It's not gonna help right now."

"It's not nothing." He stubbornly kept trying to take on some blame "It probably would helped helped you at least a little while you were trying to get through all of that….that….y'know."

He shuffled his feet. "I'm sorry. I should have tried to check in how you were. I….I seriously thought you were really happy there….and with him."

"So did I. And I was….at first." She sighed again. "But then it just kind of turned into nonstop damage control."

"I had no idea. If I knew….." He groaned.

"You might not have called, but it's not like I was leaving messages on your phone every night." She glanced his way and noted the heavy bags under his eyes. "Looks like you've been having a pretty rough time too."

"That's putting it one way. I kind of let myself go overboard with-"

"Yeah, I heard you back there from the trailer." She grimaced as she looked him up and down. Stan hadn't been joking with that zombie remark. This was bad even for Dipper. "When was the last time you took some kind of break?"

"...Good question." He muttered after giving it some hard thought.

"Man." She shook her head. "I should have at least tried shooting you a text or something now and then."

"You didn't-" He instinctively tried to protest.

"No, I totally should have." She mercilessly self-accused.

An awkward silence descended on the two. Dipper chewed his lower lip as he watched his old friend stew in a fresh heap of guilt. "If it helps…..it actually felt like you were still kind of there with me….uh, sort of."

"Huh?" She turned and raised an eyebrow.

Dipper hesitated. But he managed to work up the courage to reach under his shirt and reveal a simple necklace. Wendy instantly recognized the small wooden question-mark charm hanging from it. How could she not? She was the one who had carved it by hand, after all. It had been a present, one of two given to him and Mabel on her first Christmas celebrated at the Pines' Piedmont home so many years ago.

At first she only stared wordlessly. Dipper meanwhile prickled up with fresh anxiety. Had he helped at all, or just made things worse? At first it looked like he had just done himself zero favors when Wendy burst out laughing.

"Okay, what kind of weirdo carries something like that around for this long?" She asked.

"Uh…well you said….if Mabel and I kept ours it...it would be like we're not that…." He hastily tucked it back out of sight. "You know you're right, maybe-"

Dipper probably would have kept on babbling if Wendy didn't give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. After he went quiet, the young woman then put her boot on the side of the car, unceremoniously pulled up one of the legs of her jeans and pushed down the one of her socks. Hidden beneath was a simple snug ankle bracelet with an identical wooden question mark dangling from it.

Dipper perked up with a million dollar smile. Wendy flashed a toothy grin right back at him. "You think this is something, I got a ratty pine tree cap back at home you should see."

"I think your hat's buried under a pile of books somewhere back in California." He confessed.

"Dude, you're probably better off keeping it there." She cracked only half-jokingly. Last time she had seen him wear it was two Christmases ago, and it had looked so threadbare only a few stitches and a miracle were still keeping it together. The two shared a much-needed chuckle. "You'd think between those and us carrying these around…."

She fished his necklace from out from under his vest and put it back in full view. "They would have helped remind at least one of us to send a stupid email or something."

"Yeah, you'd think." He replied. "We've done dumber things…but not much."

"I got an idea. Instead of arguing about who screwed up more here, how about we just say we both suck?" She playfully suggested.

"Fine with me." He readily agreed. "Sorry again for freaking out on you like that earlier."

"Dude, will you knock it off with the stupid apologies already?" She grinned endearingly at her doofus as he wound himself up all over again. "I blew you off for a while, and you were upset. Sounds pretty justified."

"Yeah, but still..." He thought it over for a moment. "You know, I think I would have saved us a whole lot of trouble right now if I had just started off and said that…."

Dipper immediately started having severe second thoughts about where he was going with that. But he was much too late, and Wendy was already all ears. "Said what?"

"Um…" He froze up like a deer in headlights.

"C'monnnn. You know you have to say it now." She declared.

"I just…maybe I…." he tried stalling.

"And no lying. I'm totally gonna know." Wendy wasn't threatening him as much as she was stating a matter of fact.

"Maybe I just should have started off with…I mean, I only got upset in the first place was..." The young man paused.

"C'mon." She definitely wasn't letting him off the hook here. After clearing his throat with a cough, he finally forced it out.

"I...I really missed you, Wendy."

"You dork." She rolled her eyes and snorted. Less than a heartbeat she had swept him up into a crushing bear hug. "I missed you too."

She felt his noodle arms wrap around her, and soon he was squeezing back just as tightly. Dipper began chuckling again, and so did she. Soon they were both flat-out laughing like a pair of lunatics. Each one finally had their best friend back, and the relief was beyond compare.

"How about no more disappearing on each other from now on?" He asked.

"Already working on it. Like it or not, I'm still tagging along with you two for the next couple weeks." She gave him an extra hard squeeze.

"Sounds like a good start." He wheezed as she finally let go. The snickering young woman grabbed his cap (of the classic blue and white variety, courtesy of the Mystery Shack from two summers ago) and affectionately yanked the brim down over his eyes. He replied in kind by flipping a wave of red hair over her freckled face.

"YES! All aboard the Reconciliation Express!" A squealing brunette popped up right in between them. "The gang's all back together!"

"Mabel-" Dipper started, but she knew exactly what he was going to ask.

"Everything!" She told him loud and proudly as she happily squished them into a massive double-hug. "Saw and heard everything. The others too, probably."

"No, it's okay! We only heard like, half!" Soos distantly protested.

Dipper immediately went red as a ripe tomato ready for the plucking. Wendy however welcomed the intrusion with nothing more than a roll of her eyes hearty chortle. "Definitely didn't expect things to get back to normal this fast…."

* * *

The crack of dawn the very next day found the old RV completely packed and the intrepid little band just about ready to go. As the early morning sun washed over them, Ford went over a few key details with Dipper.

"I'm going to need you to try and send me an update at the end of each day, alright? I set up a shared folder, so you can just upload everything to-"

"I know, Ford." Dipper chuckled.

"Alright. Oh and also, not just written updates, either." The scientist kept it up with all the reminders. "Pictures too. And video if you can get it-"

"Yeesh, enough!" Stan gave him a shove. "I'm pretty sure they know the protocol already."

"I'm just making sure." Ford straightened his glasses. Stan grinned reassuringly at his great nephew and niece.

"Don't worry. If he gets on your nerves too much, just let me know. I may not know how the wi-fi works, but I know how a hammer does."

"Thanks Grunkle Stan." Dipper laughed as they each went in for a hug.

"Thank yoooooou!" Mabel squealed. Wendy stood back, but was surprised to get a hearty pat on her back.

"Keep on eye on the little gremlins, okay?" He asked.

"No promises." She replied cheekily.

"Good job." He nodded proudly. "Always give yourself an out."

"Take care, dudes! I'll be with you in spirit!" Soos sobbed before charging in and giving everyone an epic hug.

"Don't worry, we'll stay in tou-" Dipper had air was blown clean out of his lungs by the goodbye crush. Wendy and Mabel likewise we subjected to a Soos-style crunch. His wife thankfully took extra care to keep her goodbye embraces nice and gentle.

"Take care, guys." Melody bade them sweetly. "Let us know if you need anything."

"Will do." Dipper nursed his aching sides. "Okay, let's go-"

"Hold on, hold on!" Mabel begged. Everyone watched as she took an empty two-liter bottle of Pitt Cola, waved it ceremoniously and whacked it against the side of the RV. "I christen thee the Lady Mabelton!"

"Nice." Wendy laughed.

"What? We didn't agree on a name!" Dipper protested.

"Too late, it's official!" The giggly brunette herded the other two aboard. "All right, let's mooooove on out! Bye everyone!"

They had to wrestle the ignition a few times, but the clunky vehicle started up. As Dipper slowly steered them off out of the parking lot, the girls popped their heads out the window and whooped like a pair of kids. The others watched and waved them off.

"Oh, nuts!" Soos groaned and quickly fumbled out a chunk of metal from his pocket. The others looked at it curiously.

"Soos? What's that?" Melody asked.

"I was totally planning on asking you guys. I was doing some final tune-ups last night and this thing was left over. You have any idea where this was supposed to go-"

There was a muffled burst, and the RV ground to a halt. Acrid black smoke started billowing from beneath the hood, and a panicking redhead and two frantic siblings hastily bailed out. Melody frantically scrambled over to the disabled vehicle, with Ford following as fast as his old limbs would allow him. Stan stayed put for a moment to give Soos an exasperated stare.

"Nevermind! I think I know now!" Soos dashed off to get a fire extinguisher. The old man looked back to the growing smoke geyser still spewing from the vehicle and just shook his head.

"Heck of a start we're off to here…."


	3. First On the Itinerary

Dipper exited their tiny closet of a bathroom scrubbing his wet hair dry. While he plodded through the moving vehicle Wendy seemed immersed in her magazine as she at the table with her feet comfortably propped up. But as soon as he passed her by she decided to give in to the overwhelming temptation.

"Disco girl, comin' through…..that girl is yooooou!" She could only sing one line at him before snorting laughter overtook her. Dipper stopped dead in his tracks and went aglow in his cheeks. It looked like singing in the shower was definitely out of the question for the time being.

"Good thing today can't possibly get worse." He deadpanned. Wendy kept right on cackling. The doofus was seriously just asking for it right now.

"Don't be so sure of that, dude."

"How can…." He saw the sneaky sparkle in her emerald eyes and he immediately knew what he had just blundered into. "Don't you even-"

"Weeelllllllll who wants a lamby-" She was cut off when he threw his damp towel in her face.

"Told you not to-" Dipper's victorious smirk was short lived. In a flash she was upon her feet, and soon they were locked in playful combat.

"You're totally paying for that!"

"Never!"

The racket going behind her was like music to the driver's ears. Mabel kept stealing constant glances into the rear view mirror. So far, Project Lumberdork (a name she had selected out of a long list that included "Operation Dwendper," "The Big One," and the debatably too-soon "Mabel's Greatest Success Ever") was going along fantastic so far. As expected, the two former zombies were making fast recoveries now that they were reunited with their best friend. And hopefully the rekindled friendship would become something a little more if she nudged things here and there in all the right directions.

She bit her lip to stifle a giggle. It was almost too good matchmaking opportunity to be true. Two people who had been the best of friends for the past several years? Check. A pair that were opposites in some ways yet complemented one another nicely at the same time? Double check. No more crazy big height difference anymore? Triple check. Also, both old enough so that the two and a half year age gap wasn't a big screaming deal anymore? Mega-check plus one hundred. Mabel couldn't believe she didn't think of trying to get this done earlier. These two were going to come together, and she was going to make sure of it. She was so thrilled about it all that she wanted to squeal.

That's actually what the over-excited young woman ended up doing a mere second later when she erupted with a shrill yell. Well, so much for self-restraint. Now her twin and friend were shooting her weird looks.

"Mabel?" Dipper asked. "Are you okay?"

The brunette frantically searched for an excuse. "Uuuhhhhhh…..yeah! Fine! I just…..I just….saw a…..oh!"

Luck seemed to smile down on her when she glanced back out the windshield and spotted long fluffy ears up ahead. "I just spotted a bunny! That's all!"

She only then realized said bunny was halfway across the road as the Lady Mabelton speedily neared. With a yelp she spun the wheel and the RV veered away from the startled animal just in time. Dipper and Wendy were both sent flying. After catastrophe had been averted, the driver hurriedly parked on the roadside.

"Everyone okay?" She hoped that that maybe one of them had fallen cutely into the other's lap a la all of her favorite movies. Unfortunately the sight that awaited her was no rom-com scene. Wendy was busy peeling her face off a window, and Dipper lay crumpled on the floor like a discarded marionette puppet.

"No." He groaned.

Mabel made a mental note. Maybe it was best to take a small break from her self-appointed matchmaking duties and try focusing a little more on their actual mission. At least for today. After all, getting these two together on the same road trip was a pretty solid start.

"Sorry!" She helped them both back up. "The good thing is I think we're pretty much there anyway!"

Wendy glanced outside. "There" was far up in northern Washington state, so much so that they had almost reached the Canadian border. But all she could see was thick Pacific Northwest forest almost identical to the woods back home.

"So what's this first thing on the monster agenda, or whatever?" She asked.

"That's actually the big question we need to figure out." An achy Dipper gingerly took a seat, opened up his laptop pulled up the shared file folder with Ford. The girls leaned in as he showed off a few links of a couple local news reports, some of the typical blurry photos, and Ford's own notes on the subject all typed up in a neat little summary.

"Weeeeiiirrrrrd." Mabel's face crumpled. "Did Grunkle Ford accidentally mix two different files together?"

"I thought that too. I shot him an email but he says everything's exactly as he wrote it."

"How?" She didn't get it. "It sounds like people have been seeing two completely different monsters."

"Yeah, sure we're just looking for one thing around here?" Wendy asked.

"That's what Ford thinks." Dipper scanned the summary. "Reports of one set of footprints, mysterious howls heard at night that have all been described similarly…."

"Huh." She shrugged, then jogged her memory back to the countless hunts they had over the summers before casually asking, "So…..we doing this the old fashioned way?"

"Looks like it." Dipper nodded to his sister, who sprang to the nearest cupboard.

"I'll pack snaaaa-aaaaaaacks!"

* * *

It was a classic nighttime stakeout. Some slightly expired ground beef had been set in the middle of a small clearing, courtesy of a tiny grocer's in the nearest town six miles down the lonely highway. The trio lay tucked out of sight behind a blind Wendy had quickly constructed out of branches and leaves. So far there had been no sight of their quarry, whatever it was supposed to be. All they had was a raccoon and a few foxes that they needed to shoo from the bait. The gang tried passing the time with an old game they used to play during slow days at the Shack.

"...Okay, okay, my turn." Dipper zipped up his vest a little tighter as he thought. "Hmm…...how about…..a garbage can."

"Metal or plastic?" Wendy poured herself some coffee from a large shared thermos.

"Metal." He clarified. "How would Stan turn that into a Shack attraction?"

The redhead mulled for a few seconds. "Okay, okay. He'd break it apart, then tell people that they're pieces from like, a UFO crash."

"Naah, too easy!" Mabel countered. "He'd paint the inside black, put a black pillow inside, and keep it in a dark corner. Then he'd call it a miniature black hole, and tell people to test it by throwing their spare change inside. Instant profit, right there!"

Wendy buried her mouth in her arm to stifle her laughter. Dipper meanwhile ended spitting some lukewarm coffee onto his jeans.

"Rounds goes to Mabel."

"And that makes ten points! I win!" She triumphantly high-fived herself.

Wendy meanwhile had gone silent as she took a moment to just relax. The whole set-up here was so comforting in a wonderfully familiar way. Weird too, yes, but weird had always been their normal. She met Dipper's gaze for a moment and they enjoyed a silent smile together. It definitely felt good to be back chasing the bizarre around again.

Mabel stuffed a few marshmallows into her overloaded thermos of Mabel Juice. "Okay, so what's this thing supposed to look like again?"

"Huh? Well, it depends. People have only seen it from a distance." Dipper began, though that basically went without saying for nearly every strange creature they had ever encountered. "But a couple have described it as tall, hairy, and always walking around on two legs. And also it usually leaves distinct footprints."

Said footprints were how they had decided to hunker down at their current spot. Wendy had easily tracked down a bunch of them there a few hours earlier, and there was one right next to where she currently sat. It was definitely humanoid, but simply far too large for any mere human being.

In other words, they were made by a creature with big feet, and not surprisingly they were very similar to tracks that they had seen back in Gravity Falls on numerous occasions. This really should have been an open-and-shut Sasquatch sighting were it not for a couple key details.

"Then everyone else who's seen it have mainly focused on its enormous wings." Dipper continued after another sip of his coffee.

"You sure people aren't seeing a Sasquatch and then getting confused by like, an owl or something?" Wendy asked.

"Doesn't seem like it from the descriptions." He took out his phone and scrolled through Ford's report. "This thing seems way too big to be an owl."

"Maybe there's a thunderbird living around here too?" Mabel suggested thoughtfully.

"Nah, thunderbird is too big for those two to get confused." He ruled out.

"Oh! What if it's that pterodactyl? It could have moved up here from Gravity Falls!" She guessed.

"The sizes still wouldn't match up at all."

Wendy grumbled at the mention of that particular caper. "Still can't believe I missed out on that one."

"Didn't you skip work that day?" Mabel remembered.

"Don't remind me." She huffed. Mabel giggled, and Dipper got a few good chuckles. None of them noticed the large shape that had been soaring about in the starlit sky up above until it suddenly came to earth with a heavy thud. They stopped their joking and instinctively went dead quiet. They even kept their breathing volume to a minimum as they peeked through the blinder at their sudden arrival.

Standing not too far away was a hulk of a beast, stand tall on two enormous feet. In many ways, it looked like a cross between a gorilla and a star linebacker. In other words, at first it looked like a standard ape-man cryptid. But as it shoveled the raw meat down into its gaping maw, they quickly noticed a key detail that immediately differentiated it from all the Bigfoots and that one abominable snowman they encountered one strange Christmas. Even in the dark of night, they could clearly see the pair of leather wings tucked against its back.

"Whoa….bat-squatch." Mabel whispered with a gasp. The others didn't say a thing. They just wordlessly stared at the peculiar thing. She broke the silence again with a squeak of a whisper. "Dipper?

"Yeah?"

"Did Grunkle Ford's stuff say if it was shy, or aggressive?" It never hurt to check when they were this close to the abnormal.

"Didn't say either."

That was when the beast stopped its gorging. Sharply pointed ears stuck up straight in the air as it sniffed with a heart-shaped pug nose. A growl rumbled from its throat, which turned into a full-blown snarl as it turned its eyes directly their way.

"AggressiveaggressiveAGRESSIVE!" Dipper yelled in panic. "MOVE!"

The "batsquatch" spread its wings wide and launched itself with one powerful flap. It crashed into the blind just as the three dashed away just in time. Their attacker busied itself with tearing the camouflage to pieces as it searched for them. Meanwhile the little group took shelter behind some bushes.

"What do you think? Firing squad?" Dipper looked to his sister and suggested breathlessly.

"Huh?" Wendy stopped rifling through her pack. "Firing what?"

Mabel nodded. "Firing squad!"

"What? What firing squad?" Their friend demanded.

"Oh, it's just a little something we came up with over coffee one day!" Mabel was more than happy to explain, as if time wasn't of the essence at all. "Talking about strategy planning was one of the thingies that I could use to get Dip-Dop here out of the library for a little-"

"Let's go!" Dipper rolled out and darted off. His twin followed.

"Wait just a sec! You'll see!" She sang while she pranced into battle.

"See what?!" Wendy yelled frustratedly. Then she noticed Dipper unholster one of Ford's magnet guns. She cursed and immediately began taking out her earrings fast as she could. Last time she had been around one of those she almost lost an earlobe

The siblings meanwhile got into position. The batsquatch growled as they flanked it from opposing sides. It looked to one, than the other as it tried to decide who to attack first.

"Fire!" Dipper turned the magnet gun on full blast. Mabel took aim and fired. The hook flew straight towards her brother. Unfortunately the batsquatch's head was directly in the way. Between the velocity of her gun and the strength of the magnetic pull, the metal grappling hook connected extra-hard against the beast's skull with a loud clang. Dipper quickly powered down his weapon, and Mabel clicked the recoil on hers.

"It worked!" She cheered.

"Hit him again!" He cranked the magnet gun back on high. She fired, and they beaned the creature a second time. The twins quickly found a matching rhythm with one another. They constantly circled as they kept on the attack, working like a well-oiled machine and getting off shot after conjoined shot, hitting it again and again. Wendy was amazed as she watched. Unfortunately, there was one problem.

"Go down! Go DOWN!" Dipper was starting to grow impatient after they hit it directly in the head for the seventh time in a row. The beast yelped in pain, but still stayed standing on its enormous feet. Unfortunately, it looked like they were up against a foe who could take quite a pounding. They tried to go for an even eight strikes, but it groggily stumbled out of range just in time. Mabel's hook sailed by it with mere inches to spare, connecting right to the magnet gun. She hit the recoil, but Dipper didn't power down the device's pull quick enough. His weapon went sailing out of his hands and over to his twin.

"No! Nononono! No!" She frantically tried to wrench the two apart. Meanwhile the mighty batsquatch was getting its bearings back pretty quickly. It shook its aching head, looked from one twin to the next, and let out a roar. Now it was mad.

"Mabel?" Dipper called nervously. "Mabel!"

"Hold on, just….." She finally wrench the two guns. "Got it! Catch!"

Their foe spread his wings wide and lunged. In a flash Dipper was snatched up in its arms and taking off into the sky. The magnet gun landed uselessly at the spot where he'd been standing mere moments before.

"DIPPERRRR!" Mabel cried. She tried taking aim, but before she knew it the beast had whirled through the air and swooped back down. Soon she was reunited with her twin as it held them in one burly arm each. The siblings shared a terrified look as their captor soared back up towards the night sky. This definitely wasn't good.

Suddenly there was a low whistle, and suddenly an arrow seemed to be growing out of the back of its leg. Howling in pain, the beast rapidly lost altitude as it flailed and flapped. Back on the ground Wendy reloaded her crossbow and took careful aim again. After some speedy mental calculations, the experienced huntress pulled the trigger and fired. The missile went soaring up and punctured clean through one of its membranous wings. The batsquatch let out another pained cry, and then another as a third arrow pierced another fresh hole in the same wing.

By now it had flailed and stumbled through the air well below the tree line, and in its agony it released both the siblings. The two hit the ground side by side, and the creature ungracefully flopped to earth only a few yards away.

"Guys? Guys!" Wendy dropped her weapon and raced over. Both her friends stirred with dazed groans. Meanwhile the batsquatch was quickly back on its feet. With one yank it tore the arrow from its leg, looked to the trio and let out an outraged roar before it charged. Mabel shrieked, and Dipper instinctively threw himself over his twin sister.

Wendy however wasn't having any of it. Without delay she boldly went on the attack, tackling it right around its enormous hairy waist. It powered along for a few feet, growling and snarling, but the young woman refused to give. She dug in her heels, and ground it to a halt. It was so shocked that for a moment it had no idea what to do. That brief pause was exactly what she needed. First she flicked her head up, and its vision suddenly became obscured by her thick red hair. She then balled her right fist and landed a hard punch in its gut. It erupted with a hoarse wail, and after scrabbling frantically it managed to grab her. With a burst of strength it sent Wendy flying through the air. She bounced along the ground a few times, and finally came to a hard stop at the base of a nearby tree.

"WENDY!" The twins cried at once. They moved as fast as the wind, snatching up their respective weapons before positioning themselves in front of their fallen companion and taking aim. Thankfully the human barrier wasn't necessary. The batsquatch's wild toss had been the desperate act of a desperate creature. It had decided that it definitely didn't want to mess around anymore with the wild green-eyed thing with the flaming red hair. Whimpering and crying, it made a speedy retreat into woods.

The siblings speedily turned their attention to their friend. Dipper dropped to his knees and gathered up the fallen redhead.

"Wendy? Wendy! Wendy?" Dipper called "Wendy, you okay?"

"Wendy? Wen-Wen?" Mabel pat her freckled held their breaths as they watched her eyes flicker open. She struggled up, looked around, and cracked a toothy smile.

"That….that was nuts!" She threw her arms up with an exhilarated cheer.

Both the twins exhaled in shared relief. Mabel asked in awe, "How'd you stop him like that?"

"You can thank my dad. He taught us what to do in case of a bear attack." Wendy shook her head, laugh and let out a shrill whoop. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt the adrenalin pumping this hard in her system.

"Huh? I thought you were supposed to just make yourself look taller." What made this especially confusing for Dipper was that Wendy had been the one who taught them that specific survival tactic.

"You are. But he also taught us what to do in worst-case scenario." She laughed. "But that was only after you guys softened him up for me. That thing you were doing with the hook was like, one of the craziest things that I've-"

"Oh no!" Dipper's eyes bulged, and let out a horrified yelp. "Wendy!"

"What's wrong?" Both girls asked at once. The young man wrestled the keys from his pocket and shoved them into his sister's hands.

"First Aid kit's in the RV!"

"Oh! On it!" Mabel fired off without any questions. Wendy was just confused more than anything.

"What?" She give each of her limbs an experimental wiggle. Nothing seemed broken. "What is it?"

"It's okay, I got this." Dipper fetched his pack and dug out both a bandana and a tiny emergency First-Aid pack. Wendy finally noticed she had a sizable cut on her right arm. He first wrapped up with the bandanna, and then started securing it in place with gauze. After bemusedly watching him work for a few seconds, Wendy cracked up.

"What?" Dipper stopped. "What is it?"

"What is it? Look at yourself." She chortled.

"What?" He still didn't know what the big deal was. "What?"

"This!" She pointed to her wound. "Just look at you! You're acting like I'm about to bleed out everywhere or something."

"It's….it's not like it's a scratch or anything." He replied defensively.

"This? Pffft! This thing won't even need stitches. C'mon, man. I've had way worse than this. You know that." She reminded him. "And you've had worse than this too! Waaaaaay worse."

"Well….I just-"

"Dude, I had to put your arm back in once, remember?"

"Uuhhhh…..yeah…..right. Right." Dipper let out the most painfully forced laugh she had even heard come out of his mouth, and that was really saying something. A silence then fell on them as the blushing young man quietly finished patching her up.

"...Dipper?"

"Hold on, almost done." He couldn't even look her in the eye at the moment.

She was right. She was just so right. How could he have temporarily forgotten ten whole years of fights, scrapes and mischief gone wrong in one burst of panic? This was the girl who he had watched get roughed up with him plenty of times and then get back on her feet without any problem. The was the same person who had gone with him on several small trips to the emergency room over the summers Oregon, all while still joking and goofing around while they waited for a doctor to see one of them. This was the girl who had faced a small near-apocalypse with him of all things. And now here he was fretting like a grandmother over a bad cut.

Wendy of course could still easily tell when her friend was busy berating himself. Feeling none too pleased with her contribution to his mood, she tried to lift his flagging spirits with a weak smile. "Hey, it's okay."

"I know, you're just fine." He mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"No, I mean this is okay-"

"But you're right." Dipper groaned. "I freaked out for no reason, and….."

He stopped, but only to think for a moment. Dipper realized out loud, "Actually….no, I guess there was kind of a reason."

The increasingly embarrassed held let out an exasperated groan as he came to terms with himself. "A big reason, actually."

"What're you talking about?" She asked. He needed to take a moment collect his thoughts.

"It's….look, if something really bad happened and you had to go back to Gravity Falls, get stuck in some hospital around here, or even…"

Dipper decided not to go there. "Anyway, we just got you back. I really wouldn't want to…y'know...lose you to anything so soon."

Wendy was smiling so hard at her doofus right now. Now it was her turn to be honest. "You know, if I had just watched a bat gorilla-whatever go and chuck you as hard as it could, I'm pretty sure I'd probably be a little freaked too."

"Thanks." Already feeling slightly better, he worked up a weak grin.

"Thanks for looking out for me." She fist-tapped him the shoulder, but was also quick to remind him, "But just try and relax a little, okay? I can take care of myself if I have to. It takes a whole to knock a Corduroy out of commission."

"Trust me, I know." He shook his head in amazement. "Man, when you stopped that thing right in its, tracks, I….I've never seen anything like it."

"Hey, the magnet-hook move was pretty kickass too." She complimented, then added immodestly, "But yeah, I was pretty much the champ tonight. Again."

"You definitely were." He readily agreed with an awkward chuck. There was suddenly a mischievous twinkle in his deep brown eyes. "Now if you could only learn how to handle your hot sauce, then you'd be all set-"

Wendy gave him a push. "Dude, are you talking about that toxic stuff you put on your tacos?"

"It's pretty good on scrambled eggs too." He laughed.

"That barely even counts as food! It's like, liquid fire!"

"It just gives things a little kick." Dipper chuckled. Now he could be the toughie, at least for a little bit.

"Pffft! Don't even start." It was on now. "You're the guy who couldn't handle Santa Claus when he was a kid! Seriously, how does that even happen?"

"Hey, I told you, that was totally justified." He shamelessly fired back. "That whole operation just sounds like the creepiest thing when you think about it for more than a couple seconds."

"No, that was you just being crazy-paranoid for a six-year-old. Being scared of the happy fat man who flies down and brings you presents? Now that's…." Wendy started cackling. "Okay, I think I finally get it, actually."

The two had a good long laugh together. As she calmed down a little while later redhead finally remembered that there was a third member of their party. "Hey what's taking Mabes?"

"Huh. Not sure." Dipper looked around. "Door trouble again?"

"Yeah, probably. I can't believe that stupid trailer still even runs at all."

"Could be worse." He took a seat beside her. "At least we're the only ones living in it now. Remember that summer Soos and Melody wanted to borrow it for a weekend? And Stan asked us to clean-"

"Oh man, talk about living nightmares. We're literally never going to see that many possums at once ever again…."

The two were perfectly content to just wait and reminisce. Meanwhile, a pair of chocolate brown eyes watched intently from nearby. They had been right, the stupid door did give Mabel a fair amount of trouble. But she had managed to get in and fetch the bulk of their medical gear, only to come back and find this. She decided to hold back for a little while and let the two have their moment (though there was no way on earth she was going to miss out on a sweet spectacle like this).

"Yes, yes, yes, _yesssssss_." Surging with excitement, the inspired Matchmaker took out her glittery Master Plan notebook and hurriedly jotted down a strategy suggestion for herself, mumbling as she scribbled, "Try….to…..give….them….alone…..time….whenever….one of them…..gets….hurt."

She then went back to contently watching the pair from afar. But only a few seconds later, Mabel decided to re-read what she wrote. She mulled it for a moment, made a face, then hurriedly crossed it out and wrote down what felt like a much-needed correction. "Just….try ...to...find...ways...to give...them...more...time….alone….together."

Just to make sure she didn't jinx anything she added, "Try….to keep friend…and brother…..from getting…..hurt."

Finally she packed the notebook up, though not before giving herself a gentle scolding. "C'mon Mabel, let's not go overboard here...


	4. Babysitting

Dipper was taking a turn behind the wheel. As he piloted the clunky old RV down the road he looked into the rearview mirror to check on the rest of the crew. Wendy lay curled up on one of back seats with eyes shut. Mabel meanwhile had finished writing a detailed description of their bat-bigfoot hybrid encounter for Ford and was now busying herself by braiding her friend's hair like a tween-ager. The brunette bit her lip and tittered happily like a little tween as she looped and threaded the long thick scarlet locks. As excited as she was for her secret pairing-in-progress, Mabel couldn't lie; it was also great to have her "big sister" around again. But while she was enjoying herself, Dipper didn't quite approve of her current activity.

"...Mabel? Just let her sleep."

"I'm cool with it." Wendy startled him when cracked open an eye and gave her approval.

"Yeah, we got some high-skill beautification going on here." Mabel was quick to add, "Not saying you're not a knock-out or anything."

"I appreciate the touch up." Wendy laughed as they high-fived. She resumed lazing while her friend continued braiding. Mabel glanced out the window just in time to catch the lonely sign greeting them all with "Welcome to Oregon." She let out a loud groan, and Wendy opened an eye again. "You okay, Mabes?"

"We've been on the road for two whole days and it feels like we haven't gone anywhere yet." She huffed. "We've barely had any change of scenery at alllll!"

"Look, this is the fastest route we can take to the next stop." Her brother reminded her. Dipper then rechecked the map. "To be fair, mainly because it's the only around highway here."

"Welcome to western Oregon." Wendy said. "Population: nobody."

She glanced out the window they passed a sign pointing out the closest towns. She sat up as one of the names jumped right out at her. "Hey, we're near my cousin."

"Cousin?" Both the twins asked at once in accidental perfect unison. Ten years knowing them, and it still made her crack up a little.

"Yeah, Clyde. The one who managed the lumber camp, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Mabel recalled. "Is he still doing that?"

"Nah. Runs a small mill now. But it's not for fresh cut logs or anything. It's all recycled stuff from houses that get torn down in the area."

"Oh, cool!" Mabel gushed.

"Want to go stop in and say hi?" Dipper kindly offered.

"Ooohh, no. No, no, no." Wendy immediately refused, much to their shared surprise. "Thanks, but I'm good."

"You sure?" He checked. "It's no big deal. We can probably spare at least a couple hours of-"

"It's not that. We don't see him or his family a lot, and last time they saw me I was like, the world's biggest flippin' sad sack." Wendy grimaced at the memory. She had literally only moved back home a depressed mess only a few days before her relatives stopped by for an ill-timed visit.

"But you're not anymore!" Mabel drummed the table and smiled encouragingly. "They can see how well you're doing! C'monnnn!"

"Thanks, but no thanks. We should probably keep on going-"

As it turns out, that was the very last thing they were going to do. Suddenly there was a loud pop, and the drive suddenly got very rough until Dipper got them safely to the side of the road. He got out and quickly returned to confirm what the others had already guessed.

"It's a flat." He announced.

Things only got worse when they checked in the back of the vehicle for replacements. All they had was an emergency spare which, like the Lady Mabelton, was in nowhere near peak condition.

"Uh oh." Mabel examined the little wheel. It would have been kind of cute if it didn't mean that their transportation situation had gotten a little dire.

"No way we're going to get that far on this thing." Dipper stated the obvious. He then noticed that Wendy had started chewing on her lip, as if she was suddenly thinking very hard about something. "Uh, Wendy? You okay?"

"I just remembered that I know someone who's actually really good with this kind of stuff..."

* * *

An hour later they were at her cousin's, watching him expertly fit on a brand new tire. Clyde had all the hallmarks of a Corduroy man, with an abundance of muscles, a heavy frame that made him look like a former linebacker, and fire-red hair. But as a major change of pace, he had a friendly demeanor that set him far apart from Wendy's dad and brothers the instant that the twins met him.

"All set!" He announced while wiping his calloused hands on a rag.

"Thanks a bunch, dude." Wendy showing her appreciation with a punch to his beefy shoulder. He responded in kind as per family custom.

"I'm actually kinda glad that old tire blew out." He chuckled. "It's nice to see you again so soon, Wen."

"You sure you have to get going?" His lean, wiry wife asked sweetly. "We'd love to have you all stick around for dinner."

"It's okay, Jess. We're good." Wendy gently refused

"Aw, but I'm makin' my famous stew tonight!" She sang. Judging by the fresh red on her stained apron, both Dipper and Mabel guessed that fresh deer was the main ingredient.

"You might as well stick around. We're not doing anything else tonight. Not anymore, at least." Clyde added.

"Anymore?" Dipper repeated.

"Oh it's nothin'." Jess brushed some of her short light brown locks back behind her ear and flashed her husband a smile. "Clyde and I were planning to head to Grizzly Tavern. It's mechanical bull night, and so we were thinking about reliving our first date a little."

"You held the record there for two years." He proudly reminded.

"Awwww!" Mabel clutched her hands and cooed at the adorably rustic couple.

"Yeah, but the babysitter bailed. And we don't want to leave Kimmy here all by herself."

"Where is she, anyway?" Wendy asked. "She sick, or something?"

"Nope, just doing her usual. Kimmy? Kimmy? C'mon chipmunk! We got visitors!" Clyde called. Finally a small seven-year-old poked her head out the front door.

"Hi, Wendy." She greeted softly, and didn't even acknowledge the other two guests before she ended her brief appearance.

"Uh...is she okay?" Asked Dipper.

"Hmm? Yeah, she's always just liked keepin' to herself. It's just her thing."

"Lord knows what she's up to now with all the sneakin' in and out of the kitchen." Jess wondered.

Wendy shrugged. "Maybe making a snack stockpile? I used to do that when I was little all the time…."

While everyone else chatted, Mabel's mind was already racing a hundred miles per hour. This was definitely a golden opportunity if the matchmaker had ever heard one. Her brother and friend, bonding by watching over a kid together….getting a little experience for what was to hopefully come….Dipper ingratiating himself with some of her family….the adorable possibilities were all right there for the taking.

"We'll do it!" Her arm shot up straight in the air as she eagerly volunteered their services. Clyde and Jess were more confused by the sudden enthusiastic outburst than anything, as were Dipper and Wendy.

"Wait, we'll do what?" Dipper asked. His sister grinned up a storm.

"Well, we should probably pay them back for helping us out with the RV, right? I mean, it's only fair. Sooooo…..

And such was how they ended up looking after Wendy's little first cousin once-removed. Or to be more exact, that's how they all ended up hanging around the house while little Kimmy kept to herself in her room.

"Kimmy?" Wendy gently knocked on her door. "Hey, you want to play a game with us or something? Kimmy?"

"Busy! Maybe later!" The little girl called from inside her bedroom. The redhead plodded back downstairs, where the twins were busy setting up a board game.

"No Kimmy?" Mabel asked.

"Not yet." Wendy plopped onto the sofa.

"Should we be worried?"

"Nah. this is pretty much normal. She's usually happier if you just let her alone so she can do her own thing."

"Like what kind of things?"

"Reading, just exploring the woods around here, trying to looking at all the animals. I swear, she's already decided she wants to be a zookeeper."

Mabel was busy setting up the rest of the game and making her final plans. Okay, so they'd coax the little girl down, and right before they started she'd go excuse herself and tell them that it looked like Mel, her boyfriend back in California, was calling her. That would leave the couple-to-be and the shy little girl alone together for some more bonding time. The plan was simple, yet perfect.

Said plan was completely derailed only ten seconds later when a despairing wail rang from upstairs. All three of them rushed to Kimmy's bedroom, and Wendy led the way in without stopping to knock. The entire place looked like it had been turned inside-out as the young girl stood in the center of the mess, whimpering and on the verge of tears

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Mabel saw the despair in the child's eyes and instantly went into "teacher mode."

"It's Slippy! I-I can't find him!" She cried. "H-he was right here!"

"Okay, okay." The brunette kept her tone calm and gentle. "Don't worry, it'll be fine. We'll find him. Is Slippy one of your stuffed friends?"

"No, S-Slippy's….." She hesitated, but Mabel welcoming chocolate eyes eventually made her safe enough to tell them the truth. She reached beneath her bed and took out a small metal bin that held some water and a couple sticks and leaves. "He was j-just here. I just fed him."

Immediately all three checked around their feet, just to make sure they hadn't stepped on anything. It looked like they had a secret pet on their hands.

"No problem, we'll find him!" Mabel still kept a professional calm. "Is Slippy a frog, or a turtle?"

"Slamandar." she mispronounced with a piteous sniffle.

"Wait, a what?" Dipper asked.

"He's a slamandar! I-I found him, b-by the house." She was so distraught that speaking coherently had started to become near-impossible. Her misty eyes suddenly grew wide with panic. "Don't tell mommy and daddy! They don't know! I-I was gonna tell them soon, I promise!"

"It's okay, we won't tell them. Right?" Mabel turned to her comrades. Dipper and Wendy both sealed their lips and threw away the zipper in a show of support.

"So are you g-gonna find him?" She whimpered.

"You bet! But before we start looking around, one of the best ways to get yourself ready for a super-search is to take a niiiice, deeeep breath, like me. And a one and a two, and…." Mabel breathed in and out deeply, and the frazzled seven year old followed her example. While she expertly calmed her down, she looked to the others. "Can you guys start searching? I got this!"

The two nodded and head out. A quick sweep of the first floor found nothing, and so they headed downstairs.

"Soooo, slamandar. Are we looking for what I think we're looking for?" Wendy finally decided to ask.

"I think so." Dipper replied. Ancient runes and dead languages engraved on cursed relics were one thing. Deciphering the garbled speech of distraught children however was a different matter. "I mean, what else could it-"

"THERE!" Wendy pointed as something cautiously crawled out from behind the sofa.

Dipper moved quick as lightening and pounced on it. It started to squeal in panic while it writhed and squirmed. As Wendy helped him hold it tight, both were quite surprised by their prisoner. The escaped salamander was like none they had seen before. It was both the size and weight of a dachshund, and the reddish patches on its otherwise pitch black skin almost seemed to glow. They both got the feeling that this was more than a freakishly large amphibian.

"What is this?" Wendy asked.

"I have no….wait, Hold on…." Dipper recalled something. A past conversation with Ford. Way back in the day, people used to think salamanders were special for…..something. But what? He worked his memory furiously.

"...Dude, is it me, or is this thing getting warm?" Asked Wendy, and that's when Dipper remembered. Fire. It was an affinity for fire. The squealing amphibian meanwhile was still heating up fast. They both let go just before it spectacularly burst out into flame all over.

"WHOA!"

Wendy moved like the wind. She first hurled the door open and began forcibly herding the screeching salamander-shaped fireball outside with her foot. It squirmed and yelled every inch of the way, scorching her boot pretty badly before it was nudged out onto the porch.

"What was THAT?" Mabel charged downstairs.

"F-fire…salamander…." Dipper gasped.

Mabel didn't understand, so her first reaction was utter horror. "You lit WHAT on fire?!"

"No, Kimmy's pet! It was…." Wendy realized it'd be a lot easier to just point outside. Mabel quickly spotted the elemental creature as it aimlessly ran around in a frightened panic. The brunette yelped.

"THAT was the thingie living with Kimmy?!"

"It's cool! It's cool! It's out!" Wendy reassured.

"...And running around near a lumber mill." Dipper realized one second too late. The fire-coated amphibian scrambled underneath a pile of wood, which of course immediately started to light right up. As the bonfire rapidly grew, the trio just stood and stared for a moment. This evening had escalated quickly.

"Keep an eye on Kimmy!" Wendy asked before snapping out of her shock and running towards the spreading fire at a full sprint, with Dipper following after. Mabel whimpered before heading back upstairs.

Between frantically shoveling dirt, a garden hose that had surprisingly good water pressure, and pure luck but the two managed to get the blaze under control. Dipper was giving the woodpile one final spray when a familiar face appeared from beneath a charred wooden beam. The salamander's body flames finally went out as it scurried for the safety of the surrounding woods, though not before it looked back and gave Wendy an ugly scowl.

"Hey, I wasn't kicking you! I just didn't want the house to go up!" She hurled a dirt clod at it in angry vain. As she watched it vanish into the woods she ran her fingers through her hair and groaned. "A living fireball right here...seriously, what are the odds?"

"...For us?" Dipper sincerely asked. Wendy quickly guessed that the answer was going to be much, much higher than she'd like. After all, weirdness had a pretty well-established habit of showing up wherever her friends went.

"Yeah, nevermind."

Now that a greater crisis had been averted, the two firefighters staggered back inside. The emotional wreckage awaiting them was almost as bad as the physical one still smoldering in front of the house. Kimmy Corduroy was rubbing red-rimmed eyes as Mabel relentlessly poured on the comfort.

"It's okay. Awww, it's okay. Don't worry." She turned and explained quickly to the others. "She feels bad about what happened."

"I-I'm sorry. Didn't….didn't mean…he felt warms sometimes, b-but I didn't know he would…." She tried to sob. Mabel gave her another tissue so she could wipe her wet face down again for the umpteenth time.

"Yeah!" Wendy wiped the grime from her face. "Seriously, it's cool"

"It's just a big accident. You didn't know." Dipper crouched down and told her matter of factly. He honestly couldn't be be mad at all, considering he was someone who once accidentally raised an army of the dead. If anything he knew exactly the kind of guilt that she was putting herself through.

"Really?" She squeaked.

"Really." He affirmed.

She honked her nose. "Slippy's gone now, isn't he?"

All three adults froze and passed one another nervous looks. No one wanted to make a heartbroken child's night even worse. But then Mabel suddenly had it; both a way to handle this and salvage her evening's plan.

"Yes, Slippy's had to go." She gently confirmed. "But it's probably for the best. You know why?"

The girl shook her head.

"Because Slippy was probably missing all his friends real bad. And it's hard to be away from your friends and the people you care about. Just look at your big cousin Wendy." Mabel nodded to the lanky redhead. "She and Dipper are best friends. But then they got busy and had to be apart for a while, and then they both got sad. Really, really, really sad. You remember how down in the dumps Wendy looked last time you saw her, right?"

"Uh-huh." The child whispered. Wendy winced.

"But now she's doing all better because Dipper's back. And me too. I was also missing her a whole lot" She quickly added just in case she was getting too heavy handed here. "And Slippy's going to feel a lot better soon too."

Kimmy sniffled as she considered this point of view. "Well….if he's happy."

"I know, sometimes it's tough saying goodbye." Mabel wiped her cheeks with a sweater sleeve and gave her a gentle hug. The calm-down had been a success, now it was time to follow up with a nice distraction. "Hey, it's been a crazy night here, huh? How about we read some stories and then finally go to bed, okay?"

"Okay." The successfully defused little girl let the rosy-cheeked young woman pick her up and carry her off upstairs.

"Thanks." Wendy softly mouthed.

"No problem." She whispered back before she and her emotionally drained cargo vanished upstairs.

"Wow." Wendy was absolutely amazed. "Man, she's….she's good."

"Yeah, you should see her when she's with a class. It's actually pretty amazing." Dipper said with no small amount of respect. He sighed and flopped onto the couch. Wendy plopped right down next to him with a tired gasp. The two sat for a little while, resting their tired bodies. Suddenly she let out a small chuckle.

"What?" Dipper asked.

"She's actually right you know." She admitted.

"Huh?"

"Mabel." Wendy clarified. "She's right."

"About what?" he was still feeling a little dazed from their frantic firefighting.

"That I've been doing a whole lot better." She openly confessed with another chuckle. Dipper sat up.

"Really?"

"I just had to go stop a fire-whatever from burning down my cousin's whole business. And you know what? Honestly, this is waaaaaay better that sticking around at home feeling sorry for myself."

"Yeah. I think I'd rather do this all again than do one more paper." Dipper conceded. The two looked to one another, and almost immediately cracked up.

"Dude, we're totally insane, aren't we?" She chortled.

"One hundred percent." he made no attempt to deny. He smiled at her and added, "Good thing you're here. At least now I have someone to be crazy with again."

"Same." Wendy chuckled as they happily bumped fists.

Once again, little did they realize that they weren't quite as alone as either of them thought. Mabel was absolutely beside herself with triumphant joy as she spied from the stairway.

"Mabel Pines, you wonderful genius." She congratulated herself under her breath, and even allowed herself a little fist pump. "Boom! Night salvaged!"

"Mabel?" A hoarse call rang out. The young woman stifled a gasp and rushed back upstairs.

"Sorry! Sorry, I uh….phone call….thing." She lied, and did quite an awful job of it too. Thankfully her temporary charge didn't seem to mind.

"I picked out some books." Kimmy dropped a couple into her lap.

"Good job! Okay, let's see what we have…..oooohhhh, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs? A-plus choice! I think I know what we're starting off with…."

Back downstairs, two friends were cleaning themselves up in the kitchen. While Dipper washed his hands in the sink, Wendy sighed as wiped some of the sooty grime from her face.

"I feel like, so stupid bad for Kimmy right now." She looked up towards the second floor and sighed.

"It's okay. Look, if anything's we should consider ourselves pretty lucky we had stopped by here. Who knows what might have happened if that thing stayed in the house."

"I know, I know. Still, we just had a whole big talk now about how being apart from friends is the worst. And she just lost one of hers." She pointed out. "That still sucks pretty royally."

Wendy shook her and sighed. But then she noticed that Dipper was now not only smiling all of a sudden, but smiling hard. "What's with you?"

"I think I just came up with a fix…."

* * *

The next morning found a very grateful couple and one of their guests waiting around on the front porch in the early morning sun.

"...Oooooh, thank you! You shouldn't have!" Mabel marveled at the basket of freshly baked corn muffins.

"It's the least we could do." Jess presented them with a big smile. "I mean, you all just tried to give us a night off, and then you have to deal with a freak lightning strike like that?"

"I still almost can't believe it. You hear stories about that happenin' to other people, but you never suspect it ever happenin' to you. When I think about how bad that could've gotten." Clyde looked at the burnt woodpile nearby and thanked his lucky stars. "We probably can't thank you enough."

"Pfffft! Oh, it was just a little fire. No big dealie at all!" Mabel then shoved one of the still-warm treats into her mouth.

Wendy's cousin checked his watched and asked, "Did Dipper or Wendy say when they were gonna be back?"

"Nope. They actually didn't say much at all. Just something about wanting to run into town to grab a couple things." Mabel wondered about what they could have possibly be running low on already.

Right on cue, a clunky RV rolled into the property and braked to a squeaky stop. Dipper didn't even have a chance to flip off the ignition before Wendy excitedly bounded out.

"Welcome back." Her cousin greeted. "Get everything?"

"Oh yeah." Wendy said distractedly while she looked around. "Where's Kimmy?"

"Kimmyyyyyy!" Jess cupped a hand over her mouth and hollered for her daughter. The little girl shyly poked her head outside.

"Uh-huh?"

"Check this out." Wendy reached into the bag tucked under her arm and revealed her present. Kimmy only needed to take one look into those beady black eyes of her surprise and it was pure adoration at first sight. She squealed and bolted over.

"Is that for-"

"Say hello to Sally." Wendy introduced the inhabitant of the little tank in her hands. The black and yellow (and definitely not at all flammable) salamander treaded water as it curiously gazed at its brand new owner.

"Wendy? Did you-" Before her cousin could finish asking, his daughter let out another joyous squeal before she took the tank and hugged it tight.

"She said that she always wanted one while we were hanging out last night." Wendy expertly cooked up a lie. "Saw this in the window of the pet stop while we were grabbing food for the road. Call it an impulse buy."

"Huh." Clyde accepted this with a shrug. "Had no idea….well, guess she lives here now."

"YEAH!" Kimmy yelled at the top of her lungs. She then put the tank down with the utmost tenderness and squeezed Wendy's waist with a vice grip embrace. "Thanks, Wendy!"

The redheaded young woman nearly split her face in half with the smile that swept across it. After they hit the road again not long afterwards she was still grinning uncontrollably like a total loon. She was definitely in good company though; Mabel had been gushing nonstop ever since they had been warmly waved off by Clyde's branch of the Corduroy clan.

"...Ohmigosh, ohmigosh!" The brunette kept on at it while the girls sat together in the back. "I just can't get over it! That was literally one of the most thoughtful, sweetest things ever! Ever!"

"Well maybe you can finally thank the right person." Wendy was finally able to wedge in a word. "It was all Dipper's idea."

"Yeah, but you picked her out at the store. And the name." Dipper reminded. Wendy grinned gratefully at him.

"She seemed pretty chill."

This revelation was simply too much. It was more than she could have possibly hoped for. Mabel stood up, flapped her arms and screamed, "I can't even stand it!"

"Ow." Dipper held one of his violated ears and winced, and Wendy did likewise. The brunette hurriedly took her seat again. Note to self, try to be just a little more subtle.

"Sorry."

"Glad you approve." Wendy forgave her with a crack. While she continued to shriek with triumphant joy (on the inside), Mabel took out her phone and looked and one of the pictures she took a mere ten minutes ago. She giggled and showed it off to her friend.

"Aw, just look at you twooo." She cooed. Wendy grinned at the photo of her little relative squeezing the daylights out of her. As they looked together through the roughly twenty other photos that the brunette took, Mabel suddenly got a twinkle in her eyes. She genuinely couldn't help herself. "Hey, Wendy? Boy or girl?"

"Oh, no. Mabel…." Dipper groaned. He couldn't remember how many times his sister had dropped that question on him.

"What? Just look at these pictures! You know she'd make such an awesome mo-" Mabel stopped herself in time with an urgent reminder. Subtlety. Subtlety. She could definitely do this. "I'm just curious now, that's all!"

"What's the question?" Wendy asked.

"Boy or girl?" She repeated. "You know, if the day comes when you and Di…..when the day comes and you have our own little mini-you!"

"Mabel…." Dipper tried interrupting again.

"Just because you're bad at playing this doesn't mean she can't give it a try." She made a face at him.

"I don't play it because I literally can't even conceive of anything related at this point in my life." His defense was ignored as Mabel turned back to Wendy.

"Now personally speaking, I can't really decide. Some days I want a little gentleman, and some days I feel like I'd love a little lady of my own. It really depends on-"

"Oh, we talking about what kind of kid we'd ever want? Girl. Definitely a girl." After Wendy caught on, her answer came so firmly and so fast that it genuinely surprised her friends.

"That was….quick." observed Mabel.

"What? That?"

"Wait, so you've thought about this before?" Dipper honestly didn't peg her as someone who would be thinking about that kind of stuff yet, if at all.

"What's there to even think about?" Wendy asked as they continued on down the road. "You guys are acting like you're forgetting who my brothers are….."


	5. Expertise

Just wanted to start this chapter off with two shout outs - first, a huge thanks to DeadSNESproject88 for taking all the time and effort to make some absolutely fantastic new cover art for this story. Also, a massive seconds thanks for Vondrakenhof who has helped spot out a lot of typos and other peculiar mistakes (you'd think at the rate I make them I'm purposely trying to make my stories less readable).

Thank you both so much! - _**SGA**_

* * *

Considering the time of year, the campground of the little state park was oddly empty. But at least that gave the crew of the Lady Mabelton plenty of room to set up shop. Mabel and Wendy lounged together outside in mismatched folding chairs. The redhead was so comfortably slouched that she looked like she had turned semiliquid. The brunette meanwhile was enthusiastically working away in her sketchpad drawing exquisitely detailed pictures of the various oddities they had encountered so far on their trip.

"Hey Wen-Wen! How's this?" Mabel tapped her friend on the shoulder and showed off her latest work. Wendy looked at the hand-drawn flaming salamander and gave a thumbs up.

"Lookin' good."

"It always does!" Mabel chirped proudly before getting started on her favorite part of the artistic process. Without further ado she took out a large box of colored pencils and got to work making the flames surrounding the elemental amphibian a realistic orange-red.

Wendy got up to get a drink. Inside the RV she found Dipper hunched over his laptop and reading intently.

"Did Ford just send something?"

"Huh?" The young man muttered distractedly. "Oh, just looking at some articles I've been meaning to read. One of my classes next semester-"

"Oh, NO." As soon as she heard the c-word from outside, Mabel let out a mighty groan. "Wendy?"

"On it." Wendy promptly closed his computer.

"Hey!"

"Dude, no." She told him firmly. "Just no. Not when you just went through epic burnout."

"But-"

"It's summer, you got other stuff to do. Take a break." She wasn't making a suggestion. She was telling him, and Dipper knew from lots of past experience that she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Sorry." He grew quite sheepish. "Looks like I still haven't settled down from the last semester."

"You? Going nuts over school? That's new." Her playful remark got a much-needed chuckle out of him. She smiled as she sat down across from her friend. "Seriously, just relax, okay? I don't want to see you turn into a stress-zombie again."

"Me neither." He squinted as she opened the shades to let some more sun inside. "Wish I could be more like you. I'd probably be so much better off if I knew how to take this kind of stuff nice and easy."

"Huh?" She didn't know what he was referring to at first. Dipper meanwhile realized this was as good a time as any to ask about something he hadn't checked in on for a good while.

"So how are your classes going, anyway?" He casually asked. Since she graduated high school, Wendy had been taking courses here and there at Gravity Falls Community College at her own leisurely pace, and was still doing so as far as he knew.

"Oh, they're fine." She reflexively replied. But then something made her pause to rethink her routine answer. Dipper quickly sensed that something was up.

"Wendy?"

Wendy wasn't sure why, but this time it seemed unfair to continue fanning the flames of the long-running fib. Maybe because she felt so grateful to be back with her friends, it felt like they deserved better. After mulling for a moment, she took a long, deep breath and admitted,, "Actually….they're not…..really a thing at all right now. At all."

"Oh right!" Dipper smacked his forehead. "Sorry. Can't believe I forgot all about Portland already."

"Well…...actually, the whole no-classes thing kinda started before….I moved out of town." She confessed,

Like, how long? Couple months?" He curiously pried.

"Longer."

"Wait, so….like, a year?"

"Longer." She sighed. "Sorry. I….haven't been totally honest with you and Mabes for a while."

"Huh?" He cocked his head.

"Yeah, me and school haven't been a thing for some time now." She explained.

"Wait, really?" He asked.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" A surprised Mabel clambered onto the RV and joined them. "Hold on here. Wendy, what happened? Did you just stop, or…."

"It was actually a pretty gradual thing. I just started taking fewer and fewer classes. And the ones I did take I was always having trouble getting my act together for them, even the ones I was taking online. I don't know, I was just never into it all that much. And then at some point I just….kinda stopped."

There was a brief silence. Wendy started fidgeting with a lock of her hair.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Dipper asked.

"Well... I watched you guys going through college like it was no big deal, and even before you guys were done Dipper started talking about grad school….aaaand….I guess I….got kind of…." She stopped and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Although this confession was probably long overdue, that didn't make it easier. "I got kind of...embarrassed."

"Embarrassed" was an understatement. To be a little more accurate, she felt like an absolute moron compared to her both friends. They had their hard-earned degrees and professions (or soon-to-be profession in Dipper's case) and all she had was a motley collection of college credits and an odd collection of jobs held over the past few years. But luckily for her she didn't need to be this blunt about it. Both the twins could read her loud and clear.

"Wendy?" Dipper softly broke the awkward silence. "It's okay."

"It's more than okay! Just because some school hasn't given you an official piece of paper doesn't mean anything at all! Nothing! We don't think anyyyyy less of our Wen-Wen." Mabel sounded like a character straight out of an after-school TV special as she wrapped the lanky young woman up in a hug. "You're still amazing!"

"Besides, you could also just go back and finish up." Dipper optimistically added, and hastily clarified, "If you wanted to."

"Yeah!" Mabel enthusiastically jumped aboard this suggestion. "You can continue whenever you want to, with whatever degree or certificate or thingy that you'd like! It'd be no big deal! Not for you!"

The twins spoke with such unflinching confidence in her that Wendy couldn't stop the smile that sprouted on her freckled face if she tried. "We'll see about that. School is just….it's never really been my thing."

"Maybe you just haven't found your thing there yet." Dipper thoughtfully replied. "Remember how many times I switched majors?"

Wendy laughed as she tried to recall them all. "Media studies….physics…. aaand…..biology, right?"

"Close!" Mabel giggled. "Off by just two!"

"Unfortunately." Dipper sighed at all he bouncing around he did. "Anyway, just start to think about it. I mean, you're great at so many other things. I'm sure if you found a program for something that you like, you'd definitely get through it no problem."

"Great. I'll see if anyone offers a major in lumberology." She cracked. Dipper however wasn't going to let her brush off her potential with a joke and get away with it.

"Just think about it, okay?" He asked.

"I'll think-"

"Promise?" Dipper pressed. His stubborn encouragement made her grin stretch even wider.

"Fine, I promise. But only if it'll get you off my back." It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Now feeling surprisingly energized, she knocked Dipper in the shoulder, then gave Mabel a gentle push. "Alright nerds, enough with all this school junk. We got freaky things to check out."

"Yeah we do! Mystery Trio, go!" Mabel whooped excitedly. When they gave her a look, she simply smiled and told them, "I came up with that this morning…."

Dipper and Wendy shared a glance.

"I like it." She laughed.

"Me too, actually." Dipper had to confess. It didn't sound as much as a tween literary franchise as the Mystery Twins did.

"Great! I was also thinking that if you liked it, can could change to the Lady Mabelton to the Mystery Machine and get a whole theme going. I could even paint it on the side…." She babbled until Wendy cracked up.

"Uh, Mabel?" Dipper interrupted.

"What?" Mabel blushed as soon as she remembered. "Oooohhh…..nevermind. I was wondering why that sounded so familiar…."

They suited up, left the campground and trekked into the surrounding woods. This stop was an interesting one, to put it one way. They were used to investigating things based on little more than hearsay, rumor, or legend, but the facts for today's outing were oddly sparse even for them. All they had were a couple reports that all followed a strange identical pattern. Random visitors hiking around the park reported suddenly rising off the ground, and then they would abruptly lose consciousness. They would then come to a while later, and never too far from where they had lost contact with the ground either. As a result of these odd happenings, traffic to the park had lessened considerably as of late.

None of the three investigators could see anything obvious at work here, so they playfully debated their competing theories s they trooped along.

"...C'mon man. This thing just totally screams abduction to me." Wendy said.

"I wanted to think that first, but now I'm not so sure." Dipper countered. "I mean, there's been no reports of bright lights in the skies at night, strange sounds, or really anything that would suggest UFO's in the area. And also-"

"And furthermore, most people have reported losing consciousness in the summer, when we all know that aliens prefer to abduct people in the fall by a two-to-one margin. And according to other nerd stuff…." Mabel straightened up and began speaking in her "Dipper voice," even though the shrill, scratchy falsetto sounded literally nothing like her twin brother at all. Wendy cracked right up. Dipper tried to give her a push. She danced out of range of his noodle arms. And ran up ahead, giggling like mad the entire time.

"Dude, she's got a point." Wendy tugged his cap brim down. "How can you seriously still get so skeptical even after all the crazy junk we're seen?"

"I'm not saying that whatever we're going to find here won't be weird, I'm just saying it's probably not going to be the weird thing we think it is. Again, there's been no UFO sightings, no mentions of any…." His defense made Wendy crack up for the second time in almost in as many minutes. The young man hurriedly toned it down. "I'm just saying we shouldn't make any assumptions."

"Okay, now you're making some sense." She teased. "Remember, we don't all speak dork."

"Maybe not everyone, but you have to be pretty fluent right now." He playfully jabbed back.

"Yeah, and thanks a lot for infecting me. Dude, I still remember the names all the original one hundred and thirty Monstermon because of you." She accused him. "And all their types, too."

"You were the one who kept asking questions about it." he reminded her.

"Because it's so messed up! You make them fight until one of them gets knocked out? You do that with any animal in the real world and someone's chucking you straight into jail….."

As the two bantered, Mabel kept walking on ahead, pretending to be on the lookout for anything unusually while actively listening in on every word of the conversation going on behind her. It was currently taking all her willpower to keep from bursting out giggling with delight. Could things possibly be going any better?

Her answer came just a minute later when they started heading down a relatively new-looking path, which soon forked up in front of a mighty oak. Mabel immediately knew what she had to do.

"Uh oh, looks like we gotta split up!" She announced.

"Split up?" Dipper asked.

"Yeah! You guys go to the left, and I'll go the right. f the paths don't meet up again, we'll turn back and meet up after…..let's say twenty minutes?" She did the matchmaking math and decided that was forty solid minutes of alone time. But judging by the puzzled looks on their faces, Dipper and Wendy weren't on board with her plan.

"Let's just all stick with one trail and try the other later." Her brother decided.

"But we'll cover more ground this way!" Mabel pointed out.

"But that's not the way we ever do this...like, ever." Replied her increasingly confused twin. They had a long established protocol of sticking together whenever they didn't know what kind of weirdness they were facing.

"Well let's switch up routine a bit! Live a little! Variety is the spice of life, you know!" She countered.

"If we split if, why do you have to be the one to go alone?" He asked.

"Well, someone's gotta do it! Three people, two trails, it's just math stuff, that's all!" She quickly came up with answer. For possibly the first time in her life she found herself almost wishing that her twin brother didn't care about her safety so much. Curse their strong sibling bond.

"No, not today." Dipper refused with a shake of his head. "C'mon, let's go."

He started to trek down the right path with a bemused Wendy following along.

"Okay, see you in a bit!" Mabel started skipping down the left trail.

"Mabel, c'mon. We're all….HEY! What are you….?!" He headed to her trail, but Mabel sprinted on over to his path. The two were now switching back and forth. Wendy just stood back and watched. Sibling shenanigans always made for high quality entertainment.

"Keep going, dude! You almost got her!" She jokingly called.

"Mabel, stop messing around!" Dipper had already broken out into a sweat as he chased his twin. "We're all going on one path!

"You sure about that? Because if we are, then you gotta prepare yourself for….." Mabel was pulling out all the stops. She glance around until she found just what she was looking for in the overhanging branch above. She jumped up, broke off part of it and waved in the air. "The Fun Stick!"

Dipper skidded to a halt. "Wait, you're-"

"Boop!" She jabbed him right in the face.

"OW! Mabel what's with you?!"

She didn't get a chance to answer. There was a low rumble. Suddenly before any of them knew what was going on, all three of them were flying off the ground and into the air.

"No! Eat stick, aliens!" Mabel shrieked and hurled the Fun Stick as hard as she could, and it bounced off the branches that were now suddenly all over them. It was no energy beam that held them aloft. All three were suspended by tree limbs that held them tightly like hard, gnarled hands as the giant oak sitting in the middle of the path's fork held them prisoner.

Wendy didn't know what was going on, but that didn't stop her from swinging into action. She reached into her belt and yanked her hatchet out. But before she could cut herself free the tree rumbled again, this time even louder. Several branches descended on her, with at least three grabbing her arm and the other one ripping her weapon away and throwing it to the ground. Now she and the twins could only watch as two patches of bark slid aside to reveal an enormous set of eyes.

"L….L…..L-l…." A mouth that obviously hadn't received much use in a long while opened up, and finally it let out an angry cry, "LUMBERJAAAAACK!"

Wendy recalled having nightmares like this before. As her heart skipped a beat, their captor curled its mouth into a ferocious snarl.

"Destroyer! Murderer! Taker of lives!" It then retrieved the axe from the ground and waved it in her face. "How would you feel if someone attacked you while you were unable to flee?"

"WENDY!" Dipper took out the magnet gun and cranked up the power. The hatchet flew out of the tree's grasp and over to him, sticking to the gun barrel with a metallic clang.

"Hey!" The tree yelled.

"Eat hook!" Mabel took aim, fired, and the grappling hook landed right in its mouth.

"OW! You-OW! OW!" It struggled to talk as the sharp hook danced about on top of it's tongue. It finally managed to spit it out as more of its branches extended towards the twins, grabbing them tightly by the wrists and forcing them to drop their weapons. It lowered them down closer to its face and gave them both a death-glare. "Enough! First you maim me, then you attack me?!"

"Maim? We didn't do anything! You were the jerk who-" Mabel exploded with protest. Their captor pointed a branch towards the ground where the Fun Stick lay. She quiet down and grimaced in embarrassment "Oh, uuhhh….sorry about that…."

"You…..you!" Dipper didn't need long to figure out they had just found their culprit. "You're the one who's scaring everyone off! You've been attacking people!"

"Not attacking, defending!" It fired back. "I am the guardian of these woods! Defender of all those who lay their roots here against the likes of you!"

"...How can you protect when you can't move?" Mabel was genuinely curious. The tree-creature looked a little embarrassed.

"My duty is not an easy one…." It reluctantly admitted to them. "But ever since you walking menaces laid this path through my forest, I've finally been able to strike justice on behalf of my kind!"

"You've just been picking people up and throwing them, haven't you?" Dipper pieced the clues together.

"Could you throw me there?" Mabel pointed hopefully to what looked like the softest patch of ground in sight.

"Oooh, that's too good for the likes of you! Especially the professional murderer here!" It gave Wendy a shake. "I should wait until a bear comes along and feed you to it! I should hold you here until the elements claim you! I should…."

As it began listing off all the ways it could end them, the redhead fumed. She was too angry to be scared. This was so ridiculous that it was absolutely infuriating. The one time a tree was fighting back against them, and here she was unable to do a single thing.

Maybe not, actually. She took a deep breath, then chewed her lip as she took a long, hard look at their captor. There had to be something she could do. After all, there was more than one way to take down a tree besides an axe. She of all people knew that quite well. Suddenly, she had it. Without delay she let out the most believably alarmed cry that she could muster.

"WHOA!"

It was so convincing that it immediately grabbed the tree's attention. As far is it could tell, she had just been spooked by something that was somehow even worse than its threats. The rage vanished from it face, and a mix of confusion and worry took its place.

"What?" it asked.

"You have a huge patch of…." Wendy pretended to think twice about it, then shrugged. "Nevermind."

"What?" It dangled her in front of its face.

"Nevermind." She repeated. The twins watched on curiously. Their friend definitely had a plan here, but neither of them could tell what it was just yet. She motioned for them to stay silent for now.

"Nevermind about what? What is it?" The tree meanwhile had become visibly anxious.

"Why should I tell you?" She asked it plainly. "You just said you're like, gonna feed us to bears."

"Is something wrong?" The tree asked. "What's wrong?"

The redhead kept her lips zipped tightly shut, but she also let them curl into a knowing smirk.

"What's wrong?!" It kept asking. "What's wrong?!"

"All I'm gonna say is I'm glad I'm not you." She said smugly.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Dude, I'm not telling. There's no point. You just said-"

"What if I let your friends go?" It offered.

"You like rotting from the inside out? Because you're going to have to do waaaay better than that." She told it, and its eyes almost bulged right out of its trunk as its fear skyrocketed into the stratosphere. So much for holding onto its catch of the century. It quickly compromised.

"Okay, okay, I'll let you go too! But only if you promise you'll tell me what it is. AND try to stop it!" It haggled.

"Deal." She held out her hand. It extended a branch and the two shook on it. Immediately it lowered both the twins down with surprising gentleness. It hesitated for a few moments with Wendy, but finally it gave in and put her down. It watched her tensely, but she neither made a run for it, nor dove for her axe. But she did take a large hunting knife from her belt, and it bristled with several gnarled branches.

"NO!"

"It's okay. I need this to get everything off you." She sauntered around back of it. Once she was out of sight she knelt down and began scraping the blade against the bark.

"Get what off?" It tried to feel where she was cleaning.

"This fungus here. Ganoderma root rot. This thing's like a beast. Starts off small, but then it seems to spread like, almost overnight. That's when it really gets nuts. It wrecks you so bad from the inside that….well, it's not pretty. I've seen trees like, fall over with one push because they got it so badly."

"What?" Its leaves rustled as it trembled in panic. "NO!"

"Relax! The good thing is you catch it early enough all you gotta do is scrape it off." She reassured it. The twins went around to her and saw there was no fungus at all. It was just their lumberjill friend wiping her blade against a random spot while she kept up the entire act. "Just let me get the last bit over here….and….all set!"

"Are you sure?" It checked.

"Trust me, I've handled this stuff before." She walked back around and it gawked at her in amazement. "What? I told you I was gonna do it."

"You did." It acknowledged. It seemed she was nowhere near the villain it originally assumed she was. "I….I have been a little hasty earlier. Why I….you know….threatened to destroy you."

"A little? Man, you gotta just chill out." She rolled her eyes.

"I suppose." It admitted. "But you have to understand, the life of a tree is a hard one. I've watched friends I've known since they were acorns get cut down."

"Sorry to hear that. But….you do know no one's gonna do that to you now, right? Like, it's seriously illegal if someone tries to mess with you or you buds around here."

"What makes you say that?"

"They can't. Didn't you get the news? This whole place is a state park now." She gestured all around them. "Someone tries to take an axe to anything here and they're getting into major trouble."

"Really?" It mulled over this news.

"How long has it been since you watched something get cut down?" Dipper finally spoke up. The tree scratched itself as it thought.

"When did this first become a thing?" It pointed to a flashlight sticking out of the young man's bag.

"Flashlights?"

"No, no, the thing that makes the light."

"Electricity?" Mabel asked.

"Yes, that's it. Before the electricity came." It answered. It quickly guessed from their expressions that it was a long time ago. "Uh….it's hard to tell the time out here."

"Yeah, we see that." Wendy replied.

"So….what's a park?" it asked.

"Okay so believe it or not, some people don't just want to hack all of you guys down. A lot of people, actually…."

Once all misunderstandings were cleared and promises not to terrorize were extracted, the three started their trek back to the RV. Right before they hiked out of sight, Mabel turned and waved to their strange new friend.

"Bye! It was nice meeting you!" She chirped. In the near-distance the tree waved all its branches back.

"Thank you for the good news!" It boomed.

"No probs!" Wendy turned and called. As she faced the trail again she did so with head held high.

"Wendy, that was….that was incredible!"A thoroughly awed Dipper began babbling the moment he was sure they were out of the tree's hearing range

"I know." She grinned cockily.

"You better! I mean…." He was in such awe that for a moment he had no idea what to say. Wendy cracked up as she watched him try and focus all his thoughts together. "Wendy, that was….that was amazing! It completely believed you!"

"Well, I'm pretty used to talking about trees." She admitted. "You work with them enough and you pick up some others things besides how to hack them down."

"You sounded like the expert extraordinaire!" Mabel chirped. "You were all like, 'Yeah this is what's wrong with you, I definitely know.' That was such amazing authority you threw down back there!"

"That was genius!" Dipper kept on gushing nonstop. "Seriously, Wendy! That was like, actual genius!"

"Wendy the Amazing, Forest Warrior Queen and Master of all the Woods!" Mabel enthusiastically bestowed on her friend with a whoop. Wendy had already been smiling impossibly hard thanks to their over the top, praises, but this last bit proved too much. She cracked up with a burst of laughter that would probably follow her all the way back to the RV.

"You're on a roll with titles today, Mabes…..."

* * *

As the moon shone high over the old RV, two out of its three inhabitants lay in a deep sleep. The third however felt like she couldn't possibly be any more awake as she gazed up at the ceiling. To Wendy's own surprise, she was actually doing the serious thinking that she had promised Dipper earlier in the day. His words echoed loud and clear in her mind.

" _Maybe you just haven't found your thing there yet…"_

" _...Something that you like…."_

" _...Definitely get through it no problem…."_

" _...Could always go back….."_

"... _Found your thing..."_

Her friend's encouragement played over and over on repeat, along with all the praise that the twins had showered on her after her expertly-won victory. Curiosity started to creep up on her the more that she mulled. It wasn't long at all until it became almost overpowering.

She finally got up and gently detached Mabel from her waist (the brunette was a notorious sleep-hugger) and slipped the younger woman's special well-worn pillow back into her arms. Wendy then gingerly crawled out of the shared bed, left the little room and tiptoed around Dipper as he lay passed out on the cot that served as his bedding. She then grabbed his laptop and snuck outside, though not before gingerly patting his head

"Thanks, dude."

The RV's onboard wifi (a new addition courtesy of Ford's technical capabilities) allowed her to do a little bit of preliminary research. After a small mental debate, she decided to put in a video call. Just as she had expected, a distracted Stanford Pines picked up on the other end in his lab way back north in Oregon.

"Hey there." The workaholic scientist greeted as hunched over some half-finished device. "Sorry, I saw the update. Haven't gotten around to reading it yet. I've been busy with…."

He checked his watch for what was clearly the first time in hours. "Yikes. Don't tell Stan I was up this late, okay?"

"It's cool, no problem." Wendy assured him. It was only then that he realized that he wasn't taking to his great nephew, nephew.

"Oh! Wendy! I'm sorry, I just thought that…." He straightened his glasses and gave her his full attention. "Uh, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, we're all fine." She kept her voice low as she got straight to the point. "Hey, you still teaching at the community college?"

"Yes, I am." He was rightfully a little puzzled. This wasn't the kind of thing anyone would expect to be asked a little after eleven o'clock at night.

"It looks like they still got some kind of forestry program there." She doubled-checked the website as she asked "Certification for all kinds of stuff. Anyway, you know anyone who works in it?"

"Not personally, no." He answered, but after he noted the intent look in her emerald eyes he kindly added, "Though I imagine it wouldn't be hard to make some new acquaintances there."

"You think you'd be up for making a friend or two?" The young woman flashed a hopeful smile. "I got a couple questions I kinda want to pass their way, and…."


	6. Signs?

It was all quite a spectacle to behold. There were the fields of wheat stretching out across the flat plain as far as the eye could see, all of it glowing a brilliant gold in the light of the setting sun. And sticking out like a sore thumb smack in the middle of this picturesque farmland was a small carnival-esque camp of at least a hundred people, all of whom had arrived after the crop circles in a nearby field had appeared only a few days prior. They were a motley collection of UFO watchers, extraterrestrial enthusiasts, conspiracy theorists and cultists, and they were all fervently hoping for at least a glimpse of mysterious lights blinking high in the skies above when the sun finally set below the horizon and the stars came out.

Right next to this bizarre gathering, parked a little ways off was the recently arrived Lady Mabelton. The vehicle's namesake stood perched on the roof with camera in hand.

"Smile!" Mabel called to the peculiar crop circles a few acres away. After snapping off half a dozen shots of the odd symbols carved out in the fields, she clambered down to rejoin the rest of the crew. "Okay, so are we doing the usual here?"

"Uh-huh. Look around, ask questions, see if anyone has anything we should know." Dipper then quickly corrected himself, "Well, you and I are going to take care of that. Wendy needs to-"

"Oh, right." Mabel smiled sheepishly at their friend. "Sorry, Wen-Wen. I shouldn't have told Stan-"

"Nah, it's fine. I've sold junk for him a million times already. One more time can't hurt." Wendy set up a small lawn chair, a blanket, then finally took out a large cardboard box filled almost to bursting with the twisted chunks of what used to be a metal garbage can. After he heard about some playful jokes that had been made about him and then learned about the next stop on their travel itinerary, Stan had been unable to himself. The master entrepreneur knew an opportunity when he saw one, which is why he had overnighted the strange package for the gang to pick up at the post office in the nearest town. His last-minute task of course had fallen upon the shoulders of his former employee.

Mabel frowned as she watched her friend set up a "Genuine UFO Pieces" sign. "Still doesn't seem fair though."

"It's cool, Mabes. I get to chill out here, make some extra money for us…." When Wendy saw how the brunette was still sulking guiltily, she mischievously remarked, "Hey, beats being still stuck on the RV listening to BABBA."

That did the trick. Mabel's mood bounced right back to normal, and she started giggling like mad. "Yeah it does!"

"Hey!" Dipper protested. "We all agreed to the rule. Whoever's driving picks the music."

"Yeah, and way to make me regret something. Why do we even have magnet weapons and hooks when we can just play your tunes at whoever messes with us? That stuff's so bad it's almost lethal." She teased. Dipper rolled his eyes, and she merely laughed as she affectionately tugged his cap brim down. "Dude, I'm just messing with you. Just relax, okay?"

"You don't make it easy." He righted his cap and found himself inches away from her smirking face.

"You love it." She cackled back shamelessly.

"Yeah. Soooo much." He pretend to be annoyed. Meanwhile his hand snuck up to her right to try and flick some of her hair into her face. Wendy anticipated this and tried to lean out of range, but went so far backwards that she nearly lost her balance. Dipper nabbed her arm just in time and the two cracked up at their own absurd antics. "Okay, we shouldn't be gone too long."

"Take your time, I'll be fine here." She snorted. "Happy hunting, dorks."

"Alright, let's move on out! Fact finders, awaaaaay!" Mabel charged off with Dipper following close behind.

Wendy settled down with a magazine. Honestly it wasn't a bad task at all. Stan had promised they'd get a twenty percent cut of all profits, which was quite generous for the geezer. He was getting soft in his years. Unfortunately the sweet deal wouldn't mean a thing if they didn't get any buyers, and she seriously wondered if anyone would be gullible enough to-

"Oh!" A man decked in a blinking tinfoil hat was already looking over her wares. "What's this?"

"UFO chunks." Wendy recalled the spiel her old boss had given her. "From a crash and a cover-up in Wyoming. The Feds nabbed the bodies and most what was left of the ship, but they left some pieces behind."

"Ha! Figures!" He scoffed. "Those idiots in Washington can't handle covering up the truth. What makes them think they can do a cleanup properly? I tell you…anyway, I've never been able to buy any ship pieces this big before. How much?"

"Twenty bucks for-" Before Wendy could finish, another potential buyer popped up. Then another, and then another, and then two more. Soon she had a small but fast-growing crowd on her hands.

"Oh man, she's got the good stuff!"

"Do you know what part of the craft this was from? The hull? You think you might have part of their turbo-core?"

"Is there a limit, or can I buy more more than one?"

The redhead tried to suppress a grin. This definitely felt quite familiar. "Okay people, form a line. One piece per person, fifty bucks each….."

Dipper had bypassed the camp and had trekked to the modest farmhouse standing nearby in the shade of a massive barn. There he found the owner of all the surrounding fields lounging comfortably in a wooden rocker. The old fellow chewed on a piece of straw as he patiently listened to the young man's questions.

"...So the local paper said that these circles appear pretty routinely around here. Is that so?" Dipper asked

"Yep, that's correct." The old farmer said with a nod.

"It also says they only appear during the middle of the night." Dipper looked at his phone and double-checked the article that Ford had emailed him. "Is that true too?"

"Can't say for sure. I'm usually so beat that I turn in 'round eight, eight-thirty. Mighty hard work takin' care of this much land." He replied truthfully.

"Uh….okay. So do you ever see anything else unusual around here whenever the circles show up? Strange lights in the sky? Have you ever seen any weird figures around the property?"

"If those have been appearin' 'round here, then it's all been happenin' after I've hit the hay." He replied with a shrug.

"Um…..have you even tried investigating these circles at all? Maybe setting up a camera or two outside near the fields? Looked for inhuman footprints? Something?"

"Nah, can't say that I have. Every once in awhile I wake up and there they are outside a-waitin' fer me. And I usually just think, 'oh well, here they are agin,' and I just get in with my business."

"Wait, so you don't ever try look into these at all? Do you even call the police when they show?"

"Why should I bother? Usually word gets out on its own 'ventually."

"So you seriously don't do anything about the crop circles?" Dipper was flabbergasted by how little this man cared. "The mysterious circles that bring all these people around to your property every single time they appear?"

"Nah. I mean, I'm bound to lose a little bit of the crop every year anyways. Heavy rain, crows, early frost maybe. Who cares if it happens to be due to some fancy circles? I still do just fine every harvest."

Dipper couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"So you seriously don't care? Do you even see what's happening now? Look! Look at how many people have shown up here! People who are expecting to see aliens! Because of mysterious circles in YOUR property!" The young man pointed and sputtered. "Look at them!"

The old farmer raised his head passed a quick glance at the camp and merely chuckled."Ha! Bunch of characters, aren't they? Nice folk, though. And they always make sure to clean up after themselves whenever they head out…."

Dipper felt like he was about to pull his goatee hairs out. Meanwhile back among the crowds, Mabel wasn't learning anything new either. But although she wasn't getting any useful information, at last she was having a ball hearing all the different theories about who had left the mysterious circles. Many people seemed convinced that they were wondrous enlightened beings simply looking for worthy believing earthlings to take back to their homeworld.

"...And then we'll be able to spend the rest of our lives there in their self-made paradise, with their robot servants doing all our bidding while we discuss life, the universe, and everything in the light of Zygoborth's seven silver moons." A balding man in a bright green robe finished explaining.

"Seven….moons…..silver….got it!" Mabel finished scribbling down in her notebook. "Okay, that does it for me. Thanks for the chitchat, friend!"

"And may the peace of Zygoborth be upon you." He clasped his hands, bowed and rejoined his fellow cultists around their saucer-shaped altar on the far side of the camp. Mabel looked over the sketches she had made so far of all the various off-world paradises that had been described to her. She couldn't wait to show these to her students when school started up again in the fall. This would definitely get their imaginations going.

"Have the oddballs around here talked your ear off yet?" A friendly-faced woman approached her with a smile.

"Haha, not yet!" Mabel giggled. "Though I guess it's all kinda getting a little repetitive."

"Yeah, a bunch of nutcases all running around, each one positive that they have the right answer." She scoffed, then claimed with a confident smile "They're not even close. Not like us."

Mabel flipped oven to a clean page. "Oooohh, you know the truth about the aliens?"

"Oh yes! Whoever left those signs in the field aren't looking for anyone to take home, I can tell you that." She scoffed with a laugh.

Mabel grinned. This was going to be good. "So what are they making those crop-y circle-y dealies for?"

"Well to attract mates, of course!" She said matter-of-factly, and immediately things got very weird.

"Uh…...uh huh." Mabel grimaced as this took a very unexpected turn. The other woman took her by the wrist and put a pamphlet into her hand.

"Have you ever dreamed of being parent to a child who's half human, half from the stars? Haha, oh what on earth am I even saying? Of course you _probably_ have…."

Back at the RV, Wendy was sitting on a pretty pile of cash. She was amazed at how fast she had sold out. And she thought the tourists at the Shack loved parting with their money. As she counted all the greenbacks, a visibly frustrated Dipper returned.

"Well at least one of us has had some luck." He sighed wearily.

"You okay?"

"Tried taking to the farmer. For a guy who has possibly alien crop circles regularly appear outside his house, he definitely doesn't care as much as he probably should." Dipper gave his two cents on the matter.

Their reunion was completed a few seconds later when a panting Mabel raced up and took cover behind her twin. Dipper and Wendy were immediately on high alert.

"Whoa, Mabel! What happened?" Wendy asked.

"Gross things." The rattled brunette whined. "Everything stopped being fun."

"Hold on!" An over-enthusiastic woman raced towards them. "There's still so much more you need to learn! I haven't even covered inter-planetary motherhood yet!"

"No thank you!" Mabel yelped over her twin's shoulder.

"But-" She stopped and laid eyes on the two new potential converts. First she set upon Dipper with a smile. "Well hello! Have you ever considered the possibility that your perfect mate is only a galaxy away?"

"What?" He definitely hadn't planned on being asked that today. "Wait….are you talking about aliens?"

"Who else has been leaving all the love notes in the fields here?" She looked the bemused young man over and nodded. "You should really consider it! You look like just their type. Let me guess, bookish? Big into academics! Well lucky you, you've got quite an advantage going. Any race that has mastered interstellar travel is definitely going to be much more attracted to brains than brawn. They'll be all over you!"

"He's taken!" Mabel accidentally blurted out and then hurriedly clapped both her hands over her mouth. Thankfully Dipper and Wendy were far too weirded out to pay attention to her.

"Ooooh, and look at you!" The cultist meanwhile noticed the wiry redhead and beelined over to her. "You'd be quite the catch too! Tall, pale, and just like them, probably! And strong enough to lay their eggs too!" She gushed.

"Whoa, _excuse_ me?" Wendy shot her a wide-eyed stare.

"Ewwww!" Mabel squealed.

"Well to be fair, we don't know for sure if that's how it'll work. But it's probably a safe enough guess. Besides, it can't be that bad. They probably don't need anything more than a ten-minute medical procedure to rearrange all of your-"

"What are you talking about? Why...why would anyone want that?" Dipper asked. The woman's unsettling smile didn't waver for a second as she continued enthusiastically spreading the good word.

"Just imagine how wondrous it would be to be wooed by a gorgeous being from beyond our solar system! Enlightened beings of the highest intellect who most likely have flowery breath you can smell in five different dimensions and whose skin probably glows like the stars…." She started fanning herself furiously as she babbled on.

"Uhhh….." Dipper didn't know what to say. Wendy meanwhile had enough. This was getting weird in the worst way possible.

"Alright, you're going."

"Wait, but I-"

The redhead warningly reached for the hatchet dangling off her belt. The cultist got the message and bade a hasty retreat, though not before leaving some pamphlets on the ground behind her.

"Well, it's official." Wendy huffed. "I hate UFO fanatics."

Mabel agreed with a low whine. Her brother needed to give her an awkward comforting sibling hug to help her to calm down.

"So did you learn anything?"

"Nuh-uh. Just met a bunch of people who are really into aliens. And some people who are into aliens way too much." She quivered in disgust. "No one knew anything like, real that we could use."

"Yeah, and the guy who owns the land here gave me nothing." Dipper sighed. "Basically just the same info from everything Ford sent us."

"You got more than I did." Mabel remarked. Then something occurred to her. "Like….way more than me….hey….they barely talked about the actual crop circle thingies at all!"

"Really?" Dipper

"Yeah! Everyone only talked about their crazy cuckoo ideas about the aliens who left them!" Mabel flipped through her sketchbook for them and showed off all the competing ideas. "They talked about what they thought the aliens wanted, what they probably looked like, one guy said that they want to borrow all our corn for their space reactors or something….."

"But nothing about the actual circles?"

"Uh-uh!"

"Wait a second…." Wendy raced off to finally do some investigative work of her own. The twins didn't need to wait long until she returned.

"What were you doing?"

"Asking around. Dude, no one's tried to find out anything about the circles! No one even thinks to go anyway near them! Everyone I asked said they all make sure to leave them alone!" She fumed. "Like, they purposely go out of their way to avoid them!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, they said they didn't want to mess up whatever the aliens are trying to do here. They're afraid they won't show up here if they go into their signs and check them out." She explained. "At least, that's everyone I asked told me."

"Seriously? So all this time, no one's actually….oh for the…." Dipper motioned sharply as he clambered into the RV. "C'mon, let's go."

Neither of the girls asked questions; they knew exactly what he had planned. It was probably first thing they should have done instead of wasting all that time with the crazed rambling of a bunch of oddballs. They drove a short distance until they reached the field and its inexplicable markings. By this point the sun had just dipped below horizon, so they needed their flashlights to guide their way through the wheat and to the crude supposedly alien symbols. It didn't take long at all until they were able to come to some pretty obvious conclusions.

"What the…." Dipper examined the earth. "This wheat hasn't been bent or….crushed or…..anything."

"Yeah, this definitely doesn't look like anything's been landing on top of it." Wendy remarked. "Weird."

"And the dirt's all totally whacked out here." Mabel observed as she picked up a fallen stalk of wheat. "Like someone's been messing around a lot underneath it."

The terrible realization hit them all at once. Whoever was making these weird marks in the fields, they weren't coming from deep space. There were coming from under their feet.

"Out. Now." Dipper whispered urgently. Slowly they all began backing away.

Some dirt suddenly shifted behind Wendy and she fell flat on her back. She could feel the ground ripple beneath her body, and she leaped back up with a surprised yelp. Something several inches below her replied in kind with a muffled cry.

"Wendy! Are you ok-" Dipper ran over to her, but something bumped up out of the soil, causing him to sprawl onto his stomach. Mabel leapt nearly three feet straight into the air as something tried to burrow by right under her feet. As Wendy helped Dipper back up, he spotted a long blur pop from the ground and then dive right back in with one fluid motion.

"Worms! They're giant worms!" Just as he yelled, something clawed some dirt aside and snapped defensively at Mabel.

"MOLE PEOPLE!" She shrieked.

There was an explosion of soil, and one of the creatures popped out with a shrill hiss. Wendy whirled around, whacked it right between her eyes the flat of her blade and it dropped in an unconscious heap. It looked like both the twins had been right. The creature had a long, pink wormlike body that looked smooth yet leathery in the light of the setting sun. Its head was rodent-like, taping off into a wriggly snout and set with two beady eyes. Its front was equipped with enormous digging claws, while its back legs were tiny vestigial things that flapped uselessly. All in all, it was not pleasant to look at.

Stalks of wheat began overturning all around them". Two more angry mole-worms flung themselves out of the ground like fish from water. Mabel dodged just in time to keep from getting clawed right in her face, and Dipper had to hit the ground to avoid a mid-air bite. It was pretty clear that these creatures definitely didn't like them tromping around in their territory, and had no qualms with taking them out.

"RUNNNNNN!" Dipper yelled at the top of his lungs.

They frantically beat it back towards the safety of the Lady Mabelton. More "alien symbols" were carved in their wave as the horrid mole-worms took up pursuit. They scrambled aboard just as one of the foul beasts launched itself out of the earth. Dipper slammed the door and it crashed head-on with a loud thump. However, just because they were inside didn't mean they were safe. The angry creatures started launching themselves against the vehicle and ramming it from all sides. Soon the entire RV was rocking back and forth as they hit it from every angle. Some were even lunging out of the earth and striking it from directly beneath. The floor was now vibrating so hard that the beleaguered trio were knocked off their feet.

"What do we do?!" Mabel asked her twin.

"I dunno, I've never seen these before either!" He cried back as he tried propping the door shut.

"Well someone think of something!" Wendy yelled. One of their attackers pressed its hairless face up against the windshield and started snarling. She whacked the glass with her fist and sent it slithering away with a pained cry.

"Wait!" Dipper cried. "Mabel, did you pack your speakers?"

"Yeah, of course!" She steadied herself up on the table.

"Get them! Hurry!"

In no time his twin had dug them out and handed them off to their twin. Dipper headed to the door and started unlocking it. Meanwhile the RV continued to be rammed repeatedly from all sides.

"What are you doing?!" Wendy demanded.

"...Honestly? I'm not totally sure!" He replied after a quick pause. "Just...just cover me, okay?"

There was no time to discuss strategy. They had to move, and move fast. Mabel grabbed a bat from their little armory, courtesy of Stan ("Why bother with my brother's gadget-whatevers when a whack to the head will work fine?")Wendy had her fists and her hatchet, which was more than enough. Dipper signaled to them, and they all charged out.

Angry moles-worms shrieked as they blasted out of the earth and lunged for the trio. Mabel and Wendy let out Amazonian battle-cries as they ferociously lay into them, striking them out of the air left and right. Dipper meanwhile turned the speakers on, fumbled his mp3 player in, cranked the volume all the way up then pressed it directly against the ground. Even though it was muffled into the soil, Wendy and Mabel could still recognize the familiar Icelandic pop tune.

"...Disco girl, comin' through….." Dipper anxiously sang along under his breath. His favorite song continued vibrating deep into the earth. The ground rumbled all around them, and suddenly the entire pack of mole-worms sprang out once. But now they paid the humans no attention whatsoever. The shock-stricken creatures all clawed at their assaulted ear-holes, writhed about and squealed in shock. Wendy and Mabel wasted little time before they counterattacked. The brunette furiously struck out at any of them that got within swinging range. Wendy meanwhile was a one woman army as she lashed out with the flat of her axe, her fists, her boots, and she even head butted one unlucky creature that did a half-hearted lunge at her. Their attackers awkwardly retreated as fast as they could through a frantic combination of squirming their long bodies and dragging themselves along with their enormous claws. Once they were far enough away that the musical vibrations didn't torture them as much, they all slithered into the soil and took off, digging toward the horizon and leaving trails of fallen wheat behind them.

"COME BACK HERE! WE'RE NOT DONE WITH YOU YET" Mabel shrieked as the adrenaline coursed through her veins. She raised the bat high and hollered to the heavens, "I AM THE GODDESS OF DESTRUCTION!"

"Mabel! Mabel!" Dipper took the bat from her hands and began patting her back and shoulders furiously. "Calm down, it's okay! It's okay! They're gone! It's okay!"

"Sorry! S-sorry." She quickly calmed back down. "Got a little bit carried away."

"Yeah….I see that." He kept at it until she had relaxed a little more, and then finally allowed himself a deep gasp of relief. Now the entire victorious little band all all heaved for breath. They could almost hear one another's hearts beating against their rib cages.

"...Dude?" Wendy panted.

"Yeah?"

"Next time I gave you junk about your tunes, you can tell future-me that she can totally shove it." The young man started laughing, as did she. Wendy wrapped her arm around his bony shoulders and ruffled his hair through his cap. "That was crazy!"

"Great work, bro-bro! Nerd-smarts saves the day again!" Mabel started bouncing about as she let out a whoop.

"I think that was more desperation than smarts, but….thanks." He grinned.

"Whatever it was, it freakin' ruled!" His redhead friend beamed at him. "You weaponized your dorkiness!"

"I guess that's one way to put it." He admitted modestly.

"Dude, that kicked ass!" She gladly put it another way.

"So…" He sprouted a hopeful smile. "Can I listen to BABBA when I drive without you guys giving me any problems now?"

"Definitely." Wendy gave a thumbs up.

"Nope!" His twin told him to his face with a smile.

"Mabes?" Wendy gave her both a nudge and a look. "I'm pretty sure he's earned this."

Fiiiiiiiine." Mabel sighed, but when Wendy finally let go of him, she took her turn and have her twin a customary rib-bruising hug for saving all their skins. Once the little victory celebration was over, they headed back inside the Lady Mabelton for rest.

"So I guess they're taken care of." Wendy slumped into the sofa. "Whatever the heck those things were."

"I should probably get started on a report for Ford. I mean, it's not going to get any fresher in my head." Dipper quickly ended his own break. "Hey Mabel, think you could do some rough sketches of those mole things?"

Mabel made a face at him. Even after a battle like that, he still couldn't settle down. Well she wasn't having any of this, "Yeah, I could probably get started on that...buuutttt..."

"But what?" He took a drink of water and downed it all in one gulp.

"You know, those UFO crazies are probably going to be awake alllllll night watching the sky…." She said with a sparkle in her eye.

Wendy chuckled. "You're saying we should go check it out?"

"Why not? Now we can actually enjoy how funny-cuckoo it is!" The brunette giggled.

"I thought you said that this wasn't fun anymore." Dipper reminded her.

"Oh, it'll be fine! We just gotta avoid the super-weirdos." She said optimistically.

"Sounds like a good time to me" Wendy looked to Dipper. "You in?"

"Well, I-" His sister bounced up and forced him to look into her pleading eyes.

"Please?"

"Maybe after we..." He started to waver. Then he turned and met Wendy's encouraging gaze.

"C'monnnn dude." She coaxed him. "Don't turn into a stress-zombie on us..."

Not only did his resistance quickly crumble, but to his surprise he didn't feel all that bad about it. Dipper shrugged and grinned, "I guess the report can wait."

"All riiiight! Checkout Mr. Slacker over here!" Wendy gave her workaholic dork a proud punch in the shoulder. "Congrats, man!"

"That's the spirit, Dip-Dop! We can watch all the crazies doing their thing, and maybe you can have a nice conspiracy-off with a bunch of them!" Mabel clapped him on the back with a whoop. She flashed Wendy a quick thankful nod before she excitedly realized, "Oooohhh, and we can actually check out all the folks who have little stands and stuff! I think I saw one guy there selling corndogs!"

"Yeah, I think I did too. How did he get them shaped like saucers?"

"Well we got some extra cash now." Wendy took out her earnings for the day and waved them about. "Might as well-"

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Mabel was up in an eager flash. "I got it!"

She opened it and found a familiar woman standing excitedly outside, wearing that same spine-chilling grin.

"There you are! I thought you all left. Anyways, changed your mind yet? I hope so. You've all make excellent candidates for when They finally decide to come and start a whole new hybrid race with us." She took out some promotional literature. "Just read some of these and see why joining the Brides and Grooms of the Stars will be one of the best decisions that you ever -"

"NOPE!" The brunette slammed the door so hard that she almost broke it. Their unwanted visitor started knocking enthusiastically again.

"Wait! Wait, I haven't even told you how we'll pair you with your new…."

Back inside the RV, literally everyone had lost any enthusiasm they had for sticking around. Mabel locked the door tight and braced her entire body against it for good measure.

"Changed my mind, we're done here!" She announced in one frantic breath.

"Definitely." Wendy shuddered so hard that her entire body shook. "Does anyone know how fast can this thing go?"

"No clue." Dipper was already in the driver's seat and buckling up. "But we're about to find out….."


	7. Cliche

"...And then when they finally got home, they found a hook stuck in the door handle of the car." Ford finished. Wendy and the twins just stared blankly into the laptop camera. This call to Gravity Falls had taken a confusing turn.

"Grunkle Ford? Are you trying to scare us?" Mabel confusedly checked the date on her phone. "It's not even Summerween yet!"

"What?" The old scientist exclaimed. "No, I'm not-"

"It's not even close at all!" She pressed. "You're off by several weeks!"

"Mabel, that wasn't-"

"What gives?" Wendy cocked an eyebrow. "I totally remember Stan trying to freak Dipper and Mabel with that story their first summer with us. I actually remember telling that to my brothers when they were little!"

"But I'm not telling you a story." Ford replied.

"But it sounds almost exactly like-" Dipper tried to interject.

"This isn't some story, this actually happened only two days ago. My alerts picked up the news." Ford held up a print out for them to see. "It was reported in a regional paper that a teenage couple where at a popular local scenic spot when they heard a strange scraping sound on the side of the car. They drove off in a rush, and when they stopped to check they found a metal hook jammed into the-"

"We know, we know. Teenagers drive somewhere to make out, they hear strange noise, drive away, and they find the hook of the crazy guy that had been stalking them was in the car door." Wendy speedily summarized. "Literally everyone has heard that story already."

"Wait, but I'm not telling you a story," The old man repeated. "I'm-"

"You just did though." The bemused redhead countered. "Like, just now."

"No, I'm telling you what actually happened! And it just so happened that a metal hook was found inside a car after suspicious-"

"You tryin' to tell them the story of Hook Man?" Stan shuffled by in the background. "Don't bother. I told 'em that one years ago."

"That's what we just said!" Mabel pointed out.

The old man then stopped and shot his brother a bewildered look. "Wait….why are you even tryin' to tell them anyway? Summerween's a ways off."

Ford face-palmed. "I'm not telling them a story, Stanley."

"Well it sounds familiar as heck to me." Stan sipped his soda and continued on his way. His twin huffed before turning back to the camera.

"I am quite aware that it bears some very strong similarities to a particular urban legend. But these are actually the facts of what happened only three nights ago. A couple's car was attacked with a metal hook,. and this isn't the first time this has happened either. Two similar incidents were reported the month before. Same MO, scratches found on the sides of both cars, and during one of the attacks a menacing figure was spotted before the couple was able to drive away.

"Serious?" Wendy asked. "Are we sure the local paper's just not like, doing a joke story or something?"

"No, this is definitely serious. Local police have searched the area, but they're found absolutely no signs of anyone up there." He told them, and for good measure he added, "I've collected all related reports. They should be in your email right…about…now."

The next few minutes were spent in silence as the trio curiously scanned through the several links he had compiled for them.

"Creepy." Mabel exclaimed.

"Huh. I guess this is the real deal then." Dipper admitted. "Sorry, Grunkle Ford."

"I told you." Ford sighed with relief. "Anyways, from what's been reported, I can't tell if it's an actual person, a vengeful spirit, or what, but something's definitely happening there."

"So I guess this is going on the itinerary?" His great nephew asked.

"Right to the very top. You're actually not that far from the town at all, at least if you're still following the route we originally planned."

"No, we're still on track."

"Good. Then I want you to take a detour and see what's going on."

In most families, there would be justified hesitation to go investigate reports of a hook-handed terror. The Pines however weren't a normal family (and their redheaded friend wasn't anything ordinary either), which is why Mabel cheerily squeaked, "Okay, we'll take a looksee!"

"Let me know what you find." He bid his adieu.

"Don't worry, we always do! Bye Grunkle Ford! Byyyyeeee! Oh, and bye to you too Grunkle Stan! Bye! Byyyeeeeeee!" She shouted out before the call ended.

Wendy took another look at one of the articles. "Huh….soooooo, how are we gonna go about this one?"

The gang sat around and silently brainstormed. Mabel looked from her twin, then to her redheaded friend, and the corners of her lips quickly curled into an enormous grin. Soon she was giggling uncontrollably.

"What?" Dipper asked. His sister kept on tittering with delight.

"Mabel's got just the plan….."

* * *

By the time night had settled upon the Mystery Trio, they had parked in position up at Lookout Point (also known as Mount Makeout according to several locals they had spoken to), and Mabel was just putting the finishing touches on everything.

"...And let me just straighten this up down here…..fix you up around here….. aaaaaand….." The brunette stepped back to gaze triumphantly upon her work. "Voila!"

It had taken a bit of time and effort. After getting into town she had to visit the thrift shop, the costume store, the arts and crafts shop, and then had to throw everything together, but the facade was finally all set. Dipper now dressed in an old varsity sports jacket that had been strategically stuffed up around the arms and shoulders to give the appearance of some more muscle. Wendy meanwhile had been given a complete and total makeover. Instead of her classic jeans and flannel combo, she was now wearing a dark pink skirt, a white collared blouse and a canary yellow sweater. To literally top it all off, her long scarlet locks had been tamed and tied up into a tight bun with a bright bow.

"What the…." The redhead grimaced when she finally finally got a good look at herself in a mirror. "Mabel, why do we have to do this?"

"Well who else can we make a couple out of? Dipper and me?" She made a face. "Gross, Wendy!"

"What? No, I mean, why do we have to dress up like this?" Wendy rephrased.

"Oh! Well it's all for the lure! Hook-guy likes to scare teenage sweethearts, so we gotta make you look the part!"

"Mabel? We look like we fell out of the fifties." Dipper protested.

"But we have to make you two look super extra couple-y." Mabel explained animatedly. "We have to make up big time for the Lady Mabelton here. There's not many lovebirds that go out on dates in big clunky old man RVs!"

"I guess." Her twin conceded. "I still think we should just set some dummies up in the front. Then we can all-"

"Nuh-uh. He probably needs to hear you guys talking and everything, otherwise he probably won't take the bait. And then when he sneaks up on you two, BOOM!" Mabel whipped out the magnet gun. "I jumpy and get his hook-dealy, and we figure out what his weird dealy is! Or her. Or it. Or whatever! We'll find out soon enough!"

The others really couldn't object that much here. The logic behind the plan was honestly pretty solid. That didn't make it feel much less weird though.

"Alright….just be careful out there, okay?" Dipper asked.

"Don't worry, you gotta get up pretty early in the morning to get a drop on Mabel!" She quipped. She slipped on her black sweat to match the black jeans she already had on, put on a matching ski cap and slipped outside with an oddly excited giggle. It was only a short distance from the trees to the RV, and soon she had nestled out of sight.

Dipper and Wendy took their places in the front of the vehicle. As soon as he sat down and looked at her, he immediately tensed right up all over. It felt even more awkward than he feared.

"Soooo…...um…."

"C'mon, get acting!" They heard Mabel cry impatiently from the surrounding woods. "Let's get some realism going here!"

"MABEL!" Dipper shouted back. "Keep it down!"

"You have to make it good!" She lowered her voice before slipping back out of sight.

"Uhhhhh…" The young man looked back to his friend. His leg began to bounce uncontrollably. "Do we just….I don't know…sit here and...wait?"

"Just sitting here probably won't do anything. I mean, we gotta put on some kind of show, right?" Wendy replied with her usual Corduroy pragmatism. Yes, this was admittedly of weird considering past history. But they still had an objective to take care of, and as far as she could tell this was the best plan they could manage.

"Yeah, you're right. So...now what?"

"Well, what do you usually do when you go on a date?" She asked with an amused smile.

"Me? Um….." He spent the next thirty seconds chewing his lip and scratching the back of his neck before he told his best friend, "Honestly? I usually...just get kind of sweaty and forget how to talk."

Wendy snorted at her hapless dork of a friend. She should have guessed as much. That whole idea was quickly trashed. The last thing she wanted to do was make him relive any painful memories.

"Alright, maybe we can get inspiration from somewhere else…..hmmmmm….oh! Hold on." She got out her phone. As she pretended to text, she put on a distracted, almost glazed expression. The spot-on impression was just what her friend needed. The awkward moment was shattered, and he cracked up hard.

"If that's the route we're going….." Now that he had been successfully relaxed, Dipper picked up an imaginary guitar and made a big show of tuning it up before he started to sing. "Taaaaammmmbrrryyyy, Taaammmmmbbrrrryyyy, you're my girl, Taaammmmbbrrryyyyy, oh yeah you're my gal….."

Wendy snorted again. "You seriously call that a Robbie?"

"What? I don't have enough angst going on here?"

"You don't sound like him at all. You're singing way too well." She cracked, and the two started laughing uncontrollably like a pair of immature teens.

"How did you spend part of a summer with him again?"

"Because I always pick winners. That's why." She digged at herself, and the two continued chuckling like a pair of absolute lunatics.

"Seriously, what….what are we even doing right now?" Dipper chortled.

"I thought I had some idea, but now I'm pretty sure I have no clue." She cackled.

"Look at us! Just look!" He pointed to their ridiculous outfits. "We're the opening scene in a bad horror movie right now."

Wendy snapped her fingers. "Oh dude, that's it! That's totally it!"

"What is?"

"That's how we can do this! If we're going for cliches, might as well go all the way, right?" The redhead pretended to turn on the radio, then started announcing like a newscaster. "We bring you this special bulletin! A maniac has just escaped from Crazydale Lunatic Asylum! The chief of police is recommending the good people of Anytown to stay vigilant! The maniac is extremely dangerous, and can be easily recognized from his metal hook-"

Thanks to countless nights spent watching atrociously low-budget movies together over the years, Dipper knew exactly what to do. Stifling a chuckle, he pretended to turn the radio off. "Click."

"What was he talking about Chadley?" Wendy did a fake shiver for effect. "It sounded really bad!"

"Just something about some nut." He continued to play along with an overconfident scoff. "It's nothing that we should worry about."

She rubbed her knees and fidgeted mock-anxiously. "Oooohhh, maybe we should head back home."

"It's okay, Trixandra." He wrapped an arm over her shoulders and talked in a comically stilted voice. "Relax. We will be just fine."

"Are you sure?" She had to pause to stifle a snicker.

"Trust me, absolutely nothing can happen to us while we're right outside of town, far away from everyone else."

"Oh, Chadley, you're right." She gushed. "What am I thinking? We'll be just fine here near the dark woods, where absolutely nothing can-"

"Wait, was that?" Dipper stood up straight. Wendy snorted with laughter. It looked like the doofus was really getting into it now.

"Oh Chadley, stop it! You know I scare easily-"

"No seriously, what was that?" Every muscle in his skinny body tensed up.

"Stop it! I hate it when you joke around like-" She was so caught up in their stupid fun that she kept right on play-acting until he pressed a finger to his lips

"Shhhhhhh."

She finally stopped messing around and went on full alert. Together the two listened in dead silence, and it wasn't long at all until they heard it. It was the unmistakable sound of the tip of something metallic slowly sliding along the outside of the RV.

"Is that a-"

From out of nowhere it appeared. A hunched figure was suddenly standing on the driver-side window, with face obscured by the hood of its rain jacket. It raised a hand and tapped the tip of its large metal hook hand against the window. The two friends screamed at the top of their lungs and instinctively hugged one another tight.

"...Waaait a minute!" Dipper remembered that they weren't B-horror film mincemeat. He let go of Wendy, unlocked the door and swung it open hard as he could. The hooded figure stumbled back from the blow, and staggered about as it struggled to regain its balance. The two piled out of the vehicle and flanked it from both sides.

"NOW!" Dipper gave the signal. But his sister didn't pop up and spring the ambush. In fact she didn't appear at all, much to his alarm. "Mabel? Mabel!"

He called and called, but there was still no sign of his twin. Meanwhile the hooded figure continued to drunkenly bumble about and wave its hook wildly.

"Leave! Leeeaaave noooow!" It ordered them in a ghastly hiss as it tried to desperately regain its balance. "Or I'll-"

Wendy interrupted it mid-threat when she rushed it. It clumsily attacked her with a slash that she dodged with ease. The young woman balled her fist and slugged it in the stomach as hard as she could. To both hers and Dipper's shock, the creep immediately exploded into what looked like a least a dozen different pieces. The lanky redhead yelped and leapt back when all the pieces started squeaking with panic as they picked themselves up off the ground.

"Retreat! Retreeeeaaaat!" Yelled one of the many tiny men that had been hiding beneath the rain jacket.

"Wait….wait, seriously!?" Dipper exclaimed in utter disbelief. Most of the little men managed to safely flee, but one remained tangled in the hood of the jacket.

"No! Come back!" He screeched. "Rally around your king! Come back! Come baaaack!"

Wendy reached in and pulled him out. She dangled him by one leg in front of her face, looked to Dipper and said confusedly, "Gnomes?"

"What?" Their captive exploded into fury. "Gnomes? GNOMES? GNOMES?!"

"Hey! Hey, relax!" Wendy snapped at him.

"No! How dare you call us that! How dare you! Why I-"

Dipper had no time to be cursed out by something that didn't even come halfway up to his knee. He grabbed their prisoner and demanded straight to his face, "Where's my sister?"

"What? You'd think I'd give away our prize back so easily?" He scoffed. "Never! My men have already taken our new queen far, far from-"

"DIPPER! WENDYYYYYY!" A desperate yelp rang out from the woods. This was definitely something Mabel didn't plan on. She lurched out of the woods dragging along at least twenty or so little men all desperately trying and failing miserably to tie her down. Their half-prisoner stopped to swat one off her wrist as it tried to loop a tiny lasso onto her fingers. "HELP!"

"Leave her alone!" Dipper charged with a ferocious yell. The pack of little kidnappers were no match for him at all as he speedily tore them off his twin and hurled them away left and right. A few brave fools tried to rally for a halfhearted counterattack, but he sent them fleeing with nothing more fierce glare. Once the tiny foes had scattered, he quickly transformed from vengeful twin into gigantic worrywort. "You okay?"

"Yeah, y-yeah I'm fine." She grinned with relief. "Thanks, bro-bro."

"What happened?" He fussed as he picked the adorable little ropes off her.

"It was crazy, they just came out of nowhere. I was in position, keeping watch on you guys when a bunch of these stupid gnomes suddenly jumped me-"

"WE'RE! NOT! GNOMES!" The leader of the little men yelled.

They had trouble talking him at his word. After all, these creatures were small, wore red pointed hats, little blue shirts and matching pants. And all of them had either little beards or curly mustaches, though none had facial hair as luxurious and magnificently twirly as the little ball of rage squirming in Wendy's grasp.

"You look like gnomes, talk like gnomes, and you guys are big kidnapping butts like gnomes!" Said Mabel accusingly "You're totally gnomes!"

"Are you blind?" He snapped and pointed to his teensy-tiny pointy ears. "Just look at me! Look! "How dare you mistake us for the likes of mere gnomes?"

"So what are you suppose to be, anyway?" Wendy asked.

"We're wood elves, of course!" He involuntarily screamed."And I am Geoff, King of my proud and distinct people!"

"Jeff?" Mabel and Dipper repeated as they shared an incredulous look with one another.

"No, no, don't pronounce it like that with a J! It's a G! Geoff! Geoff!" He angrily corrected.

"Uh, sorry?" Dipper shrugged.

"So what's the big deal with the disguise?" Wendy demanded. "Why are you attacking people up here with a hook?"

"We're not attacking anyone! We're driving people off our property!" he justified.

"Who says this is your property?"

"We did! We relocated the entire colony just for this view. Why should some mere humans get to drive up here and block it for us?" He demanded indignantly.

"You can….just leave whoever comes here alone and the enjoy it when they're gone." Dipper suggested. "They can't be sticking around that long."

"You know, like sharing?" Wendy suggested. "It's not hard."

"No!" He refused like a petulant child. "It's ours!"

"You guys are being selfish!" Mabel accused him.

"We claimed it, now it belongs to the mighty Wood Elf Kingdom!" He announced. The brunette stuck out her tongue and blew a wet raspberry.

"But if you just want the view up here, then why did you take my sister?" Dipper asked.

"Well, that actually wasn't related at all. But…..why not?" He argued. "I mean, she was just there, we could really use a queen...I mean, it just makes sense."

"Nuh-uh! I ain't nobody's queen!" A very miffed Mabel poked him hard in the chest. "You're just as bad as the gnomes!"

"OW! You dare prod royalty?" He squealed indignantly.

"Yeah! In fact, I do!" She shot back. "POKE!"

"Hey! Don't you-"

"POKE!"

"Stoppit! You can't-"

"POKE!"

While she jabbed him repeatedly in the belly, Dipper collected the metal hook and the rest of the elve's disguise.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Geoff demanded. "C'mon, we just replaced that hook!"

"Taking this. You guys are quitting this whole thing, starting tonight."

"Yeah, you can't just scare people just because you don't want to share." Wendy added.

"Says who? You?" He looked right at her and laughed. "And what are you going to do?"

"What do you think?" She balled her fist.

"You just got lucky with that punch!" He sneered. "You're no match for the mighty Wood Elves."

"Oh really?"

"Ha! Don't think we didn't hear you whimpering to your boyfriend just now. You're nothing more than a coward!"

Both the twins winced. He was going to pay dearly for that. After stabbing him through with a glare, Wendy handed the captive off to Mabel, who was more than happy to hold him. It give her more of an opportunity to poke and jab his little stomach while the redhead slipped inside the RV. Wendy emerged a minute later after changing back into her heavy boots. She took the elvish royalty back into her grasp, marched over the edge of the point and thrust out her arms King Geoff took one look down into the sharp drop-off down below and went pale as a bedsheet

"HEY! Hey what do you think you're-"

"What? You said you liked the view here." The young woman smirked.

"Put me back! Put me-"

"Not until we get some things straight. You either promise to leave the people around here alone or I punt you. No scaring them off, no kidnapping, nothing, Got it?" She gave him a clear ultimatum.

"No! NO! H-hold on, let's be reasonable here….uh….how about…um…you want treasure?" He started to frantically bargain. "We elves have plenty treasure! Okay, it's mostly just a bunch of bottle caps that we've found, but we'll give you like…..ten bottle caps if you-"

"Promise or punt." She repeated. "Your choice."

"Okay! Okay! We also have an old jar that we we can-"

"Oh wow, you really want to see how much distance you can get, huh?" She drew back her leg.

"Wait! Wait! Hold on! We'll throw in the shoelace that we-"

"One...two...th-"

"Okayokayokay! OKAY!" He cracked. "I promise! I promise! "Elf's honor! Elf's honor! No more bothering the people here! I promise! I said elf's honor already!"

She turned around and unceremoniously dropped him. The elf beelined towards the forest. But as he passed by Mabel, he slowed down. "So, uh….sorry we kinda got off on the wrong foot there. If you want, we'd be happy to meet up for coffee or something. Well maybe not coffee, exactly. We just drink dewdrops out of acorns, but…."

Dipper looked like he was about to swat the little nuisance when Mabel stopped him. She looked to redheaded friend and grinned. "Hey Wendy, does this look like he's bothering someone?"

"Definitely looks like it to me." Wendy agreed with a nod.

"Alright, you know the new rule! Punty punty!" Mabel fake-lunged, and he took off in a flash.

"Sorry! Sorry! No more bugging any humans about anything! I'm sorry! Gnome's honor!" He cried before vanishing from sight.

"...Wait….is it just me, or did he just say gnome?" Dipper asked the girls. They all heard a distant groan echo from the forest.

"Aw, thanks a lot!" They heard the humiliated king's whine echo out from the woods. "Now you got me all mixed up…."

* * *

"...So…it was all just gnomes?" Ford clarified over the video call.

"No, it was elves." Dipper corrected.

"Wood elves!" Mabel specified.

"But…they sound like gnomes." Their great-uncle was having trouble believing them.

"No, these are different." Replied Dipper, who then conceded, "Well kind of."

"It's all about the ears! They got real pointy ones!" Mabel tugged her ears as she explained. "Not the little pepperoni-shaped ones that the gnomes have."

Ford scratched his head. "Well...if you say so."

"I'll do some drawings and send you them later! 'Kay?" She offered. "You'll see the difference then! Promise!"

"Sounds good." The old scientist still didn't sound totally convinced that they had stumbled across something new. Nevertheless he congratulated them, "Good job figuring out all that mess."

"No probs, Grunkle Ford! We'll talk to you later! Byyyyeeee!" Mabel waved until Dipper ended the call. She then bounced up from the table and began sorting through her things. "Time to get some art up in here!"

"Sounds good." Dipper then noticed that their little band they were one short. "Hey, where's Wendy?"

"Huh?" Mabel was busy looking for her colored pencils. "Dunno! She's gotta be somewhere around here!"

"Wendy?" Dipper started to walk up and down the Lady Mabelton. "Wendy? Wendy?"

There was a muffled knock from above, followed by a familiar reply. "Up here, dude!"

He headed outside, climbed on to of the vehicle and found her sitting perched on top, wearing her trademark outfit again. "Hey. What are you doing up here?"

"Well, the elf dude was so obsessed with the view I thought I'd finally try and enjoy it. Check it out." She beckoned him down next to her with a grin. Dipper had to quickly admit that the elves had a point. It was very picturesque, with lights of the town glowing down below, the stars sparkling up high in the night sky above, and a gorgeous golden crescent moon to top the spectacle off.

"Oh, wow." He exclaimed under his breath. Wendy hugged her legs and chuckled.

"No wonder kids keep coming up here. This is total prime dating real estate."

"Yeah…too bad ours got interrupted." Dipper playfully replied. "Sorry, Trixandra."

"Oh it's okay, Chadley! At least the maniac is defeated and we're safe…." She chuckled, then lowered her and ominously finished, "For now."

"Don't worry, we have nothing to worry about….well, nothing except for those mysterious experiments they say that Dr. Frankenmad works on in his laboratory high on the hill outside of town."

"What? That old coot? Oh he's harmless-" Wendy suddenly grabbed her own throat. "AAAUUUGGHH! Help! Help! Disembodied hand! Help!"

"Oh no! Don't worry, I'll-" He grabbed his own neck. "Oh no! Another one has got me and it's choking me a lot!"

"We're getting the life choked out of us! What has science done? What has it doooone?" Wendy wailed. Neither one of them was able to keep up the act for long After they both pretended to pass out on top of each other they both cracked up and spent the next minute or so laughing their heads off.

"Wendy?" Dipper asked breathlessly after they calmed down.

"Yeah?" She wiped a tear from her eye and she pulled herself off of him.

"I think we..." He suddenly stopped himself right in mid-sentence. But as usual there was no way she was going to just let him off the hook.

"C'monnnn." She gave him a push.

"I was..." Dipper paused. "I was just going to say that tonight go me thinking...we haven't done a movie night in forever, so, I was going to suggest maybe doing one when we got back to Gravity Falls, and-"

"Oh, yes! Yes!" She excitedly exclaimed. "We totally have to that!"

"Really?"

"Yeah man!" She chuckled. "Why'd you try and chicken out on that?"

"Just me being me, probably." Her friend explained as he scratched a small anxious itch. "I wasn't sure whether you'd like...want at least a small break or something after spending this whole trip with Mabel and me, and..."

Wendy gave him a shoulder punch before he could continue. "You're right, it's definitely you being you, doofus. We're doing a movie night the first night we get back."

Dipper burst out grinning in anticipation. "I'm holding you to that."

"When I say it's happening, it's happening. Elf's honor." She put a hand over her heart and mock-solemnly vowed. Their sore sides ached in protest as they both cracked up one final time. But when they settled down they quickly noticed that they could still hear laughter.

"Mabel?" Wendy called over the nearby giggling. "Is that you?"

It was a good thing that neither of the two peered over the side or else they would have seen Mabel's head poking out a window as she listened in on them. The brunette hastily retreated back into the vehicle.

"Uh, yeah! I was….I was….just looking at a video that Candy sent me!" She lied. "Hahaha! Oh wow, that kitten fell asleep right into its food bowl! It was in the middle of eating and everything! That seriously has to be one of the funniest things that I've ever seen in my entire…."

She retreated out of earshot into the little bedroom in the back of the vehicle. So much for basking triumphantly in tonight's progress. She fished out her notebook and an electric pink pen. It looked like the matchmaker had some overdue work to take care of.

"Okay Mabel, enough with all the bad improv. It's high time you get yourself some ready-made excuses…."


	8. Monster Mash

"...Think we're actually going to find anything on this guy?" Mabel asked as she shined her flashlight around a rock.

"I wouldn't hold my breath." Wendy ducked to keep from hitting her head on the low ceiling above. "Ford was pretty clear that it's been awhile since there's been any signs of goatboy around here, or whatever."

"Goatman." Dipper corrected while meticulously checking along the rock walls. "And yeah, I honestly wouldn't expect anything. The last reported sighting of him was five years ago."

Today was turning out to be a very uneventful one. The focus was the famed "goatman," supposedly a hideous result of science gone wrong who had escaped to live a life of fiercely-protected solitude in these woods. Some stories said he had worked at a private company that had taken its unethical research too far, while others said he was a failed government experiment. The trio honestly didn't know which rumors had any scrap of truth to them, because so far they hadn't found a single trace of the creature that had once been spotted around this area with some degree of regularity. When they stumbled across this small cave, they all figured it was worth a quick search. It now seemed that "checking to make sure" had become the unofficial theme of the day.

"Anyone got anything yet?" Dipper called. "Hoof prints? Anything?"

"Double-nope!" His sister called. "What about you Wen-Wen?"

At first there was only silence from their friend. The redhead was bent over and sorting through a small, oddly-shaped stone pile.

"Wen-Wen?" Mabel asked again.

"Wendy?"

"I think I actually got something over here." She announced. The siblings zipped on over.

"What is it?" Dipper pried.

"Some kinda box. I found it buried under a couple rocks over there."

They all shined their lights upon it. The wooden container was no larger than a breadbox and decorated in a simple but strange geometric design none of them had ever seen before. It was no man-goat, but it was definitely something out of the ordinary.

"Huh?" Dipper observed the heavy padlock. "Whatever this is, it looks like-"

"Hold on." Wendy grabbed a fist-sized rock, and two hard strikes was all it took for her to break it off.

"Uh, little warning next time?" Her startled friend asked.

"What? We were gonna open this thing anyway." The lumberjill shrugged before she carefully tipped the lid open with the blade of her hatchet. The box's contents sparkled brightly in the electric glow of their flashlights.

"Whoa, hold on!" Dipper motioned everyone to step on back. Experience had taught them time and time again that no literally one shoved anything shiny into a strange box and then hid it away without a good reason. They waited for a few tense seconds, but nothing happened. Dipper took a thick leather glove from his bag, slipped it on and very carefully picked up one of the items inside. At first they all thought they were looking at small orange-sized crystal balls. Closer examination then showed the gang that the crystals actually had so many sides that they looked spherical. They switched back and forth between a bright red to a shade of dark purple under the artificial light.

"Trippy. But what are they supposed to be?" Wendy asked.

"No idea. Let's look at them outside!" Mabel suggested. She deftly slipped on her own set of heavy gloves (specially bedazzled around the wrists, of course) closed the box and carried it to the mouth of the cave. As she set it down on the ground she thoughtfully asked, "Think it's a connection with the goaty-guy?"

"I want to say yes, but so far I have no idea how they-" Dipper carefully opened the lid again. There was a bright blinding flash, and suddenly everything went dark as he blacked out.

He had no idea how long he was unconscious for. But when he came to, his head was spinning. He cracked open his eyes, stood up onto his dainty cloven feet and-

Wait.

That wasn't right. That wasn't right at all.

"W-wha….w-what was that?" He heard Wendy moan.

"I-" He turned around and found himself staring into a canine face. Both hastily backed away from from one another with a violent start. Dipper ended up tripping over his extra legs and toppling over. Wendy dropped down on all four limbs and scrabbled away with her tail tucked between her legs. Her shock quickly turned to confusion when she realized what just happened.

Tail. She had an actual tail, plus quite a few other major changes. The astonished two checked themselves up and down before braving eye contact again.

"Uh….okay…..so….you're a dog." Dipper sputtered, though he immediately reconsidered his words after he gave her a closer look. Actually she looked a lot more like a wolf, albeit a very odd one at that. After all, most wolves didn't wear jeans and flannel.

"And you're a….a…centaur?" She guessed, bit she wasn't totally sure. Dipper was definitely human only from the waist up, but his lower half was no mighty stallion. The white flecked body and his skinny little legs were clearly that of a deer. It was like someone had taken the general idea of the half-horse half-man beast and scaled it down to better fit the noodly young man.

"Oh c'mon." He took one look at his cute fluffy white tail and groaned. "Why?"

Together they near-simultaneously remembered that their little group had a third member. They looked back at one another and cried out at once, "Mabel?!"

"I….I-I don't feel so good." Mabel lay sprawled on the ground, gasping. She was her normal self from the waist up, with the exception of a pair of gills on her neck, but down below it was nothing but a bright purple fish tail. She didn't seem too freaked out, but that was because she was busy struggling to breathe. Luckily Dipper had since this before.

"Oh no! Mabel!" He rushed over and began trying to haul her up onto his deer body.

"What's wrong with her!?" Wendy barked anxiously.

"Pond!" He gasped.

"What?"

"The pond! Back there! The one we passed on the way over here! We gotta get Mabel to the-" He managed to get his sister loaded onto himself, but immediately stumbled over onto his own legs as soon as he tried to take one step. Mabel meanwhile was starting to go blue the face.

Wendy tried to spring to the rescue but only ended up eating dirt when she tripped over her boots, which now fit very awkwardly on her back paws. She kicked them off, slung her friend over her back and booked it. After a hard run she quickly reached the little pond, and Wendy practically threw the brunette mermaid into the water. She started pacing anxiously back and forth on all fours until Mabel resurfaced.

"I'm okay!" She reemerged gasp. Once she had recaptured her breath and the color returned to her face, she checked herself over, then looked to Wendy. Her brown eyes bulged wide.

"Whoaaa…..oh, whoooaaaa. Guys, check us out!"

Mabel took her half-fish body out for a quick test spin. She surfaced and resurfaced a few times as she swam about, quickly getting the hang of it, and after a few loops she popped back up with both a giggle and a smile. The brunette seemed quite tickled with her new look. "Hey Wendy, look! I'm the little Mer-Mabel!"

"THAT'S all you have to say right now?" Wendy cried, unable to believe her friend's reaction.

"Mabel! M-Mabel!" Dipper caught up and skidded to an extremely ungraceful halt. After peeling his face off the ground and spitting out some dirt he gasped,"You alright?"

"It's okay bro-bro, I'm fine!" She reassured her twin. "But Wendy's doesn't look like she's doing so great."

"No, of course I'm not doing great! I mean, what the hell just happened here?! We went into some cave, found some stupid rocks, walked outside, and then….this! This! Just look at us! LOOK!" She barked agitatedly at the siblings. Wendy was very rapidly losing her trademark cool. Neither of the twins could really blame her, though, considering how a momentous a first this was. Never before had any of them turned into the monsters of legend that they hunted. It didn't help that the former redhead had watched one of her best friends almost drown on land. Wendy was so rattled she had started pacing back and forth again.

"Uhhhh….." Dipper glanced to his sister, but the look on her face made it clear she was at a loss too. Not sure what else to do, and barely able to think straight himself at the moment, he reached out and started scratching their friend behind one of her furry ears.

"Dude, what the-" Almost immediately she began to relax. Wendy shut her eyes, instinctively pressed her head against his fingers and even thumped her foot. It wasn't long until Mabel wanted to join in, and she reached out and started patting their friend's back. Wendy's tail was now wagging furiously. But after calming down a little, the lumberjill realized what was happening and she backed out of their reach with a start. "Okay, can we please not make this weirder than it already is?"

"Sorry! Just….trying to help." Dipper took a good look at the lot of them. "Okay, uh…..we can fix this...at least, I think we can."

"Oh, definitely!" Mabel flapped her tail optimistically. "I mean, we've had worse, right?"

"Only because we've had to deal with an apocalypse." Wendy growled.

"No, Mabel's right, we can fix this." Dipper agreed. He actually wasn't totally sure of that, but giving in to panic wasn't much of a good alternative. "We just….uh…."

He pondered furiously. Mabel briefly dipped below the water and resurfaced. "Any ideas?"

"Uh…..well, we should probably start out by heading back to the cave." Dipper guessed. "I mean, there has to be something that can help us figure out what just happened. Wendy, you want to look after Mabel, or-"

"Nope, we're figuring this out now." Wendy clearly had no intention of staying a werewolf for long. She got down on all fours and bounded off.

"Guess that answers that." Dipper awkwardly turned around followed after. "We'll be back!"

"Okay! I'll be right here!" Mabel start amusing herself by swimming about in her (hopefully only temporary) new form. She spun in circles, performed underwater loop-de-loops, did a flip here and there, and tried getting into the spirit of things by singing a favorite childhood tune. "Under the sea...under the seaaaa….darlin' it's better down where it's wetter, take it from meeeee…."

Not far away, it was very hard and awkward going for the pseudo-centaur. Dipper felt like he couldn't go for more than ten yards at a time before stumbling over his extra legs.

"Come on!" After picking himself up from his sixth fall he turned and glared at his deer half. "You're the worst, you know that?"

He was speaking the truth more than he knew. As if this day wasn't trying enough, there was a sharp blast. Suddenly the branch of a nearby bush went flying off after a bullet sliced through it, and for a moment his heart stopped in his chest.

"...Oh you've got to be kidding me."

Another bullet whistled by. It looked like they weren't the only ones hunting around these woods. Literally. Terror surged through his veins as he raced off. Thanks to the extra motivation he suddenly had quite the hang of his extra legs while he ran for dear life.

"Dang it! Missed again!"

"There it goes!"

Another round pierced the air, then another. Recalling every nature documentary he had seen, Dipper dodged and zig-zagged in a desperate attempt to throw them off.

"Hey, does that deer look funny to you?" One of the unseen hunters asked his buddy.

"Yeah. And I never heard a deer make a sound like that either."

"Huh, well ain't that the-oh! Wait, there it goes!"

"I got it!"

Another shot was fired, and thankfully bounced off a stone.

"Dang! Missed again!"

After diving in and out among the trees. Dipper took cover behind a rocky outcrop for a moment to catch his breath. Well this had gone from bad to worse. The way he saw it, as a best case scenario he was going to get captured and paraded as a freak in a sideshow. Worst case scenario, he was going to get pumped full of lead by some unknowing sportsmen trying to bag themselves a trophy. As he tried to hatch an escape plan, he could hear the experienced hunters close in on him.

"Rick? Did it just….hide?"

"Huh…..looks like it. But I ain't ever seen a deer try to-"

Their low chatter was interrupted by a bone-chilling howl. Before they could make a move, a flash of red was suddenly upon them. Neither one of them stopped to wonder why an angry wolf was wearing a flannel shirt and pants. They only paid attention to the blazing green eyes and snapping jaws.

"JESUS!"

"RUN FOR IT!"

Dipper peeked out from behind the outcrop and saw that the hunters had become the hunted. He watched two terrified men in full camo gear throw down their expensive-looking rifles and run like the wind. Their pursuer barked, snarled and chased them until she was sure that they weren't coming back.

"Dipper?" She turned and bounded right back. "Dipper? Dipper!"

"I'm here!" He stumbled out of hiding. His frantic friend dashed around and beneath him, never still for a second as she checked him all over for wounds. She even sniffed frantically for any traces of fresh blood.

"I'm sorry! Oh man, I'm so sorry!" She yelped. "I thought you were like, right behind me! I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, I'm fine." He never thought he'd be glad to see a werewolf, but today was a day for all sorts of firsts. "I'm okay! See?"

Wendy could see he was indeed fine, but that honestly didn't make her feel that much better. She whimpered and tuckered her tail back between her legs. "Sorry. I just wanted to get to-"

"It's okay. I want this over with too." Without even thinking he gave her a grateful pat on the head. She broke out into a panting smile at first, but then pulled away with a growl.

"Hey, could you not?"

"Sorry!" His sputtered apologetically. "Force of habit. Uh, so should we-"

Wendy gave her answer when she darted off again. This time however she stopped after running a couple yards, turned around and barked impatiently at him. He raced along behind her, and together they speedily reached the little cave where this mysterious change first occurred. Dipper located his flashlight among their gear still lying strewn around outside, and Wendy trotted on all fours as she followed him back in.

"Any idea what we should be looking for?" She sniffed and scratched about.

"No idea. Maybe there's something near where you found that-" His flashlight shined on two empty white eye sockets and their startled yells echoed through the cave. When they recovered from their shock both took a closer look at the morbid discovery. It was a full skeleton, though it definitely it wasn't like any pile of bones they had seen before. The top half was almost fully human with the exception of a pair of the curly horns sprouting from the skull. The bottom off meanwhile had two legs that bent the wrong way before they tapered off into distinct hooves.

"Goatman?" Wendy pawed the bones.

"It has to be. But how….." He looked around. "Maybe there's-"

Wendy didn't need to poke her nose around for long. She picked up a leather tube in her mouth and brought it over to him.

"Good girl!" Dipper said, gratefully, and was instantly reprimanded with a growl. "Sorry!"

"You're making things weirder again." She grumbled after dropping it into his hand.

Dipper unscrewed the top and as expected,he found a yellowed document inside. He held the flashlight over it and quickly scanned the paper. Wendy could see his eyes go wide as he read.

"Oh….w-whoa." He murmured.

"What is it?"

"Let's get back to the pond!" He charged out of the cave.

"What? What?" She called as she followed. "Dude, what is it?"

"It's a lot to cover! I can tell you both there!" Dipper said breathlessly. Thanks to all the mad running back and forth, all four of his dainty legs had started to ache by the time they returned to his sister.

"...Wandering free, wish I could be, part of that wooorrlld…." Mabel was swimming about a little bit agitatedly now while tried to distract herself with more singing. As soon as the others arrived she worriedly resurfaced. "Hey! What was all that funny stuff I heard a couple minutes ago? It almost sounded like someone was-"

"Hunters. It was hunters." Dipper told her with a blunt gasp.

"Whoa, whoa, WHAT?" Mabel of course didn't the sound of that.

"It's okay, I'm fine." He breathlessly spun around to show he was unharmed. "Wendy chased them off."

"Don't worry, they're not coming back anytime soon." Wendy reassured. Mabel gestured furiously to her twin until he stood right at the pond's edge. She then ended up almost dragging him into water when she jumped up and hugged him. It wasn't the first close call any of them had ever had, but that didn't make the thought of her brother getting chased by armed sportsmen any easier to handle.

"Hey, hey!" His front hooves slipped a little. "Mabel, I'm fine!"

"Don't ever do that again!" His ordered before she finally let go.

"Huh? What are you talking about? None of this was planned!"

"I know, I know." She anxiously admitted. "Sorry, I'm just all-"

"I'm fine." It took some very awkward maneuvering but he knelt down on his front legs and pat her shoulder. "See?"

"Dude, we found goatman!" Wendy barked, and Mabel was immediately distracted from the news of her brother's ordeal.

"Wait, really? Where is he? Did he tell you what the deal was with all this change-y stuff?

"Uh, actually, we only found what was left of him." She corrected. "He's just bones now."

"Whoa, what? So he's like, an enchanted skeleton or something?" She asked. It wouldn't be the first time they had to deal with one of those. "Cursed skeleton?"

"No, just dead."

"Oh. Ew."

"That's not all we found. He left this." Dipper unfurled the document and cleared his throat. "For anyone who finds this note, I hope you read it before you lay a hand on those cursed crystals. My name is not important. What matters is that you heed this warning. My grandmother gave me these crystals with nothing else but a warning that they were to be kept away from others at all costs. Where she got them, I do not know, and neither do I know how they came into my family's possession. What I do know is that I wished I listened to her cautious words. I opened the box one night, and abomination the crystals inside. When I tried to reexamine them the next day, my life was changed in an instant. I found myself turned into this half-goat, half-man monstrosity. I checked the box and inside found an old parchment that has since been lost over the years It warned that these crystals, when touched and exposed to the light of the sun, have the powers to turn its holders into monsters. It did not say why, or who made or enchanted such a thing."

Wendy groaned. "C'mon."

Dipper kept on reading. "All it said was that whoever wishes to return to their original form, they can only do so by spilling the blood of another who has been altered by the crystals. I do not wish to rob anyone of their humanity, or take their life. So as the half beast that I have become, I will live by days out here, keeping the crystals away and making sure no one shares my fate. Leave them be. Please, if you find me after I've passed on, listen to my words. Leave them be. Leave them be. Leave them be…..it kinda just goes on like that for a few more lines."

They held a few seconds of respectful silence for the unfortunate nameless man and the lonely life of self-exile.

"...He wasn't a science experiment, or….anything like that." Dipper realized. "He was turned into a satyr."

"Sooooo...where does this leave us exactly?" Wendy asked after a very long pause.

"I'm….not really sure." He admitted. "I think we now officially know as much about this whole thing as he did."

"Transforming sun crystals…..weird." Mabel mused. "Did a wizard put a curse them or something?"

"No clue. Literally." He shrugged. "All we have is that one cure, but…..doesn't sound all that good."

The three went quiet again as they all puzzled together over their predicament.

"Maybe we could…." Dipper started to speak up, but then brushed the thought away with a shake of his head. "No, probably not."

"Maybe what?" Wendy's ears perked up. Whatever had just crossed his mind was still better than nothing.

"Well….not sure if this is going to make sense of anything, but….it says that we have to 'spill the blood' of someone who's been changed, right? But it doesn't specifically say that we actually have to kill anyone. So maybe Goatman just got the meaning wrong there, and instead we could…." He stopped himself in mid-theory. "Okay, sorry, that sounded even dumber than I thought it would. I mean, I'm trying to find a technicality here-"

"Only one way to find out if it works!" Mabel decided on her own that it was worth a shot. She fished around in her soggy sweater pouch until she successfully produced a knitting needle."Knew I had a pair! Okay, hold still!"

"What are you-OW!" Dipper yelled when his twin reached out and unceremoniously jabbed him right in the back of one of his legs. He began stumbling about in a mad dance of pain.

"MABEL!"

"What? I was just-"

"Some warning would've been nice!" He snapped. "Seriously, why doesn't anyone ever give me any warning?"

"Well what if you said no?"

"We could have talked this over-"

The sibling argument was very short-lived. As soon as the small trickle of red ran down his leg and hit the ground a brilliant white flash briefly lit up the pond beneath the surface. Mabel felt around under the water, gasped, and hurriedly hauled herself up onto dry land

"Look! LOOK!" She bounced up and down on her restored legs. The enormous fishtail was gone, as were her gills.

"It….it…..it worked?" Dipper's fury was quickly overwhelmed by amazement. Wendy wagged her tail furiously with excitement.

"YES! Great thinking!" Mabel ecstatically hugged her twin again. Dipper was going to be lucky if he didn't end the day with any bruised ribs.

"Thanks?" He wasn't sure what to think about any of this. "I….really feel like that shouldn't have actually worked. Like, at all."

"Well it totally did! Now all you and Wendy have to do is take the needle and give each other a...oohhh, wait!" She searched her pouched and removed an emergency sewing kit, complete with a nice little sewing needle. "Here! That should hurt a little less"

"What?!" Dipper become annoyed again. "Why didn't you use that before?"

"Sorry, can't really think well right now! You and Wendy take care of each other, okay?" Mabel handed him the needle then dashed away in a mad sprint without taking even one more second to celebrate their victory over unknown forces.

"Mabel? Mabel!" He called "Wait, where are you going?"

"RV! I couldn't figure out how to go to the bathroom when I was all fish downstairs!" She breathlessly explained without slowing down. Dipper winced.

"Okay, pretending I didn't hear that….."

* * *

"...You should have seen it, Grunkle Ford! I had an actual tail and everything! Seriously, a real fish tail from the waist down. And the way I could swim, it was like I was a water ballerina with all my flipping and twirling and-"

"Wait, wait! Mabel, wait." Ford pled from the other end of the video call. This report was all a little much for him to process. "Start from the beginning again. So…these crystals that you found. They actually turned you all into-"

"Oh, don't worry about those!" Mabel had perched herself at the front of the RV, with her restored legs and feet propped on the dashboard and her computer in her lap as she jabbered away. "By the time we had all turned ourselves back our people-selves and returned to the cave, it had gotten cloudy. So we were able to pick up the crystal-things no problem, throw them into the cave, and then just cover that all up. Dirt, rocks, leaves, you name it! Whatever we could find. You know how Wendy's really good at doing camouflage, right? You can't even tell it's there anymore. Besides, it just seemed right. You know, keep the weird crystals away from other people, and give poor Goatman some peace, and all that stuff!"

Ford stared wordlessly at her for a few moments. "Okay….let's start again...so...the crystals, they have power to-"

"Yeah, it was mega cray-cray! I'm telling you, you should have seen us! I really wish we remembered to take a couple pictures. But it's kind of hard to think about that kind of stuff when you're busy trying to figure out how to get human again. Haha! Then again, we never seem to remember to snap a photo when we really need to, am I right? I can see what you started with all that drawing biz in the journals, it's really a whole lot-"

"Mabel, please. If you could slow down just a little..."

Dipper was parked in the back at the table, trying to relax with some reading. He was a little rattled, but not because of his close call (it hadn't been the first time he had been shot at, unfortunately). Although he was one hundred percent human again, he didn't feel fully back to himself just yet and frankly it was pretty unsettling. Sudden noises of any volume still made him stop whatever he was doing and timidly look around. He hoped that would all wear off soon.

At least he was in good company For the umpteenth time Wendy had started going up and down the RV, pacing around the inside of the vehicle like a caged animal. It was frankly starting to worry her friend.

"You okay?" Dipper put his book down.

"Yeah, think so. Just still feeling a little…weird." The redhead understated.

"Same."

She leaned up on the table and took a deep breath. "Man. Freaky day, huh?"

"Not just freaky. Freaky even by our standards." Dipper remarked, As they shared a chuckle together he gratefully added, "Hey, thanks for the save today."

"Don't mention it. You basically evened things out today already." She laughed, feeling quite thankful she didn't have fur a tail anymore. "What does that make us now on the grand save-score? Like, seventy five to seventy two?"

"I honestly wouldn't be surprised at all if we had both hit triple digits already." He jokingly estimated. "Whatever it is, you're still probably winning."

Wendy kept chortling until she met his gaze again. The corners of her lips dipped into a frown, and she awkwardly shuffled her feet. "Seriously though, I'm really glad you're okay. That was...kinda too close for comfort."

He could see the guilt shimmering in her emerald eyes.

"That was definitely a little closer than normal, yeah." He agreed. "But...I've also had way worse. Just like you."

The reminder got a snicker out of her, and she ruffled his messy brown locks. "You got me there."

"I mean, I may have been shot at, but at least nothing tried to steal my soul out of my body today. So I guess I should be thankful for that." His absurd observation made her crack up.

"That's pretty fair. And I guess being turned into a dog is at least better than being turned into some freaky triangle's wall tapestry." She playfully replied.

As their tired laughter filled the RV, Dipper noticed that Wendy was having a very difficult time standing still. She squirmed ceaselessly on her feet, almost as if she was having trouble settling back in her own skin.

"You sure you're okay?" He double checked. Although he was also still feeling pretty rattled from the day, at least he could stay comfortably in one spot. "Anything I can do?"

"Nah, I think I just need to wait this out until I feel a little more like myself again." She glanced up front and saw that Mabel was still occupied chatting away with a very overwhelmed Ford. Wendy looked back to Dipper, saw the concern lingering in his eyes and she proceeded to rethink his offer. "Actually….there might be one thing you could do..."

"What?" He sat at attention.

Wendy hesitated But after a long pause she give in to the almost overwhelming need and tilted her head towards him. Dipper had no idea what she wanted him to do until she pointed to her ear. "It doesn't work when I do it. Trust me, I already tried."

"Oh! Uh….yeah, okay." After getting the hint he reached up, but only to stop himself halfway. "Wait, you sure?"

Wendy couldn't blame him for double-checking, especially considering all the times she had snapped at him during their hectic afternoon, sometimes quite literally.

"It's fine." She then added for good measure, "Please?"

Dipper definitely couldn't say no to that, and he finally started scratching her behind the ear. She gasped happily as all the tension in her system began to flood out. This didn't go on for long though before a strange rhythmic sound began to fill the RV. It took them both a moment to figure out that it was her bare foot thumping uncontrollably against the floor.

"What was that?" Mabel asked distractedly.

"Nothing!" Wendy hurriedly jumped in the seat across Dipper. She waited until Mabel's attention was refocused back on the video call before she looked wordlessly back to Dipper. He reassured her with a grin before sealing his lips up tight with an imaginary zipper. She repeated the familiar gesture in kind, and now that her secret was safe she promptly tiled her head right back towards him.

"More?" He chuckle-whispered as he nevertheless indulged her with another ear-scratch.

Wendy's relieved smile now threatened to split her face in half. "Hey, I didn't stay stop, did I?"


	9. Blood, the Border, and Bovines

Dust kicked up in the wake of the old RV as it lumbered down the dirt road. A pack of cattle watched curiously as the vehicle came to a stop and three unfamiliar faces piled out. One of the trio beelined over like an excited child at a petting zoo.

"Hello there, friends!" Mabel clambered up onto the long fence that kept the animals from wandering off into the surrounding south Texan wilderness. Most of the cattle returned to their grazing, but a few wandered over to the giddy young woman. As soon as one came within arm's reach she let out a squeal and eagerly began stroking its head.

Wendy hopped over the fence with ease. When one cow gave her a look, she flashed it a disarming grin. "Don't worry, we're cool."

According to the card that she held up, she was Agent Wenderson of the US Fish and Wildlife Service. Of course it was nothing more than one of Mabel's creations., but the brunette's artistic skills had come a long way from the days when she worked mainly with dried pasta, sparkly stickers and googly eyes. The "IDs" had looked official enough to convince the owner of the ranch to give them free access to check out the odd happenings that had been reported recently in the area.

"Hey there…..it's okay….." Dipper climbed over the fence and cautiously approached one of the cows. Once the neurotic young man was positive that he wasn't going to scare the docile creature, he got to right work and started examining the cattle one after the other. "Okay, start checking for any signs of...wait….already got one!"

The girls both easily spotted the twin puncture wounds in one cow's neck before he could even point them out to them.

"Oooohhh, you poor thing!" Mabel stroked its nose. "That must've hurt, huh?"

Thankfully this particular cow didn't seem to care all that much. It just gave them all a blank stare as it continued chewing its cud. Wendy checked another one and found a similar freshly scabbed wound. The more the three looked, the more that they found. It looked as if nearly every other cow had been attacked.

"Man, it's been striking like crazy around here." The redhead exclaimed.

"It" had been an absolute mystery to the exasperated rancher that they had spoken to earlier. But the Mystery Trio were all pretty confident that they knew what they were dealing with here. After all, according to the legends there was only one creature that prowled the southwestern borderlands and fed ravenously on the blood of livestock.

"Oh, wow." Dipper grimaced as he found a cow with a particularly badly bitten-up neck and shoulder. "Chupacabra got you good, huh?"

"Awww!" Mabel had been making sure to pet every single victim that they discovered, and this one was no exception. She promptly raced over to shower it with affection. "Well at least you're a toughie, aren't you girl? You're not going to let some stupid bloodsucker get you down, huh?"

The animal turned its head and took Dipper by surprise with a lick.

"Gah!" His face was now dripping wet with saliva. "Seriously?"

"I think she just said yes." Quaking under the force of her own laughter, Mabel whipped off the bright green bandana she was using to tie back her hair (which properly matched her bright green cardigan, of course) and started to wipe down her twin.

"So, I guess we're setting up a watch tonight?" Wendy chuckled.

"Yeah." Dipper nodded. "Chupacabras are supposed to be nocturnal."

"Then it looks like we're going to have to split up a little if we want any chance of spotting this thing." The experienced huntress said as she scanned the surrounding area.

Mabel tittered delightedly as the cow tickled her cheeks with another friendly lick. "I call right around here!"

"Hey, Mabes? You know you're gonna have to hide out on the other side of the fence, right?" Wendy laughed.

"Pffft!" The brunette scoffed. "Course I know that! Why do you think I'm getting all my petting in now? Give Mabel some credit here…."

* * *

"Oh c'mon…."

Dipper groaned as he quietly crept up on his sister's patrol zone. Even in the meager light of the stars and moon above he could still see her clearly standing among the cattle, busily stroking the head of one drowsy cow and tittering nonstop with pure joy. The young man broke cover and came up to the fence.

"Mabel?" He whispered. "Mabel!"

"Hey bro-bro!" She answered back loudly, as if their the current risk of scaring off any nearby bloodsucking predators wasn't running high enough already. He raised a finger to his lips and she lowered her voice. "Ooh, right! Sorry!"

"What are you doing?" Her brother demanded. "You can't be out in the open like this."

"I know, but I missed one from earlier today!" She nodded to the cow who was currently getting petted between the ears.

"So?"

"I didn't want her to feel left out!" The young woman justified.

Dipper knew all too well that literally no force on earth could make his sister stop before she was through here."Okay, fine. But finish up and take cover again soon, okay?"

"Okay!" Mabel shot him a look. "Hey, wait a sec! What are you doing out in the open?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, I was-"

"You're being a huge Dipocrite right now!" She huffed at the injustice. "You know that?"

"Sorry! Look, I know, I know. I just wanted to check up on you." He explained. "Sorry."

"Oh!" Her accusatory frown switched back into her trademark smile. "Well, thank you! But you didn't have to come all the way here, silly. You just could have radioed in!"

She took out her walkie-talkie and waved it at him. Dipper shook his head. "I did. I tried just a couple minutes ago, but my batteries are dead."

"Really? How did that happen? I put in new ones today." Exclaimed his puzzled sibling.

"Well, they're already drained somehow." Dipper scowled at the infernal devices. "Knew we shouldn't have cheaped out. Can you try radioing Wendy for me?"

"Sure thing! Mystery Twins to Lumberjill Queen! Mystery Twins to Lumberjill Queen! Come in, Lumberjill Queen!" Mabel tried to contact their friend, but she didn't even get any static. "What the….aw, my batteries are dead too!"

"Probably should have seen that coming." He groaned. What made all this especially annoying was the fact this was their Plan B due to the incredibly poor phone reception out here. "I'll go check on her."

"I'm sure she's fine." Mabel rolled her eyes at her brother..

"I know. I just….I just want to make sure." The neurotic young man replied lamely. His twin shrugged.

"Fine, do what you gotta do. I'll be done here in just a jiffy!" She assured while waving him off. Dipper followed the fence down through his own assigned spot and over into Wendy's designated area.

"Wendy?" He didn't see any sign of the redhead anywhere in the moonlit scrubland. The young man called a little louder, "Wendy?"

"Yeah?" A nearby bush stood up and replied. Dipper jumped nearly two feet straight into the air, and Wendy burst out laughing.

"Sorry. I don't really know what else I should have expected." He mumbled apologetically.

As usual, Wendy had gone all-out with camouflage. Even in this relatively sparse environment she had still managed to scrounge enough branches to thread into her hair and tie to strategic spots on her arms and legs.

"So what's up?" She asked. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. Our walkie talkies aren't working, so I just wanted to…." Dipper was now starting to feel a silly about this whole thing, seeing as how she was clearly doing just fine for the moment. It was an understatement to say that Wendy was someone who could definitely take care of herself. "You know, just check in."

While he sheepishly averted his gaze, Wendy automatically lit up the night with a toothy smile . She couldn't help it, really. The young woman wasn't sure why, but she suddenly decided right then and there that if she ever had to pick her favorite thing about her best friend, it was that she could always trust him to have her back no matter where and when.

"I was wondering why I hadn't from you dorks. I'm okay." She then reminded him with a snort, "In case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda in my element out here."

"I can definitely see that." He chuckled. "Sorry, only making sure….though now I'm not sure why."

"It's fine. I could use a break anyway." She stretched her stiff body, adjusted her camouflage, then started checking over the small arsenal she had on her. In order she checked her crossbow, her bolts, her trusty hatchet, and was about to take her hunting knife out when she asked, "Hey, you okay?"

Dipper didn't realize he had been watching her so intently. "Huh? Oh! Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I guess I was…."

He paused and scratched his shoulder. Wendy meanwhile waited for her answer. Dipper finally forced himself to tell her the truth. "Have I told you that you're still the coolest person that I know?"

The corners of her mouth curled higher into an even bigger grin, and Wendy promptly proceeded to walk back her earlier decision. If she seriously had to pick a favorite thing about the doofus, then it would have to be the fact that he was the undisputed champ when it came boosting her self-esteem, regardless of whether she even needed it or not.

"You mean so far this trip? Not that I know of." She then cupped a hand over her ear.

"I knew you were going to make me regret that." Dipper said with mock-dismay.

"Yeah I am." She gestured. "C'mon, let's go."

"What? I basically said it just a second ago."

"Nope, sorry. Doesn't count." She cackled.

"Says who?"

"Says me." She pointed her unloaded weapon and playfully threatened him. "Now make with the compliment."

"Fine." He laughed. "But only because you're the one holding the crossbow-"

The silly fun came to an abrupt end when Wendy's entire body suddenly went as tense as a bowstring. Dipper immediately went on full alert. At her signal they both hit the ground, with him hiding himself behind the nearby shrub while the camouflaged redhead almost became one with it.

"You hear something?"

"Shh!" She hushed, and he sealed his lips tight. Wendy's eyes swiftly locked onto an indistinguishable animal skulking around further down the fence. A few half-awake cows warily backed away from the nighttime stalker.

"Do you think-" Dipper saw that he was talking to nobody. Wendy had already taken off at a hard sprint, inexplicably leaving her quiver and crossbow behind in the dirt. The shadowy shape in the distance took off towards the safety of the surrounding scrubland but the redhead was swiftly closing the gap between them. Dipper chased after his friend.

"Mabel! Come in! I think that we've sighted-" He tried radioing in before remembering that it was no use. Dipper clumsily pocketed the walkie-talkie before he began pumping his scrawny arms as hard as he could. "Wendy? Wendy! What are you doing? WENDY!"

He watched with horror as Wendy leapt and tackled her prey to the ground. Dipper had never seen a live chupacabra before, but according to numerous sightings they were supposed to have long spines running down the center of their backs. For a heart-stoppingly terrifying moment he thought his friend had just impaled herself. He put on an extra burst of speed, but when he caught up and shined his flashlight on the two rolling around on the ground he was in for a big surprise. His friend was unharmed, but that was because she wasn't wrestling with a spiny, bloodthirsty monster. Instead it was nothing more than a frightenedcoyote that struggled in her grasp. The wild canine thrashed and squirmed until by some miracle it slipped free. It ran a couple yards to a safer distance, turned around and snarled at its attacker.

To everyone's surprise, including Wendy's, she replied by bristling and unleashing a quick barking frenzy. The instant she realized what she had just done the redhead clapped her hands tightly over her mouth. Meanwhile tucked its tail between its legs and slunk off with a whimper, leaving behind a mortified young woman and a very confused young man.

"Uh….Wendy? What just happened?"

"I….I think I just got really territorial." She unhappily guessed. Dipper couldn't see the blush lighting up her face thanks to the cover of the night, but it was still obvious that she was feeling pretty embarrassed.

"Hey, it's okay-"

"What? No, it's totally not okay!" She snapped.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Dude, didn't you see me now? I lost my mind and just...just totally wolfed out! I wasn't even…." She buried her face in her hands. "Sorry. I thought I had this all out of my system."

Dipper stared wordlessly at her for a few seconds before he cracked up.

"Look, I seriously couldn't control it." Wendy groaned.

"Sorry, sorry. No, it's not that. It's just…." He tried to explain around his laughter. "It's…I don't get what's going on right now."

"Huh?"

"I honestly have no idea why you're so upset." He clarified.

"Because….I went and attacked a coyote just because it got too close to us?" His friend answered. "Dude, that's not really a thing that people do."

"No, I get that. I just don't get….. like, am I supposed to be weirded out or something here?" He asked her point blank.

"I…." Wendy stopped to actually think about it. "IIIIIII…..don't know….I guess….at least, I think I guess…."

"But how would that even be possible? You're talking to the guy who was a deer just a few days ago! No, not even that! I was deer from the waist down only!" He reminded her.

"You got me there." She sprouted a wan grin as soon as she saw where he was getting at.

"Wendy, the only reason we're even out here right now is so we can try and catch a monster that drinks cow blood, and why? Because my great uncle who got stuck in a different dimension for thirty years told us we had to!"

She snorted. "I guess….maybe I got upset because it's like….a new kind of strange thing for us, and then I..."

Wendy erupted with laughter, and Dipper joined on in Soon the two were chortling together like a pair of lunatics.

"You know what? I seriously don't think I have any clue anymore why I freaked out so hard." She confessed.

"Good, because you're totally fine. Strange is just our thing. It's totally fine." He assured her matter-of-factly.

"Yeah. I just can't believe I found a way to forget that." She laughed as they started walking back to the edge of the ranch.

"You're fine." He repeated, and followed up with a quick pat her back.

As a fresh smile crept across her face, Wendy visited her mental list again for yet another revision. This right here was hands-down the best thing about Dipper. The big doofus could definitely get a little tongue tied at times for any number of reasons, to put it kindly. But he always seemed to know exactly what to say whenever it really counted.

She finally realized that she had been devoting a strange amount of time and mental energy on these rankings. And why that was exactly was frankly beyond her. And what made even less sense to her was why on earth she had gotten in such a tizzy right now. What happened back there? Where did all that embarrassment come from? Was it just because she did something strange? Or was it just because she had gone on a random chase and he had watched the whole thing? Why would that even matter? This was Dipper, after all. They had both seen one another in plenty of far weirder moments over the years they'd known one another (one notable incident involving a lamb costume sprang immediately to mind).

At least one thing was definitely clear; her mind was going to a lot of odd places tonight.

"I'm actually pretty glad you're still feeling off." Dipper suddenly admitted out loud. It was with a great deal of relief that Wendy pushed her muddle of thoughts to the back of her mind so she could rejoin him in the present.

"Wait, you too?"

"Not as bad as you, but yeah. Confession; when we first got here I took a look at the cows, saw them grazing and thought, 'Hey that's a pretty good idea.'"

"No way." She snickered. "Seriously?"

"Oh yeah." He nodded. "For a moment I really thought nothing would be better if I just stuck my-"

They were interrupted when a shrill shriek rent the night.

* * *

Mabel had been feeling quite pleased with herself. She was feeling so proud actually that she stuck around around with her bovine buddies just so she could boast to someone.

"...I did it right in front of their faces! Can you believe it?" The matchmaker giggled. 'We were all right there in the RV together, but I still managed to take the old batteries out, clack them in my hands, pop them back in, and they don't notice! And did you see me back there just now? When I was all, 'Oh I'm sure Wendy's fine?' Pretty good acting, right? Now that's how you cover your tracks... "

The cow merely yawned as it let her pet its nose. The few cattle around her that were still awake all looked like they were on the verge of dozing off, with only a single exception. There was one cow that looked wide awake as it trotted directly towards Mabel.

"Hey there! Are you looking for a nice big pat on the head? That's an order Mabel can definitely fill-"

She watch the two enormous fangs suddenly protrude from its mouth, and she barely leapt back in time. The cow chomped empty air where her neck had been only a moment before. Formerly sleepy cattle now started to wake up and trot away in a hurry. Lucky for them (and most unfortunately for Mabel), the fanged predator had locked onto the unlucky brunette with a hungry gaze.

"Whoa, hold on!" She could see its eyes glow with a bright crimson. "Wait a sec-"

It opened wide, and that was when she shrieked to the high heavens, turned and ran off. The hungry animal stampeded hot on her heels.

"Bad cow! Bad cow!" She gasped while she ran for her very life. Seconds later Dipper and Wendy had arrived on the scene.

"Holy-" She started to exclaim.

"Cow?" Dipper gasped as he put two and two together. "It's a cow?"

Mabel meanwhile didn't notice the rock up ahead of her until she tripped over it and went sprawling onto her stomach. Her hunter stood over her and licked its lips. Little did the cocky beast know, none of the Pines never went down without putting up a fight first. In one quick movement she reached into her pocket, spun onto her back and hurled out a handful of attack glitter. The cow cried out as it was briefly blinded by a cloud of sparkling pink. In a fury it started to flail, stomp and snap. Mabel thrashed and rolled about on the ground while she tried to avoid the mix of hooves and fangs.

"You leave her alone!" Wendy hurled herself right on top of the animal without even the slightest hesitation. She yanked its ears and the animal bellowed with rage. As it tried bucking the redhead back off, Dipper rushed in and narrowly avoided getting kicked right in the head while he hauled his sister away to safety.

"Cow! H-hungry! Biting! TEETH!" Mabel yelled.

"I know I know!" He gasped.

The vampiric cow was now hissing like a snake as it tried throwing Wendy. The feisty young woman however held on doggedly no matter how furiously it jerked its body.

"Wendy!" Dipper cried.

"Dipper, look!" Mabel pointed at a nearby bush as she whipped out her trusty grappling hook. He didn't even need to ask whether she was thinking of trying the old tripwire maneuver. She aimed, fired, and successfully hooked the base of the shrub. Dipper hurriedly wrapped his arms tightly around her, both dug in their heels and pulled the line tight just as the bucking cow bungled right into it. The animal sent Wendy tumbling as it fell over. While it lay in a dazed heap both the twins sprang forward. Moving fast, together they bound its ankles tightly with the hookline and they soon had it successfully tied up.

"You okay?" Dipper checked his twin over.

"I'm okay!" She answered with a triumphant smile. Dipper still checked her over anyway, and when after he came up clear the relieved young man dashed over to where their friend lay.

"Wendy? Wendy!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." After picking herself up off the ground she grinned and cracked, "Hey, not bad for a first time rodeo, huh?"

"Definitely not." Once he was positive that she was okay, Dipper allowed himself a moment to marvel at her bravery.

"What?" She laughed. He was giving her that look again.

"Still the coolest person I know." He said simply. Wendy saw the heartfelt compliment coming from a mile away, but her smile still managed to grow a lot more than she expected.

The lumberjill chuckled as she gave the big flatterer a push. "Don't you forget it."

"Trust me, I won't." Together they turned their attention back to their four-legged prisoner. "Well, I guess this is our 'chupacabra'."

Except for some scrapes, scratches and a ruined sweater, Mabel was none the worse from the chase. Having already made one of her famously speedy recoveries, she was now curiously examining her attacker.

"Who knew that it'd actually be an inside job?" She wondered. The cow-pire snarled at her, but the unfazed young woman blew a wet raspberry at it. "Creepy stupid...hey, did we pack a UV light?"

Her brother jogged his memory. "No, don't think so."

"No problem." Wendy shrugged. "We just leave it out here and let the sun take care of it at the crack of dawn, right?"

"Yeah!" Mabel agreed. Dipper however wasn't so sure.

"You okay?" Wendy asked. "What's wrong?"

"I want to say yes, but…." He looked at the thrashing monster. Something wasn't sitting right with him at all. "If this is who's been feeding off the milk cows every night….then where's it been hiding during the day?"

Neither of the girls could think of a good theory. Wendy looked around the surrounding landscape. This definitely wasn't the kind of environment that lent itself easily to caves.

"You're right. Not like it can get a coffin for itself or anything." Mabel started giggling to herself. "Haha! Cow-fin."

"Huh….." Dipper scratched his head, then decided. "You know, I think maybe we need to make a call…."

A few minutes later they were gathered in the RV speaking to a very disappointed paranormal expert back in Oregon.

"...For once I thought we were going to get a chupacabra confirmation. But instead…." Ford sighed. "I don't even want to think how many of my own investigation have turned out to be nothing more than run-of-the-mill cases of vampirism. Well, good work anyways."

"No problemo, Grunkle Ford!" Mabel chirped.

"Thanks. So….is it okay if we just like, let the sun take care of it tomorrow morning?" Asked Dipper.

"Oh, I definitely wouldn't leave it. Otherwise some ranch hand is just going to find it, untie it and it'll keep right on feeding on the rest of the herd."

"What? _No_!" Mabel yelped. "Those poor cows have suffered enough!"

"How's that possible?" Wendy demanded.

"Vampirism affects some species differently than others. Certain bovids like the common cattle are a good example of this. For example, they may experience the same thirst for blood, but they can't change anyone unless they've drained a victim of all of it. But more pertinent to our current situation is the fact that vampiric cows all have sun-resistance. At least all the ones I've encountered in my time."

"So how do we get rid of this then?"

"Well, there's actually a pretty easy way to go about it, but…." Ford grew a little hesitant. "Let me start off and say I know this from experience."

"Um, okay?" Said Mabel.

"Why did you have to say that?" Dipper asked. Their great-uncle grimaced apologetically into his camera.

"Because what I'm about to tell you is going to sound a lot like one of Stan's terrible jokes more than a legitimate recommendation..."

* * *

There wasn't much to the little main street of the nearby town. And with it being so late at night, there wasn't so much as a single soul to be found. That made for a pretty fuss-free entrance into the local grocers, which of course had long since closed for the night. After double-checking to make sure no one was around, Dipper slipped the President's Key into the lock (an old gift courtesy of the eighth and a half president of the United States) and the back door popped right open. Wendy took a preliminary glance, and after noting the location of the security cameras, she stealthily slipped in. Only a minute later she returned to the twins with their prize.

"It was three ninety nine a pound." She whispered.

"Really?" Mabel grinned as she and her twin dug out their wallets "Oh that's not bad at all!"

"Yeah, looks like they have a sale going on."

"How big is this piece?" Dipper nodded to the cut of meat that their friend had nabbed.

"Like, two pounds."

"We'll make it eight then." They pooled enough cash, Wendy slipped back in, left the money on the butcher's counter and made a speedy return. They quickly locked the door back up and a few minutes later they were speeding back towards the ranch aboard the Lady Mabelton.

"So we seriously just show it this, and it's done for?" Wendy double-checked. "Or do we need to like, freeze it and try to stab-"

"Nope!" Mabel chirped as she piloted the clunky vehicle. "The Dra-cow-la only needs to look at it, and then it'll be donesies for good!"

"Seriously? It's that easy?"

"That's what Grunkle Ford says! It's gonna freak out and get alllll shrivel-y and dusty."

"Sweet." Wendy grinned. She then turned around in the passenger's seat back to check on Dipper. Now that their emergency shopping trip was complete he was now fuming up a fresh storm, just like he did after their conversation with Ford. The scowling young man sat at the table with arms folded. She sniggered at the ridiculous sight he cut. "Dude, will you lighten up already?"

"No." he flatly refused.

"C'mon man."

He shook his head. "No. I can't. This is….this just so…."

He couldn't handle it. Suddenly he was up and walking around as he launched into a mini-rant. "I just don't believe it! Why? Just why?! This isn't a way to get rid of a blood-hungry danger! This isn't a way to get rid of anything at all! Why do we have to kill the vampire with a….a….a…."

Dipper was so upset he couldn't even bring himself to say it. His friend however was more than happy to finish for him. "A steak?"

He unhappily sat himself back down. "Just….so….I can't even…."

Mabel glanced up into the rearview mirror, took one look at her brother's face and only barely held back an excited giggle-burst. The matchmaker knew a golden opportunity when she saw one.

"Oh Wendyyyyy!" She eagerly sang. "Can you go take care of Grumplestiltskin here?"

"Can do." She vacated the passenger seat and plopped herself next to her sulky friend.

"Dude, we're about to pull off an easy win for once. Can you just let it go?"

"I can't. I seriously can't." He buried his face in his hands.

Wendy didn't know why she couldn't stop it, but she just had to go revise her weird mental rankings for the fourth and hopefully final time that night. It was in first place by only a hairsbreadth, but this right here was her official favorite thing about the dork. The look he would get whenever he got this steamed never, ever failed to make her laugh.

"Hey, what happened to 'strange is our thing?'" She asked with a snorting chuckle. Dipper's groan echoed throughout the vehicle alongside the sounds of her mirth.

"There's a huge difference between strange and just plain stupid…."


	10. A Doofus By Any Other Name

"Captain's log: currently traveling through uncharted space. Our present whereabouts are unknown due to a malfunctioning navigational system. While we work on repairs I've put us all on a level blue alert due to our vulnerable position."

"Co-captain's log: the crew's spirits were flagging, but I was able to rally them. Despite our present situation their morale is once again quite sky-high. Many have reported that they're feeling very lucky to have such a talented and amazing leader leading them through these trying times."

"Captain's log: Co-captain appears to have forgotten the schedule. Wednesdays are my days to update the captain's lag. She should know that by now."

"Co-captain's log: my co-captain needs to be reminded not to call himself 'captain' like he's the only one in charge. Who does he think he is, anyway? Besides, I'm doing most of the work around here."

"Captain's log: I have reports that my co-captions is overestimating her importance yet again. Crew is starting to complain about the dangerous levels of bragging."

"Co-captain's log: I ran another diagnostics check on the ship systems. It turns out we're lost because my co-captain is being such a huge butthead that it's messing with everything."

"Captain's log: note to self, take co-captain's log privileges away."

"Co-captain's log: demote co-captain to junior baby captain."

The twins burst finally out laughing almost in perfect unison, just like they always eventually ended up doing whenever they played "lost space captains." It was a long-running inside joke that they had created on a small road trip their senior year of high school, and now it was their go-to bit whenever they had no idea where they were. It always took away a good chunk of the stress of trying to figure out where they had ended up. And frankly they needed all the help that they could get at the moment. They knew they were somewhere deep in the backwoods of the Florida panhandle, but beyond that they had no clue.

"What's the status on the ship's computer, Co-Captain Bro-Bro?" Mabel playfully asked from across the table.

"Can't find anything online…." Dipper looked through a map on his laptop. "Really would have helped if we passed any kind of sign in the last half hour. Hold on, let me try something again…."

He turned on their portable GPS and punched in the town they had originally planned on traveling to. A perky robotic voice immediately commanded, "Turn left now!"

Dipper looked out the window, gazed upon at all the large swampy marsh next to the dirt road and turned the device right off. "Aaaaand this is still no help at all. You got any idea yet?'

"I thiiiink…..we're….." She took a good long hard look at her paper road map, produced a purple marker and circled an extremely large area. "Somewhere in here."

"Well, that's something at least." Dipper hopefully conceded.

"Oooh, wait! Or maybe….I think we're in here?" Mabel pointed to a different part of the map which was also heavily covered in the swampland legend. "Orrrr….maybe we're near here. We did pass a kind of lake-y thing like this back by the….wait, but maybe we're…..blaaaarrrggh!"

She threw the map up in the air, flopped down on the seat across from him and blew on her tongue. "Nevermind. Mabel's got _thhhbbbbt_!"

"It's okay. I'm honestly getting the feeling that no one ever bothered to put this road on any map anyway." Dipper theorized.

"Maybe we should just turn around then?" She suggested.

"I don't know." Her brother said reluctantly. "I mean, we drove like an hour and a half down this way. You really just want to go back and start all over?"

"Well we gotta get some kind of game plan going. We can't just stick around here." She wrinkled her nose. "There's swamp everywhere, and it smells like the worst."

"Really? I don't think it's that bad." Dipper began checking another online map.

"Are you kidding me?" His twin was incredulous. "This whole part of the state's been stinking like poop covered in barf!"

"Ehhh, I'd call it more of just a weird wet smell than anything." He opined.

"What? How can you actually be okay with it? It's seriously like….." Mabel took a good long look at her brother and suddenly grew very suspect. She promptly learned over across the table while he watched her bemusedly.

"Uh...Mabel?"

"WHOOOF!" She took one whiff, jerked back and pointed an accusatory finger at him. "You!"

"What? What?" He asked.

"It's not the swamp! It's your shirt! THAT'S what's been smelling like barf-poop!"

Dipper took a sniff for himself, and unsurprisingly he didn't see any problem. "Oh c'mon. It's not that bad."

"Yeah, only because you're used to wearing the same stinky clothes over and over."

"Mabel, it's fine."

"What? No, it's not! It's not at all! This is one billion percent not-fine!"

"But-"

"Change! Now!"

"I-"

"Now!" She closed his laptop up and ordered him with a forcefulness that was a little unusual even for her.

"Fine! Fine! Jeez!" The grumbling young man headed to the back of the vehicle. Mabel dug out some air fresher and began to spritz vigorously.

"When was the last time you washed your clothes, anyway?" She checked.

"I washed them just…." He tried to answer, but rapidly trailed off into a tell-all pause as he struggled to remember. His sister shuddered and squealed.

"Ewww!"

"Sorry! Look, I've been busy!" He tried to justify himself with his ancient excuse. "There's reports to write up for Ford, research to do for the itinerary, plus I still have to-"

"Meow meow meow meow meow meow!" She flapped her hand and rolled her eyes. "You're ALWAYS too busy to not be gross!"

"I'll get to it later, okay?" He said reappeared in a new shirt. Mabel did a full-body jolt as a new and even fouler pong flooded her nose.

"EW! Ew, ew, ewww! DIPPERRRRR!" She did a little repulsed dance.

"What? Are you okay?" Always the dutiful brother, Dipper instinctively headed to her side to see what the matter was. That however was literally the very last thing that she wanted. Mabel leapt right back like her feet were made of springs.

"Nooo!" She pulled her sweater up over her nose. "That shirt smells even worse than the other one!"

"What?" Dipper took a whiff, and yet again he didn't see what the fuss was about. "It doesn't-"

"CHANGE IT!"

Groaning, the young man turned around to go try again. Mabel resumed freshening the air with an irritated huff. The matchmaker was already feeling a little frustrated that things currently weren't going as smoothly a she had wanted. After nearly getting chomped in the neck by a blood-hungry cow-pire, she had finally learned that going all gung-ho and constantly trying to force alone-time upon her friend and twin whenever possible at all costs was….not the most effective tactic in the world, to put it one way. Experience had made it pretty clear that while it gave the dork and the lumberjill some extra bonding time here and there, it also left their gang a little too vulnerable. So now Mabel was in the middle of trying to figure out a strategy overhaul, and had actually been up half the night before brainstorming quietly in bed.

In the meantime though, her brother could try his best to make sure he was at least somewhat tolerable to live in close proximity with. It was literally the very least that he could do.

"C'mon, you an at least try to put in some effort here!" She ranted at him. "You want to blow it with Wendy?"

"Huh?" Dipper grunted. "What'd you say?"

"You didn't let me finish!" She caught herself and tossed out one of her ready-made excuses. "You want to blow it with Wendy….and….and me and...our good time? Yeah! You could ruin this whole amazing trip if she and I have the spend the rest of it being grossed out! You've got two travel buddies to think of, mister! This is no time to get totally Dip-gusting on us!"

The door opened, and their redheaded friend returned from her reconnaissance.

"Back!" Wendy gasped. "Sorry. I had to go down the road a little to find a tree tall enough to let me see around."

"What'd you find?" Dipper called from the vehicle's sole bedroom. She paused first to drink half her water bottle down in one thirsty go.

"Not much. It was seriously just more road going off into total nowhere."

"Did you see anything at all? A road sign up ahead? Gas station? Any kind of landmark?" He checked. "Anything?"

"Nope, just a whole lot of nothing." She shook her head. "Hey, what are you doing back there?"

"He's changing out of his shirt." Mabel answered for her twin, and then raised her voice, "And into a cleaner one!"

"I know! I know!"

"Y'know, that's not a bad idea." Wendy noted with a snicker. The deep south was definitely no Pacific northwest, and she was seriously feeling the difference. Her tank top clung to her so wetly that she didn't even want to bother struggling to try and peel it off. But at least she could swap out of her half-damp green flannel and make herself slightly more comfortable.

Dipper reemerged just as she slid it off. The young man halted smack dead in his tracks as his eyes were instantly drawn to her like a magnet. He had seen the lumberjill work up a good sweat plenty of times over the years, of course. But even still, he couldn't help but stop to gawk. Her fair freckled skin almost seemed to glow a little from the sunlight streaming in through the windows. It was….something, to say the least. Then again, that was Wendy Corduroy. It was no surprise that she could even make changing shirts something amazing. She was just that kind of person.

He thankfully snapped back to the present and tore his gaze away before either of the girls could notice. That was definitely an interesting trail of thought that he had just wandered down. Maybe it was this heat. Yes, that sounded right. It was just the rough weather making him a little weird.

"So uh, didn't see anything, huh?" He mumbled lamely, making sure to keep his gaze averted as she sauntered by.

"Not one flippin' thing." She popped in and quickly returned wearing a fresh red flannel shirt. "And I thought that Gravity Falls was out in the middle of nowhere. If finding our way around here is this hard, then it's gonna suck pretty royally when we actually try and start looking for….who is it that's supposed to live around here again? A mayoko ape?"

"Myakka ape." Dipper corrected..

"Weird. What kind of a name is that?" Wendy wondered as she unlaced and tugged off her boots.

"Dunno. I actually only skimmed Ford's write up this morning because-"

"Ah-HA! What happened to all that 'research,' Mister Too Busy To Wash My-" Mabel didn't get to bask in victory for long. She was quickly forced to hide her nose back under the neck of her sweater. "UUGGH! Wendyyyyy!"

"What? What?" Asked the redhead.

"Your boots!" Mabel shuddered. She couldn't believe she actually forgot how bad they could stink when their full force was unleashed.

The redhead looked at her stinking footwear and merely laughed. "Yeah, sorry. I'm kinda sweating like a beast here. It's crazy muggy outside."

Mabel gagged."Uuuggghhh, it's like a nightmare inside my nose!"

"Jeez, Mabes. Chill." Wendy made a face at the dramatic spectacle. "It's kinda hard to smell like roses in a place like this."

"And it's not even that bad." Dipper genuinely didn't seem to be very affected by the added stench.

"I know, right?" The redhead gratefully agreed.

"Nuh-uh! It's one of the worst things! You gotta go put them outside, or something! It's like a-" Mabel hurriedly opened the door to try and air out the vehicle. But only a moment later she was gagging again. "AUGH! It's only getting worse!"

"Mabel it's seriously not that-" Dipper suddenly felt a brutal assault on his nostrils. He hurriedly covered his face up. "Wendy, what'd you step in?"

"What? No, all I did was-" The horrific stench hit her like a freight train. "WHOA! Oh man, what reeks?"

"You do!" Mabel cried. "You both do! You two made a smell-baby!"

The air continued to grow thick with an aggressive stench. The hideous odor was like a combination of burning trash and rotting flesh with a splash of raw sewage, and it only continued to get stronger and stronger with every single passing moment. Everyone started to hack and gag violently. It was Dipper who finally realized that it wasn't coming from him or Wendy. It was a new smell coming from the outside. He closed the door back up again, and the putrid stink's intensity immediately lessened a little.

"Is….is that a skunk or something?" He wheezed.

"It's gotta be a whole army of them!" Mabel guessed with dismay.

"No way. I've been sprayed before. This can't-" Wendy tried to object before she gagged violently.

"Well w-what else can it be?"

The entire vehicle suddenly rocked, and they were sent sprawling over one another in a heap. They could hear a snuffly grunt outside, and the Lady Mabelton was pushed hard again. Even as she still struggled to breathe, Wendy gestured for silence as she picked herself up. She snuck a look out the nearest window just as a hairy hulk lurched by, growling throatily and stinking to the high lumberjill jerked back with a start.

"What is that-" The entire RV rocked hard under the force of another massive shove, sending everyone spilling over again.

"Myakka Ape!" Mabel realized with a yelp.

They heard a frustrated growl, and the vehicle suddenly began shaking violently back and forth. So the good news was that they no longer had to go trek out into the middle of wild swampland later on to see whether this beast was mere legend or not. Plus, it looked like they had found the source of their mystery stench. The bad news was that an agitated ape-monster was now trying to get into the vehicle. On top of that, they were currently dealing with a unpleasantly high risk of suffocation thanks to the monster's horrendous odor.

"What…..what's...this thingy's deal?" Mabel nauseously clutched at her churning stomach.

"Yeah, and why does it smell like death!" Wendy wiped her watering eyes.

"H-hold on!" Dipper stumbled his way to his laptop hurriedly opened the file on their attacker and hurriedly read out loud. "Okay, let's see what we got….Myakka Ape….a hominid cryptid that's been spotted in North Carolina, Arkansas, but mainly in Florida….first seen in Myakka River State Park…..sighting dates….sighting dates….sighting dates….physical descriptions….also more commonly known as the skunk ape because of the terrible smell it's reported to give off."

The young man pulled at his hair in frustration. "AUGH! Why would Ford leave that until the very end?!"

"Well, it's official, this stupid thing is real! Great, mission accomplished! So can we get rid of it already?!" Wendy demanded impatiently. Both the twins nodded furiously. The RV reverberated as the creature outside kept shaking it.

"Okay, let's-" Dipper dug out his magnet gun and opened the door just a crack before he was hit by a solid wall of stench. Fighting back the urge to throw up, he shut the door, reached to a cabinet and wrestled out a pack of earplugs ( in case anyone's snoring ever become a little too much to handle) The young man shoved two up his nose and immediately felt better. "Anyone else need some?"

"Nope, we're all set!" Mabel had retrieved both her grappling hook and a sheet of scratch and sniff stickers. She creatively stuck one right next to her nose, slapped one on Wendy's face and activated them both with a quick scratch each. Wendy gasped in relief as the artificial fruity smell \ helped lessen the sting of the horrible funk.

"Yeah, good to go here." She took out her axe and gave it a spin.

Once they were all prepped they charged out screaming like a pack of maniacs, all of them ready for a fight that didn't come at all. They didn't even get so much as an intimidating roar. The hulking, orangey-brown ape-monster took one look at them all, let out a yelp and retreated off the road and into the swampy woods. The surprised trio lowered their weapons.

"Huh. That was….easy." Noted a very, very confused Dipper.

"Hey, look!" Mabel pointed. A hairy visage peered out from behind a half-submerged log. The skunk ape stared at them with a mix of confusion and hurt stamped all over its face. They just gawked back wordlessly, unsure how to respond back.

"Um….sorry?" Dipper apologized. The creature just gazed back and whimpered.

"Hey, you were the one that attacked us!" Wendy irritably reminded. The big lug of a monster flinched and backed a few paces. But after it waited a few seconds, it took a cautious step towards them. The redhead rumbled out a growl that was much more animal than human, which didn't faze either of the twins; after all, Dipper was still eating mainly vegetarian these days, and Mabel was still taking overly long showers in the morning. The swamp-ape immediately retreated back a few yards. But despite the lumberjill's clear warning, it started cautiously moving edging its way back towards them. Little by little it moved, while keeping warily alert yet unmistakably hopeful at the same time.

Dipper curiously studied the creature's movements. "Guys? I…..don't think it wants to hurt us."

"So then what's happening now?" Wendy asked the twins.

"Looks like it wants something." Mabel observed.

"Yeah, it does. Hold on." Dipper fished through his pockets until he found the granola bar he'd be saving for later. He unwrapped it and tossed it towards the cryptid. The skunk-ape stopped, sniffed it, then left completely it alone as he continued to slowly inch towards them.

"It doesn't want food…..doesn't want to mess with us…." He mumbled. All three of them kept a tight grip on their weapons as they all puzzled together. Mabel was wracking her brain especially hard. She had noticed that there was something oddly familiar about the look on the beast's face. She was one hundred percent positive of it, she just couldn't remember specifically where she had seen it before. Meanwhile the stinking hominid had come to a full stop, and now beast and humans cautiously eyed one another over a short distance.

"Oh!" She snapped her fingers. Suddenly it was so obvious. Without delay she knelt down and began patting her legs, as if calling for a shy puppy. "It's okay, you're fine! C'mon!"

The skunk ape case a suspicious gaze over them all. But Mabel kept up with the sunny encouragement. "It's okay! You can come over! C'mere!"

"Um...Mabel?" Dipper asked.

"Just trust me on this!" She said with a confident grin. The skunk-ape resumed carefully making its way towards them, stopping every now and then to make sure it wasn't on the verge of being ambushed. While it continued its slow progress, Mabel zipped into the Lady Mabelton. When she returned she had two extra scented stickers positioned around her nose and was holding of her brother's shirts and one of her friend's boots, both held out at arm's length away from her.

"Ooohhh, no." Dipper exclaimed with dismay when he finally caught on. Wendy was the last to figure out what was happening, and she almost immediately erupted with a laugh.

"No way."

Mabel presented the less-than-fragrant items to the curious monster. "Sorry! There's no other ape-y thingies hanging out in there with us, only a bunch of super stinky stuff! See?"

Everyone could clearly see the realization dawn on the creature as it took a couple sniffs. Mabel tittered. No wonder the look on its face had been so familiar. It was the same exact expression of heartfelt yearning that she remembered seeing a certain crush-stricken twelve-year-old boy wear all throughout their first epic summer in Oregon so long ago.

"It's okay!" She reassured. "No biggie, it was just an honest mistake on your part. Sorry if we scared you or anything. We just thought you were trying to-"

Unfortunately the skunk-ape didn't want to simply accept the mix-up and carry on with its life. It had come specifically because it thought it was following the scent of a potential mate. But instead it was all nothing more than a trick, or at least as far as it understood. It threw back its head, beat its chest and let wild with mighty roar that said in no unclear terms that A.) it was feeling pretty badly cheated and B.) there was going to be hell to pay for the cruel deception.

Immediately the gang took fighting stances and braced themselves for a showdown. The stinking ape bared its teeth with a snarl. Mabel instinctively reached for the attack glitter, but in her panicked rush she held onto the sparkling handful and hurled the boot and shirt instead. Dipper's reeking garment flopped over its face and Wendy's footwear somehow managed to get snagged up by the bristly hairs, and together they allowed the startled beast a direct sniff of the both of them. Its eyes bugged wide and it nearly deafened all three of them with a repulsed shriek. Apparently what had been attractive at a distance was absolutely murder on the senses when up close. It hurled the stinking things off and fled headlong into the woods, yelping all the way at the top of its lungs.

The flying boot and shirt meanwhile had both struck Mabel in the face. In a flash she was down on the ground and struggling to breathe.

"MABEL!" Dipper hurriedly tore them off her, and she shot up with a loud retch.

"T-too much! Too much!" She wheezed hoarsely and quivered from shock. "Too much stinky!"

"It's okay, Mabes." Wendy pat her back poured on the reassurances. "You're fine."

"No! It's n-not! You're….you're both….you're b-both just….BLAARRGH!"

Mabel got up and sprinted inside, all while sputtering some nonsense about a match being made in heck together. In a few seconds Wendy and Dipper could hear the shower running on full blast.

To say the least, this victory against the paranormal had come at quite a cost to their dignity. And the sounds of the swamp-dwelling ape's revolted cries echoing off in the distance certainly weren't making them feel any better. The two awkwardly met each other's gaze, and Dipper could bright blush fast rapidly spread from Wendy's cheeks to the rest of her face. Instinctively he forgot about his own embarrassment and scratched his neck as he wracked his brain for something to say to her.

"I don't see what the big deal is. I honestly don't mind the way you smell at all, and..." He stopped himself The embarrassment came roaring right back, but now for completely different reasons. Well, that was stupid. The heat down here in the deep south sure could make a person act funny. He'd probably be back to normal once they left this place for somewhere a little less humid. And also of course after Wendy was finished justifiably ragging on him for making things weird. He coughed and mumbled apologetically to her, "Uh….sorry."

"You're fine, doofus." Wendy snorted loudly at the look on his face, and the chuckling redhead gave him a thankful punch in the shoulder. "Y'know, I actually needed that."

"What? Wait, really?" He was pretty surprised.

"Well, yeah." She shrugged and confessed. "Dude, it's hard to not feel like a total scumbag right now."

"It's okay. I'm definitely feeling pretty unfit for civilized society too." He admitted.

"If it helps, I'm way too used to your stink too." Wendy laughed, then slung an arm around her friend's shoulders and gave him a playful hug. "Good thing we have each other to be toxic waste dumps with, huh?"

"Yeah…good thing." Dipper could feel a small burst of heat rush up to his face. This Florida climate was definitely something. He chuckled hoarsely, then hurriedly shifted the subject. "Seriously though, as soon as we get out of here we need to find a town with a laundromat."

"Oh, yeah, definitely. And somewhere to get some baking soda." As a repulsed squeak rang out from inside the RV, she added, "And maybe...I dunno, like, a place that sells apology cards or something?"

Dipper shook his head. "Honestly, it sounds like this is something only a carton of sprinkles is going to fix."

"Yeah, probably." The sound of yet another revolted whine made the smelly pair wince guiltily together, and Wendy promptly decided, "You know, we better try and make it at least two…"

* * *

Author's note: Fun fact, the skunk ape is an actual American legend/cryptid. I admittedly did a weird amount of research for this road trip/romance fic.

\- _**SGA**_


	11. I Ain't 'Fraid of No Ghost

"...If there's somethin' strange! In your neighborhood! Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters! If there's something weird! And it don't look good..."

Mabel couldn't help but sing the delightfully catchy old theme to herself. If felt like their current circumstances were just begging for it as the trio explored the rotting remains of what used to be a country resort in a bygone era. Dipper took the lead, and he in turn was guided by an odd device in his hands that looked like a knockoff metal detector. It kept up a steady static crackle as they wandered from room to room of the long abandoned complex.

"….If you're seeing things….runnin' through your head….who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS! An invisible man…..underneath your bed…..who ya gonna-"

"Shhh!" Dipper hushed his sister without removing his gaze from the psychokinetic energy meter for even a moment. He was hyper-concentrated as he kept a sharp eye out for the slightest fluctuation in the readings.

And as a result, he was making himself a ridiculously easy target for shenanigans. Wendy grinned at the overfocused dork. Some temptations just couldn't be ignored. She glanced to Mabel, flashed a wink and began sauntering a little faster. Once she was walking side by side with Dipper, she started humming oh so very softly. At first she was barely audible, but she gradually grew a little louder with every passing second.

"….Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters….." He started to murmur under his breath. The young man made it halfway through the chorus before he figured out what had just happened to him. "HEY!"

"Boosh!" Wendy whooped.

"Yes! Got him!" Squealed Mabel, and the two girls triumphantly high-fived.

"Thanks a lot." Dipper said sarcastically and hurled his hat at Wendy. The smirking redhead caught it with ease.

"Thank you!" She playfully stood on her toes and dangled it above him. One hop later and the two were in a small tug of war. Mabel was more than happy to just stand back and continue with the hands-off strategy she was testing out today. So far she liked what she saw; the the couple-in-progress were laughing and smiling like a bunch of kids. Truth be told though, the matchmaker was having a hard time of suppressing the urge to find an excuse to run off and leave the two alone together for a little while.

The horsing around came to an abrupt halt when Dipper and Wendy playfully half-chased, half fought one another over to the doorway of the next room, and the meter immediately erupted with a high-pitched beep. The lumberjill plopped her friend's hat back on his head as he followed the detectable traces of ghostly energy. Together all three of them entered a cavernous space with high ceilings, tiled walls, and the ancient remains of old bathtubs everywhere. The meter readings continued to shoot higher and higher the further they went in. Mabel dug their digital thermometer out.

"Ooooh, it's getting chilly in here." She observed as they all watched the temperature drop steadily. Soon they could all feel their hair stand on end thanks to the unnatural cold in the air.

"Gotcha!" Dipper whispered excitedly.

Now that they had tracked down their prey, it was time to lure it in. Their many years spent encountering the paranormal had taught them that on the whole, ghosts preferred to reveal themselves just when they thought that it would be the most frightening. Very few could turn down the opportunity to give a good surprise scare. On Mabel's signal they all started to act oblivious with experienced ease. Wendy pretended to be distracted by a pile of rubble. The twins meanwhile wandered together to the opposite side of the room towards a bunch of the antique one-person tubs.

"Ooooh!" Mabel began spinning the ancient faucet handles, and soon she was creating a symphony of creaks and squeaks. "Haha! Check it out! Mabel Pines, avant-garde musician!"

"Great." Dipper sighed, looking disinterested.

"Aww, what's the matter bro-bro?" She bounced over to him. Her twin put on the most convincingly disappointed face that he could.

"It's just...we've searched all over this whole place, and nothing so far. How many times is something like this going to happen to us? For once, just once, I'd like at least one local legend to be true."

"Just because some creepy-looking building is falling apart doesn't mean that it has to be haunted." She reminded him. "This isn't a cartoon, you know."

"I know, I know…" He said ruefully. "But I thought we'd find at least something here. There's supposedly been stories coming out of this place for years. Those people at the diner-"

"You seriously believed them them? Pffft! The legend's probably just something to make people stop by the town. You know, like how Grunkle Stan got a bunch of people to show up at the Shack when he started telling everyone the outhouse was possessed." she reminded him. "You know, it's actually not a bad idea if you think about it. It's definitely one way to give local business a shot in the arm!"

"I get it, but I'm also really starting to get sick of it. I mean, can't at least one of these 'haunted' places have at least something going on? Is it really too much to ask?"

"Probably! I mean, you really think that an actual ghost is just gonna pop out of nowhere and…." Together they expertly played their usual roles of true believer and skeptic know-it-all.

And as the twins talked, the room came alive. An ancient light flickered on and off several times. Then an old towel rack picked itself off the floor, hovered across the room and set lay itself down. And then a strange mist began to materialize from the cracks in the surrounding tile. The strange white wisps collected together into a shape that sprouted clawed arms and then a hideous fang-filled head. The half-formed spirit started to silently creep up on the seemingly unsuspecting brother and sister.

Meanwhile, Wendy moved stealthily as a wildcat as she stalked the stalker. The expert huntress slipped a small device on the floor almost directly beneath the ghost, all without making a sound. She pressed a small button and then leapt back. There was a brilliant bluish-green flash, a surprised howl, and in an instant the ghost had vanished from sight. Immediately both twins dropped the act and whirled around to see their catch.

"Did we get him?" Dipper asked.

"Check it!" Wendy triumphantly held up their prize.

"Let me see! Let me see! Let me see!" Mabel squealed.

This was an exciting first for the gang. In the past, the only way they had ever caught any spirits was with the traditional age-old method of trapping them inside a silver mirror. While effective, it made their captives extremely difficult to study in any great depth beyond questioning them, much to the frustration of both Ford and Dipper. Now hopefully that would all change thanks to the brand-new device Ford had given them to try out while on the road. The homemade trap looked like the awkward child of a glass jar and a smartphone, but it looked like it worked. The top had closed up tight, a small green light on the side declared that the catch was secure, and through the glass they could clearly see a lump of spiritual energy bubbling and bouncing about in a confused panic. Their captive whirled and glowed until it eventually solidified somewhat, forming an indignant face set with a large bristly brush of a mustache.

"My word! What on earth is the meaning of all this?" It demanded.

"You got caught." Wendy amusedly replied.

"Hey there!" Mabel greeted him with a friendly wave. "What's your name?"

"Arthur Pennstone of-"

"Hey there, Art!" She nicknamed the ghost on the spot, much to his obvious displeasure.

"Excuse me, but do you know who you're talking to?"

"Yeah!" Wendy replied. "A dead guy!"

"You're speaking to one of Chicago's most prominent trading magnates! My dry goods empire-"

"Probably isn't a thing anymore." Dipper broke the news to him. "According to the local stories, you died of a heart attack here over a hundred years ago."

"Balderdash! I was a mere fifty five years, and I hailed from superior stock! It was all the quacks at this so-called health spa that did me in!"

"I guess you made them pay for that, huh?" Dipper remarked. Friendly locals at the diner where they had eaten lunch had told of the restless spirit that had helped drive the business away from the once-prominent and very exclusive little resort that used to draw visitors from far and wide to this scenic corner of Georgia way back in the day.

"If the local imbeciles here couldn't be trusted to take proper care of their guests, then they didn't deserve to keep their institution running! I had to get my due justice somehow!" He said defensively.

"Looks like someone went a teensy bit overboard!" Mabel sang as she tapped the glass.

"Excuse me? What do you take me for, some kind of revenge-fueled lunatic? I didn't follow the friends and family of those who wronged me right to the grave, did I? No! I handled this as a gentleman! I clearly kept my boundaries regulated to the grounds of this wretched excuse for a holiday getaway, and made sure to only…." He ranted on and on and on and on, with absolutely no signs of stopping anytime soon. The Mystery Trio began looking to one another. It looked they had a slight problem.

"Uh….." Mabel checked over the trap. "Did Grunkle Ford put a mute button on here?"

"No." Dipper answered disappointedly. The three shot one another dismayed looks. "Huh...this should be...interesting..."

Soon the three (plus their prize) were back aboard the Lady Mabelton and driving away from the decrepit compound back into the town. It was Dipper's turn behind the wheel. His sister sat next to him in the passenger's seat while she tried to contact Gravity Falls. After her Skype call went unanswered she put in a call on her cell phone to no avail.

"No one's picking up."

"I wonder what's going on there..." Dipper puzzled. "So what do you think we should do? We probably can't drag him around with us the entire rest of the trip."

"Easy-breezy! We pack him up, slap some stamps on that old timey meanie and drop him off at the post office!" She cheerily suggested.

Dipper had to admit that the idea was tempting, but he couldn't ignore the major hole in the plan. "But what are we going to do when we hand them a box that clearly has something yelling inside of it?"

She tapped her chin. "Maybeee...we tell them it's a toy? Like, a guy who comes with catchphrases. We tell him that he's broken and so we're sending it back to the factory!"

"Maybe…..eeehhh, but they might not buy that. With the way he talks, he definitely doesn't sound suitable for kids."

"We'll tell him that's his defect, and then…."

In the back of the vehicle Wendy was hunkered across one of the bench seats flipping through a magazine. The trap rested next to her on the table, and its occupant sat silently in his prison. Wendy could practically feel his dagger-sharp stare piercing her while she read. Finally she passed him a glance.

"What's with you?"

"This...is…. _humiliating_." He grumbled. "No, not just humiliating. This is outrageous! A man can't simply be left in peace with his business, can he? Oh, heaven forbid. Instead he has to be ambushed and round up like a wild animal by two hooligans and a….a…."

He grimaced with disgust at her. "I don't even want to think about the abominable acts that led to the likes of you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Just look at you. I bet your degenerate clan has been inbreeding for several generations before you finally came along with your long, savage hair, that unnaturally bald face….why, you look more woman than you do man. If I had a son like you, I'd-"

"Hey, whoa!" She sat up with a start. "Say that again?"

"If I had a son like you, I'd-"

Wendy couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Alright, newsflash. I don't know what your deal is, but you're way, waaaay off."

"What on earth are you talking about? You're a...no….." He took another good long look and his jaw dropped. "Wait….w-wait! You're….y-you're a _woman_?!"

"One of two here." She pointed to Mabel at the front of the vehicle. The ghost genuinely could not comprehend this.

"But….but that can't be….no, that…." He sputtered. "But you….you're….y-you're…."

"I'm what?" She asked aggressively. "What's so hard to get here?"

"You can't be a woman! You're….y-you're….you're wearing _pants_!" He gasped with disbelief. Despite having inhabited this earth for over a century after his death, it seemed he was still unfortunately a man of his era.

"Uh, what's going on back there?" Dipper asked.

"Nothing. Just dealing with Mr. Up-to-Date here." Wendy sighed before turning back to their prisoner. "So, you legit couldn't tell just because I was wearing jeans? Seriously?"

"He did what?" Mabel's puzzled question went ignored as ghost and redhead continued to argue.

"No, of course not!" He shook his head and moaned in despair over his violated Victorian sensibilities. "Oh, and just when I thought I'd been humiliated enough! Not only have I been captured, I've been captured by some sick abomination!"

"Whoa, excuse me?" She snapped. Wendy did not appreciate his tone here, to put it mildly.

"What else am I supposed to call you? I see wiry muscles, rough calloused hands, fair skin damaged by scars all over, the worn rags of someone who clearly relies on brute strength more than their mind in order to make their living….why it's all nothing less than an affront to all that is decent and womanly in this world!"

"Okay, so have you not been keeping up with anything at all?" She growled, but he clearly wasn't listening to her.

"You know what? On second thought, maybe I shouldn't be all that surprised by you. Clearly you don't hail from anywhere remotely close to proper civilization. I bet home is a rundown hovel in some backwoods bumpkin hamlet. No wonder you have no idea what it means to be a true lady. A mongrel like you probably barely understands what it means to be a regularly functioning person. You probably spent most of your days hunting down rodents in the forest to throw in the stew pot for your equally savage kin for them wolf down half-raw, and..."

Wendy bristled. The stupidly antique sexism was bad enough. Now she had to deal with this classist nonsense, which she especially didn't appreciate. There had been far too many ugly times in her life where someone had deemed her a mere hick, and not in an endearing way either.

"Okay, you better-"

"You dare interrupt me while I'm speaking?" He exploded. "Have you no sense of place? My God, never in my worst nightmares could I have envisioned laying eyes on a member of the opposite sex as monstrously aggressively and wretchedly brutish as yourself! You're disgusting! A corrupted excuse for a woman! A degenerate freak-"

For a moment Wendy found herself fighting back a surging impulse to grab her hatchet and smash this contraption to bits. But before the urge could even finish passing, the RV suddenly pulled to the side of the road and screeched to a halt. Both she and Mabel were startled to notice how Dipper boiled with rage as he rose from the seat and stormed to the back of the vehicle. In spite of his noodle-limbs and scrawny frame he still managed to cut an impressively intimidating sight and cut an impressive sight as he slapped his palms down on the table and shot their prisoner a piercing glare.

"Cut it out." he ordered flatly. "Now."

"Excuse me, but I was in the middle of-" The bigoted spirit was interrupted when the young man balled his fist and banged it on the table.

"No! I said you're going to stop, and you're going to do it right now! Wendy is….she's….Wendy…." " He was so livid that he couldn't speak for a few seconds. Wendy and Mabel worriedly looked on. Neither one could remember the last time they saw him so wound up like this. "You know what? You're right, she's literally nothing like you think she should be, and that's exactly what makes her so great! For your information, she is hands-down one of the bravest, toughest, most fearless people that you'll ever meet, and that's just scratching the surface! No one fights like her, no one hunts like her, no one climbs like her, no one handles an axe like she can, no one arm wrestles like her, no one tracks or hunts like her, knows how to have a good time like her, no one cares for her friends more than her…..you want me to keep going? Because I will! Wendy is who she is, and no one who actually knows her would ever want any of that to be changed! So you can take whatever idiotically outdated ideas you still have, and you can just shove it!Because you know who cares what you have to say? Literally nobody!"

Dipper stopped to swallow down a couple heavy gasps of air. He had worked himself into such a fury with his verbal onslaught that his forehead had beaded up with sweat. For a moment it looked like his impassioned defense had cowed the spirit, who gawked incredulously with mouth agape. Unfortunately the peace didn't last for long.

"Of all the…." The ghost scoffed. "Oh, of course you would say something like that!"

"Huh?" Dipper grunted.

"I should have expected a pitiful excuse for a man like you to run to the defense of this uncouth beast of a woman!" He steered his contempt onto Dipper and unloaded with full repulsed full force. "I mean, my God, just look at yourself! You're just as much a walking embarrassment, if not even more so! I can barely see on muscle on that half-starved-looking body! How on earth can you expect to have healthy progeny when you clearly don't make any effort to keep yourself in decent physical condition? Though by the looks of it you don't seem like you can barely support yourself to begin with, much less a family! Let me guess, never had a taste of a real job or actual business in your entire life, have you? Bah! Why…."

Mabel stepped in. She couldn't fix their current problem, but at least she had a way to make their current situation a little more bearable. The brunette piled several of her sweaters on top of the trap to muffle the constant river of ranting.

"Well, that was a whole lot of yelling for nothing." Dipper then registered just how big of a scene he had made, and sheepishly mumbled, "A whooooole lot."

"At least he's not ragging on me anymore, right?" Wendy's relieved chuckle was enough to put a weak grin back on his face.

"Right."

"Nice defense there, broseph!" Mabel seemed quite giddy over what had just happened as she clapped her hands and bounced on her feet. Fortunately she managed to suppress her excitement enough before it became suspiciously too high. "Sooo, now we really figure out what to do about this big butt here, right?"

"Uh huh. There's officially no way we can keep him aboard." Dipper agreed. "Not if he's going to stay stuck in his century."

"I'll say it again, mailing him is the best choice!" Mabel repeated. "By a long shot!"

"Mabel, someone's definitely gonna ask questions at the post office."

"I told you, we tell them he's broken! Like, super-broken!"

"There is literally no toy that has a vocabulary as big as…."

Even though she was standing right there with them, Wendy kept out of the discussion at first. She needed to take a couple moments to retreat into her brain and update the weird ranking system she'd been maintaining and constantly revising over the last couple days. She couldn't help it; this was definitely a new winner for the number one best thing about her friend.

It wasn't as if nobody had ever stood up for her before in her entire life. Many had, but no one ever had done it with the shameless ferocity that Dipper always did over all these years. The big dork was always willing to leap right into the thick of things and argue on her behalf no matter what. The redhead grinned to the scrawny young man as the examples started to spring to mind, like her first genuine Christmas when she struggled to learn the ropes of the holiday, or all those times they got a little out of control with mischief, or-

The chime of Mabel's laptop interrupted everyone, including Wendy's thoughts. The brunette excitedly bounced to the front of the RV. "I'll get it!"

Dipper followed, and a second later the wrinkled face of one of their great uncles popped up on the computer screen. "Hello? Mabel?"

"Heeyy Grunkle Ford!"

"I'm sorry for missing your calls. We just got back from the lake, and-"

"Hey there, kids! Looky here what I caught! Ain't she a beaut? Biggest one we caught today!" Fiddleford McGucket popped up in the screen with a whoop. He proudly waved about his catch, or to be more exact, what was left of it. An enormous metal spear had nearly blasted the fish in half, and it was only being held together by what was left of its spine.

"I still say a harpoon gun is still cheating." Stan protested as he lumbered into view.

"It ain't cheatin', Stan! It's good ol' fashioned science! 'Sides, you were the one that what done get in a heap o' trouble lightin' off fireworks a few years back and throwin' it inter the lake!"

"Well….that's different…."

While the three elderly men jostled for attention, Wendy meanwhile was still standing back by the table. A strange sound had grabbed attention After listening intently for a moment she quickly figured it out. Their captive had managed to raise his voice so loudly that his muffled ranting could be heard from beneath several layers of knitted wool.

"...Ah, so don't want to face a real man, do you? I should have guessed! I know just your type! Just a namby-pampy academic type, spending your days burying yourself with your books and your..."

The redhead scowled. It was official; she had enough of this guy. Without a moment's hesitation she started rummaging through the cabinets.

Back at the front of the RV, Mabel and Dipper waited patiently as Ford finally settled himself somewhere more private.

"Sorry about that." He sat himself down in his brother's office. "Is everything okay?"

"We finally got to use your trappy-dealie!" Mabel revealed.

The old man lit up with excitement. "And?"

"We got onnnne!" She sang triumphantly.

"Yes! Finally! Where is it? What kind of…." Ford noticed that his great nephew was looking visibly flustered. "Dipper? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "I-"

"Just what are...no! No, wait! What are you do think you're-" They heard a panicked cry, followed by a strangled yell of despair. Then there was an audible poof, and an acrid sulfurous smell started to waft through the air.

"What was that?" Ford worriedly demanded. He could see the white smoke drifting from the back of the vehicle. Mabel picked up the computer while she and her brother vacated the front seats.

"Sorry!" Wendy apologized when they all rendezvoused by the table. "Just had to deal with a small prison break."

"A what?"

"Yeah, it was like, the craziest thing right. The ghost we caught? He just had a total meltdown. Turning into all sorts of shapes, throwing himself at the side of the trap, making all sorts of sounds, and like, almost hulking out. He just kept on going on it, and when the glass actually started to crack, welll …." She showed off a freshly emptied bottle of holy water. "Sorry. Had to take care of it."

"Wait so….he's gone?" Asked a very surprised Ford.

"Yeah, had to get rid of him before he got out and went nuts." She lied right to the laptop camera.

Ford's disappointment last for a few mere seconds before he shrugged it off. "Huh. Ah, well. That's just the scientific method for you. You never know if something's going to work unless you test it. It looks like I need to figure out a stronger design."

"And a soundproof one too!" Mabel was quick to suggest.

"Sorry, Grunkle Ford." apologized Dipper.

"It's fine. At least now I know what I'll be working on tomorrow." He chuckled. "Thanks for giving it a shot! Keep us posted on everything, all right?"

"Will do!" Mabel promised. As soon as the call ended, the brunette to their lanky redheaded friend and started giggling.

"Sooo…." Dipper gave Wendy a look. "A breakout, huh?"

"Uh-huh." She said with a mischievous smile. "C'mon, that guy was literally the worst."

"Literally no argument here." He laughed and zipped his lips up tight. "If you didn't do it now, I'm positive one of was going to do it eventually."

"One billion percent definitely!" Mabel agreed. "Thanks for getting rid of him, Wen-Wen!"

She happily gathered up the trap and went to pack it away. "And bye-bye, jerk box!"

As Dipper watched his twin stow the contraception away, he was taken by surprise when a freckled arm reached around his chest from behind and gave him a squeeze.

"Hey, easy." Wendy laughed as she felt the jittery young man jolt.

"Sorry, sorry." He apologized. "Uh, what was that for?"

"What do you think, you big flatterer?" She teased and tugged his cap brim down. He raised it back up and laughed sheepishly.

"Well….it's true."

"I didn't call you a liar." The young woman replied with an immodest cackle. "Just sayin' thanks."

"Of course. Anytime."

"Trust me, I know." She flashed him a toothy smile that sent his heart aglow. He didn't feel an ounce of regret for his outburst. Wendy hadn't deserved that haranguing at all. One literally had to be stuck in the past to not be able see what an unbelievable person she was. It was just like he had been saying (yelling, actually) before. She was an amazing friend, a ferocious fighter, one of the most…

Dipper's mental list continued on and on until Wendy met his gaze again and flashed him another grateful grin that stretched from ear to ear. In no time he was beaming like an idiot as he managed to summarize his mental muddle all into one adoring thought.

 _She's just the best._

* * *

It was going on midnight. The girls were both slumbering in their shared bed, but Dipper however couldn't possibly be any more awake. He lay in his cot with his eyes wide open as he stared off into dark nothingness. Normally he'd be able to fall asleep pretty easily while thinking about what was on the travel itinerary for the next, research that needed to be done, and similar matters.

Tonight however was a very different story. It almost felt like he had lost control of his brain. No matter how many times he tried to focus his thoughts elsewhere they inevitably returned right back to the very redhead who snored in the bedroom only a few feet away. He could see and hear her in his mind, fighting foes with her unmatched tenaciousness, scaling monstrous trees without breaking a sweat a and cracking jokes that would render him helpless laughter with laughter. She simply wouldn't leave his head.

It was okay, he told himself. This was okay. No big deal. He was just really excited to have his best friend around so much this summer. And he was still riled up from their ghostly ex-prisoner. He was still a little muddled after almost being broken by this past semester. Also he was just getting a little tired from all the travel they'd been doing.

Unfortunately these futile excuses were all for nothing. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't deny the familiar frantic fluttering in his stomach that he hadn't felt in ages. The young man sat up in his cot, cradled his face in his hands and at last acknowledged what was happening with a small, anxious groan.

"Ohhhh, no…."


	12. Skinny Dipper

"...And….send!" With one click, Dipper's latest report was sent off to his great-uncle's inbox. He then closed his laptop, and it was only with immense difficulty that he was able to peel himself up out of his seat.

The day's foray into weirdness had not ended on a very pleasant note. Besides discovering that spider squirrels were much more than local rumor in this far corner of eastern Tennessee, the trio also unfortunately discovered that the strange insectoid rodents could spew out quite a lot of webbing when they felt threatened. Thick silk threads still stuck tenaciously to him all over, and the same could safely be said of his travel-mates wherever they were at the moment. Shortly they had arrived at their campground, Wendy had gone to chop up some wood for a campfire for later while Mabel had bounced off to curiously explore the area. That left him alone to write today's update for Ford, and now that was taken care it was time for him to get dibs on first shower. He started to search for a towel-

"HI DIPPER!" His sister was suddenly standing right next to him, and he jumped at least a foot in the air. Mabel continued smiling toothily as she stood there inside the RV, dripping wet all over except for her shoes, socks, sweater and glasses which were all gathered in a bundle under her arm.

"What happened to you?" Asked her rattled brother.

"I went for a little swim!" She laughed, dropped her things and pointed outside "In the little baby-lake, right here!"

Dipper looked out the door, through the trees and down at the tranquil-looking body of water nearby. "Uh, okay."

"Well, whatcha waiting for?" She gave him an excitedly impatient shove. "Go!"

"Huh?"

"Go in!" She gave his shoulder a gentle head-butt. "C'mon, time for a swim!"

"Wait, why?" He protested as she tried forcefully herding him outside.

"Look!" She spun around for him, and he quickly noticed she didn't have a scrap of squirrel-web on her. "All you have to do is take a nice dip and all the webby stuff washes off in a jiffy! It's great!"

"Ma-"

"Time for Dipper to take a dip!" She gave him another push.

"Can't I just take a shower?"

"And go gum up the drain?" She said incredulously. The young woman peeled a handful of white silken thread off his shoulder and waved the mess in his face. "I don't think so! C'mon, go for a dip! A little dip in the water for Dipper! Oooohhh, you could even do a flip into the water and then it's be a-"

"Don't you dare say flip-a-you-know-what." He warned her.

"Fine, but only if you go check out the water!" She smilingly bargained. As usual, she was being utterly relentless. But Dipper had to admit that considering how much of a mess he was, it really wasn't a bad idea at all.

"Okay, I'll check it out."

"You won't regret it! The water's great!" Mabel chirped as she pushed him out of the vehicle and into the late afternoon sun.

Dipper sauntered off down to the lake, unaware that his twin was eagerly watching him from a window. He swirled his fingers in the water and was pleasantly surprised to see that his sister didn't exaggerate. It felt refreshingly cool to the touch, which was a nice contrast to the muggy summer heat. And with the excessive amount he had been webbed, chances were that a shower would probably lead to an extremely nasty clog, and absolutely nobody wanted that.

He looked around to make sure the coast was clear. A minute later a small bundle of clothes was sitting neatly folded on the shore, and the young man gingerly slipped in with barely a ripple. He held his breath, briefly vanished beneath the water. When he resurfaced he was pleased to find that most of the webbing was gone, and what little that remained was speedily dissolving off of him.

"Man, that's a relief." Dipper murmured to himself, and he was immediately startled by a surprised yelp. It looked like he wasn't as alone as he originally thought. His stomach jumped up into his throat while he nervously called out, "H-hello?"

A few yards away, the branches of a leaning waterside willow tree dipped into the water. A familiar freckled face cautiously emerged from behind the natural curtain. The second that their gazes met, Wendy immediately submerged herself down all the way to her neck. Dipper meanwhile went flush as he treaded back a few feet. As they watched each other take cover in the water, it wasn't long at all until the horrific realization set in for the both of them.

Dipper cursed his foul luck. Of course. Of _course_ something like this had to happen, just as yet another crush had started to rear its ugly head. He had his brief flare-ups over the years, but thankfully none as bad as that first summer in Oregon….until now. And he already knew that this little situation wasn't going to help anything.

"Uh, h-hey." He mumbled.

"Hey." Wendy draped an arm over chest, even though it was already hidden under the water. "So... just washing off?"

"Uh huh. You too?" He lamely replied.

"Yeah….Mabes told me that a few minutes in here would clean up all the web gunk." Her eyes then traveled to where his clothes sat on dry land while Dipper craned his neck a little and saw her own personal pile further down the lake shore. Now that their very worst suspicions had been confirmed, a dead silence settled upon the two as they met one another's wide-eyed gazes again.

Well, this was definitely awkward.

* * *

"...I'm walkin' on sunshine! Whooaaa-oh! I'm walkin' on sunshine! Whoooaa-oh! I'm walking on sunshine! Whoooaaa-oohhh-oh….."

Still dripping wet from her quick swim, Mabel mouthed peppy lyrics to herself as she victoriously danced all throughout the RV. Although past experience had showed her that splitting up their trio could be a risky move, today she was feeling pretty confident about her decision to trick her twin and friend into a little swim alone together. After all, her pair-in-progress were currently together in a place called Lover's Lake. What bad could possibly come of that?

The wonderful discovery had happened a few days ago at a small gas station. While Dipper filled up the tank and Wendy stocked up on snacks, Mabel had gotten directions from a friendly old man who regaled her with the local legend how if a pair swam together in the lake's waters, then they were destined to fall deeply and madly in love with one another. Right then and there she knew they had to make a stop here. Sure, there was a good chance that it was all nothing more than a folk tale. But considering all the strange things that had happened to them over the course of their peculiarity-packed lives, she figured it definitely couldn't hurt to try.

And it had almost absurdly easy to get this all set up. All she had to do was direct them north on a route that took them right by here. And just her marvelous luck, they happened to be attacked by thread-spewing rodents on the day she had scheduled them to camp here. She couldn't have asked for a more perfect excuse to get the others into the water. There was absolutely no doubt about it in her mind, everything was totally coming up Mabel right now.

As she boogied her way through another song she gave a passing glance out the window. To her surprise she saw an idling old sedan on the side of the road only a few yards away. Its driver, an elderly woman, was curiously looking at the Lady Mabelton. Mabel popped out her earbuds and went to check things out.

"Hi there!" Mabel exited the RV wearing her trademark smile.

"Oh hi there!" The old woman replied with a grin and a thick local accent. "Sorry 'bout all my gawkin.'. I was just so surprised to see anyone actually campin' out near Loverton Lake. Ha, I take it you ain't from around these parts?"

"You got that right! We're a long ways from..." Mabel was all set to launch into a round of friendly chit-chat when she realized something. "Wait….Loverton Lake?"

"That's right." The woman noticed the confusion stamped on Mabel's face. "You alright, hon?"

"Uh….wait, but I thought….isn't this Lovers Lake?"

The elderly woman chuckled. "Mercy, did someone tell you that? Oh I'm sorry. People are always getting the name mixed up ten ways 'til Sunday. Lord only knows why. No, no. Now that'd definitely be a much nicer thing to call it, but it's actually Loverton Lake. And this ain't really a place people around here like to take their sweethearts to. Or really take anyone to hang around here with. That's why you surprised me so much."

Mabel didn't like the sounds of this. She could feel her stomach start to knot up. "Sooo….uh, why aren't people a big fan of this place?"

"Oh it's 'cuz of those Lovertons. They say that there never was a more stubborn family in the whole tri-county area. Ages ago when they built the dam nearby, the state told them to pack up their farm and go relocate so they wouldn't be neighbors with the fishes. And it wasn't no real nasty eviction, they got a pretty good chunk a' change to resettle somewhere nice. Well so the story goes they took the money but stayed right put here, and so as you can guess, once the dam was finished….one morning it was suddenly bye-bye Lovertuns, hello new lake. People been tellin' stories about strange happenings here ever since, even before my time."

"Ooooh…." Mabel swallowed hard. "Um….okay then….th-thanks for...for letting me know."

"Oh, it ain't nothin.' Sorry again for being a such a stalker back there. You know what?" She smiled. "I'm glad to see some folks who don't care about all the stupid legends. Just a bunch of superstitious hokum if you ask me. Anyways, it was a pleasure talkin' to you. You enjoy your stay here!"

The friendly old woman waved and drove off. For a moment Mabel stood rooted where she stood, so stricken with dismay that she was temporarily paralyzed. But the instant that she had control back over her own muscles she raced off at a dead sprint.

"DIPPERRRRRRR! WENDYYYYY!"

* * *

The two equally embarrassed friends resembled a pair of giant tomatoes with the way they both made sure to keep their blushing bodies from the neck-down safely out of sight under the water. Dipper of course didn't actually need to keep that much of his body hidden since everything he wanted to hide was all below the waist. But it helped make the embarrassed young man feel marginally less exposed while every quiet second ticked by like a miniature eternity,

"I'm….I-I'm actually kind of surprised this hasn't happened earlier." He finally worked up the courage to break the silence.

"Yeah….with all the time we've hung out together, you'd think it would have gotten weirder sooner." As Wendy chuckled weakly, she made sure to keep her focus locked on his chocolate brown eyes.

"Sorry." He apologized. "I'm sorry, I really should have checked before I went in."

"No, no, it's fine. I mean, I probably shouldn't have taken off…." She trailed off. Another painful silence passed before she asked, "So….I guess I'll shut my eyes and you go get out first?"

"No, it's okay. I'll stay here, and you go get….uh….decent." He replied, all while struggling madly not to think about what lay just under the water. The young man felt like a wreck of a preteen all over again.

"Seriously, it's fine. You can go."

"No, no. I got us into this, you can go first."

"No, this is my bad. You can go."

"It's okay, really."

"Dude, c'mon. Just go."

"I told you, it's fine. You can get out first, and then I'll go."

"You don't have to wait around here, I can…."

The awkward back and forth continued like this for a while with neither one wanting to concede until Dipper then came up with a compromise.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" He offered while he raised one arm out of the water. "Loser gets out first, winner stays and doesn't look?"

"Okay." Wendy laughed. It was stupid, but to be fair they were both acting pretty dumb about this. She raised her hand. "Rock, paper…."

"...Scissors, shoot!" Dipper chanted along with her, and just as he had hoped her lumberjill instincts to cut got the best of her. He kept his fist tightly balled while she threw down scissors.

"Okay, okay." She conceded. Dipper turned around, shut his eyes tight and covered them up with his hand. As she began to travel back to land she decided to crack, "No peeking, got it?"

Dipper groaned. "You just had to say that, didn't you?"

"Hey, we're both freaked out about it." She continued to try and lighten the embarrassing tension. "Might as well have-"

Wendy let out a startled cry before everything fell dead silent. Dipper automatically whirled around with eyes wide open.

"Wendy?" He couldn't see any sign of her. "Wendy? WENDY!"

Two pale freckled arms thrashed out of the water and waved about before they were swept back out of sight. Dipper swam over as fast as his scrawny arms could carry him, took a deep breath and dived under.

After his eyes adjusted to the murky world below he found a terrifying sight awaiting him. Wendy was flailing like mad as she appeared to be sinking into the mucky lake bottom like it was underwater quicksand. She saw him and began desperately reaching. He grabbed hold of her wrists and tugged frantically. It took a few desperate yanks, but once he got her loose they rocketed up to the surface.

"What happened?!" Dipper demanded as soon as they emerged. After Wendy gasped in some air, she wasted little time. She grabbed hold of him and tried booking it to the shore.

"Hey!" He reflexively squirmed free. Mortal danger or not, he didn't want to be mashed up right against her when they were like this. "What are you-"

"We gotta go, now!" She was having none of this anxious hesitation.

"Wait, Wendy-" He swam out of reach, forcing her to chase him a little.

"Dipper, let's go!" She snapped. "Something literally grabbed-"

"DIPPERRRRRRR! WENDYYYYY!" They both heard Mabel's panicked cries right before they felt cold tendrils of muck rise up over their legs. Both were yanked below the surface, and a moment later they were struggling to hold their breath while they thrashed for dear life. Suddenly something flashed down between the two of them. As the grappling hook started to reel back away, Wendy grabbed the line and Dipper nabbed the metal hook.

Back on dry land, Mabel was desperately doing everything that she could to anchor herself. She had wrapped the receding cable around the trunk sturdiest tree she could reach and dug her bare heels into the earth. Unfortunately despite her heroic efforts she was being slowly dragged down towards the water.

"C'mon….c'mon…." She sat down and braced her feet up against a conveniently-placed stone. As the hookline recoiled back into her weapon of choice, it suddenly began to give a lot faster. For a heart-stopping moment she thought she was going to come up empty. But mere moments later her freed twin brother and friend popped to the lake surface, spitting and gasping. Mabel reeled them onto solid ground, where the muck-covered pair flopped down onto the dirt. Their rescuer however didn't even get a full five seconds to fuss over them when they all heard something else emerge from the water with a splash. The trio looked and let out a group yell in shared horror.

A crudely human-shaped pile of muck stood up, let out a wet gurgle of a roar and started lurching through the shallows, wobbling shakily with every step. A second one appeared behind it, and then another. Two more appeared right after, followed by a sixth.

"Go, go, go!" Dipper gathered his clothes bundle in one arm, grabbed his twin by the wrist and booked it towards the RV. "Wendy?"

"Hands off!" Wendy snarled at the abominations as she ran to grab her clothes. She wasn't going anywhere without her boots or her favorite pair of jeans. She grabbed a rock and hurled it hard as she could. It buried itself halfway into the head of one of the muck-monsters, who merely sucked it into its body, spit it out of its gaping mouth and continued to crawl from the water. The redhead swore and joined the siblings in a mad retreat.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" Mabel apologized between ragged breaths.

When they made it to the Lady Mabelton. Dipper took one step inside and his mud-coated foot made him immediately slip. His sister followed, and Wendy collapsed on top of the siblings. The three squirmed to untangled themselves, and the scene would have been comical if their lives weren't in danger.

"Keys! Keys! Keys! Who's got the keys?" Dipper babbled as he finally freed himself. Wendy had been the last one to drive, and so she first began patting pockets on her that weren't there before she began searching the pair of jeans in her arms.

"Where the hell are the-" She glanced out the window and saw them glimmer in the light of the setting sun where they lay on the ground, separated from them by a half-dozen monsters. "Oh come ON!"

The creatures were steadily getting closer. Mabel opened the door, took aim with her trusty weapon and fired. The grappling hook went messily in and out of one of their advancing attackers with only a wet squelch and nothing more. Wendy wasted a perfectly good crossbow bolt that buried itself into a mudbeast that didn't stop for even an instant.

"Anyone have any ideas?" Asked the redhead.

"I'm working on it!" Dipper hunted through their gear for anything that could stop the muck monsters' relentless march.

"Wait! Wait!" Wendy suddenly remembered. "Dipper!"

"What?"

"Third summer!" She reminded him.

"Third what?"

"Third summer in Gravity Falls! When we….no, wait, second summer! Third summer?" She tried sorting her memories out. All the time that the twins had spent in Oregon sometimes melted together. Finally she gave up on specifics. "The outhouse thing! Whenever that happened!"

"Oh, right!" Dipper recalled the fateful afternoon of stupid horsing around that led to the destruction of what had been one of the Shack's then-major tourist attractions (thankfully they didn't get into too much trouble - the charred ruins of what had used to be the "the Possessed Outhouse of the Darned" achieved a lot more attention tourists after it was simply rebranded as "The Site of the Only Know Dragon Attack in America").

"Where are the matches?" Wendy frantically searched.

"We're going to need more than just matches! Hold on!" He quickly went to work. Thanks all the haunted ruins and eerie abandoned buildings they had explored over the years, he had long since learned how to whip up a torch in no time. All he needed was a hefty stick lying next to the RV, some matches, a junky shirt to sacrifice and a little bit of gasoline from the emergency supply and he soon had one blazing. Wendy meanwhile raided their bug spray supply and grabbed several cans.

Mabel's eyes widened. "Hey! So you WERE the ones who-"

"We didn't mean to!" Her brother gasped. "Look, we'll talk about this later, okay?"

"Dude, let's GO!" Wendy growled. The lurching mob was almost upon them as they took up positions. Dipper held the torch in a large oven mitt while his friend shook two cans and readied herself. One of the muck-beasts was almost upon them when Dipper gave the signal.

"NOW!"

He held the torch up, and she let fly. Together they created a blast of fire that caught it point-blank. They torched it up and down with their crude flamethrower. When Wendy ran out all there was left was an ugly man-shaped piece of baked clay, its mouth twisted in permanent surprise as it stood frozen in place.

Its fellow restless drowned spirits took one look at their comrade with empty mud sockets and they all had instant second thoughts. They turned and fled back down to their watery home in a messy retreat, leaving Wendy free gather up the keys without any trouble.

"Yeah you better run!" She cried out after them. With the close call over, everyone stopped for a needed breather. As she leaned over and gasped, Mabel noted something strange.

"What's...what's with you two? Did you forget your bathing suits?"

Wendy and Dipper froze as they realized for the first time in the last several minutes that they were far from the protective cover of the water. However, they also quickly noticed that Mabel clearly sounded more confused than horrified. The two braved a look at one another and were surprised by what they saw. Besides the lake-muck splattered over their bodies, Dipper was actually wearing a pair of boxer shorts, and Wendy meanwhile had on a bra and a pair of flannel boxers. In other words, neither one was as bare as they had both wrongfully assumed earlier.

"Wait….wait…." Dipper mumbled. "So you're not…."

"Dude, you're not..." She said at the exact same time. After checking each other up and down, they looked to each other in an incredulous daze. "Wait..."

"I thought you were-"

"Me too! Wait, why'd you act all weird like that in the water? I thought you were totally naked!"

"I...well I just..." Dipper sputtered as tried to cover himself up. He then let out a resigned sigh before brushing away some of the muck to reveal that he was wearing Monstermon boxers."I...didn't really want you to see like these...um, in these."

Wendy looked at his Japanese monster battling game-themed shorts, gazed back into his eyes and let out an uncontrollable snicker.

"I know," He admitted. "I shouldn't be-"

"No, it's not that. It's…." She snorted as she pointed to herself. "This pretty much makes two of us."

Her threadbare boxer shorts definitely looked like they had seen far, far better days. But what really caught his notice was her top. "...Polka dots?"

"It fit and it was on sale." She explained sheepishly. They quickly succumbed to the sheer absurdity of the entire situation and started laughing like maniacs.

"You...you really thought this was that bad?" He chortled and pointed at her.

"Hey, same with you!"

"I know, I know!" He grimaced, feeling like such a fool now. "Oh man, I can't...I can't believe I thought that you were swimming na-"

"Why would I do that?!" She laughed.

"I don't know!" He laughed. "I saw your clothes and...wait, why would you think _I_ was doing that?"

"Same thing! I saw your-"

"But this is _me_ we're talking about!" The neurotic young man reminded her.

He definitely had a point. Wendy snorted so loudly it almost hurt as she buried her face in her hands. "Okay, seriously. Just what is wrong with us?"

"Honestly? Lots of things." Dipper replied. Wendy was now cackling so hard that she needed to lean up against him for support. Taken by surprise, he made sure to keep his arms pinned by his side.

"I don't know about you, but I'm totally fine with this." She chuckled and wiped some wet hair from her face.

"Yeah, this probably isn't that bad when...I mean we've been around each other in bathing suits like, a hundred times." He conceded.

"Dude," She pointed to her ratty boxers. "My suits are all way, waaaaay more revealing than this."

"I know, I know." he snorted. But as soon as the silly mirth started to subside and they got another look at one another, both could feel the inexplicable anxiety from being exposed to one another creep up on them (well, inexplicable to Wendy; her friend however knew all too well why he still didn't really like her seeing him like this). Dipper gathered up his jeans. "Uh, we should still probably get dressed, just because... you know…"

"Good idea." Wendy actually moved even faster than he did. Neither one cared for the pond muck that squelched between their clothes and skin as they hastily made themselves decent. It was then that they realized it was just the two of them standing outside.

"Mabel?" Dipper stepped into the RV. "Mabel? Where….ohhhh, no."

He found her on the floor of the vehicle, her damp body curled up inside a sweater. Mabel whimpered piteously. Today's plan had blown up horrifically in her face, and the guilt-stricken matchmaker was not happy about it.

"I'm sorry." She fortunately was able to keep her apology unsuspiciously vague. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay." Dipper immediately got down on his knees and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You had no idea. This stuff….just kind of happens to us. You know that."

"I know, I know." She buried her face a little deeper out of sight. So much for her original vision of a sweet little couple-in-progress swim together. "I'm sorry, I just….the spot sounded so nice, and….and I thought it'd be perfect for y-"

The brunette caught herself in time. "For us."

Wendy plopped herself down next with the twins just as a thought crossed her mind. She felt like she had just the thing to speed up her "little sister's" recovery. Plus, if she was being honest with herself, she now had a bit of a curious itch she wanted to scratch a little. "Hey, Mabes?"

"Yeah?"

"Does Dipper have any other nerd-underwear?" She asked with a mischievous smile.

"Huh?" Dipper sputtered.

"C'mon, there's gotta be more than that, right?" Wendy prodded. It worked like a charm. Mabel brightened right back up with a giggle.

"Uh-huh. Usually he still keeps at least three pairs in rotation." She revealed.

"Really?" Wendy sniggered. Soon both the girls were giggling like preteens. Dipper looked on in despair and silently cursed the two years in college spent sharing an off-campus apartment with his sibling.

"Wait-"

"Okay, so are we talking different designs, or all the same?" Wendy eagerly asked.

"Nope, he likes nerdy variety. One of them just has bulbofrog all over it."

"Oh yeah, his favorite!"

"You know it!" Mabel tittered. "And the other pair has-"

"Okay looks like we're good here!" Dipper loudly interrupted. As the two kept tittering nonstop he took the keys and, parked himself behind the wheel and started up the RV. "Time to focus on figuring out where we're spending tonight."

"Hey, Dipper?" Wendy however wasn't ready to let him off the hook. When he didn't reply she repeated, "Dipper!"

"...What?" He replied with the utmost reluctance.

"Gotta trap 'em all, right?" She teased.

"That's right, Polka-Dot." He replied, deciding to fight fire with fire as he pulled the RV onto the road. Mabel was now feeling back to herself and then some, as made clear by the way she fell over onto her side and giggled like an utter maniac. And Dipper actually managed a smile up into the rearview mirror. Wendy sniggered shamelessly in spite of the fact that her reddening face was trying to match her hair for the umpteenth time that day.

"You know what?" She scoffed. "Worth it."

* * *

Two hours later and forty miles further up north, the trio sat huddled around the table for dinner. The girls sat on one side and Dipper on the other as they dug into the spaghetti with marinara Mabel had made.

Dipper had been subdued for a lot of the meal as he hyper-focused intently on his pasta. Whenever he accidentally make eye contact with Wendy for even an instant from across the table he always averted his gaze speedily as possible.

His lumberjill friend knew her doofus way too well for him to get away with this kind of stuff. And so when it happened for the umpteenth time she put down her fork and called him out.

"Dude, c'mon. Don't."

"Don't what?" He fruitlessly feigned ignorance.

"Don't act like I don't know what's up. You're going to act all weird about what happened earlier, and then you're barely going to say anything to me, look at me, or even be too close to me until you get over today." She read her neurotic friend with experienced ease. "That's totally what's going on right now."

"Yeah….sounds about right." He sheepishly conceded to her smirking face.

"One million percent right!" Mabel decided she could let out a happy squeal without sounding suspicious. "BUSTED!"

"Yeah he is. Hey Mabes, can you move out for a sec?" Wendy asked while she picked up her bowl.

"Yes indeedy I can!" She popped on out. The lanky redhead scooted off the bench seat, went around the table and sat down on Dipper's side.

"Hey! Wendy!" He laughed as scoot extra close, squishing him so tight that he could barely move his fork to his mouth. "What are you doing?"

"Exposure therapy." She said mischievously. "Deal with it."

"Wendy, c'mon! Don't-" He protested, only to be squashed even more. Dipper continued to squirm and push back, and for a few seconds he was actually putting up some decent resistance. Unfortunately, his sister saw her chance for some quick low-risk "together time."

"Time for Mabel to help!" With a moment's delay she bounced from her seat and joined in on the opposite bench side, squeezing her twin and friend so close that Wendy began to get squished up on top of Dipper's lap.

"Thanks for the backup." The redhead laughed.

"Glad to help, girlfriend!" The two fist-bumped.

"Okayokayokay! Swimming around each other in underwear is totally no big deal, okay! I learned my lesson" Dipper quickly gave in. "Can I have some space back now?"

The girls looked to one another. Wendy snickered as she let Mabel push her even further on top of the hapless young man. "Nope!"

"C'mon!" he part laughed, part gasped, part pled. They continued mercilessly squishing him until Mabel slid back. Wendy however didn't immediately follow at first. She definitely lingered a few moments longer than she herself expected. This seating arrangement wasn't really half bad. His skinny lap was actually kind of comfy. Plus her perch gave her a nice view of that embarrassed look that he would always get. She always got such a kick from the way that cutely awkward smile would half-creep around his-

A small alarm went off in the back of her brain. Long-overdue realization hit her as gently as a runaway freight train; this wasn't normally how friends thought about friends.

"Sorry dude." She mumbled as she clambered off Dipper. "Got a little stuck up there."

"It's okay. As long as I can eat again." He joked. She thanked the thoughtful dork with a nod. Mabel went back to the opposite side of the table, leaving the two still sitting next to one another while they all dug back into dinner.

Just in case Wendy had any lingering doubts about what was happening, when she passed her friend a quick side glance for a fleeting second her brain seemed to go haywire, and before she knew and she involuntarily imagined him as he was a few hours earlier; a wet, skinny, nearly-bare body covered in just a pair of nerdy underwear and splotches of lake mud. Okay, now that _definitely_ wasn't how friends thought about friends. She shook her head to try and knock the image from her mind.

"You okay?" Dipper distractedly checked.

"Yeah, I…just had kind of a kick from that last bite."

"Oh! I always like to put in a dash of hot pepper flakes for a little zing…." As Mabel began gabbing about her cooking prowess, the lumberjill nodded and pretended to listen while she let herself get lost in a fast-growing tangle of thoughts.

Wendy definitely didn't feel ready to admit anything major to herself just yet, especially so soon after her little revelation. But she was willing to silently concede this much; it seemed like things were about to get a little bit….complicated.


	13. Distracted

She looked so beautiful sitting perched up there in the topmost branches of the towering hickory, with the wind blowing through her long locks and making her flow in the breeze like a scarlet river. And even from this far and below he could still make out her brilliant emerald eyes shimmering brightly in the light of the setting sun-

Dipper smacked the side of his head to make him stop waxing poetically to himself. He then pretended to look busy by checking around a rocky outcrop just in case she glanced down his way. This is exactly what he had been fearing ever cursed feelings had resurfaced with such a powerful vengeance. Wendy was still recovering from an absolute disaster of a relationship, so as he saw it literally the very last thing that his best friend needed was for him to be acting like a total creep around her.

The young man took a couple deep breaths to center himself. It was going to be okay. He could get through this. If he had done it before when he was only a mere hormone-addled twelve-year-old, he could do it again now. All he had to do was keep up the fight, and eventually things would return to the way they usually were between them. Dipper looked up again at Wendy and smiled. That's right, they were going to be fine. Things were going to be just fine….

That was the mantra he mentally repeated until he realized he'd be gawking at her for way too long. As he hastily pretended to look busy again, his heart went out to the young woman high in the tree above him. Poor, poor Wendy. She had no idea yet about the possible trouble in store for her if he didn't keep this under control.

…..Or did she? A flash of panic flared up inside him. His crush that first summer had been far from subtle, as he painfully recalled. She had read all the signs long before he told her, and since then Wendy had only gotten to know him better and better. Was she going to figure it out soon? Did she know already?

The young man snuck another glance her way. What he wouldn't give to know what was on her mind.

* * *

Friends. They were just friends. They were just friends. They were only friends.

Wendy mentally repeated this message over and over to herself to no avail. All she had to do was glance down at Dipper, and she could immediately feel the corners of her mouth get tugged up into an involuntary smile. The growing grin was quickly wiped off her face by a groan as she tried to refocus on her duty. It was currently her job to keep watch in case the fabled mothman came flapping around while the twins combed the area down below for any sign of the elusive cryptid. It was good strategy, but unfortunately by serving as the lookout she was left all alone with the mess of thoughts that were currently clogging up her head.

To put it one way, she was no bag of ice at the moment. Wendy Blerble Corduroy, daughter of "Manly" Dan Corduroy, champion of lumberjack games, master survivalist, participant in countless forays against the paranormal, was worried. The very same woman who could build an emergency shelter in the middle of the woods in fifteen minutes flat or catch a fish with a handmade spear felt like she had no clue where to start with this whole situation. To be painfully honest with herself, the thought of acting on anything she was feeling right now made her stomach tighter than a sailor's knot. She just didn't want to rock the boat with Dipper at all by venturing into such uncharted territory with him. For the last ten years he had been her closest friend, her partner in crime, her confidant, and a dorky but caring rock she could trustingly fall back on whenever things got rough. Wendy had no idea if she was worried about a genuine risk or just letting anxiety get to her, but either way she hated to think what would happen if anything were to upset what she already had with Dipper.

The young woman facepalmed. Wait, what on earth was she thinking? Extremely recent experience had taught her exactly what things were like when they were cut off from each other for too long; not good. And that definitely wasn't something she wanted to do again. She painfully recalled how hopelessly unmoored she had felt on her own before reconnecting with the twins. Even now, she still didn't feel like she had all that much going for her beyond her friend. So if she were somehow to make things weird with her best friend of all people...she winced as she felt her gut clench even tighter.

Her sharp eyes wandered down to the patch of bright orange also exploring below, and a surprising thought sprang to mind. It'd definitely be a bit of a gamble, but maybe a private talk with a certain bubbly brunette would help her sort this all out.….

* * *

Strangely enough, Mabel didn't have either her twin or her freckled-faced friend on her mind at the moment. For once she was actually focused on the mission of the day thanks to a find she had just made. She had spotted a splash of unnatural vibrance just out of the corner of her eye, and immediately took a knee to get a closer look. The wet splatter on the ground was bright red, yet also had an otherworldly silvery shade to it. There was almost an eerie beauty to it that enraptured her for a few moments before she figured out what she was looking at.

"Whoaaaa." The young woman took her walkie talkie from her bag and put in a call to the rest of the field team. "This is Magnificent Mabel! Lumberjill Queen and Super Nerd, come in! Over!"

Dipper (who still wasn't a fan of his code name) radioed back with a sigh. "What is it?"

"I found something! Some blood!"

Her sibling immediately perked up. "What kind?"

"Some kind freaky monster blood. It just has to be. I'm one million percent sure!"

"Hold on, we're coming over! Where are you?"

"OVER HERE!" Mabel moved the walkie talkie from her mouth and yelled out at the top of her lungs before radioing back in,. "Didya get that?"

"Coming! Wendy, did you hear-"

"Dude, I can see you both from up here." Wendy laughed. "Be there in a few."

Once they reunited a few minutes later, Dipper got so far down on his hands and knees that he almost ended up lying on his stomach as he examined the splatter.

"What do you think?" Mabel asked.

"I don't know. People have only gotten brief glimpses of mothman. Or mothmen." He got up and brushed himself off. "Nobody's ever found blood before."

"Blargh." She stuck out her tongue. "No one ever gets anything more than stupid quick looks. Or dumb blurry photos."

"Still, this definitely can't be just coincidence." He marveled at the way that the blood managed to be both blazing crimson and silvery grey at the same time. "There's no way."

"You know, this stuff actually looks pretty fresh." Wendy got a closer look. "Hold on…."

The experienced huntress started looking around. She wandered a few yards and found another splatter. The twins followed along as she quickly picked up a trail of sprinkled silver-red droplets that took them on a strange winding route through the woods.

A shrill cry suddenly rang out nearby, making everyone drop down and freeze. It was like no animal that they had ever heard before. Wendy motioned for the twins to stay put while she moved ahead, using her expert stealth to stay quiet. As he crouched down low, Dipper tried not to focus on how undeniably cool she looked as she crept along almost soundlessly. Another cry suddenly rang out.

"Wait!" Mabel shot up with a start. She still didn't recognize the creature, but she recognized its tone. Whatever it was, it was definitely in some sort of pain.

"Mabel!" Dipper whispered when she sprang by him without a second thought.

"It sounds like it's hurt!"

"But we-"

Something flew out from behind some bushes. Wendy let out a yell as a large wing struck her head. The blur flapped clumsily for a few yards until it crashed down to the ground, and then it took off at a run.

"Come back!" Mabel followed in pursuit with the others close behind. When they surrounded it only a few seconds later, they were all in for a surprise.

"What the..." Dipper exclaimed. It wasn't an insect-man cryptid, but it wasn't any ordinary animal either. The lamb-sized creature had a long wispy tail, hoofed back legs, feathery clawed front legs, and a beaked eagle-head.

"Um...griffin?" Wendy looked to her expert friend and asked confusedly. She had seen similar creatures around Gravity Falls (there had been a particularly notable incident a few years back where one had tried to build a nest on top of Soos and Melody's house), but she never seen anything quite like this. Dipper shook his head. He hadn't seen anything like this before in real life either, but that didn't stop him from recognizing its unique hybrid characteristics.

"Hippogriff."

"Ooohh, and it's hurt! You poor baby!" Mabel gasped. One nasty bite wound on one of the creature's legs and another one on its left wing sprinkled fresh silvery blood on the ground. Its beady eyes were bulging with fright as it looked back and forth between the trio. Finally it folded its wings, knelt down to the ground and curled up into a shivering little loaf. Mabel crouched down low to the ground. "It's okay…..c'mere, no one's gonna do anything bad here….c'mere…."

At first the little beast kept its distance while it eyed her cautiously. But she continued to murmur to it in a soft comforting melody.

"C'mon! C'mon! It's okay, you're fine….everything's gonna be juuuust fine…."

Her soft tone, magnetic warmth and friendly smile proved to be too much to resist, especially in its condition. It crawled up into her open arms with an exhausted whimper.

"There we go!" Mabel didn't couldn't care less about the blood that was dribbling onto her. The young woman rocked it like a child as she showered down reassurances. "It's okay….it's okay, you're safe now….Mabel's gotcha…..you're gonna be okay….everything's gonna be oookaaaay."

The hippogriff let its head rest limply against her chest. Mabel looked expectantly to the others. "Well?"

"Well what?" Her brother asked.

"First Aid kit, anyone? Helloooo?!"

"Oh! Um, just a sec…." Dipper fumbled it out of his pack. The little hippogriff watched him with a curious stare as he approached. "Hey little guy. Don't worry, I-"

It immediately nipped his hand. "OW!"

Wendy cracked up. He shot her a look and she apologetically shrugged. Mabel meanwhile petted and cooed to it until it was distracted enough to let her twin get to work on its injured wing. "There we go! See? There's nothing to be scared off. That's just my bro-bro. He's super nice, just like all of us. He's gonna fix you up and you're gonna feel better real soon. That sounds good, doesn't it, little guy?"

She paused, picked it up above her head and broke out blushing after she performed a quick check. "Whoops! Sorry, little lady!"

Dipper quickly applied some bandages on its wounds. Mabel then took out a granola bar from her bag, which the hippogriff sniffed curiously before wofing it down in a flash.

"Whoa! Looks like you need get some more food in you pronto. Well, no sense in waiting around. C'mon!"

And without delay she headed off. Dipper and Wendy exchanged glances.

"Where's she going?" he asked.

"Probably to feed her new friend." Wendy guessed with a smile.

"Ooohhh no." Dipper chased off after his twin. "Mabel? Mabel! Wait!"

"Hey, we still have some of that leftover hamburger, right?" Mabel asked as she trooped back to the RV.

"Mabel, what are you doing?"

"Didn't you see her just now? She's starving! Isn't that right?" She cooed sympathetically to the little beast. "Someone needs some din-din in her tummy-tum!"

Dipper knew that look on her face. It was the same exact adoring look that she used to give her pet pig. "Mabel, no. We're not-"

"Yes we are!" She cheerily contradicted.

"Just hold on! We only found this thing a few minutes ago!"

"Yeah! We found her, and now we're gonna help her!"

"But we-"

"Dipper, look!" She thrust their half-feathery, half-furry discovery toward him. "She's hurt, she's hungry, and she's all alone out here! She needs us!"

"But-"

"Please?"

"Mabel-"

"Pleeeeeeease? Just try and say no to this face!" She dared him. Dipper looked into the little creature's shiny eyes and his reluctance quickly crumbled.

"Well, it couldn't hurt to give her some-" He tried to pet it, and the hippogriff nipped his hand. "OW!"

"Ooooh, I think that means she likes you!" Mabel giggled. With a triumphant smile on her face she continued the trek back to the Lady Mabelton. Wendy chuckled at the ridiculous pair; Little Miss Big Heart and The Big Softie Dork.

"Dude, you seriously thought you could stop her?" She asked as she checked his hand..

"I know, I know." He shook his head. "You'd think I'd know better by now…."

Later they were assembled outside the RV. Mabel sat in a folding camp chair with her new charge sitting perched in her lap. The small hippogriff happily gobbled down sauteed ground beef as it nestled comfortably in the young woman's warm hold. Her caretaker was smitten, and giggled ceaselessly with pure delight as she fed it. Dipper sat next to the two and curiously observed the animal in the dim light of the setting sun.

"So, did we just find the mothman or what?" Wendy asked as she stroked their discovery's back. She found it impossible to sit in arm's reach of the hippogriff and resist the urge to pet it.

"Maybe. I mean, she's got the unusual strange shape and the big wings going for her. But…." The puzzled investigator scratched his head. "I just...I have no idea how people could spot her and think giant bug-man."

"That's an easy one. Because they're stupid." His friend's very matter-of-fact answer made him immediately crack up.

"Sounds kind of like an oversimplification." He gently begged to differ.

"Then how do you explain all the tourists at the Mystery Shack?"

"Fair point." He braved a pat, and their new friend tried to unsuccessfully nip him yet again with its beak. "Hey! C'mon!"

"Oh it's just a love bite." Mabel tittered. "Okay, looks like we got one more spoonful left here, and….there, all done! I bet we're feeling nice and full now, aren't we? Aren't we, girl?"

The hippogriff started to purr in agreement. Now how on earth a half horse-half bird monster could physically purr was anyone's guess, but it triggered a happy squeal from Mabel. She began nuzzling it furiously.

"'Sup?" Wendy asked while she watched Dipper examine the hippogriff's wounds.

"What do you think attacked her? I feel like she's the kind of thing most other animals would want to keep away from. I mean, they probably haven't seen anything else like her."

"Well, she's still kinda small." The redhead pondered it over with him. "Maybe a bobcat surprised her?"

"I could see that-"

"Ooohhhhh!" Mabel piped up. "I got it! Flappy!"

"Huh? Wait, what's flappy?" Wendy asked.

"No, that's her name! We can call her Flappy! Because she was flapping around when we found her!" She grinned at her little friend. "But you weren't doing a good job getting up in the air, right? Haha! It's okay, Mabel's got you now, and-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Dipper didn't like the sound of an official name. The young man unhappily guessed where this was all going. "Mabel, don't tell me that you're thinking of…."

"Maaaaaybe?" She smiled hopefully. He let out a heavy sigh.

"Okay, let's talk about this first."

"What?" She shot back incredulously. "What's there to talk about? She's hurt!"

"But if we-"

"She can't fly right now! She'll be like a sitting horse-duck out there in the woods!"

"So instead we just...take her with us?"

"Just until she heals up! And then she can just fly all the way back to her home here!" She looked down at the little creature. Flappy looked up, purred, and the adoring young woman instantly qualified, "If she wants to."

"What? Mabel, no!" Her brother protested.

"What are we supposed to do then?" She demanded. "Huh?"

"Look, I'm not saying abandon her, I'm just saying…." Dipper honestly wasn't too sure what he was saying. He was feeling pretty torn as he looked at the injured little beast. "Let's just talk this over some more before we decide on anything."

"There's nothing else to talk about! She hurt, she needs help. Plus she's adorable!" She gave Flappy a hug. Already her mind was running full sprint as she fantasized about life with a half-bird, half-equine little buddy.

"But what are you going to do if she doesn't want to return home?" He asked. His sister just started giggling uncontrollably, and it became quite obvious to Dipper that she was letting herself get lost in her own imagination. He had to wave his hand right in front of her face to get her attention back. "Mabel? Mabel!"

"What?" She snapped back to the present.

"Just how would that even work out? Are you just going keep her hidden from almost everyone? You'd probably have to keep her inside all the time. You can't exactly disguise her or anything, at least not very easily. "

He was raising too many valid points for her to ignore. She realized that she would probably cause quite a stir in all the wrong ways if people saw her walking Flappy down the street on a leash.

"Uhhhh…..well….we could….um…..."

"I'm sorry, but I really don't see how this would actually work." Dipper looked to Wendy. "You too, right?"

"Huh?"The redhead chewed her lip. "Well…"

"No! We have to take Flappy with us! Right Wendy?" Mabel asked. Now both twins were waiting for their friend to weigh in. For a second the lumberjill was frozen like a deer in headlights.

"I totally abstain for now."

"Oh, boo!" Mabel protested. "Wendy, c'monnnn!"

"Hey, this isn't an easy! I mean, you both make sense!"

"You gotta choose!"

"Why? Dipper hasn't even figured out what to-"

The spirited debate came to a very abrupt end when "Flappy" raised her head a let out a startled squawk. Mabel could physically feel her tense up.

"Shhh, it's okay! It's okay! Nobody's mad at you, we're only trying to-"

Something suddenly swooped by overhead, something far bigger than any bird they knew of. It flew by again, and they could distinctly see the silhouette of arms, legs, and a pair of antennae.

"What the hell?" Wendy sent her chair toppling over as she shot to her feet

"It's….I think it's…." Dipper's guess was interrupted by their hippogriff friend's frightened cries. The little beast shrieked in terror before it leapt to the ground and retreated into the cover of the surrounding woods.

"FLAPPY!" Mabel chased after her.

"Mabel, come back!" Wendy was about to follow when she saw Dipper race into the RV. "Hey! Dude!"

"Just wait!"

"For what?!" She snapped.

"Got an idea! Just need to….hold on just a sec!" He frantically searched around inside. While the lumberjill impatiently banged the side of the vehicle, both of them could hear Mabel's cries echoing nearby.

"Flappy! Come back, Flappy!" The young woman shouted. Night had almost fully descended, leaving her practically blind as she charged headlong through the darkening woods. Branches whipped her face and body but she doggedly followed the hippogriff's frightened squawks. With a burst of determined speed she caught up to Flappy. The little beast squirmed and screeched as Mabel scooped her up.

"It's okay! I'm here, it's okay!"

There was a rustle of leaves as something swiftly descended down from the sky. The very first thing the Mabel noticed was a pair of enormous red eyes glowing like two hellish lights. The new arrival let out a sibilant his. Flappy shrieked and buried her head into head into Mabel's chest. The young woman suddenly knew what had attacked the small hippogriff.

"NO!" She scrabbled around the ground until her fingers closed around a stick. She threw it as hard as she could, and the startled mothman batted it out of the air just in time. Mabel turned around and started fleeing back towards the RV. She could hear a flap of giant wings and an airy whoosh as the insectoid horror took off after her in pursuit. She ran in zigzags, ducked under branches and pulled off every evasion trick that she could think off. But when she ran through a small clearing her hunter saw its chance. Suddenly it swooped in, and a pair of hands grabbed her from behind. Both its feet were firmly planted back on the ground as it grappled with her, and she could hear the strands of her sweater rip as its claws tore into the woolen strands.

"FLAPPY'S NOT YOUR DINNER!" With a defiant yell she reached for the enormous antennae, grabbed them like a pair of rabbit ears and yanked as hard as she could. The mothman let out a piercing scream followed by a breathless grunt when her knee flew up and she nailed it straight into the gut. It toppled down and she kicked it several times for good measure before she fled.

Unfortunately this bug-man monster wanted to finish its hunt just as badly as she wanted to protect her little friend. She could hear it take off again with another whoosh and a determined cry that sent a chill down her spine.

"You're not getting her!" She yelled back. "I won't let you! I WON'T LET-"

"Hey! Over here!" Mabel suddenly heard her brother shout out, and a blaze of light followed. The effect was instantaneous. The mothman immediately swooped to the ground, and started ambling like a zombie towards the glow. She stopped and watched in amazement for a few moments before a hand shot out and hauled her behind some bushes. Wendy muffled her yelp, gestured apologetically and motioned for her friend to stay by her side. Mabel stuck to her like glue as she as she followed after the redhead in the shadows.

Meanwhile the mothman continued to move as mechanically as a robot towards the light. Dipper's assumption had paid off in spades. As the creature was mindlessly drawn closer and closer to him, Dipper finally got his first look at it. It was a dark dust-gray humanoid body, set with a cruel fanged head topped with brushy antennae and two enormous glowing red eyes, each one the size of a pancake and glowing red as the fires of hell. For a moment the young man marveled in horror.

"That's right, over here! Look what I haaaavvvve….c'mon, check it out!" He snapped out of it and continued to pour on the encouragement while he waved the four blazing flashlights in his hands. When the insectoid abomination grew close enough, Dipper started to back away, leading it along like a Pied Piper. Nearby, Wendy gestured for Mabel and the quivering hippogriff to stay put behind some bushes. She drew her axe and began creeping up on the insectoid monster.

Flappy removed her head from Mabel's chest for a look. She caught sight of the mothman again, and squalled loudly in fright. The brunette covered her beak, but it was already too late. The mothman turned their way with a snarl.

"NO!" Dipper waved the lights frantically. "Wait, over here! Look over here!"

Wendy leapt to her feet and twirled the hatchet in her hand "I got h-"

The trio received the start of their lives when a horse-sized beast dropped down from above with ferocious force. The hopelessly distracted mothman didn't even get a chance to cry out before it was squashed like….well, a bug. The large hippogriff snorted contemptuously at the mess under its feet, and vigorously stomped a few times more with its front claws and back hooves to makes sure the deed was done. It then looked around at the stunned humans.

"Uh…..h-hi?" Dipper greeted it with an awkward wave.

Mabel gasped as she looked down at the little creature in her arms.. She didn't know why she didn't figure it out before. It all made sense now. "You're….you're just a baby."

An overjoyed Flappy squeaked and squirmed with noticeable joy until the brunette set her down and let her gallop off. Her mother growled in delight as she rubbed beaks with her missing little one. Without missing a beat, she picked her up by the scruff of her neck and placed her onto her back. But before she could wander off to wherever home was, Flappy squeaked in protest. Her parent stopped, confused as she jumped off. The mother instinctively bristled when she saw her run towards Mabel, but then relaxed when she saw the way her child waggled her entire body and squeaked fondly at the young woman.

Mabel realized that she now had to bid adieu. It made her heart ache, but she knew what she had to do. She knelt down and tenderly squeezed her friend. "Bye, Flappy. It was nice knowing you….if just for a little while."

The little hippogriff nuzzled her, ran halfway back towards her mother, stopped, and then returned for one more embrace. It seemed that she developed a fondness for hugs in the short time she had spent with her new friends. Mabel burst out snorting with laughter and was more than happy to oblige her with a loving squeeze. Meanwhile. Dipper and Wendy gave the mother monster a safe berth as they headed over to say their farewells.

"Seeya." Wendy stroked her back. "Stay cool, okay?"

"Bye-OW! C'mon!" Dipper was bit one last time, followed by a quick nuzzle against his aching hand.

"See? Told you it was only love bites." Mabel giggled. Flappy ran halfway back to her mother and turned. Her caretaker grinned. "It's okay! I'll be fine, I promise! Just stay safe, okay?"

Reassured by her tone, she reunited with her parent. The majestic beast then picked up her baby, settled it onto her back and then walked off into the forest.

"Bye! Bye bye! Bye, Flappy!" Mabel strained her vision a little as she made sure to keep them in sight as long as she possibly could.

"Huh.…." Wendy shook her head. "Guess that's over with."

"Looks like it." Dipper braved a look at the remains that the protective parent had left behind. It looked like they definitely had the confirmation they had been seeking earlier. And a pretty sizable mess too.

"Ooooh, someone got totaled." His friend exclaimed.

"Ugh, I'll say." He kicked some leaves over the remains, and she joined in. "You know what, I think that should be good."

It was then that he heard a distinct sniffle from his twin. She still hadn't taken her gaze away from where she had last seen their little friend. He was at her side in a heartbeat. "Mabel?"

"I'm okay. Just…." Mabel wiped under her glasses at her rapidly watering eyes. She was missing her little pal already. "I'm j-just kind of….happy-sad right now, you know?"

He smiled gently. "Yeah, I know."

Dipper draped an arm around her shoulders and together the little group headed back to the Lady Mabelton. Wendy made sure to keep in the background while she let her friend go and be a brother. For a while the twins just sat there at the table, where the young man let his sister sniffle it all out. Soon the physically and emotionally drained young woman was fighting to stay awake as she leaned into her twin. Dipper saw her off to bed, and when he returned to the front of the vehicle he shot Wendy an anxious look that she read instantaneously. It was literally the exact same expression he had given her over the years whenever his sister was sick or hurt and he had to leave her for any extended period time.

"Could you-"

"It's okay. I got her from here." She flashed him a reassuring grin.

"Thanks." He gratefully sighed. "Let me know if she needs anything, okay?"

"Always do." She had to suppress a laugh as she sauntered to the bedroom. Probably nobody on that planet fussed for Mabel harder than that big doofus did, though it wasn't like that was a bad thing. She had always found it incredibly sweet the way he tried to be there for his sister whenever-

And just like that, suddenly realized she had the big dork back on the brain yet again. Now Wendy started to miss Flappy too. The cute little cryptid had offered a nice, albeit all too brief distraction from the muddled mess of thoughts that had been plaguing her earlier.

She made sure to check on her bunkmate, who was curled up in bed and already fast asleep. So the good news was that the exhausted brunette was getting some rest. The bad news was that one look at Mabel's face immediately reminded her of the almost identical-looking young man bunking right outside the bedroom door, as if this whole thing wasn't weird enough already.

But at least it also reminded her about something else. She gave the young woman a quick pat and whispered, "You and I need to have a talk real soon."

Wendy then took care to position herself back-first to her friend as she lay down. Hopefully she wouldn't be up to late getting lost in her own thoughts. But if she did, she already had something to console herself with. At least for once in their lives, Dipper wasn't the most anxious one in their little group.

* * *

Not far away at all, Dipper tried to block the rush of thoughts trying to force their way to the forefront of his mind, all to no avail at all. After trying in vain yet again to focus his brain elsewhere, he turned over and stifled a groan into his pillow. He seriously needed some way to put a lid on all of this, and fast.

Until then, it looked like he had another long night ahead of him.

* * *

Mabel's eyes fluttered open as the sunlight streamed through the window. She yawned, and found that sometime during the night she had managed to embrace Wendy tightly, as had become routine. The sleep-hugger detached herself with a snicker as a thought crossed her mind. Hopefully she could get a certain someone's noodle arms around this lanky lady pretty soon.

Taking care not to wake up anyone, the earlier riser of a young woman managed to fix herself a drink before slipping outside into the summer morning. As she sat in a camping chair and stirred her Mabel Juice with a Twizzler, she spent a moment recalling just the evening before. For a few seconds she could almost feel the baby hippogriff sitting back in her arms. She sighed, but a smile quickly returned to her face. It was admittedly a little heartbreaking to say goodbye to a new pal so soon, but she was happy to know that her little Flappy was safely back with her mother, all thanks to her and the others. She wished nothing but the best for her little friend (and hoped that Mama Hippogriff would stomp the daylights out of any other hungry bug-creature who was stupid enough to mess with her baby).

She sipped her sugary beverage before switching mental gears. It was time to get back on her usual morning routine, and so she got to work thinking up all the ways she could possibly make some matchmaking progress on this brand new day. As she brainstormed, she rolled her eyes and tittered to herself. The sleepy lumps still snoozing inside the RV were making this whole process quite the long ordeal. Things much, much longer than she had originally anticipated. They'd already traveled all this way across the country, lived together for several weeks, and still no official couple yet. The young woman figured that the two oblivious sillies probably hadn't even begun to realize that they could possibly more than mere friends.

That was okay though, she reminded herself with a giggle. The way she saw it, it was only a matter of time. She'd get that little seed of a thought planted in their heads soon enough.


	14. Never Meet Your Heroes

"...My turn! My turn! Okaaaay…..aaaaaa….teddy bear! How would Stan turn that into a Shack attraction?"

Wendy thought hard as she piloted the Lady Mabelton down the country road. "Let's see, probably….replace the eyes with lights, stick it in a cage, and tell people that it's possessed."

"Oooohhh, and Wen-Wen takes a strong lead with a good answer!" Mabel whooped. "Okay Dipdop, how about you?"

While the girls sat together up front, Dipper was at the table busily typing away on his laptop.

"Huh?" He grunted.

"Teddy bear!" She told him.

"Wait, what teddy bear?" asked the distracted young man.

"Nooo, silly! How would Grunkle Stan turn that into a-"

"Oh, oh, right! He would….he'd, um….probably do something to like, make its eye light up, and then tell people that it's-"

"Dipperrrr!" Mabel rolled her eyes. "You know the rules! No taking other people's answers!"

"What?"

"Wendy just said that!"

"She did?"

"Dude? Nose out of the laptop, now." Wendy ordered.

"It's not for grad school, I swear." He promised. "I'm just doing a write-up for Ford."

"Serious? It shouldn't take this long to explain that haunted mud attacked us." Wendy shot right back. "What you have is probably good enough."

"But I'm just-" He tried to protest, but it was all in vain. Wendy had watched him overwork himself countless times over the years, and after the madness of his most recent semester (as he described it to her) she wasn't going to let him go overboard in any capacity if she could help it.

"Don't make me send Mabel back there." She interrupted him.

"Trust me, I'll make you regret it!" The brunette cheerily threatened her brother.

The young man now found himself stuck between a rock and a hard place. All the work he was loading on himself was helping keep him from thinking about...certain things.

Unfortunately it looked like he had gone as far as he could with that distraction now that the others were fussing. As he dawdled, Wendy craned her neck and threw a glance back at him.

"Seriously, I'm counting to three and then I'm siccing your sister on you. One…."

"Here I coo-ooommme!" Mabel stood up. Dipper quickly capitulated.

"Okay, I'm done, I'm done!" He closed up his computer. His twin triumphantly flopped back into the passenger seat.

"Good! Now, I do believe it's still someone's turn! Teddy bear! GO!"

"Uh….okay….I think Stan would probably take the head and go stick it on top of the body….of...a….taxidermied…."

He happened to glance out the window right as the old RV rumbled by an interesting sight. He spotted a large old Victorian building, much bigger than a mere house, that was practically out in the middle of nowhere in this stretch of eastern Pennsylvania. But sitting parked with outside of it was a trailer bearing an enormous name and logo loudly emblazoned into its side. Recognition instantly hit Dipper with the force of a bolt of lightning. The young man flapped his arms and exploded with a shrill yell that almost spooked the girls clean out of their skins.

"It hurts!" Mabel clapped her hands over the sides of her head.

"Stop! Stop the RV! Stop the RV!" He raced to the front of the vehicle and breathlessly demanded. The confused driver hastily parked the Lady Mabelton on the side of the road.

"What? What gives?" Wendy demanded.

"Look! Look! It's them! It's really them!" He yabbered.

"Who? Who's them?" Mabel asked. It was like the twins had traded personalities. While she gawked dumbfoundedly at him, he pointed and bounced with excitement.

"GHOST HARASSERS!" He squealed. "IT'S THE GHOST HARASSERS!"

"Ghost Harassers?" The girls shared a look. Both vaguely recalled the old reality show where two guys would wander around supposedly haunted buildings. They also remembered the many hours Dipper had spent on Grunkle Stan's armchair immersed in all-afternoon marathons.

"Wait, that's still a thing?" asked an incredulous Wendy.

"No, no. See, the Used-to-Be-About-History Channel rebooted it two years ago. Now it has new hosts, new locations, new ghost-tech…." Dipper was so beside himself with excitement that he needed to stop and take a deep breath. "It's even better than the original! And now...just look! Look! They're here! I mean they're over there! They're actually right over….wait, what am I even still doing standing around in here?"

The young man raced out of the RV. He then charged headlong towards the show's little camp, which consisted of a trio checking an array of eclectic equipment outside their trailer.

"Uh, can we help you?" A young woman with heavily tattooed arms asked the sudden arrival.

Dipper didn't say anything at first. He just glanced excitedly between her and her two late twenty-something male companions. One of them was a beefy fellow who sported a shaved head and a finely trimmed beard. The other one was taller, more wiry, and sported a crown of spiked blond hair. Together the two joined their teammate and gawked in bewilderment at the ecstatic stranger who had appeared suddenly in their midst.

"It's...it's you! It's you! It's really you! Lou and Terry!" He gushed, then turned back to the young woman. "A-and Maggie, their intrepid cameraman! Wait, camerawoman! Camerawoman! Sorry! I'm sorry! I just….I don't believe it! It's you! It's actually you! It's seriously actually you guys! Guys and girl! Sorry! I just….it's you!"

The beefy Harasser burst out chuckling.

"Hey." He got up and extended a friendly hand. "So, I take it you're big fan of the show?"

"Are you kidding?!" Dipper took it and shook vigorously. "I watched the original all the time when I was just a kid! And I've been watching it ever since you guys brought it back! Every single episode, from the time you went into the abandoned mental hospital in Florida to that two-hour special when you explored a…."

Maggie and Terry speedily warmed up to the yammering but earnest young man. The skinny blonde gave him a clap on the back. "Well it's always good to meet a superfan while out on the road."

"Oh, I'm not just a fan! I'm….ooohh, sorry!" Dipper realized he hadn't even introduced himself yet. "My name's Dipper. Dipper Pines. I'm out on the road too, with my….wait, where are-"

"Dipper? Dipper!"

"Dude!" His friend and sister caught up. As they caught their breath, he meanwhile started babbling on again.

"Okay so this is my sister Mabel and my friend Wendy. We're doing the same thing that you guys are!"

"Huh? Really?" Maggie raised an eyebrow.

"Uh-huh! Well, not quite. It's not exclusively ghosts, it's more like a variety of all kinds of weird things. Look, really long story, but what I can tell you that ghosts are definitely a big part of it! There's just so many of them everywhere we go!" he clarified.

The two hosts looked to one another. In no time their minds were on the same wavelength. Both of them could already smell the higher ratings they'd get with the surprise inclusion of a bunch of eccentric guests.

"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Terry asked.

"Oh yeah, better believe it." The two pounded fists before Lou made an offer. "Hey Dipper? How'd you like to take your team and come to tonight's investigation with us?"

For a moment both Wendy and Mabel thought that Dipper was going to actually swoon. He wobbled on his feet a little. His lips started to move, but it took a few seconds until he could forming genuine words. "Y….y-y….y-y…..yes! Absolutely!"

"Alright! You go prep up. We head in here right after the sun goes down." Terry nodded to the crumbling building behind him.

"Right! Of course! Th-thank you!" Dipper sputtered. He turned and beamed a record-breakingly large smile at his friend and sister. "Did you hear that, guys? We get to be on an episode! We get….we actually….I don't believe it! I….I-I don't…."

Soon he was too wound up to talk. He babbled something incomprehensible, then raced off back to the RV. It had all happened so fast that the girls were left standing there in a daze.

"You have any idea what just happened?" Wendy asked. Mabel scratched her head.

"I...think that we just got drafted into doing a thingy here tonight...but I'm not one hundred percent sure on that..."

* * *

As soon as night fell only about an hour later, the two paranormal-hunting teams had assembled in front of the old building. Dipper left no stone unturned as he doubled-checked everything.

"Okay, PKE meter is charged….holy water, check….religious charms….silver hand mirror…." He muttered into his pack.

Wendy watched him from close by. She was genuinely having trouble remembering when she had last seen him so animated. It was actually kind of cute (she quickly made sure to suppress that thought), but unfortunately it also made what she was about to tell him all the more difficult.

"Uh, Dipper?" She spoke up.

"Isn't this great?" He gushed. "We're doing a joint investigation! With these guys!"

"I….I guess?" she said hesitantly. Dipper could read her reservations in her emerald eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Well….I dunno, I just….I feel like whenever I watched this show with you, it just felt kind of….fake." She decided to opt for blunt but gentle honesty. Wendy felt like she really owed it to her best friend to give him fair warning. Dipper surprised her when he just chuckled her objections away.

"Well yeah, of course they need to overdramatize everything and play it up. That's just TV for you, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Just think!" He clenched his hands and gushed. "We actually get to see who others do it!"

"I gotta admit, it'd be nice to see if we've been doing anything the hard way this whole time!" Mabel said optimistically.

"Ooohh! Looks like they're ready! Let's go! Let's go!" Dipper saw they were getting a signal. He urged them over to the front steps of the building. Meanwhile Wendy held her tongue for now, but kept her eyes peeled.

"Okay, in three….two….one…." Maggie pointed the camera at the hosts.

"What's up, everyone?" Terry greeted. "Okay, so we're currently filming just outside Wilkes-Barre Pennsylvania, at the former Oak Meadow Inn. This used to be a popular countryside place to vacation waaay back in the day."

"Until something dark went down, and either a spirit or spirits began roaming the place. Then people had to kiss this place goodbye." Lou continued. "What happened? No one really seems to know. All rumors say is that the the owners and visitors left this place as soon as they could, but the ghosts have stayed right here ever since."

"So now we're gonna go in and see just how packed with activity this place is."

"And we got ourselves a special treat. We were lucky enough to meet up with these guys here. Meet Dipper and Mabel Pines and Wendy Corduroy. They're road-tripping ghost hunters like us! And of course, they'll be helping us explore the inn tonight!"

"Let's do this!" The two pounded fists and headed in, with camerawoman and Mystery Trio following closely.

"This...is... _so_ cool." Dipper whispered softly as they entered the rundown building. Flashlights went on as they all assembled in the front hallway.

"Alright, so we're at the lobby now. So, first we're going to see if-" Terry began before his co-host interrupted interrupted.

"Whoa! Hold on! I'm getting a high reading in here already!" Lou showed his scanner to the camera. "We're at...wow, it looks like we're at a four-point-nine already!"

"You hear that?" Dipper elbowed Mabel. "A four-point-nine!"

"Ooooh!" She squeaked, but then cocked her head at her twin. "Wait...a four-point-nine on a what?"

"Their spiritual spectronomer!" Dipper raved. Wasting no time, he began digging furiously through his bag. "Quick, who's got our meter?"

"I do!" His twin reached into her pack.

Wendy meanwhile continued to cautiously eye the Harassers. So far this was unlike any of the many haunted outings she had been on with the Pines clan, and she didn't like the feel of it one little bit.

"Ooohhh man, I'm detecting some crazy activity in here too. The electromagnetic field ghost-ometer's giving me a reading of-" Terry was suddenly interrupted when an audible rapping filled the air. Both men went on high alert.

"What was that?"

"I….I think it….sounded like…"

There was another sharp rap.

"Hold on….hello? Is someone there?" Terry sounded. A rapping replied back.

"I think...something's….reaching….out to us." His partner murmured.

"Hello? H-hello?" Terry's voice echoed slightly through the building. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

Two sharp raps responded.

"This is Terry, Lou and friends. We mean you no harm. We're only….."

Dipper watched on in the background, completely entranced by it all. "It must be a level three….maybe a level four! They just got here and the already found one! Oh man, I just gotta ask them how-"

"Uhhh, Dipper?" Wendy tapped his shoulder, then pointed to Maggie. The tattooed blonde was expertly balancing the nightvison camera with one hand and rapping her knuckles against the wall with quick precise knocks. The hosts meanwhile continued to put on quite a show, acting as if the off-camera sound effects were coming from beyond.

"...Okay, okay, I'm going to ask them something. Who's there? Were you a man or a woman in your former life? Tap once for a man, twice for a woman!"

Maggie tapped once. Her fellow Harassers gasped. Dipper meanwhile crashed hard and fast from his excitement-high down into a deep, deep disappointment. Wendy was even tempted to say that the poor doofus looked a little genuinely brokenhearted by the revelation as she watched him physically wilt.

"Wait….they're…." Dipper suddenly felt like world's biggest idiot. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. So much for his high hopes of meeting with fellow investigators of the paranormal.

"Dude?" Wendy gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh man...I…." His face crumpled up. "I should have known. I so should have know….they're-"

"Hey, it's okay." she pat his back. "You were just-"

"Uh…..guys?" The last thing Mabel wanted to do was butt in while her couple-to-be were having a little moment together, but she felt like she had no choice. She had just turned on their grunkle-constructed PKE meter and it was already crackling loudly. The hosts joined them.

"Looks like our guests have found something too. What are you picking up?" Lou asked them with a sly wink.

Suddenly a low moan rang out through the house. Terry let out a groan.

"What the? Okay, cut! Cut!" He looked crossly at his co-host. "What gives? I thought we weren't doing a moaner this episode."

"Huh? Well, yeah. That's what I thought too." Lou replied bewilderedly. Both looked to their teammate. "Mags? Did you set up a-"

"Huh?" She looked just as confused as them. "No way. I totally followed the plan."

She produced a remote from her pocket and pressed it. A small device set up nearby played the recording of an eerie childlike laugh. Together they all turned towards their guests, and Terry started to chuckle.

"Oh man," He shook his head. "I'm glad you guys stumbled across us. You got a lot going right so far, but it looks like you also still have a whole lot to nail down."

"Totally. First of all, you can't just hit the audience up front like that." Lou gave them a friendly pointer. "I know it's tempting, but voice stuff is always best for near the end of an investigation."

"Huh? Wait…" Dipper raised an eyebrow. It looked like he wasn't the only one working under false assumptions here. "What do you think that we do exactly?"

"Hey look, we get it. Just getting your feet on the ground, trying to get a MeTube channel up and then hoping to maybe land a show deal if it all works out. No need to keep up the act, it's fine. We're the last people to judge on that." He laughed and winked. "There's more than enough viewers to go around."

"Seriously though," Maggie chided them. "You really can't be going so nuts with all of your special effects like that."

There was another moan. This one was louder, more aggressive. She rolled her eyes. "See? You can't have that going on when you haven't even been in the building for five minutes."

"Uh….but that's not us." Wendy told her.

"What do you mean that's-"

On cue the doors closed shut with a massive slam. A noticeable chill suddenly descended on the front hallway.

"Whoa! How'd you guys do-" Maggie caught something out of the corner of her eye. She looked up and paled in the blink of an eye.

"Mags?" Lou shook her shoulder. "Mags are you-"

Her arm shot up and she let out an ear-piercing scream as she pointed. Everyone else simultaneously turned and laid eyes at the white specter at the top of the stairs. She was grabed as if she had stepped out of an old black and white photo in a modest old-fashioned dress. She would have looked eerily beautiful were it not for the fact that her head flopped about loosely on top of her neck.

The Mystery Trio were all given a start, but that was nothing compared to the other so-called experts. Lou erupted with a high-pitched shriek.

"What is that?" Terry wailed. "W-what is that?"

There was a crash as Maggie let the camera slip limply from her hands. "Let's get out of here!"

The three of them left a trail of mostly prop equipment in their wake as they tried to retreat. Unfortunately the doors remained tightly shut no matter how hard they banged or how frantically they pulled. Their panicked cries grew in a crescendo of panic. The ghostly woman meanwhile let out a spine-chilling wail, and a pale greenish-white energy began to pull everything into the air, furniture and human alike. The Harassers screamed incessantly in pure terror as the floated up off the floor.

The twins and the Corduroy however were a very different story. After they recovered from their initial surprise, their reflexes kicked right in. Mabel grappling hooked onto the bottom of the banister. Wendy took out her axe, buried it deep into the wooden floor with one swing and held on tightly to the handle while she grabbed Dipper with a free hand. Dipper looked back to the blubbering flailing trio at the door, and sighed. This was beyond pathetic.

"Alright, I got this." He announced matter of factly over the din.

"You sure?" Wendy checked.

"Positive. Hey, Mabel!" He held out his hand. His sister took him by the wrist and the two girls passed him off. Meanwhile the spectral flop-headed woman let out a shriek, but Dipper didn't even flinch. The thoroughly unfazed young man pulled himself down the hookline, then began to methodically drag himself up the stair spindle by wooden spindle.

"What is it that you want?" He asked the ghost. At first she didn't even acknowledge him, so he simply pulled his skinny body close and repeated himself, "What do you want?"

"What the?" Terry shrieked. "What the hell are you doing, man? Get away from it!"

"What do you want?" Dipper asked the spirit a third time. Her head flopped limply onto the opposite shoulder as she looked to him.

"Aaaaaaa…." The wails slowly morphed into a discernable answer. "Aaaaaaa….veennnggge….meeeee…."

"Avenge you? Avenge you against what?"

"Avenge…..meeeeeee….." She repeated. "Aaaveeennnggge meeeeee…."

"Against what? What is it that binds you to this earth?" Dipper called.

"Avenge meeeeeee….."

The young man now started waving a skinny noodle arm in as he tried to get her attention.

"Uh, excuse me? Hello? Excuse me!"

"Aaaavengggeeeee meeeeeee….."

Finally he yelled impatiently at her, "HEY!"

"Aaaavenge…." The ghost stopped mid-wail, and shot him a surprised look. "Huh?"

"Sorry about that." He immediately apologized. "But um, can I help you with anything?"

"Oh….oh!" She dropped the frightful act and stared at him in total surprise. "Wait, you….actually want…..to know?"

"If you wouldn't mind telling me." Dipper replied respectfully. In a heartbeat the situation had turned from an epic showdown into an awkward but polite conversation.

"Oh. Uh, yes, yes of course I would….I…." She now appeared a little flustered. "I'm sorry. I guess I was just stuck in my old routine. I appear, people try to run away….nobody's really….asked me that before….or even tried to stick around, actually."

"Well, you asked to be avenged, soooo, how can I help you?" He asked her yet again.

"Oh….uh, well….I guess to start, I didn't die a natural death. Er, though I guess that's a probably little obvious." She lightly bounced her head about in her hands.

"It's fine." Dipper took one look at her disfigured neck and quickly came up with an educated guess. "Was it a fall?"

"It was, actually."

"Okay, so what was this? Jilted lover? Angry parent? What kind of a situation are we talking about here?"

"I…." She let out a nervous laugh. "Oh wow. Not that I have to actually say it….boy, is this going to sound ridiculous."

"Trust me, whatever it is, I've definitely heard weirder." Dipper reassured her. "No lie, a whole lot weirder."

"Well….no one actually did anything. No one except me. I was simply coming downstairs when…..well, I had a little bit of a trip." She confessed.

"So it was just an accident?" Dipper confirmed.

"Yes. It was that step there, about halfway up."

"So, you want to be avenged against the step?" He asked.

"I suppose so. Ooohhh my, I had no idea this sounded so-"

"No, trust me. I've dealt with was stranger than this. Uh, so….before I do anything, could you like….turn the gravity back on, or just fix whatever's happening here?"

"Oh. Yes, hold on." She snapped her fingers. Old furniture and the Harassers all came crashing to the ground, while Mabel and Wendy landed gracefully on their feet.

"Thank you!" Mabel sang appreciatively.

"Okay, let's see….I'm pretty sure I….aha! Here we go!" Dipper rooted through his bag until he took out a small crowbar. "Okay, so which step is it?"

"This one, right here." She lifted off the floor, hovered midway down the stairs and pointed. She watched incredulously as Dipper followed. "You're really going to do this?"

"Uh-huh. Hold on." The young man jammed the end of his tool in and started prying little by little. While he worked, the Harassers all watched with wide saucer-sized eyes. Lou turned to Wendy.

"Is...is this for real?" He asked hoarsely.

"You have no idea." The redhead smirked proudly on behalf of her friend. Back on the stairs, the ghost had taken a seat a couple steps up.

"I really do appreciate this." She said gratefully.

"It's fine." Dipper gritted his teeth as he slowly levered out the stair. "Honestly, considering the kind of spirits we've met recently, you're like a breath of fresh air. Hold on, I think….just a little more…."

"You need any help, bro-bro?" Mabel helpfully asked.

"No, I think I almost….got it!" With a crack, a creak, and a spray of half-rotted wood the stair was wrench off the staircase. The ghost gasped as she almost immediately started to dissipate with a sparkle of brilliant white light.

"I….I'm…."

Dipper wiped his brow. "Yeah, looks like you're all set to go."

"I...I am! I really am! I….I-I…don't even….thank you! Thank you!" She managed to jabber before she vanished into the other side.

The young man nodded in satisfaction at his handiwork, turned and casually descended the stairs. Wendy and Mabel were ready to greet him with high fives, but the awe-stricken Harassers shambled in front of the both of them. Together they gazed incredulously at Dipper.

"She….she was the real deal….Jesus Christ, she was…."

"And you just….you just took care of her….like...like it was nothing."

"Well, it wasn't that hard." Dipper said modestly.

"You've done this before? Y-you told her-"

The hyper-experienced young man wordlessly nodded. There was a few seconds where all they could do was continue to stare in wordless awe (and pass similar looks occasionally to the equally unfazed Mabel and Wendy). The stunned trio started glancing to one another, and almost in unison they turned and huddled. After a quick whispered debated they were all in complete agreement.

"Dipper? You have _**totally**_ got to come with us."

"What?!" All three of the Mystery Trio exclaimed.

"Yeah! Just imagine it! A new and improved Ghost Harassers!" Lou gestured eagerly. "And with new co-host, Dipper Pines! No wait! Star host!"

"No, no, not Ghost harassers….Ghost Hunters!" Terry suggested.

"Yeah! Wait! Wait! No, Ghost Eliminators!"

"Ghost Destroyers!" Maggie kicked it up a notch.

"Yeah! We track them down, and then you take them out!"

"We can have our producers on the phone in just a couple of minutes. They'll definitely be totally onboard with it!"

"Just think about it!"

Together they all worked themselves up into a frenzy of excitement. Wendy meanwhile tried to imagine her friend actually taking off right at this very moment for a new life in show business. She only wanted to picture it simply because the very notion sounded so stupid, at least at first. But then she was taken off guard by a pinch of genuine worry, which suddenly started to grow with unbelievable speed.

Soon it felt like her stomach was trying to jump up into her throat as a actual anxiety now gnawed viciously at her from within. With every passing second, what had started as an absurd idea now seemed more and more like a horrible possibility, and her gut knotted tighter and tighter. Before she knew it, she had half-convinced herself that her friend was about to say goodbye to them all.

The lanky young woman tried to hold it together, but the relentless anxiety was only getting worse and worse. Now normally she was an expert at hiding whenever she had any sort of internal turmoil going on. It was an instinct that had been drilled deep into her core into being told for ages that Corduroys always soldiered on, no matter what. However, the years of experience spent wearing her shield were currently failing her, and badly so.

Unfortunately she didn't realize her she was showing until she noticed the curious stare Mabel was giving her The brunette's eyes bulged so far that they almost knocked her glasses right off her dimpled face as she suppressed a shocked gasp. Wendy's anxiety temporarily flared into full-blown panic as she turned away from her friend's knowing look. Thankfully the attention was diverted away from her when a bemused Dipper finally gave his curt answer.

"No."

"Huh?" Terry grunted. "Wait-"

"No." He repeated himself. "Absolutely not."

"Wait, but….but didn't you just hear us?"

"Yeah, I did. And no. The answer is no." He told them flatly.

"But-"

"You guys are total fakes. Why would I want anything to do with you?" He asked them.

"All you do is run around and trick people into believing you're dealing with real spirits. Seriously, why would I want to be a part of that?"

"Hey, it's cool! Look, with you around we can now make it a real deal! We can-"

"No, I'm fine." Dipper gathered up his gear and motioned to his twin and sister. "But thanks for letting us join you tonight."

"Wait! Hold on!"

"Think what you're missing out on here!"

"C'mon, just listen to us!"

"No thanks!" Dipper didn't even look back as they showered him with increasingly desperate pleas. He and the others marched right on out.

As they excited the former inn, a combination of both relief and embarrassment surged through Wendy's system. Well that had been a whole lot of agony all for nothing. She totally knew her friend better than that. She should have seen the refusal coming from a mile away. Why on earth had she of all people been actually worrying right now about something so stupidly improbable?

….She really couldn't believe how much of a mess she was. First she freaked out over absolutely nothing, and now she was asking herself the most uncomfortably obvious questions in the world. While she continued to recover from her ridiculous scare, Mabel checked up on her downcast twin.

"Dipper? You okay, bro-bro?"

"I'm okay." He mumbled.

"Whop!" She flicked his cap brim up, revealing the disappointment stamped all over his face. "Doesn't look like it to me!"

"It's just...man….talk about a letdown." he sighed. "I'm sorry about getting us so sidetracked today."

Wendy's focus switched over to her regret-stricken friend. As a frown continued to spread wide, she quickly decided that none of this would do.

"Hey, dude?"

"Yeah?" He watched she shaped her fingers into a square and framed his face. "What are you doing?"

"Coming to TV or a streaming service this fall! He's the greatest ghost hunter the world has ever seen! It's the one and only Dipper Pines, True Paranormal Professional Extraordinaire!" She announced in an enthusiastic boom. Her efforts worked like a charm, and she got him to sprout a smile almost instantly.

"Thanks." He straightened up, and she popped on a pleased grin in return.

"Yeah, who cares about stupid phony dummies? Not us! We're real deal experts!" Mabel whooped. "And you're the expert among experts!"

"You sure about that?" Dipper asked. It had been a surprisingly modest remark from his sister.

"Uh huh! Besides, I'm already a master artist and champion teacher. You have to be got at something at least." She joked.

"Sounds about right." Wendy teasingly added in. Dipper gave his giggling sister a playful shove as the still-intact gang returned to the Lady Mabelton.

* * *

Despite the late hour, the gang drove for at least forty-five minutes to put plenty of room between themselves and the TV phonies before they settled for the night.

"Night." said Dipper as he set up his cot in its usual spot.

"Night, dude." Wendy bid him back in turn before she plodded into the bedroom.

"Oh, Wendy?" He called. She turned around and he awkwardly smiled. "Just wanted to say...thanks again."

The goofily grateful look he gave her sent a few butterflies fluttering in her chest. "Course. Happy to-"

"We've always there for you when you need us, 'kay, nightie night, bro-bro!" Mabel breathlessly butted in and brought the exchange to a premature end. Wasting no time, she bounced into the room, closed the door tightly behind her, clambered onto the bed, folded her legs beneath her and speedily fired out a demand. "Okay, now spill it!"

Wendy went statue-still. Instantly she recalled that telltale moment earlier when her emotional armor had spectacularly failed her. Well, so much for the feeble hope that Mabel had completely forgotten all about that. Meanwhile her friend continue to bear down into her with a laser-focused stare. As her lips went bone dry, she licked them anxiously as she attempted to play it cool.

"Spill what? What are you talking about Mabes?" Unfortunately the brunette saw right through her like she was a sheet of glass.

"You know what." She was wearing possibly the biggest smile of anticipation that the lumberjill had ever seen in her entire life. Mabel started beating her palms on the mattress. "C'monnnn!"

"No, I don't." Wendy stubbornly lied. Now that she finally had a chance to open up to her friend, she was getting some serious cold feet.

"What's going on here? I saw that look earlier. You were looking all weird and nervous and stuff when the big fakers asked Dipper to come with them!" Mabel called her out. "C"mon, Wen-Wen!"

"I just thought….." Wendy continued to stall.

"Tell me! Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me! Tell me! Tell meeeeeeee!" She began to chant.

"It was nothing-"

"No it wasn't!" She began fidgeting impatiently with the hem of her nightgown. "Tell me! Tell me! Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellme!"

Well, these weren't exactly ideal terms for the redhead. But she had to remind herself, wasn't this basically what she wanted? Not only that, it looked like Mabel was going to literally explode unless she got the confirmation she was looking for. After finally coming to terms with her situation, Wendy took a deep, long breath.

"Okay, sooooo….I think….I think that I…."

* * *

Dipper heard a brief shriek that was abruptly cut off by a choking gag. He tore into the back bedroom to find an odd scene awaiting him. His sister was coughing up a storm thanks to the wad of red hair that had been desperately shoved into her mouth just a second ago.

There was no doubt in Wendy's mind that of all the things she could have done with only a split second to act, she had definitely gone with the worst choice available. Fortunately between her yanking and Dipper's frantic, heimliching they quickly removed the long copper locks from Mabel's throat, who coughed up the mess with a mighty hack.

"What happened?!" Dipper asked as he patted his twin's back.

"I-I don't know! She….she yawned and….and this!" Wendy cobbled together a hasty lie before she checked on the poor brunnette. "Oh man, I'm so sorry!"

"Mabel? Mabel, you okay?" Dipper fussed.

After catching her breath, Mabel looked wordlessly to her sibling, then to their freckled friend. She then proceeded to clench her fists let out an ecstatic squeal to end all squeals. It went out on for a full ten seconds, and after she nearly deafened the others she blasted out of the room and right out of the RV.

"What the…" Dipper nursed his ringing ears.

"Uh….oh wow! Man is she grossed out!" Wendy exclaimed. Lucky for her, he bought her act hook, line and sinker.

"I'll say. I'll go and-" The dutiful sibling was about to go pursue his twin, but his friend was already up and halfway outside.

"Nothanks, this was my bad! I got it!" Wendy took care to shut the door tight behind her.

Mabel was so elated that she was running laps around the RV. Thankfully they were very, very big laps, so her brother couldn't hear her from inside as she triumphantly chirped over and over to herself.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes" She attempted a happy cartwheel, fell right onto her stomach, got back up and resumed racing around and and around. "Yes! Yes!

"Mabel!" Wendy hissed as she caught up. Only then did the brunette finally get a hold of herself. She slapped a hand over her mouth, grabbed Wendy by the wrist and dragged them further away from the RV to a safer distance.

"Sorry! Sorry!" She worriedly glanced back at the trailer and gasped. "Wait, does Dipper know why I ran out?"

"No, no, it's fine. He thinks you're just freaked after the...you know." Wendy looked at the end of her hair and winced. "Uh, sorry about that."

"That's okay, I was being kind of noisy anyway. Aaaaanyway..." Now that was all settled, she promptly began bouncing up and down like an exultant maniac. "I knew it I knew it knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it…."

"How long until you can actually sit down and talk?" Wendy was now blushing so hard she could feel her cheeks burn.

"At least a few more minutes!" Mabel estimated. She then took a deep breath and promptly continued the one-woman celebration. "I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it…."


	15. The Hangover

"...Easy….easy….easy…." If there was one thing that Dipper could never be accused of, it was being reckless behind the wheel. But if there was definitely one thing that he could both be easily and confidently accused of instead, it was how overcautious he could be in the driver's seat sometimes. He pulled the boxy RV into the gas station and slowly maneuvered it like there were towers of intricately stacked porcelain everywhere before he finally pulled up next to the pump. "Aaaand….there we go! Okay, so who-"

"You go fill up on gas, we'll restock on snacks!" Mabel hastily announced. With lightning speed she sprang from her seat, nabbed Wendy by the wrist and dragged the redhead out of the vehicle into the little convenience store. After lugging her friend all the way to the furthest corner of the mart, she sneaked a furtive glance over the chips to make sure that they were safe to talk. "Okay, the coast looks clear!"

"Thanks." Wendy rubbed her aching shoulder.

"Soooo?" Mabel sprouted a toothy grin and started dancing from foot to foot in excitement. "Have you decided when you're gonna tell him yet?"

"What?" The lumberjill shot her an incredulous look. "What are you talking about?"

"What's it sound like?" She laughed. "When are you going to tell him-"

"Hey, hold on here." Wendy cut her off. "I told you I still barely have any idea what to do here, period. I can't just-"

"Pffft! The answer's right in front of your face, silly! The only thing you need to decide is when you and my bro-bro are going to sit down and have a big heart-to-heart together!" Mabel declared. Just picturing such a moment immediately made her squeal softly with anticipation.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mabel, didn't you listen to anything I said last night?" The redhead demanded. "My whole entire stupid deal is that I'm honestly not even sure I want him to know about any of this!"

"Oh yes you are!" Mabel shot right back.

"No, I'm not. Seriously, I'm just soooo not. Like, I'm not even comfortable knowing what's up with me." At first Wendy couldn't believe she had to repeat herself after the long talk they had the evening before. But on second thought, it seemed more than possible that her friend had simply been too giddy to pay attention.

"But it's nothing bad at all! It's the easiest thing ever in the history of anything!" Mabel nudged her. "Alllll that you have to do is tell him that you think you-

"Look, I know it probably doesn't make any sense." Wendy pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "But you gotta trust me when I say that right now, literally nothing sounds scarier to me than that. I know, it's weird, it's stupid, but that's what's up."

Awwww, poor Wen-Wen." The brunette switched tactics, started with a comforting smile and a gentle pat on the shoulder. "Hey….at least you're feeling a little better after telling me, right? No more letting it all fester inside you as you try and hold it all in?"

"Yeah, a little. But-" The redead clammed up, but it was too late. She had walked right into the trap.

"Then just think what's going to happen when you actually tell Dipper what's up! One way or another, you'll feel much, much better!" Mabel declared with a confident nod. Her chocolate eyes then twinkled brightly with delight. "And maaaaybe after that, you two can-"

"Nuh-uh." The lanky woman shook her head. "Look, I appreciate the help, but what I really need the most now is just someone to vent to while I try and figure out...whatever this all is. Could you just hold off and not get overexcited and then try to push me into something? I'm sorry, no offense to you or anything Mabes, but honestly the last thing I need is for you to start going matchmaker on me or anything."

"Okay, okay. I won't start doing any matchmaking stuff." Mabel crossed her heart. Despite her notoriously poor lying skills, the brunette sounded quite convincing thanks to the loophole that let her tell the technical truth. She had only been asked not to start playing matchmaker. Nothing has been said about stopping work on matchmaking that was already in progress.

"Thanks." Wendy grabbed her knees and took a deep breath. Talking it over felt good, but it also took a lot of out it.

"No problemo! Now aaaaanywho, as I was saying, you should really just let Dipdop know. It's probably be much better sooner than later, and-"

"Mabel!"

"I'm not saying go match up to him for a big kiss or anything, I'm just saying go talk it over with him! That's all!" She persisted. "What do you have to lose?"

"I can think of at least one thing." Wendy replied, her tone tinged with a touch of anxiety. Before they could carry on any more, the subject of their conversation sauntered inside to pay for the gas.

"Guys?" Dipper called as he wrestled his wallet from his pocket.

"Over here!" Mabel gave her friend an encouraging pat on the shoulder before she shot towards her brother before he could get any suspcions. "Hey, bro-bro! Think you can help track down the gummy worms? We've been looking all over but we can't…."

While one twin distracted the other, Wendy finally noticed that they had standing by the beer freezer. She stared through the glass door, and suddenly she was inspired. Without delay she opened one door wide and took out a hefty case. Maybe a little talk wouldn't be half as rough if she had a small boost of liquid confidence in her system.

* * *

A living hell. That's exactly what Wendy woke up to the very next morning. As soon as she became conscious she immediately found herself awash in discomfort. Her skull throbbed so hard that it felt ready to split open any second. Every single minor sound, including the mere chirping of a lark perched just outside on a tree ranch, was amplified by her headache to an unbearable cacophony that echoed through her head.

Slowly but surely she cracked open her bloodshot emerald eyes and let them accumulate to the burn of the soft golden sunshine streaming in. Her bedmate rolled over with a groan. At first Wendy was just happy to see that she was in equally agonized company. But as she tried to adjust her vision to the light, confusion rapidly set in Her bunk-buddy's cheeks weren't;t looking like their normal rosy dimpled selves. And her bouncy chocolate-brown locks were looking much shorter than usual, except of the tuft of hair on her chin that redhead didn't remember at all. .

Thanks to her alcohol-addled brain it took Wendy a few extra moment to figure out that she was currently lying in bed with the wrong twin. It was only by chomping hard onto her lip that she was able to suppress a shocked yell. While Dipper mercifully remained passed out in a deep slumber, Wendy shot out of bed and first think she did was frantically checked herself over. Thankfully, her shirt and bra were still on, as were her boxer shorts. Once she was positive she was decent, she then proceeded to tear from the little room like a bat out of hell. Somehow she remembered to close the door behind her as she stumbled out, only to immediately trip over the brunette who was limply sprawled halfway off the cot. Mabel woke up with a frightened yelp as Wendy toppled over flat onto her stomach. Both of the heavily hungover girls now lay groaning in discomfort.

Using every ounce of energy she could muster, Mabel ungracefully maneuvered herself until she could meet her friend's gaze. She rubbed her temples and whimpered, "W-what happened last night?"

"Good question." The redhead mumbled as she began to search through her foggy memories….

* * *

Supper had come and gone. The table and plates were cleaned, the leftovers were stowed away, and Dipper was taking the trash out to the proper campground receptacle. While he was outside, Wendy seized her chance and popped open another beer. However she had barely taken a sip before a pair of hands seized her by the wrist.

"HEY!"

"Nuh-uh!" Mabel sternly denied her.

"Mabes, what gives?" She snapped.

"I've seen you down at two of these already!" Her friend accused. "And Mabel no like!"

"I'm only trying to relax a little, okay?" Wendy protested. She switched her beer to her other hand but was then forced to stand on her tiptoes to keep it out of reach.

"That's more than enough!" Mabel declared while she leapt up and down. "If you're going to tell Dipper you-"

"I'm not going to sit him down and hit him with everything at once!"

"So then what the heck are you gonna do?" The brunette asked impatiently after she made another futile grab.

"I'm just like going to…. the conversation going. Maybe not tell him about me and my things, but like….ask some questions….you know, just feel things out at first." Wendy tried to awkwardly explain her convoluted plan.

"Nooo! You're only making it harder on yourself! Don't drag this out! Just talk to him from the heart! Easy-peasy!"

"You're crazy if you think this is easy! No way, I'm not ready for anything like that yet!"

"Wendyyyyy!" Mabel grabbed both the redhead's wrists, and now beer started to splosh about as Wendy was forced to struggle. She always forgot just how freakishly strong the younger girl could be. Where on earth she hid all that muscle on that cuddly body was probably one of the biggest mysteries of all time.

"Mabel! Mabel, stoppit!

"Tell Dipper! "

"No!"

"Just tell him already!"

"No!"

"Just do it! Dooooo it!"

" I'm not ready for-"

"Ready for what?" Another voice cut in. Both the young woman froze as Dipper clambered aboard. "What's going on?"

"Wendy was-" Mabel was so wound up that her lips were moving faster than her mind could keep her up. Wendy thankfully mentioned to butt in.

"We were just horsing around. I was thinking about maybe kicking back tonight with like, a drinking game or two, but Mabel didn't want in. After hastily concocting this lie, she then shot her friend a pleading stare that simply said _Please. Not now_.

Mabel bit her tongue and held back. She couldn't say no to that pleading stare. Also, she had to admit that having the truth come out like this would be a disappointingly far cry from any of the big romantic moments she had ideally envisioned for the two of them (so far she had eleven ideal scenarios listed in her notebook and counting). She quickly switched gears from matchmaking mode.

"Yeah, I'm not really up for it tonight." As Mabel joined in on the lie, she could hear the grateful sigh of the redhead behind her.

"Because you know I'm going to totally mop the floor with you." Wendy playfully trash-talked to help keep the illusion going. To her surprise it actually stirred up the already-riled brunette.

"Oh, pul-leeeze! Are you forgetting you're talking to Grunkle Stan's star pupil? I can take you on no problemo!"

"Is that a fact?" The Corduroy asked amusedly.

"Yeah-huh!"

Stanford Pines' second-best drinking pupil chuckled as he closed the RV door behind him. "You know, I think I'm going to side with Wendy. That sounds like a nice break for tonight."

It looked like he didn't suspect a thing. Wendy grinned at Mabel. "We got a two-thirds majority here. Looks like we're doing this."

"You're gonna be sorry!" Mabel sang as she cracked her fingers.

"Just make sure you dorks don't get too upset when you lose…."

* * *

It seemed to take an eternity, but after Wendy wrestled a pair of jeans on the girls then hauled themselves outside and hunkered down into two camping chairs. As they drank from their water bottles and began the long rehydration process, they continued picking through the memory scraps as they slowly surfaced in their hazy minds. From what they recalled, they had quickly fallen into that unfortunate trap where the more that they drank, the more that drinking even more sounded like a great idea.

"Uuuhhhh. Why'd you say drinking games?" Mabel whined. "You know I can't say no to a challenge."

"Sorry. It was just the first thing I came up with. Uh…you remember what we even played?" Wendy tried to recall, but for the moment it honestly hurt to think too hard. Her friend swigged some more water and started remembering.

"I think we started out with Would You Rather, and then….we did Pennies….then I taught you how to play Card Shot….and then you tried to teach us Punch Drunk…." Mabel's shoulder started to feel sore already at the mere mention of the last game, which as Wendy explained was a Corduroy original. "I didn't really like that last one."

"Yeah, sorry. My family's not that creative with that kind of stuff." Wendy apologetically admitted. "So….what happened after that?"

"I think we were almost out of beer, and...I think we went to go get more?"

"Whoa, what?" Wendy exclaimed with no small amount of alarm. "But none of us were-"

"I know, I know, super bad idea. Like, the worst idea. Well, but I guess it wasn't a bad idea at the time." Mabel admitted. "I think….yeah, Dipper was the least drunk of us, so he drove the RV somewhere we could buy more…yeah, I remember now. He was buying the beer inside a store, and you and I were hanging around inside…."

* * *

"You guys...you guys seriously are like, my best friends in the whole world." Wendy lay sprawled at the table, babbling away."I really don't know why I let myself with you….well, kinda actually. Y'know, the thing with the asshole ex. Still that doesn't feel like it explains anything, 'cuz you're like..y'know, my best friends. You're the greatest."

"Aw, you're just saying that. Though yeah, we are pretty great." A red-faced Mabel replied immodesty with a grin.

"I mean it!" The other woman protested. "You two are both the best, and I'm not just saying that because I think I kinda want me and Dipper to be a thing….maybe….or maybe not. I dunno. It's weird. I think I want it, but I also like, don't, so I…."

After trying to sort the mess out, she gave up and glugged down half of her current beer in one thirsty go.

"It's like I keep tell saying, you just gotta tell him. And then maybe you two can be like...Dipdy...or Wepper...or...or maybe…." Mabel lost track of the conversation as she mused over an appropriate couple's nickname. Wendy however wasn't even listening to her at all.

"Seriously, though, both of like are like, the best. I mean, let's just talk about you. Y-you're always so upbeat about everything, and nice, a-and kind, and….man, I bet your students go totally nuts for you. Oooh, and creative! You're like, creative as all hell, too. I'm totally sure that if I asked you to knit a dress out of wool and like, newspaper or something, not only would you do it, it'd look fantastic. Like, all colorful and sparkly and stuff. And you're also...well, you're just adorable. Like, crazy cute." She drunkenly rambled on and on and on. "Hey, you think you could give me one of your noise thingys? Like, a boop, or a...what's the other one? Whap?"

"Close!" Mabel grinned and mashed her palm against her friend's forehead. "Whop!"

"Yeah! That's it!" Wendy cackled. "Mabel, you're so freakin' adorable like, all the time. I can't even stand it."

The brunette tittered. She then ungracefully gave her hair a flip and immediately ended up with several locks dangling in her face."I'll give you that. But while I may be the cutest, you, Wen-Wen…"

She spread her arms wide and whispered for dramatic effect. "You're beeaaauutifullll!"

"You're full of it." Wendy brushed off the compliment with a chuckle.

"Nuh-uh! You are, and you've always been! No wonder you used to drive my brother nuts! With those gorgeous jewel-green eyes, those freckles, and that hair….ooooh, that hair!"

"What about it?" Wendy took another hearty gulp.

"It's just so loooong, and flowy and soft and...and red, and..." Mabel gazed in awe at her friend's head like a little kid peering a candy shop. "Can I braid it? Please? Pleeeease? I haven't done it in like, yeeaaars!"

She flashed the brightest puppy eyes she could, but it wasn't necessary at all. For Wendy, the childish request sounded like the absolute greatest idea at that moment.

"Yeah, course you can!" She chugged down the rest of her drink, tossed the can and started to pump her fists excitedly. "Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!"

Without further ado she plopped down onto the floor and tucked her legs beneath her. Her tittering "little sister" knelt behind her and went to work, twisting and tucking with surprising dexterity for one so inebriated. The bonding fair filled the trailer mirth as they giggled like a pair of schoolgirls. Before they could devolve into a preteen-esque slumber party, Dipper reappeared with two more cases of boozae.

"S-sorry about the wait..." He mumbled. "Had trouble. Tried to get my credit card out, kept taking my student ID out instead. It was….hey, what are you doing?

Wendy shamelessly grinned from ear to ear. "I'm about to look totally awesome, that's what…."

* * *

"Well that explains this." Wendy pawed at the intricate braid that most of her long copper locks were still tied up in. "And all this too."

She nodded to the messy tire marks sliced into the soil all around them. It seemed that Dipper had returned them to their original campsite intact, but then had a little bit of trouble parking. The redhead thanked their lucky stars that he was apparently still a pretty careful driver even when under the influence.

"Oooohhh, that could have gone sooooo bad." Mabel mumbled guiltily.

"Yeah, guess we should be thankful no one really lives around here. Man, did we ever luck big time." Wendy exclaimed. Her detoxing friend suddenly bent over with a groan. "You okay, Mabes?"

"Nooooo….stomach….still feels like….evil." She clutched her gut and moaned. Wendy pat her back.

"Dude, if you gotta puke, just puke. It's cool."

"Wait….wait…." She flopped back into her seat with a relieved gasp. "False alarm. I'm good."

Mabel noticed that Wendy was already wracking her brain again. "Whatcha doing?"

"Man, I got so blasted last night. You think….you think I told Dipper anything? About..." She didn't even want to say it. "You know?"

"Not sure." Mabel honestly confessed. "Were there any times where it was just you and him hanging out"

"Let's see….I think…." Her face scrunched up as she thought it over. "Wait, hold on….yeah, when we started doing that dance party thing…."

* * *

"...Disco girl! Comin' through! That girl is you!" The two friends sang happily off-key together at the top of their lungs along with the peppy tunes blaring from Dipper's laptop. They finished off the chorus together with an appropriate, "Ooo, ooo, oooooo!"

Dipper pumped his fist and whooped with delight. "See? See? I told you it's an amazing song!"

"Okay, it's...pretty good." She agreed as she wavered about unsteadily on her feet. "In like, the right moments."

"I'll take it. And to think, all you had to do was get wasted." Dipper joked, and the two laughed like idiots. After snorting and chuckling themselves stupid, he brightened up with a sneaky grin. "Hey...I think now I finally know how to get you to play-"

"No! No!" Wendy cackled and shook her head. She couldn't think all that clearly for the life of herself, but she could still tell exactly where he was going with this. "You want me to try to play Dragons, Dungeons, and...Knights, or-"

"Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons." The big nerd corrected her.

"Whatever. You want me to play that ever, I'd have to be at least twice as hammered to even think about it."

"I'm gonna say it again, you have no idea how much you're missing out on."

"I do know, and it's not a lot." She slurred a little while she teased him.

The debate came to a quick end when his music jumped to the next song, and another BABBA hit started to fill the RV.

"Oohh, nevermind, nevermind!" Dipper laughed. "I love this song!"

"Of course you love it! It's terrible!" Wendy joked. But that didn't stop her from joining along with him to the lyrics of his favorite Icelandic Pop Ban's number two hit, "Poppa Pia."

She didn't know if she grabbed him or he took her, but suddenly they were dancing together, twirling round and round until they both slammed smack into the side of the Lady Mabelton. They both cracked up again as they leaned heavily up against the wall. But when Wendy slid forward and into Dipper, the inebriated young man suddenly seemed hyper-aware of what was going on. After making sure she was on steady footing, he stepped back a pace.

"What's with you?" She asked.

"Nothing. I-I'm fine." He avoided her gaze. She rolled her eyes.

"Dude, for once could you just lighten up a little?"

"Easier said than done right now." He mumbled, then winced in a way that pretty strongly implied that he hadn't meant to exactly say that. Wendy snickered.

"Hey?" She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah?" He replied so softly she barely heard him above his Scandinavian pop music.

"I...I was just-" Her loostened lips didn't get a chance to flap for very long.

"Guys! Guys! Guys, guys, guys!" Mabel interrupted and raced over. In her arms she juggled her umpteenth drink of the night plus a bowl filled with a little bit of nearly every condiment in the entire RV.

"Mabel…." Wendy gazed at the curious mess with glazed eyes. "What the hell is that?"

Beaming brightly, she knelt down on the floor and placed it before her. "Okay, okay, watch….watch this, okay….comedy gold here…."

She opened her palm and pressed it into the odd mixture. As a loud wet splurt echoed throughout the vehicle, Mabel cracked, "Gravity Falls? More like Gravity FARTS!"

Judging purely by the laughter that rocked the trailer for nearly five minutes straight, one might have thought that they had never heard anything funnier in their whole entire lives.

* * *

"Ooohhhh…..oooohhh man." Wendy cradled her head in relief. "Man, that was close. Thanks, Mabes."

"No problem." Mabel replied. The two then fell silent for a few seconds as they tried piecing together the night before. Finally the brunette asked, "So, what happened after-"

Wendy suddenly let out a dismayed groan as another memory resurfaced. The brunette went on alert. "What? What happened? Did you tell Dipper later on? Did it just like, fall out of your mouth?"

The redhead had already gone bright scarlet. "No...but I definitely did something I'm not proud of..."

Mabel winced while she recalled the undeniable low point of the night. "Ooohhh, yeah…."

* * *

Wendy Blerble Corduroy, to put it kindly, had officially drunk far too much. The hopelessly trashed woman lay on top of the Lady Mabelton, with a half empty beer still gripped in one hand and a hand draped over her freckled face as she cried.

"Wendy?" Dipper anxiously called from below. "Wendy, c'mon! Come down!"

"It's okay, Wen-Wen!" Mabel drunkenly cooed. "It's fine!"

"No!" She cried back. "It's not fine! I'm...I-I'm the worst friend in the whole entire world! You two have been there for everything for me, and….and what the fuck do I go and do? Huh? Just go hang out with some...some nobody and leave you two behind!"

"Wendy, it's okay!" Dipper tried to console her.

"No, it's not! I treated you guys like trash! Like….like this!" She waved the can of beer, and sent some of its contents spilling as she bounced it off the far end of the roof and to the ground. "See? That's how I treated you guys! God, I'm seriously just the freakin' worst! I blow you guys off, and you both come right back like it's no big deal at all!"

"What? No, no!" Dipper tried reasoning with her. "Remember how I was? I totally made a weird deal about it when we-"

"No! I'm still the worst!" She bawled.

"Wendy-"

"I'm the worst, I'm the worst, I'm the worst!" she repeated.

"Okay, okay you're totally done for the night, Wen-Wen." Mabel slurred. "C'mon back down."

"No! I-I don't deserve a bed!" She stubbornly curled up on her side and started to cry dramatically. The siblings shared a look down on the ground.

"Do we just leave her up there?" Mabel wobbled on her legs as she asked."Y'know,'til she's done?"

"I think we should..."

"Who even needs me around?" Wendy ranted to no one in particular. "I should just go and run off like my stupid mom did! Just...just go join some freak cult somewhere in..."

"Oooohh no." Dipper became slightly more alert. "She's talking about 'her.'"

"Yeah, definitely can't have that." Mabel agreed. That was always the surefire clue that their friend had gotten way too deep into sad-drunk territory. "Okay, so you go up first and, and then-"

There was a soft thud as Dipper landed ungracefully on his feet. The dutiful friend had already gone up and fetched the weepy redhead, who was now draped around his bony shoulders. As he quivered under her weight, he looked to his twin and gasped, "Littlehelp?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I gotcha, no problemo." Together the two righted the lumberjill back onto her feet.

"I'm...I-I'm tired." A moist-eyed Wendy yawned.

"Shhh, It's okay. It's gonna be okay." As she stroked their friend's head head, Mabel curiously asked her twin, "Dipper? How'd you do that so fast?"

The bewildered drunk stared out incomprehensibly into empty space. "I...don't...know..."

* * *

The young woman sighed again. The memory was so embarrassing that it physically hurt. "Jeez, I was waaaay gone."

"It's okay, it happens." said Mabel. "Look on the bright side! Sure you said a bunch of weird stuff, but you didn't tell Dipper anything important, right?

Wendy fell silent. Her friend waited a few seconds. "...Right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you. I'm thinking…."

* * *

"...Okay, in you go." Dipper gently herded her into the bedroom. He realized that their little group was suddenly missing someone. "Mabel?"

"Nightie night." She had walked right into his cot and decided it was the perfect place to hunker right down. The young man let his sister be for now and decided to focus on Wendy.

"Whoa! Hey, what are you doing?" He sputtere dwhen she saw Wendy already gotten her jeans off.

"Changing….changing into pajamas….." She mumbled. "Bedtime, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's bedtime, I know." He quickly grabbed her arms and stopped her from going further. "C'mon,, let's just get you into...there we go."

He guided her down onto the mattress and pulled the sheets up around her. Through her bleary eyes Wendy followed his glance eyes out of the room, where Mabel had completely zonked out and was now snoring on top of his cot. With nowhere else to crash for the night, he took a deep breath and hesitantly crawled in on the other side of the bed.

"Let me know if you need anything, 'kay?" He asked while he lay next to her.

"Okay. Th-thanks." Now that she was settled down, had more or less forgotten all about her earlier meltdown. As she nodded off, she noticed the strange way he lay down back-first towards her while keeping a decent amount of space between them.

"Dude?" She curiously mumbled. "Y-you okay?"

Dipper muttered something indistinguishable under his breath before turning his head around. "Yeah, I-I'm fine."

"Oh, BS." She grumbled. "You're freaked out about something."

"Yeah. I guess….you could say that." He muttered, clearly doing his best to control himself from doing or saying...something. Even she could see that, and she already couldn't even remember how she got down off the roof of the RV.

"Man, why do you do that?" Her eyes had already gone half-lidded as she bumbled on a trail of inebriated blabbering. "Whatever it is, you can totally handle it. I know you can. I've see you like….do the craziest things, with demons and monsters and shit. So whatever's getting you all messed up right now, forget about it. It should be fine."

"Thanks. I hope so." Their eyes met again. He hurriedly looked away and muttered something to himself. Wendy couldn't help but chuckle. He looked so cute whenever he got wound up. And lucky her, it wasn't often that the big dork wasn't wetting worked up over something. Suddenly she felt the strong imuplse to tell him something.

"Dipper?"

"Just get some sleep, okay?"

"But I...I kinda want to…" She reached out, but as she shook his shoulder the words started to clog in her throat. It took every bit of effort for her to be able speak again. "D-Dipper? Dipper, I think...I think I-I….wanna talk about...Dipper I think…."

Her alcohol-overloaded body decided to abruptly upset the moment. Suddenly like he stomach had just done a massive flip-flop. She shot up in bed and grabbed her gut with a pained grunt. Dipper bolted up beside her

"What? What?" He sputtered.

"Ooooh! I think…." Her emerald eyes bugged in panic. "I-I think I'm gonna hurl!"

She could practically hear his stomach suddenly churn. His eyes almost popped out of his head as he grabbed it. "Metoo!"

She shambled from the room with her friend close behind her, and then paused outside the bathroom. "Y-you can go first, I'll-"

Dipper however just shoved her into the bathroom. "It's okay, it's all yours!"

"Huh? Whatabout-"

"I'll be fine!" He gasped. He then dodged around his half-asleep sister and heroically stumbled out of the RV to tend to his horrible business. Wendy couldn't help but feel a little touched as she watched the thoughtful young man run like the wind.

"Wow...he's...he's so-" So much for attempting a few adoring words. She retched hard and bolted towards the toilet. Things were about to get extremely unpleasant.

* * *

That was as much as she could remember. Miraculously enough, as far as she could recall a certain truth hadn't slipped out during last night's chaos. She had no idea how she had managed to luck out as much as she did, all she knew was that she was thankful beyond words.

Wendy had no idea how she had been lost inside last night's hazy memories. But when she returned the present she caught Mabel mumbling some odds things to herself.

"Stupid cheap gross beer….stupid aching head….stupid hurty stomach...stupid bright light...stupid everything." The visibly frustrated brunette crossed her arms and huffed. "And we're gonna need some to recover….this is gonna set me a whole day back, at least…..

"Set you back a day for what?" It was only when Wendy spoke up did Mabel realize that her whole little rant hadn't all been safely inside her head like she had thought. She quickly threw together a fib.

"Huh? Oh! I...I said this is going to set _us_ a whole day back at least. You know, with the whole travel itinerary. 'Cuz we're going to have to stick around here until we feel better."

"Oh." Wendy scratched her head. She could have sworn she heard differently, but she could easily chalk that misunderstanding up to the fact her brain was currently an aching pile of mush between her ears. "Hey, Mabes?"

"Huh?"

"Thanks for helping cover for me last night." Wendy said gratefully. "Even if we let things kinda get out of control. Like, really out of control"

A wan smile spread across Mabel's face. She leaned over and reassuringly booped her lumberjill friend on the nose

"No worries. I'm here for you, Wen-Wen."

"Much appreciated." Wendy sighed. "I still need all the help I can get."

"We're gonna getcha through this. No worries." The young woman winced as soon as she finished her heartfelt vow. "Oooh. Ooooooooh wow, head still totally feels like poop. Mabel needs more water, now."

"Refill me too?" Wendy held up her water bottle. Mabel took it and staggered back into the trailer. As she passed through the doorway, a freshly-woken zombie of a young man lurched out. The two twins just grunted ruefully at one another before continuing their separate ways.

"Uh...hey." Wendy softly greeted him.

"Hey." He rubbed his head. "How you feeling?"

"Like death. You?"

"Even worse." He groaned, then asked worriedly. "Uhhhh….last night, did uh….did anything….did I say anything or uh, do anything, you know like, weird, or….because if I did, I can explain-"

She couldn't help but laugh at the eternally neurotic young man. "Besides blabbing about BABBA and getting freaked out over….I don't know what, actually, probably a bunch of things knowing you...you're cool. At least you didn't have a meltdown like me."

"Ooooh. Right. So, uh, how are you doing?" he guessed.

"I've been sadder and drunker than that, unfortunately." She confessed.

"Trust me, so have-" Dipper grimaced in pain.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just….stomach started aching….I mean, even more than it was….ugh, head too….I think….I just need to…."

Mabel's empty seat was only a few feet away, but Dipper was such a disaster at the moment that he couldn't even make it that far. His body basically gave up on him as he was forced to half sit, half fall on the grassy ground and clumsily leaned up against the nearest thing, which happened to be Wendy's legs.

"Uh...you mind if I….if I just kinda sit here for a while? Can't really..." He stopped mid-sentence to nurse his head.

"Sure."

After setting his head against her knees, he braved a glance up at her and mumbled, "Sorry."

"About what?"

"Dunno. Probably this...and in case I got weird last night….." The hopelessly neurotic young man began listing off reasons. Even the pounding in her head couldn't stop her from chuckling.

"Dude? You're fine."

"I know, but….sorry. Just making sure." He closed his eyes, let his head limply roll a little further into her lap, and fell silent. He probably couldn't gather the energy to lift his head, and she probably couldn't gather the strength to push him off. Both were simply too hungover to do a single thing.

Dipper slouched heavily as he used her as a human cushion, As much as she instinctively wanted to deny it at first, she really couldn't stop from admitting to herself that this was honestly kind of nice. A soft grin danced across her face, which was soon followed by a soft glow in her freckled cheeks. Part of her even blatantly wished that it was going to take little while before he felt ready to get up again. And beyond a mild protest ringing somewhere deep in the back of her mind, she didn't do a single thing to suppress the thought.

While the young man continued to slump against her, the lumberjill let her eyelids sag shut and her head sink back. To put it bluntly, last night had brought her zero progress with her little mess. She still had quite the situation her hands, and it was only getting clearer and clearer that she definitely couldn't just wait all the feelings out and hope they would all eventually just go on their merry away. Whether she liked it or not something had to be figured out sometime soon.

But as she and her friend relaxed together in the the morning sunlight….at least for the moment, she was perfectly okay with the way things were.


	16. Dunwich Horrors - Part 1

Rural western Massachusetts made for excellent hiking with its thick lush woods and the rolling hills which provided plenty of pleasant views of the surrounding wilderness. Unfortunately that wasn't what brought the gang up into this particular corner of New England, even though they had spent most of the afternoon doing literally nothing but troop around the area.

The day's objective was to locate any traces of a legendary coven of witches and warlocks that were said to have lived there long ago. Supposedly they had been "true" black magic practitioners who had been living undetected in the colonies. However, according to the old rumors they had all fled west during the the madness and hysteria of the Trials that had swept up so many unfortunate innocents in Salem. Ford had told them in great detail all about his own attempts to locate any traces of it a few years prior (in the middle of the school year, of course; he never liked dragging Stan on out-of-state field investigations whenever their great niece and nephew were visiting), with no success. He and his brother hadn't found a thing, so now Ford was hoping his field team would fare better.

However, so far the trio had been having just as little luck as their forebears. They had combed this stretch of forest for a couple hours and found nothing of note. When the sun started to dip down into the west, the gang decided to try a different tactic while it was still light out. The plan was to split apart for a little while to try and cover more ground, with the twins working in a complementary pair and Wendy going off alone with her experienced tracking skills.

Mabel didn't mind this scheme. She had actually been the one to suggest it, and much to her barely-suppressed delight the others had readily agreed to the pretty sensible sounding strategy. They had no clue what else she had in mind. Now that Wendy was partially on board the train to Couplestown ( albeit still unwillingly, but she'd bring her Wen-Wen around eventually), the next step was to spend some quality time with her twin and get him seriously thinking about a potential new girlfriend. So there she was, hiking around with her sibling and waiting for just the right moment to present itself.

"So you found anything?" Dipper stopped to radio in on his walkie-talkie.

"Dude? To be honest, I'm still not even sure what we're supposed to be looking for right now." Wendy reported back. "A rusty cauldron? Some old broomsticks? Like, what?"

"I don't really know either. Ford just said they lived somewhere around here." Dipper confessed. "Well, supposedly."

"Where'd he hear that again?" Mabel asked.

"He said he found something about in an old archive a few years back. Remember that trip they took to Boston?"

"Oh the one where Grunkle Stan tried to sell Paul Revere's 'real' hat?" She recalled the story of how he had managed to cheat several unsuspecting tourists with mere costume-store tri-corner hats before a run from police had to cut his brother's study-mission short.

"Yeah, that's the one. Anyways, I guess we'll probably know the signs if we see them."

"I'll let you know if I find any old jars of eye of newt lying around." Wendy's remark got an immediate chortle out of Dipper.

"Let's give it just fifteen more minutes and then we'll go and regroup at the RV, okay?"

"Got it. See you doofuses later." She radioed out, and the siblings were left alone to continue their search.

"If she can't even find anything out here, we should probably think about calling it quits on this." Dipper remarked to his twin.

"That sounds one million percent fine by me." Mabel agreed after taking a sip from her water bottle. She then perked up when she realized this was her chance. "It's a good thing that Wen-Wen came along with us for the trip, huh?"

"You can say that again." Dipper said distractedly.

"Oh, I could probably say it a hundred times again!" She laughed. "I mean, who knows where the heck we'd be without her? She's tracked for us, scouted, climbed up into all kinds of crazy places, and of course we can't forget allllllll the fighting she'd had to do! With the batsquatch, the creepy worm mole things, those hunter jerks who wanted to turn you into a trophy, the gowrow in Arkansas, the Civil War zombies, that rabid jackalope….there's been like, a whole bunch of times where you and I would have been in all of the trouble if she hadn't been there!"

"Yeah, she's definitely saved our skins a lot the past couple weeks." He agreed while they hopped over a small stream.

"And you know what?" Mabel skipped along by his side as she continued to laud the lumberjill.

"What?"

"Wendy's so amazing that all that stuff isn't even half of what makes her the best! There's still no one who knows how to kick back and have fun like she can! Not only would we have gotten all messed up a couple times without her, but this trip might have gotten mega boring without our Wen-Wen! No offense to you at all, bro-bro. But she's still like, one of the coolest people ever in almost every single way! It's cray-cray bananas what a full package of awesome she is!"

The young woman was going about this so enthusiastically that she had temporarily forgotten all about trying to be at least a little subtle. Luckily for her, Dipper didn't notice how ridiculously thickly she was currently laying praise upon their friend. As soon as she got the redhead on his brain, his mind immediately started wandering off.

"You can probably say all that a thousand times again." He wasn't sure what made him drop his guard at that particular moment. Maybe because he'd been struggling so hard to keep such thoughts out that his brain had simply gotten too exhausted to keep up the constant fight. Whatever the reason, he got a glazed look in his eyes, and a goofy grin started to creep across his face. "She really is everything…"

He quickly caught himself. "Yeah, uh, we really are lucky to have her here. I mean, forget about all the insane things we've dealt with. Just try to imagine what it'd be like just trying to deal with me all by yourself. I mean, can you believe what I mess I was right before the trip?"

The young man forced out a chuckle as he looked ahead and continued trekking along. The cover had come off for only a moment, but unfortunately for him that had been enough. Mabel had been able to read his tone, his words, and that brief little smile as easily as a children's picture book. Plus, he had done himself absolutely no favors with that hasty excuse for a cover-up.

Dipper however didn't realize any of this at first, and he obviously hiked a couple dozen yards before realizing his twin wasn't following by his side. He turned around and looked back to find his sister as frozen as a mannequin. Her unblinking eyes locked onto his gaze in stunned disbelief.

That had been much easier than she thought it would be. Much, much, much easier. It had been so much much easier than she had expected that she was in genuine shock for a moment. And it wasn't long at all until it all clicked in her mind. She hadn't just stirred up a crush at all. She had merely discovered one that had already been hiding right under her nose.

"...Dipper?" Mabel sprouted a gleeful smile. "Is there something that you want to tell me?

Dipper paled when he realized what had just spilled out. Well, his day seemed to have just taken a turn in the worst way imaginable.

"We uh, we should probably start heading back." He tried changing the subject. The young man then did an-about face and started trekking back the way the came. Meanwhile by this point Mabel's smile had already grown so large that the corners of her lips were nearly curling all the way up to her ears.

"Dipper? Oh Dippppeeerrrrrr!" She sang, "Is there something you'd like to saaaaaaaay?"

"What? No! All I just said is that we need to start back for the RV." He replied. Unfortunately the facade he'd been successfully wearing the past week was now crumbling fast. He was losing more and more of his composure with every passing second.

"Ooohhh, what do we have here?" She blocked his path and pushed up the brim of his cap.

"Mabel! What are you-"

"A-HA!" She triumphantly whooped when laid eyes on the wet telltale beads on his forehead. "Someone's in Sweat-City, population YOU!"

"What? We've been walking around for hours." He said defensively. He tried to get around her but she continued blocking his path with every twist and dodge he attempted.

"Pffft! Do you really think I can't tell the difference between your regular sweat and your nervous sweat?" She grinned.

"What? Ugh! How do you tell any difference?"

"Easy! The anxiety sweat glistens brighter!" She shamelessly revealed. "Wow, and just look at that face glow! Ooohhh, and is that a little bit of a blush that Mabel sees?"

As soon as he finally got around her her started double-timing it back to the Lady Mabelton. "Knock it off! It's just hot out!"

"Nope! Not that hot!" As she followed right behind him, she unleashed a barrage of pokes to his back and shoulders. "Bro-bro? Oh broooo-brooooo!"

"What?!"

She blocked his path again. "I think someone likes a certain someone!"

"Who?" He desperately tried to act like he had no idea what his twin meant.

"You knoooow!" She sang.

"No, I don't!"

"Bwooop!" She put on her "skepticles" to help illustrate how easily she could see right through him.

"C'mon, cut it out with the weird stuff!" Her increasingly sweaty brother grumbled as he passed her by in a rush. His attempts to play ignorant of course were fruitless. It was just so obvious now. Mabel clenched her fists, did a brief dance with joy, and was about to unleash a gleeful scream up into the high heavens when she stopped herself. No, she had to show some restraint. This was absolute no time for a victory celebration.

Without delay she raced off after her flustered twin. First she'd pry confirmation out of her sibling. And _then_ it was going to be time to celebrate.

* * *

Wendy had been aimlessly combing through the forest when she stepped out from among some trees and was surprised to find herself suddenly standing on a stretch of pavement. She looked down the unassuming backwoods road and found that she had wandered right into the outskirts of a tiny town.

She quickly recalled the instructions they had gotten from Ford via email; they were to just turn right around if this happened. If they reached the town, then that meant they had gone too far from where the coven had supposedly been located. The young woman sighed when she thought about the extra-long hike she had to make to get back to her friends. But she quickly figured that since she was here, she might as well make the most of it.

"Lumberjack Queen, calling in." She radioed. When no one replied, she asked, "Guys? Hellooooo?"

"Sorry!" Dipper sounded curiously breathless when he finally replied back.

"Everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I….we…."

"Dipper got spooked by a bird!" Mabel lied for him.

"Yeah….that's right." He agreed with her in a slightly testy tone. "Yeah, it just kinda swooped out and chased us for a little bit."

"Great job." Wendy snickered. "Did you get too close to the nest or something?"

"We didn't stop to ask." Dipper fibbed, and she chuckled again.

"Totally fair. Well you know that little town nearby? Totally went too far and wound up there. I'm gonna grab a soda before I head back. You dudes want anything?"

"Chocolate bar!" Mabel requested. "Something with caramel, pleeease!"

"I'm good. Just make sure not to stick around too long, okay?" Dipper replied. "It's kind of getting late."

"Thanks. We all know how big a mess I am in the woods all by myself." She teasingly replied.

"Yeah, I'll….just go ahead and take that right back." Dipper apologetically replied. Mabel giggled in the background.

"It's cool. I'll meet you back at the RV." Wendy packed her walkie talkie away and trotted down the road. Dipper was just so unbelievable sometimes. He had known her for a decade, seen her in action scores of times, and that still didn't stop him from fussing over her. But she of course didn't hold it against him. The doofus simply simply had a big heart to go along with that brain of his-

Her stomach started fluttering up. Immediately she stopped herself from thinking about just how considerate her friend was and forcefully diverted her brain. She turned her attention to the nearby road sign that greeted her arrival.

"Welcome to Dunwich." She read out loud to herself.

The first building that she came across was the gas station. Wendy went up to its little convenience mart only to find that the door was locked. She quickly noticed that the entire gas station was closed. The bemused young woman wandered further down the road. It looked like any quaint tiny New England town, complete with a small shop-covered main street and several side roads lined with well-kept clapboard homes. It would have have all made for a rather picturesque scene were it not for one glaring detail.

There wasn't a single person to be seen.

Immediately she on full alert. Every instinct told her that something strange was going on. After all, this was no long-abandoned ruin of a town. It looked more like everyone had simply closed up and left mere minutes ago. An unsettled shiver ran down her spine. Instinct kicked in and she took cover behind the nearest building. Starting from behind the little red-brick public library, the young woman used her Corduroy stealth to sneak from hiding spot to hiding spot. She moved swiftly across the tiny town, and in only a few minutes she had made it all the way down Main Street to the old public green in the town center.

Standing on the other side of the patch of public land was a white steepled church. Wendy suddenly heard the distant but unmistakable sound of chanting coming from the simple colonial-style building. But it didn't sound like any hymn or psalm that she had ever heard of before in her entire life. Se reached down for her walkie-talkie. It wasn't any ancient witch remains, but this definitely seemed pretty report-worthy.

* * *

"...I don't believe it! I don't believe! I just don't believe it!" Mabel gushed as she and her twin returned to the Lady Mabelton. "You like Wendy! You like her again! You like her allll over again! You like her, you like, you like he! And not only that, you hid it! I don't believe that even more! You actually hid it! From me! You almost never hide stuff from me! Ever! Wow! How'd you do that? It must have been the hardest thing ever! Ohmigosh, I don't even..."

While his sister continued babbling on and on and on and on, a beet-red Dipper kept his lips tightly shut, neither confirming nor denying anything. Before he could open the RV door she popped up in his way for the umpteenth time.

"So when did it start? After that thing with the wood elves? When we faced off with that blobby thingy that was living under the abandoned insane asylum? Oooh! Was it when you two thought things had gotten all weird and risque at that cursed lake?" She bobbed her eyebrows.

"Or was it-"

"Guys?" Wendy's voice suddenly crackled in. "Guys?"

There was a definite urgency in her tone that sent Dipper scrambling for walkie-talkie and hushed Mabel in a flash. The brunette would have to wait until later until she could wedge a confession out of her twin. For now though it sounded like something was up.

"We're here. You okay?" Dipper asked.

"I'm fine, but…." There was a long pause.

"Wendy?" Mabel piped up concernedly.

"Something totally weird's going on with this town." She told them.

"What do you mean?"

"This entire place is shut down. Like, every single building is closed, and there's no lights on anywhere. Not even the couple streetlights that they have here. I'm not seeing anyone one on the road, inside any windows or anything. I'm pretty sure everyone's all inside the church right now for...something. Not sure what, though."

"Well, maybe they're all just like, really observant?" Mabel thoughtfully suggested.

"Mabes? It's a Wednesday night." Wendy reminded.

"Oh. Nevermind."

"That's….." Dipper stopped mid-snetence. "I'm not sure what to say to that."

"That makes two of us. I'm checking it out." Wendy declared.

"No, it's okay. Just hold back, we'll meet up with you and we'll scope it out together." He suggested.

"Yeah! Wait a jiffy, and we'll meet you right outside the town!" Mabel added.

"It's okay. It's just going to be a little bit of recon, and then I'll catch up with you guys when you get here."

"I really think you should wait for us." Dipper gently protested.

"Dipper? This is me we're talking about." She reminded him. "I got this."

"Alright. But…." Dipper paused, but then he quickly decided that he didn't care that Mabel was right there. The concern in his tone was audible as he replied back, "Just be careful, okay?"

* * *

Back on her end, Wendy was too busy trying to suppress her stomach-fluttering to notice Mabel's background giggles.

"I'll be fine." She reassured him. "See you guys soon."

She slowly began to make her way towards the unassuming-looking church. With every soft step that she took, the clearer she could hear the unsettling droning ringing out from with within.

"...Ia, ia, wgah'nagl fhtagn…..ia, ia, wgah'nagl fhtagn…..ia, ia, wgah'nagl fhtagn…..ia, ia, wgah'nagl fhtagn….."

The nasty gibberish was like nothing she had ever heard before. She didn't even know that the human tongue was even capable of making such noises. The eerie chant sent a shiver down from her neck to the base of her spine. When she finally was able to peer into a window, a shocking scene awaited her inside.

It was almost like she was looking into another world. There were no seats or pews of any sorts to be found. Instead it was mostly smooth stone floor, worn down by centuries of reverent kneeling. What looked like roughly three hundred people obediently prostrated themselves on the smooth towards a massive rectangular stone altar, which was decorated with an array of strange unrecognizable symbols and images of various monstrous creatures. Seated behind the altar were half a dozen men and women clad in gray robes. One of this select group stood up and gestured to the congregation. Everyone immediately fell silent as he spread his arms and gazed upwards.

"Ia, ia! We come together to humble ourselves before you yet again! We give thanks to you who have protected us, the chosen few who have been selected to praise humanity's true masters! We gave thanks to you, Azathoth of the Eternal Wisdom...Dagon, Lord of the Deepest Sea….Shub-Niggaruth, the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young….High Priest Cthulhu as He dreams in his undersea realm of R'lyeh….."

As he droned, scores of candles bathed the congregation in a dim light that bounced off numerous statues set upon pedestals placed between every window. Even though the totems were only stone, they still managed to unsettle Wendy. There was a fish-person with large glassy obsidian eyes, a winged and octopi-headed dragon monster, a blobbish beast with dozens of protruding appendages of all shapes and sizes, a giant rat abomination with a human-like face and hands, and others that the lumberjill couldn't even begin to try and describe. They made the monsters she had encountered during Weirdmaggedon look downright cuddly by comparison, and Wendy guessed these horrors were the deities to whom the cultists currently were sending up their prayers.

"...To Nyarlathotep of the Crawling Chaos….to Manna-Yood-Sushai, He who shall always…."

Wendy found herself revoltingly enchanted by the gross spectacle as they continued to give praise. She briefly shut off her walkie-talkie just in case one of the twins radioed in and blew her cover before creeping down several windows.

All she had wanted to do was sneak a closer look at what was going on up by the alter. But luck unfortunately was not on her side that not. Her emerald eyes glinted brightly in the candlelight as soon as she raised her head high enough, and this was enough to catch the attention of one of the robed congregational leaders. She turned towards the intruder and let out a frightened scream.

The ceremony came to a halt as everyone turned their gazes towards the redheaded observer. Wendy stumbled back from the window with a start and fell backwards. Unfortunately this cost her a precious few moments that she couldn't afford to spare. A small door near the back of the building burst open and a crowd of townsfolk came flooding out to investigate. She tried to make a run for it, but she was quickly surrounded.

"Who are you?!" Someone shouted.

The young woman reached down and unsheathed her trusty hatchet. Immediately everyone took a step backwards as she gave it an intimidating twirl.

"Back!" She growled. "Stay back!"

However, there were simply too many people for her to keep an eye on at once. A pair of hands grabbed her wrist from behind. She elbowed the foolishly brave man right in the gut, but while she was briefly distracted the others descended on her in a hasty swarm. Even a Corduroy like her was no match against such overwhelming numbers. As dozens of hands held her in place, the rest of the townsfolk stood back and gazed upon her with distrustful fear. The men and women restraining her actually seemed to be even more afraid as they desperately gripped her by the arms.

"Get off! Get OFF!" She struggled, but it was no use. While the surrounding people passed anxious whispers and anxious looks between one another, one of the robed elders stepped out from the crowd. He removed his hood and revealed a wizened face graced by a long grey beard. His fellow townsfolk fell silent as they waited on him to speak.

"You dare try and attack us in the middle of our prayer?" He said accusingly.

"What? No!" Wendy growled. She attempted to thrash free, but only succeeded in shaking one of her hunting knives loose. The young woman cursed frustratedly as she watched it fall off her belt. That probably wasn't going to help her case at all.

The old man picked up her hatchet from where it had fallen on the ground. He looked it over in his wrinkled hands for a few seconds before he passed quick judgement on her.

"It's Shrai-Mija for you." He announced. A chorus of gasps went up all around.

"Shrai-what? What does that even mean? Seriously, what's any of this supposed to be?!" The redhead snapped. "What are you talking about?"

"What else?" He replied back. "Your rightful punishment, of course."

"For what? I just wanted to see what your deal was!" She protested. "What the hell is with you people?"

But her questions went ignored. The old man nodded, and the pack holding her in place began moving her onto the green. As she continued to struggle, she grumbled exasperatedly under her breath.

"All I wanted was a stupid soda…."


	17. Dunwich Horrors - Part 2

Two increasingly antsy siblings waited on the outskirts of town. Mabel both nibbled her lip and played with the hem of her sweater. But as usual, her anxiety couldn't even begin to compare with her brother's. Dipper ceaselessly paced back and forth as he passed constant glances towards the eerily still collection of buildings down the road.

"Where is she?" He muttered to himself for the third time in a row.

"You think she's just being thorough?" Mabel suggested.

"No. It shouldn't be taking her this long. I mean, just look how small that place it is." He gestured. "That like, just barely counts as a town. Wendy definitely should have finished looking around by now."

Mabel knew this as well as he did. Countless hunting trips and survivalist camp outings with her clan had honed their friend into a stealth master. Ever the optimist, the young woman still held onto a scrap of hope.

"Let me try her again." She turned on the walkie talkie. "Mabel the Magnificent to Lumberjill Queen! Mabel the Magnificent to Lumberjill Queen! Come in!"

There was no reply. Mabel could practically hear her brother's gut coil up tightly while they waited. She tried again. "Wendy? Wendy, are you there?"

Silence.

"...Wendy?"

Still nothing. The twins shared nervous looks. This didn't look good at all.

"Okay, we're going in." Dipper firmly announced. Mabel wordlessly nodded as she followed him into the RV. As they suited up he hastily began hatching a game plan. "Okay, so here's how we'll do it. You come in from the west, and I'll come in from the east. We'll maintain radio silence until we enter the actual town, and then-"

"No." She flatly refused as she grabbed her grappling hook. "We're going in together."

Dipper opened his mouth to object, but she shot him a look that forced him to pause and think about this for a solid moment. "Yeah, that's actually way better. We have no idea what we're dealing with in there."

Mabel was glad to hear this, and not just because they usually worked better together as a natural pair. Now that half of her couple-in-progress was possibly in danger, she wasn't letting the other half out of her sight. Especially not when she was ninety nine percent positive she was on the verge of a gigantic breakthrough. She kept an extra close eye on her twin as they headed into the creepily empty-looking town.

Dipper meanwhile kept on high alert for the smallest sign of their friend. As his heart thudded in his chest, the same frantic thought played over and over in his brain on ceaseless repeat.

 _Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay._

* * *

Wendy definitely was not doing okay at the moment.

Despite the ferocious resistance she had put up every single step of the way, she had been dragged out to the town green where an old but ominous-looking wooden stake stood planted in the ground. Attached near its top were a set of metal manacles that they slipped her wrists in and locked up tight. She pulled and yanked and repeatedly demanded what they were doing, but no one gave her any answers. They were too busy following the gestures and commands of their wizened leader.

Further across the green (a little bit too far for her liking, actually) they had set up several large ancient metal braziers, and in no time each one had a fire roaring inside it. A large clawed metal stand was then set it up, and two cultists reverently placed an enormous old book on it.

The grey-bearded elder stood before the opened book, cleared his throat, and motioned to his congregation. Everyone knelt down in a neat square formation between the braziers. At a signal from their leader, they shut their eyes, prostrated themselves face-first on the ground and struck up a chant. At first Wendy couldn't tell what they were saying, but soon she began to make out the strange mantra.

"...Xa'ligha khal-kru yog-sothoth…..xa'ligha khal-kru yog-sothoth….." And as they repeated the gibberish-sounding words over and over, their leader's voice rose to a raspy quaver.

"...And so, using the ancient language that existed before man was man, we call upon you!" He cried, then began reading what sounded like an ancient incantation as loudly as he could. "Ia, ia! Ny-rakath hihj! Obrahyk yhoudeh seriat tekeli-li….."

As he spoke, the flames burning in the old brazier started to flicker and dance unnaturally. Suddenly, they began to take on a definite greenish hue, just as a chilly gust cut through the formerly still night air. Wendy quickly guessed that things were going to get very unpleasant for her unless she got out of here. She redoubled her efforts to try and free herself. She attempted to slip her wrists through the manacles, but that didn't work. She grabbed the chains and tried to use brute strength to rip them from the wood, but they were bolted in there tight.

"C'mon, c'mon! Oh, c'mon!" She even tried to push the stake over, but nothing was working. Meanwhile, the chanting continued ceaselessly.

"...Xa'ligha khal-kru yog-sothoth….."

* * *

Not too far away, a pair of twins peered out from behind a yellow clapboard home. They gazed curiously at the assembled crowd and the burning braziers.

"What's going on?" Mabel whispered as she scanned the scene.

"Not sure at all. Just let me know if you see…." Even in the sliver of light provided by the setting sun, he was able to recognize the familiar redheaded figure out in the middle of the green. "WENDY!"

"Dipper, wait!" Mabel yelled as she watched her twin fire off like an arrow. "Dipper!"

His sister's cries fell on deaf eyes. The young man charged headlong for his friend, all the while yelling her name at the top of his lungs. "Wendy! WENDY!"

"Dipper?!" Wendy was shocked to see her friend suddenly appear right beside her.

"What happened? What's going on?" The breathless young man looked at her metal bonds "Whoa! What is all this?"

"I have no idea! I caught them in their church praying to….I don't even know what, and then-"

The fires blazing in the ancient braziers changed from the otherworldly green color to a strange purplish hue. Then suddenly all the flames them started to blast high into the air until they were all spewing at least a full story tall like geysers from hell.

"W-what's that?" Dipper gasped. Wendy swallowed hard.

"I...I think it's part of my punishment!"

"Hold on! Let me try and...c'mon, stupid...wait, what am I even doing?!" After yanked and fumbling fruitlessly with her chains, he remembered the handy weapon tucked in his belt. He whipped out his magnet gun and put it directly at the base of the chains. Both he and his friend braced themselves as he pulled the trigger, and...nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.

"Dipper? Hey! Dude, what are you waiting for?"

"Nothing!" Dipper clicked the trigger again, and again nothing happened.

Halfway across the green the distracted cultists were absolutely oblivious. The townspeople still knelt forward with their foreheads pressed to the ground, eyes shut, and minds completely focused on their prayer. Standing the front of his congregation, their leader's full attention meanwhile was still completely fixed on the words in their ancient book.

"What gives?" Wendy snapped impatiently.

"I-I don't know! It should…." Horrified realization hit him like a log to the gut. "Ohhhh, no!"

"Wait...did you forget to charge it?!" She said accusingly.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He sputtered.

"How could you forget to charge it?!"

"I'm sorry! Okay, maybe we can...uhhh...oh! Oh! Your lockpick!" For a moment it looked like they still had one good option left. Several times over the years Stan had tried to teach his great niece and nephew one of his favorite tricks for getting out of tricky situation, and while they never quite caught on to lock-picking, Wendy had picked it up with amazing speed and skill while listening in on all those morally questionable lessons. "Where's your lo-"

Now it was her turn to be embarrassed. She hit her forehead on the giant stake and groaned, "Not on me!"

"What? No! Why don't you have it with you?"

"Because I didn't think I'd need it today! All we were supposed to do was look around in the stupid woods!"

"You always take an axe and at least two knives with you whenever we check out literally anything!" The frustrated young man pointed out. "Why wouldn't you..."

"Why didn't you plug in the stupid magnet thing last night?" She snapped back as the two argued over one another. "That's all you had to do! Take its charger and...wait! Wait!"

"What?"

"President's key!" She reminded him. "Use the president's key!"

"Oh, right! Hold on, I'll..." He reached into his jacket. But as he dug through his pockets, the dismayed look on his face told her everything she needed to know.

"You….you don't have it?! Oh, c'mon!"

"Sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Dude, c'mon!"

"I'm sorry! Okay look, same thing. I didn't think I'd need to bring it with me today for-"

Their spat was completely forgotten when the flames abruptly blasted higher with an audible whoosh. The chanting of the gathered cultists was nearing a frenzied fevered pitch.

Wendy still had no clue what was in store for her, but it definitely didn't look good. And the last thing she wanted was for both her and her friend to pay for her mistake. She had an immediate change in priorities. She probably wasn't going to get out of here in time, but he still could.

"Dipper, get out of here!" She yelled.

"Wait, what?!"

"Dude, just go! It's too late!"

"What? No!" He started fumbling with her manacles again. "It's okay! We'll get you out, don't worry!"

"No! It's too late! Dipper, it's too late!" She yelled. Whatever was about to happen, she wasn't going to let him go down with her. Unfortunately Dipper ignored her demands and continued frantically trying to work her free. The frustrated young woman growled and started lashing out with her legs.

"Hey! HEY!" Dipper was kicked thrice in speedy succession. "What are you doing?"

"What the hell do you think _you're_ doing?" She snapped right back. "I told you to get out of here!"

"Wendy, I'm not-"

"JUST GO!" She screamed at him.

"But-"

"Dipper, get out of here! Go! Go!" Wendy continued to order, but Dipper Pines' legendary stubbornness kept him planted right by her side.

"I'm only going if you're coming with me!" He replied defiantly, even as she continued trying to kick him away. A sharp wind blasted through the commons, chilling them all the way down to their bones and sending Wendy's long scarlet hair whipping in every direction. The towers of flame spewed higher and higher, steadily climbing alongside the volume of the monotonous chants.

Wendy felt like there was only moments left. She lashed out again and her foot caught him right in the stomach. Dipper was knocked backwards into a sprawl, and she shot him a demanding stare. "Dipper, PLEASE! Just go!"

With a look of fierce determination he got back to his feet and bolted back over to her. He couldn't get her loose, but at least he could still try to protect her. The young man hurled his arms around her, squeezed tight and sandwiched his friend between the wooden stake and his body.

"Hey! NO!" Wendy cried. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm not leaving you!" He defiantly refused. She thrashed about like a woman possessed, but he clung on as tightly as if he had been melded into her.

"Dipper, just go! Go! Go!"

"No!" He refused one final time.

There was a rumble, followed a thunderous crack as a bolt of jagged light sliced through the sky. Between this and the towers of flame, for one brief moment it almost felt bright as day. Then suddenly it was all over. The fierce gusts died down, and the night air grew still again. The twinkling stars reappeared in the skies above. The fires descended back into their braziers and shrank all the way down to exhausted embers. And a very confused pair of friends remained awkwardly squished together against an old wooden pole.

The two could almost feel each other's heartbeats thudding against their chests. Wendy lifted her face from her friend's shoulder and they shared a puzzled look.

"Uh….hey." Dipper muttered awkwardly.

"H-hey…." The bemused young woman looked around. "So….we're not dead or anything, right?"

"Not that I can tell." He unwrapped his arms from around her. While they tried to figure out what in the world had just happened to them, the cultists were finishing up with their ceremony across the green.

"...Gi-hoveg yidra shavalyoth!" Their leader read out one more line from their ancient book at the top of his lungs. He then closed it up and reverently raised it above his head. "It is finished! The intruder has received her divine justice, and she shall now forever regret her-"

His stopped when he looked up and finally noticed Dipper. "Wait….where did you come from?"

With tires screeching and horn blaring, a clunky RV came suddenly came roaring through the town and onto the commons. The spinning tires sent grass and dirt flying up behind it in chunks as it plowed straight towards the assembled locals. They all dashed out of its path in a panic while it raced through and finally came to a skidding halt near Dipper and Wendy. The door was kicked open and a sweater-clad brunette stormed out with her grappling hook in one hand and a loaded crossbow in the other.

"Alright, NOBODY MOVE!" Mabel screamed.

"Whoa, you taught her to use the crossbow?" Dipper whispered to Wendy. The redhead shook her head, and right on cue Mabel accidentally fired the weapon. A bolt was sent soaring high over the heads of the townies.

"...Whoops." Mabel squeaked. But the misfire actually ending up working in her favor. Startled townsfolk threw themselves to the the ground or raised their hands high above their heads. The young woman held up her still-loaded grappling hook. "Uh, yeah! That's right!

See that? I'm not joking around here!"

"Hey! Excuse me!" Only their leader remained indignantly defiant "We were finishing a religious ceremony! Could you please show a little bit of respect?"

"Finishing a what-now?" Mabel gave him a look. "Nuh-uh! More like you were doing a freaky cult thing to my friend!"

The offended man huffed. "We were only dispensing justice as was taught to us by the Ancient Old Ones! She snuck into our town, ambushed us during worship, and she had to be taught a lesson!"

"What kind of lesson exactly?" Dipper asked.

"One that you're too late to stop!" A plump woman braved a smirk. "The Shrai-Mija curse has been completed!"

"That's right!" Someone spoke up from the back. "Enjoy a slightly itchy leg for the rest of your life!"

"Eternal annoyance for all all of your remaining years on this earth!" Another cultist yelled victoriously.

"Glory and praise to the Ancient Old Ones!"

Neither the twins nor their friend knew how to react to this at first.

"...What?" Wendy deadpanned.

"That's right! Neverending mild irritation!" One man boasted. "What do you say to that?"

"Uh….honestly? My legs don't really feel itchy at all right now." She told them flatly. "Like, neither of them."

Several dozen faces fell in unison.

"Zeke, did you read the incantation right?" Someone asked the leader. He scratched his head and shrugged.

"I could have sworn that I did." He checked the old book. "Yeah, I read everything here…hhmmm, now how did that not…."

As he puzzled, he passed a quick glance at the Lady Mabelton sitting parked in the middle of their town. Overdue recognition finally sank in. "Hey….HEY! Hey wait, is that….oh my Gods, it is! Hey everyone, look!"

Startled gazes and surprised looks now bombarded the Mystery Trio. Mabel backed up closer to her friend and twin.

"Um...what's going on?" She whispered.

"Not sure. Just keep aiming at them." Dipper said warily.

"Hey….hey you wouldn't know Stanford Pines, would you?" Someone called to them.

"Or maybe Stanley?" Another asked curiously.

"...Uuuhhhhh…..excuse me?" replied Dipper.

"Stanley and Stanford Pines! That's their RV right there! I'd recognize it anywhere!"

"Me too!"

"Do you know them?"

"Yeah. Super well, actually." Mabel finally admitted. "They're our great-uncles."

There was a chorus of surprised gasps and murmurs from mortified townsfolk. The leader clapped a hand to his forehead.

"Ohhh…..oooohhh my…you….you were probably just searching around here for that old coven, weren't you?" he correctly guessed.

"How do you even know that?" Wendy said incredulously. The old man erupted with embarrassed laughter.

"Ooooh my, oh my! I cannot believe that we went and tried to….we actually almost, oh, oh my goodness, I don't think I even know how to begin to say sorry here. Boy are our faces red."

The surrounding cultists lit up with embarrassed blushes as they began tossing out sincere apologies from left and right.

"Sorry!"

"Oh God, sorry!"

"That was our bad!"

"Sorry! Sorry!"

"Wait, but….but…" Dipper sputtered. Mabel was about to go cross-eyed from confusion. And Wendy was only a few seconds away from having a massive conniption.

"Wait! WAIT!" She angrily rattled her bonds. "So if you don't have any problem with us, then what was this all about? All I wanted to do was see what you were doing!"

"Well, we saw you sneaking around and….just call it being overzealous on our part, I guess. You see, long ago our ancestors were chased away from England for practicing our faith. So since then we've always been on guard against persecutors, enemies and the like." explained the old man.

"When was the last time anyone's actually persecuted you for anything?!" Wendy demanded.

"Hmmm….You know, quite a while, actually. Uh…." He looked to his fellow townsfolk. "Anyone have any idea?"

"Probably not since Dunwich was founded." A robe-clad woman answered. She gave a friendly wave to the trio. "Hi! I'm the town historian!"

"So after literally several hundred years of nothing, you thought that I showed up just to…." Wendy was now so angry that she couldn't even speak for a couple moments.

"Um, yes. I guess you could fault us for being a little too aware of our own history." The cult leader sheepishly averted his gaze. "And I'll be the first to admit that the Punishment Stake was probably a bit much. I think we were so scared we all just...got a little caught up in the moment, you know?"

"You think?" She snarled.

"Yes, especially considering that we really only use it whenever someone needs some time to think about what they've done." He added.

"I spent fifteen minutes in it yesterday for littering!" Someone blurted out as an example.

"Are you kidding me?!" The redhead shrieked, and at least two dozen cultists winced guiltily at once. This little fact was doing nothing to help cool her boiling fury. "So you're telling me that you put me in your time-out spot?"

"Well..."

"Are you KIDDING me!?" She yelled again.

"Sorry! Sorry! Though….uh, to be fair... you _were_ sneaking around our church armed with an axe." The cult leader gently pointed out to her. "Which you kind of swung at us."

He definitely had her there. A loud thud rang out as Wendy hit her head against the stake.

"Wendy?" Dipper checked. "You okay?"

"I so should have just waited for you guys." She groaned ruefully to him. "I really, really, _really_ should have just waited..."

All embarrassment aside, it seemed like the night's fiasco was officially resolved. The cult leader turned to his congregation and called out an all-clear. "Alright folks, nothing more to see here! Just a little misunderstanding, that's all! False alarm!"

Relieved townsfolk began to calmly disperse from the green back to their quaint homes and businesses without a word of protest. A dozen or so remained around the town common to either pack up the ceremonial braziers or try and help make things right with their visitors.

"Looks like we owe you quite a bit for all the trouble we gave you. You hungry?" Another one of the robed cultists asked.

"Sorta." Mabel answered on behalf of the trio.

"I'll go reopen the diner then." He took off his religious garb to reveal a greasy apron underneath. "How do burgers and fries sound?"

"Um, good I guess?" said the bemused brunette.

"All right. It might take awhile to get the grill and fryer up and running, but you should still have everything in...ooohhh, I'd say half an hour. Wait right here!" He hurried waddled off.

"You're in for a treat. Jerry's cooking is some of the best eating you'll find around here." Said the leader. "Oh! And uh, could someone please take care of….sorry, what's your name, miss?"

Wendy just glowered. Dipper replied for her, "Uh, Wendy."

Someone came and unlocked the redhead's manacles. Before the frustrated young woman could throttle anyone, another townie slapped an ice pack around each of her wrists.

"There we go, that should take care of any chafing." Her cheery kindness immediately disarmed the lumberjill, who now focused on struggling to handle everything that was happening right now.

Dipper had thoughtfully decided to get some much-needed answers. He fetched his laptop from RV and put in a video call. A familiar wrinkled face soon appeared onscreen.

"Dipper!" Ford said with a smile. "How's everything going?"

"Uhhh….it's been….well, hold on." He turned the computer around.

"Hi, Ford!" Several people automatically greeted him in friendly unison.

"Hey there, Ford!" Said the cult leader. "Long time no see!"

"Zeke?" The old scientist exclaimed. "What in the world…."

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Dipper could hear his other grunkle yell. Stan quickly appeared in the background. "You sent them THERE? Why would you even…."

"Grunkle Ford?" Mabel asked. "How do you know these people?"

While his brother kept haranguing him, Ford turned back into the camera and started to explain. "We ran into them when Stan and I searching around up there a few years ago."

"Okay...so, why wouldn't you warn us that there was literally an entire town's worth of cultists up here?" Dipper demanded.

"Well, I wouldn't call them that." Ford said diplomatically. "They're more like-"

"You know what I call them?" Stan cut in. "A bunch of nutcases! That's what!"

"Oh Stan! You're still such a crack up!" Zeke just laughed. He then silently motioned for his fellow remaining cultists to come with him so they could give the Pines family a little bit of privacy.

"Stanley, calm down!" Ford sighed at his twin. "Now I will admit, they're. a...well, they're an interesting lot, but they're nothing to fear. Long ago their ancestors discovered what they believed to be an ancient book of secrets, and they ended up building a whole following around it. Then government officials ended up so annoyed with them they were kicked out of England and made to settle here in the early seventeen hundreds. And they've pretty kept their traditions to themselves in peace ever since."

"So….any ideas what's in that book?" Dipper asked when the quick history lesson was over.

"Oh yes! They let me look through it while Stan and I were there. From what I could tell, it belonged to some mage or other dark magic practitioner way back in the day. Specifically the sixteenth century, from Eastern Europe "

"And so what's the deal with the crazy language in it?" Wendy pried.

"Oh, that? It's actually just Polish." He said matter of factly.

"...Wait...say that again?" Dipper replied.

"No. Way." Wendy deadpanned. "The stuff they read from it doesn't sound like any language ever."

"Oh, but it's true. Goodness knows how they did it, but their forebears successfully convinced themselves that it was some kind of mystical dead language. But the truth is that it's anything but. It's nothing more than completely misunderstood, entirely mistranslated and bafflingly mispronounced Polish."

"You sure about that?" She couldn't believe him.

"I can read and write in a dozen languages, including that one." He replied with no small amount of pride.

"Has anyone told them that?" Mabel asked. Stan harrumphed and muttered something very unkind under his breath.

"Er...attempts were made." Ford explained. "But they all remained pretty convinced otherwise."

"So...all the curses and like, all their weird gods and the Ancient Ones and whatever...is any of that actually in the book, or what?" Wendy asked. "Is that based on literally anything?"

"Oh, not at all. Like I said, the entire book has been mistranslated. I just think that the earliest members of the group just used quite a bit of imagination when they tried to decipher what the text meant."

"Wait but...they were able to do things with it." Dipper interrupted. "Like, they were doing actual manipulation of the elements."

"Yeah!" said Mabel. "They made thunder! And they also made fire go way, way, waaaaay high!"

"Oh yes, it seems they've gotten lucky over time time and figured out how to harness some power from the book and get a few of the simpler spells to work for them. Probably through a centuries-old trial and error process. I can't even begin to imagine how messy that got." He chuckled. "Anyways, pretty interesting bunch, aren't they?"

"Wait..." Dipper's face scrunched up. "Hold on...so...so you...let me get this straight..."

"You had us looking around for weird witch stuff in the woods up here...but then you also knew there was weird magicky stuff right in the town next door this entire time?" Mabel rolled her eyes and groaned to the high heavens. "Grunkle Forrrrrrd! That doesn't make any sense!"

"What? No, this makes perfect sense!" Ford defensively clarified. "You didn't have any reasons to go into town to perform an investigation. I'm already quite familiar with everyone and everything there. Besides, the maps I sent you made it quite clear that the town is clearly out of the range of where the coven was supposedly hidden. Not to mention that the people of Dunwich and the hidden witch-coven are two very different things! The town wasn't founded until twenty years after the trials! I'll admit that it's all curiously coincidental, but that's all it is. The two are completely unrelated."

He sounded completely confident with his reasoning. The trio however didn't look convinced in the slightest, and neither did Stan.

"So...you didn't give them any warning about the wackos at all?" He said in gruff disbelief.

"Stanley, didn't you just hear me? There was no need. They were supposed to be searching outside of the...oh!" He turned back to the camera. "Speaking of, did you find any traces of the coven?"

There was no reply. His great niece and nephew just gawked incredulously into the camera. Wendy meanwhile was glaring daggers.

"Is...is everything alright?" He straightened his glasses and asked them gently. "Wait, what are you all doing in the town in the first place?"

The wordless stares continued. The scientist quickly started to get the feeling that he might have made a bit of a mistake.

"Uh...I'm guessing that a small heads-up would've helped today?" He meekly asked. Wendy gave him such a scowl that he involuntarily winced.

"You are _so_ lucky we have the entire country between us right now, you seriously have no idea…."

* * *

At first the trio had wanted to get away from the cultists and their strange made-up faith as soon as they could. But the apologetic townsfolk proved to be extremely generous with their earnest attempts to make up for all the trouble from earlier. So not only did the little field crew end up with dinner, but they got the tank filled up for free at the gas station, a complimentary tire pressure check, and received a plethora of food to restock their fridge and cupboards, plus an open invitation to come to the diner for a free breakfast the next morning. The people of Dunwich were definitely oddballs, but they were inarguably the most hospitable oddballs that the gang had ever met. By the time they were left in peace (still parked out on the town green) they honestly felt it would be rude to leave without spending the night.

Dipper was in the middle setting up his cot when Wendy headed towards the door.

"You okay?" He checked. The young man had been fussing almost nonstop over her all evening.

"Yeah." She then walked her answer back immediately. "Kind of. Going for a walk. Still feeling pretty weird after….you know, all that."

"Okay. But just be careful-" Dipper pulled the brakes mid-reassurance. "Sorry. I'm kinda going a little overboard here, huh?"

She snickered and ruffled his hair. "Don't worry. I think I'm all captured-out for the day."

"Good to hear." He weakly chuckled back. "Glad you're okay."

"Thanks for making sure." There was a weird pause, as they both awkwardly idled for a few moments. Wendy finally said with a brief smile, "Be back soon."

"Okay." He merely nodded as she headed out into the summer night. The moment he was left alone his overactive mind kicked straight into high gear.

 _Wait...should you have just said something now?_ He suddenly thought to himself. His gut started twisting up, and before he knew it he was kicking himself. _Was that a...oh man, you definitely just blew an opportunity, didn't you? You just did, didn't you? Of course you did, you just-_

 _"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down. Okay, let's be honest. You really thought THAT would have been the best time to tell her about the creepy new crush? Seriously? After everything that she's been through tonight?"_ Another voice in his head popped up with a counterargument, and it wasn't long until he had a full scale argument raging inside his brain. Again.

Well, it looked like another mostly sleepless night awaited him. He flopped down onto his cot with a sarcastic groan. "Yaaaaay..."

* * *

Wendy was lost deep in a maze of thoughts as she paced around the town common. When she passed by the church the second time, she wandered in and started looking around. The deity-monsters didn't look half as terrifying now that she knew they were nothing more than the imaginative results from the most poorly translated book ever. How on earth they had managed to turn Polish into such a pantheon of gross and ghastly things was definitely something that she was going to be puzzling about for weeks to come.

She turned around to head back outside. The last thing of course she was expecting was to immediately come face to face with a big pair of bright brown eyes.

"Hey Wendy! How-"

Wendy yelped, and both women jumped back from each other with a start.

"MABEL!" She gasped. "What gives?"

"Sorry!" Her friend speedily apologized. "Sorry, sorry, sorry! I just wanted to-"

"Wait." Wendy felt a flash of panic. "Did Dipper see you follow me out the-"

"Nope! I went out the bedroom window, so he has no idea." Mabel reassured. Without further ado she clasped her hands and asked, "Soooo…."

"So what?"

Her friend smiled hopefully. "When do you think you're going to ask him?"

"Ask? Ask about what..." As soon as she got the meaning she immediately started shaking her head. "Oh, no. Just hold on here-"

"Why not? There's no reason to keep thinking it over! It should be so obvious by now! You know what you have to do, and more importantly, you know what you _want_ to do! It should be a total no-brainer by now! It _IS_ a total no-brainer! It's relationship upgrade-o'clock for Wendy Corduroy and Dipper Pines!"

"Hey, wait-" The lumberjill pled, but her friend kept right on going.

"Let's just step back and take a look at all the facts here, okay? You really like Dipper, you two have been crazy best friends forever, you two are always way, way, waaaaaay happier when you're together and way way waaaaaay miserable when you're apart too long, and today you got to see just how far he'd go for you! Seriously, all the crazy stuff that went down before I showed up sounded like something out of a movie! I'm surprised you didn't kiss him right then and there when it was all over! I know I would've!" Mabel's face contorted with disgust immediately after she said this. "Ugh! Sorry, that definitely came out super wrong. But you get what I'm saying, right?"

"Mabel-"

"He's totally your guy! I'm telling you, you just can't go wrong with him! Look, it's total fact that he'd do absolutely anything for you, and that's just as your friend." Mabel vouched passionately on her twin's behalf. "We saw that tonight! We literally just saw it! And that's not even a first for us or anything, all we got was just one of the biggest reminders ever. So just think of how far he'd be willing to go for you if you guys went and became-"

Wendy struggled to get a word in. "But Dipper-"

"I know, I know, I know. You're all kinds of nervous about changing things up between you two." Mabel acknowledged. "Look, I totally get it. It's a huuuuuuuuuge step into a whole new direction here. But you know what? A little anxiety is totally natural!"

"Mabel-"

"And I bet that it won't last long at all after you two start to-"

"Mabel, wait!" The redhead tried to interrupt the stream of chatter. "I don't want to-"

"Okay, okay, okay, Dipper may not be perfect. But who is? Nobody, that's who! He's just as human as the rest of us. Besides, at the end of the day when it comes to Dipper's pros," She held out her right hand, opened it up, then did the same with her left. "And his cons..."

"Mabel-"

"Bwoooooooop!" Mabel leaned to the right like an overloaded scale. "It's no contest at all! What you have here is some seriously ultra-prime boyfriend material right there and waiting for you! And just think, all you have to do is-"

"But Dipper's not the problem, here!" Wendy involuntarily yelled at her. Mabel immediately fell silent. After a long pause, the lanky lumberjill sat down on the worn stone floor and murmured apologetically, "Sorry."

"What's wrong?" Her friend asked.

"Look, if you really want to know what's holding me back here..." Wendy blew a strand of red hair from her face. "In case you haven't noticed by now, I kinda don't do relationships very well."

"So you've had some bad boyfriends in the past! No big dealie." Mabel plopped down next to her. "You should see some of my exes. And don't get me started on all the freaky things that have tried to date me. I can write a whole series of-"

"Let me rephrase that." She cut in. "Mabel? I totally suck at the whole relationship thing."

"What? Pffft! Noooo." Mabel scoffed.

"Name a couple guys I've dated that I'm still on remotely good terms with at all."

"Oh that's easy!" Mabel scoffed. "You and Robbie are still friends! And then…..then there's….uh…..there's...that's also...uh..."

"Congratulations." Wendy said with a bitter sigh. "You named the one exception to the rule."

"No, but there's…..there's…." Her friend worked her memory furiously. "There's….um…ummmmm….ummmmmmmmm….."

"Nice try." Wendy buried her face in her hands as painful memories paraded through her mind. "My relationships don't just end. They all end _badly_ , all across the board."

Mabel frowned. "Wendy…."

"I...I seriously don't know what I'd do without Dipper." She started to confess. "I mean, I almost went nuts going just a couple months without him. And I….I just….look, I don't know if this is a really thing or if I'm just being totally crazy right now, but I'm seriously freaked out that if I were to actually tell him about what's going on with me right now and if we tried we anything different, then some way….some way, we'd..."

Her friend watched on. "Some way you'd what?"

"Some way we'd...I can't even imagine how it could actually happen, all I know is that I'm….I'm...I-I'm scared that somehow, I might…..something might happen and we'd..." she rambled, her emerald eyes started to moisten. Finally she let a sniffle that echoed throughout the strange church. "I….I just don't want to lose him."

Mabel honestly know what to say to all of that. The matchmaker wracked her brain while watched the hopelessly torn woman sniffle, but despite her best efforts, she unhappily found herself drawing a blank. Thankfully, she wasn't at a total loss. She was still able to gently wrap a sweater-sleeved arm around her friend's shoulders, and hug the lumberjill closer to her with a sympathetic sigh.

"Oh, Wen-Wen…."


	18. Wendy-go

Wendy honestly thought that she was about to tear in two.

It had gotten to the ridiculous point where even if she so much as tried to picture herself and Dipper as anything more than friends, before she knew it she'd find herself wildly seesawing back and forth so hard that she risked getting whiplash. On one hand, it felt….well, it honestly just felt right. Wendy really had to hand it to Mabel, every time she had pestered her about this over the last few days, her friend had spoken (well, more like gushed) nothing but the truth. She was undeniably so much happier when her doofus was around. Pretty much everything was just plain better when she was with Dipper, to the point where it almost felt like a disservice to merely call him her friend. He was her nerdy, scrawny, dorky anchor.

Yet as soon as she started toying with the thought of actually telling Dipper any of this, another part of her would automatically rise up in aggressive protest. As per routine she'd then start to imagine all the ways that a relationship upgrade could possibly go wrong and utterly destroy what they already had together. The scenarios ran a gamut from the patently ridiculous to the completely absurd, but none of this made the overall threat feel any less real. All she had to do was take the quickest of glances back at the unfortunate history of her love life to make herself feel like she was nothing more than a walking freckle-faced curse, and that if she were to become anything more with Dipper then it would only be inevitable disaster for the both of them. It was all such a mess. What had started out as anxiety over the matter had gradually bloomed into genuine fear, and it was keeping her in check so firmly that she honestly had no idea what to do.

But while she tried to figure this mess out, at least she had two things to be thankful for in the meantime. First, Dipper still had no idea what was going on (though how he hadn't noticed yet was beyond her). And second, it looked like Mabel was going to continue keeping her secret. But considering how often the brunette let her good intentions get the best of her, Wendy was still going to keep a close eye on her friend, or at least she'd try to. It was pretty hard work focusing on literally anything else when she was so distracted by the fight raging on inside herself.

* * *

Dipper felt like he was on the verge of breaking in half.

Not only had all efforts to squelch the crush completely failed, but the doggedly stubborn desire was still growing with no signs of slowing down anytime soon. Also steadily growing were the number of fierce internal arguments that he was enduring daily, such as the one that was currently raging in his brain.

 _"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! You're doing it again!"_

 _Wait, what?_

" _What do you mean 'what?' You know exactly! All she's doing is getting a little too close to you right now. C'mon, can you go five minutes without getting all wound up about her? Just leave her alone."_

 _I know, I know, I'm trying._

" _Well if you know, then what's keeping you from stopping all this? Look at you! Look at how wrapped up you're getting! Seriously, what are you? Twelve?_

 _Didn't I just tell you I'm trying?_

" _Not hard enough, if you ask me."_

 _Hey, it's not like there's a switch or something I can just turn off!_

" _Well you better figure out how to get some kind of handle on this soon. How many times are we going to have to go over this? The last thing Wendy needs is…."_

The two sides of his brain argued on on. Not only were these ridiculous internal debates becoming more and more frequent, but they had frankly started to get pretty fierce over the last couple days. Dipper wasn't sure if a bigger wreck of a human being could be found within a fifty mile radius.

But while he tried work out this whole mess, at less he had two things going for him. One was the fact Wendy had absolutely no clue what was going on (though how she hadn't noticed anything yet was honestly a mystery to him). And two, much to his relief it looked like Mabel wasn't going to go blabbing to Wendy anytime soon. Knowing his sister though, it would be wise of him to keep on careful eye on her just in case. Unfortunately, it probably wasn't going to be nearly as simple as he would like. After all, paying attention to literally anything else when he was so busy with the battle against himself.

* * *

Mabel thought that she was about to burst with frustration.

She was so close, yet so far. Currently she was stuck with two sillies who inarguably liked each other, yet were also doing everything they could in their respective power to camouflage this fact from one another. Part of her genuinely wanted to grab a roll of duct tape, stick them together a la Gompers-and-Waddles (Wompers, as she still liked to affectionately refer to one of her most memorable pairings) and just leave them until they finally got over themselves and started to honestly talk a couple things over.

The young woman forced herself to shake off that thought for what must have been at least the tenth time in the last two days alone. That would definitely be no way to start off a sweet romance-for-life. If she was the true matchmaking master that she claimed to be, then she could get around this bump in the road without having to resort to heavy-duty adhesive tape.

It wasn't going to be easy though, especially with the way that Wendy had thrown her for a major loop. Never in her life would she have expected her tough-as-nails lumberjill friend to be so scared of anything, especially something like this. But after a long talk inside a cultist church that lasted late into the night, she could now definitely see where all the redhead's reluctance was coming from. If she was in Wendy's place, she'd probably be feeling pretty hesitant about jumping into any new relationships too, least of all with the one person she feared losing from her life the most.

Dipper meanwhile was a completely separate hurdle all by himself. Mabel hadn't pressed things any further with him ever since she seen his cover briefly slip back in Massachusetts. Chances were that he was probably making himself anxious enough on his own without her adding fuel to the fire. That, and he was probably going all-out to tamp down any of his freshly emotions. Knowing Dipper, painful memories from that awkward tweenage crush from that first Gravity Falls summer had probably been replaying nonstop in his mind. And between that and his own unfortunate dating history, her poor brother had probably convinced if he opened up to her at all, then Wendy would either just get weirded out or laugh him off, just like so many other girls had done to him in the past. Or maybe he just saw the whole crush as just a potential burden he didn't want to unload on his friend. That was another unfortunately all-too-strong possibility. She wasn't sure which one was holding her twin back more, but what she did know was that there was probably a greater chance of Ford ever letting Stan take him on another trip to Las Vegas than Dipper scraping together enough courage to stop bottling things up, sit down with Wendy and have a heart to heart with her.

A thought crossed her mind. But...what if Wendy was the one who opened up first?

A grin swept across her face. Yes, of course. It was all so clear now. Dipper probably wouldn't have to worry about rejection or creeping her out if his lumbergal pal broached the subject first. And then once he had the green light to open up to her, then those two would be one a one-way trip to Couplesville, population: them.

Now, was Wendy still suffering from her own hyper-reluctance? Oh yes-indeedy. But at least the matchmaker finally knew what her next move needed to be. All attention and energy was to be diverted to dismantling the lumberjill's worries. And then if all went according to plan, when Wen-Wen was calmed and ready then she'd go make Dipdop an offer that he couldn't possibly refuse…

* * *

The wendigo thought that it was going to go mad unless it ate soon.

However, that wasn't really anything out of the ordinary for the cannibalistic beast of Native American lore. As a monstrous embodiment of unappeasable greed, its entire raison d'etre was to forever prowl the forests and devour any person unlucky enough to wander into its path with no hope of ever feeling satiated no matter how many victims it devoured. Such was the cursed existence it had been punished with ages ago, when the man whom it once was had become so desperate in the middle of a harsh winter that it had killed and consumed the flesh of another human. Or, perhaps it used to be a woman who had feasted on the remains of a starved family member when a famine became too much for her to endure. The monster couldn't recall anything about the specific circumstances that led to its current existence. It didn't even remember that it had once been human. All it knew was the eternal hunger that constantly pained it.

That, and it was positive that three potential meals were around here somewhere. It had been chasing them all only a few minutes before. Where could they have gone? It hurled rocks aside, clawed out chunks of earth and broke off branches with angry swipes as it stormed around, single-mindedly driven by the never-ending craving for human flesh.

One would have thought that the trio hiding nearby would have all been nothing less than one hundred percent alert. But shortly after they had taken cover behind the thick clump of bushes, it wasn't long before they all let themselves get distracted by the crush of thoughts that had been weighing so heavily on their minds these last few days. Even though they were huddled only inches apart (or accidentally on top of each other in Wendy and Dipper's case) all three quickly found themselves lost in completely different worlds.

Mabel was the first to finally snap out it after she brainstormed her next matchmaking move. While she gave herself a quick congratulatory pat on the back, she quickly noticed the far-off looks in Wendy and Dipper's eyes, making it quite clear they were still off somewhere in the recesses of their brains. As a result, neither of them had realized that their monstrous pursuer had wandered dangerously close to their temporary refuge (to be fair, neither had Mabel until just a second ago.) The others were forcibly returned to the present only after Mabel grabbed them by the shirt collars and yanked them further out of sight. As the wendigo grew nearer, everyone held their breath.

The horrific beast of Algonquian lore was even more horrible than all the old legends had made it out to be. A thin layer of ashen-grey fur covered its tall spindly body from the neck down to its long curling toeclaws. Its skin was stretched so tightly over its gaunt figure that the bones poking out from beneath looked ready to break through at any given second. Set on top of this starved figure was a head that was a cross between a deer and wolf skull, with razor sharp fangs perfect for tearing into meat, jagged antlers sprouting on the very top and a glowing white orb set deep inside each socket.

Fortunately for the lumberjill and the twins, due to the lack of an actual nose on the creature's skull-head it was physically incapable of sniffing out their hiding spot. So after looking around and spreading its deathly body odor everywhere, it let out a frustrated growl before it wandered off in the opposite direction. Once they were sure it was out of low earshot, there was a flurry of hushed tones and quick gestures as the trio worked out a game plan. At a nod from Dipper, Wendy grabbed a rock and stood up just long enough to throw it as hard as she could. The sound of it bouncing off a tree distracted the starving monstrosity, which gave the twins a chance to dash off and take positions on either side.

"NOW!" Dipper took out the magnet gun and turned it up to full power. Mabel fired her grappling hook, and together they caught it right in the gut with the Firing Squad maneuver. It toppled over with a startled shriek, and the three all made an immediate break for it.

Unfortunately it wasn't disabled for long at all. As it watched its potential meals bound away, the creature screamed and began to race after them on all fours. Mabel briefly turned her head and yelped when she saw how fast it was closing the distance.

"Getting closer! Crazy hungry thingy getting closer, right now!" She panted. Dipper gave her a desperate push.

"Just keep going! Go, go, go, go-" He egged the others on from right behind until he let out a yell. As soon as the girls realized he no longer was keeping up, they both skidded to a halt and whirled around to see him pinned down to the ground. The wendigo licked its non-existent lips and and then went in for a hungry chomp. Dipper jerked his head to the side just in time to avoided getting his face ripped off. The monster spit out a mouthful of leaves and twigs and growled angrily at its meal, flooding the young man's senses with the foul stench of decay.

"DIPPER!" Mabel raised her grappling hook and took aim, but moved with the speed of a sloth compared to the lanky redhead who raced off in a plaid blur

Unfortunately for the hungry wendigo, Wendy was close to bursting with an overabundance of anxious energy thanks to all the emotional and mental turmoil that had been tormenting her for the past few days. But much, much, much more importantly, absolutely no one messed with her dork and got away with it.

Absolutely _no one_.

The cannibal abomination didn't even get a chance to register the fact that there was suddenly a furious woman standing right in front of it before she let fly. There was a loud crack as her fist connected right in the side of its bony face The creature lurched away from Dipper and staggered around a daze. Wendy grasped her hands together and brought them down like a hammer square on top of its head. The beast collapsed in a heap.

Mabel and Dipper both took a moment to each gawk in amazement. Even for their feisty lumberjill friend, that had been pretty spectacular.

"...Whoa." Dipper's awed gasp sent an involuntary rush of blood to Wendy's cheeks.

Fortunately for her, neither of the twins noticed this. Unfortunately for her, that was because the wendigo stirred only a few moment later. Its eyes flickered up, and it let out an irritated growl. Wendy hurriedly hoisted her friend back up onto his feet and began leading him away as fast as she could move. A three-pronged hook shot by them, followed by a loud metallic clang and a cry of pain as Mabel covered their retreat. As soon as her hookline coiled up the two three and they ran until their lungs felt ready to burst. But as soon as they took cover for a quick rest, they heard a hungry wailing howl from not too far away.

"That thing won't stop!" Wendy turned and punched a small tree as she fumed.

"Yeah, but that's pretty much it's whole deal. Wendigos are eternally hungry for human flesh and..." Dipper reminded them with a breathless shrug "Well, we're humans."

"So, what? Is this thing just going to keep on following us like this?" She asked.

"Uhhh…..That...could be a possibility, actually. I mean, if it's cravings are insatiable and everything, then it-"

"Well that's stupid! If eating people never makes it feel full, maybe it should stop being a dumb poop-head and think about trying something else for once!" Mabel ranted at their infuriatingly relentless foe. "Like, anything! It could catch a fish, or try eating some grass, see what kinds of leaves it likes, or maybe have some acorns or try like….like, a billion other things! It lives in the middle of the woods! It's not like it's short on options!"

"Mabel, that's not how it works!" Dipper snapped back. But only a moment later he found himself seriously reconsidering his twin's remarks. "At least...that's what all the stories say….but...maybe it hasn't actually ever..."

"Maybe hasn't ever what?" She excitedly watched her twin wrack his brain. "You got something?"

"IIIII...I think so. Hey, Wendy?" Even though he currently wasn't the biggest fan of having their little group separate (ever since the recent cultist fiasco), she was undeniably the woman for the job he had in mind. "You think you could keep it busy for a few minutes?"

Wendy accepted her mission with a confident nod and a crack of her knuckles. "Like a pro."

"Great. Okay, so eventually we're going to have to get it near the RV. Mabel, you and I are going to head back there as fast as we can. Wendy? You're going to stay here and…." He sketched out the plan. Soon they were all set to go. The twins raced off while their friend stretched and readied herself.

Not too far away the wendigo was ravenously charging headlong through the woods. It wasn't going to let three meals get away that easily.

"Yo! Bonebag!" Wendy jumped out from behind some trees and right into open. It raced over without a second thought, then went flying through the air as it made a lunge. The redhead waited until literally the last moment before diving out of the way, and the wendigo's antlers became buried partway into the trunk. As it wailed and squirmed to get free, its potential meal ran around and around, pelting it with sticks and insults.

"Is that seriously the best you got? C'mon!" She pointed to her wiry figure. "You got some nice lean meat right over here!"

With a roar it wedged itself free. Broken antler points were left behind in the tree as it beelined for her. The lumberjill however suddenly seemed to vanished right before its unblinking eyes. It looked all around until it found her perched up in the exact tree it had been stuck only a few seconds ago.

"You're so stupid bad at this, you know that?" With graceful ease she bounced off a large branch and propelled herself into the neighboring tree. She then scrambled back down to the ground and ran off at full tilt. The wendigo howled and charged after her. It was going to either chase her to the ends of the earth or chew her into a pulp. But as soon as it grew close enough, Wendy suddenly shot up another tree like a squirrel.

"Man, it's like you're not even trying!" She mocked it. The ravenous beast snarled and tried to follow her, and in moments it's antlers tangled in a tree branch. Wendy couldn't help but laugh breathlessly at the comical spectacle.

A distant whistle signaled to her. Wendy bounded from one tree to the next, using every trick she had learned as a full-blooded Corduroy. Once she had put in some distance, she headed back down to earth and turned to check on her pursuer. The wendigo glared at her with its white marble stare as it thrashed, and finally jerked itself loose for the second time in a row in just the past few minutes.

Wendy had no idea if it knew what "the bird" was or not, but she impudently flipped it to the creature anyway before she took off. She vanished into the woods, but this time she ran in a straight path. The wendigo's long purplish tongue flapped from its mouth as it first ran on two legs, then got back down on all four limbs for extra speed. Soon it could hear panicked cries just up ahead.

"Here it comes! Run!"

"Hold on, I-OW! Oh no!"

"Dipper, what are you doing? Get up! Get up!"

"I can't! I think I twisted my ankle!"

"No! Dipper, get up! You gotta get up before-"

The wendigo emerged into a small clearing. Two young woman screamed and raced off. It paid them no attention though, because right in front of it was a skinny figure lying sprawled on its back. Without delay the monster raced over, lowered its head and tore right into its stomach. A burst of warm red flooded into its mouth as it began to greedily feed. It was so hyper-focused on consuming its meal that it didn't seem to notice that the arms and limbs flopped limply, as if the jean legs and long sleeved shirt sleeves were only stuffed with tightly rolled sweaters. Nor did it pay attention when the "head" rolled away and revealed itself to be nothing but a balled up vest stuffed partway into a pine tree cap.

The gang watched warily from a safe distance. Thankfully it looked like the bait and switch had been a success. The wendigo hadn't even finished eating all of the "guts" out of the hastily assembled decoy before it pulled away, then sat back on its haunches with an oddly satisfied smile.

"Whose vegetarian chili makes the best leftovers?" Mabel pointed two thumbs at herself. "This girl's recipe! Whoop, whoop!"

"Wow. Check it out." Dipper murmured incredulously. He warily crept out into the open for a closer look. When the hideous beast failed to respond, the others followed after. They grew closer and closer, until they were only a few yards away. The wendigo could definitely see them nearby, yet it ignored them all as it continued to just sit there looking as docile as a sleepy kitten.

"You like that?" Mabel beamed at it. "That's Mabel's Famous Four-Bean Chili! It's a nice spicy and healthy protein-packed punch in every single bowl!"

The monster seemed to agree by listlessly running a clawed hand over its stomach.

"Can't believe that worked." Wendy cracked a toothy grin before she gave Dipper a congratulatory elbow in the side. "Nice thinking, genius."

"Thanks." Dipper's face went slightly crimson. He forced out a cough and hurriedly diverted praise. "But it wasn't all me. I mean, Mabel was the one who first suggested it."

"Two brains are better than one!" Mabel laughed as she victoriously tapped her forehead against his. "Twins for the win!"

Wendy cracked up at the siblings' antics as she started examining the satiated monster some more. Curiosity got the best of her, and she she drew close enough to give it a gentle prod in the back. When it didn't respond, she gave it a gentle shove. The creature kept sitting there like the world's largest and most horrifying stuffed animal.

"So...I guess it's full now, huh?"

"Yeah. Probably for the first time ever." Dipper noted.

"So now what?" Mabel asked.

"I...I don't know. Maybe the curse breaks now? Or...soon, at least?" He theorized. He picked up a stick and gave the monster a soft jab in the shoulder, and still it did nothing.

"Oooohhh! Yeeeaaaaah!" His sister squealed. She bounced in front of it and began gesturing excitedly. "You hear that! You can be free! You're free You're free from monsterhood! Free to become a person again! Or a spirit! Or to pass on, or whatever! You're free!"

Despite her zealous encouragement, it still just sat there with a dull but contented look on its gruesome skull face.

"Is that how this is supposed to actually work?" Wendy asked. Dipper shrugged.

"I literally have no idea. I don't think anything's been written about what happens when-"

It was right then that the wendigo suddenly burst, and unfortunately it wasn't into soft sparkles of light, or anything even remotely pleasant. At least it let out a happy grunt before it exploded, and a moment later chunks of death-grey fur, antler, and some kind of amber-colored goop were raining down on the stunned trio. At first, none of them said a word as they all stood frozen with both shock and disgust. This definitely wasn't an outcome any of them had expected.

"...Seriously?" Dipper implored. "That's how it's going to go out? _Seriously_?"

"It's…...it's everywhere." Mabel whimpered piteously as monster-slimed oozed down her glasses.

Her exasperated brother sighed as he quickly decided there wasn't much good in standing around and feeling grossed out. At least not when they all now had some serious clean-up to take care of. "So, who wants first shower? Wendy?"

The redhead was already shambling away from the RV as fast as she could in her badly gunked clothes.

"Wendy?" He called again.

"Yeah?" She didn't slow down for a second.

"Where you going?"

"River." She nodded beyond some trees to the lazily meandering ribbon of water they had parked nearby.

"Why are you going all the way over there?" He asked while he started shaking some of the amber goop off of his scrawny arms. Wendy stopped, turned, and looked at him like he was completely out of his mind.

"Dude, you're nuts if you think I'm letting any of this stuff drip inside….."


	19. Build up, Break Down

_You've probably noticed that this latest installment is very clearly not marked as a a part two of the last chapter, as was originally supposed to be the case. I decided that these two parts were distinct enough to stand as separate chapters in their own right (one of which happens to take place immediately after the other). Sorry if there's any confusion over my changes! (And also the fact that when the alert for this chapter went out, the title was misspelled)._

 _And as usual, hope you enjoy! - **SGA**_

* * *

The little river next to their campground was no more than waist high, and along relatively gentle flowing waters it was the perfect place for a quick, safe and easy dip to wash off most of….whatever that wendigo-splatter was made up of. None of the Mystery Trio really wanted to think too hard about it. None of them probably wanted to think about it at all, period.

Due to her successful distraction, the twins had jointly awarded Wendy first turn in the Lady Mabelton's shower to wash off any remaining monster-scum. After she was done with her second scrub-down, the redhead returned to the little river to try and wash her dirtied clothes. The flannel shirt that she had been wearing when she was gooped happened to be a particular favorite of hers, and so she wasn't going to give it up without a fight.

"...C'mon…..c'mon…" She scowled at the greyish-yellow mark still stubbornly staining one of the sleeves. The young woman stood knee-deep in the water as she vigorously scrubbed her garment on a large smooth stone. "Just….get….out of there! C'mon….c'monnnnn….okay, now we're finally gettin' somewhere…."

The flip-flap of sandals behind her announced the arrival of company. "Don't forget to rinse the whole thing off one last time before you're done!"

"Pffft! Like I'd forget that. My dad taught me how to do this when I was six." Wendy replied as she began beating her flannel again the rock. "You gonna do some washing too?"

"Yup!" Mabel held up a bag with her monster-mucked sweater and jeans, then proceeded to unceremoniously drop it by her side. "But laundry time's going to have to wait for a little while, though."

"Wait for what?" The distracted redhead asked before she dipped her shirt back in the water.

"For after Mabel and Wen-Wen have themselves a little talk!" The young woman slapped on her trademark toothy smile as she folded her legs beneath her and settled herself.

Sighing loudly, Wendy turned and gave her friend a pleading look. "Seriously?"

"Yeah-huh!" Mabel invitingly pat the ground next to her. "Gal-to-gal talk, happening right now!"

"Nuh-uh. Not now."

"Whoo-whoo! " The irrepressible brunette pulled an imaginary whistle. "All aboard the Talk It Out Express! Whoo-whooooo!"

Wendy held her head. "Can we do this later? I've already been driving myself crazy all day with this stuff. I seriously could use a break."

"But if we figure this all out, then it won't drive you bananas like this anymore!" Mabel pointed out.

"Look, can we just not right now?" Wendy doggedly refused. "Please?"

Unfortunately for the emotionally and mentally exhausted redhead, Mabel had come expecting resistance.

"Last warrrrninnnng!" Mabel sang as she pat the ground beside her again. "C'mere!"

"Or else what?" The other woman asked flatly. Mabel calmly fished her phone from the back pocket of her shorts. Wendy winced as a familiar hated tune started playing out at top volume.

"...Am I blanchin', girl we blanchin', I live up in a mansion…"

"If we don't have a talk," The Matchmaker laid out her ultimatum. "Then from now on, every time it'll be my turn to drive I'll be playing this and only this."

The redhead narrowed her eyes. "You wouldn't."

"Ohhhh, but I would." Mabel smilingly threatened her. "And I will!"

"What? No! Mabel, c'mon!"

"I'll do it! Every single time I'm behind the wheel. Alllllllll the way back to Gravity Falls."

"No way." Wendy said defiantly.

"Are you blanchin'? Yeah we blanchin'!" Mabel now started to enthusiastically sing along with the obnoxious song. "I live up in a mansion…."

The lumberjill could see that her friend was quite serious. And since they were only in upstate New York, a refusal would doom her to a drive across most of the country with literally the worst music. After it became quite clear that she had no choice here, Wendy let out an unhappy groan before she clambered out of the water's edge and took a seat down on the grass.

"So not fair." She grumbled.

"It's for you own good." Mabel mercifully turned off the music. "Okay, now let's get talking!"

"About what?"

"You know what!" The brunette said knowingly.

"No, I mean...what else do you want me to say? Look, I told you this already. I'm….I'm..." Wendy toyed with a few strands of her long copper locks before unhappily admittedly, "I'm scared, okay. I'm officially scared. Thinking about telling Dipper anything what's going on just freaks me right the hell out."

"But why?" Mabel asked her.

"I seriously don't have to explain it all over again, do I?" The redhead deadpanned, then rolled her eyes. "Okay I know it sounds stupid, but considering everyone else I've ever dated, it's-"

"Noooo, no, no, no, no! I already get that! Trust me, I get alllllll that part." The brunette gestured for emphasis. "Yeah, you've dated a lot of jerks, okay! But it's not like you're cursed or anything. You've just had some super stinky bad luck, that's all!"

"That's what I keep telling myself." Wendy said resignedly. "But that starts to get kind of old after awhile."

Mabel's smile never wavered for a second. She simply pat her friend's shoulder and asked, "Hey, Wendy? Can I just show you something?"

"Uh….sure." The redhead let the brunette lead her to the river's edge.

"Okay, now tell me what you see here in….uh oh. Nevermind." It was only then that Mabel realized that the water was too cloudy for them to see their reflections. She awkwardly herded them back to their original spots, whipped out her phone and snapped a photo of her bemused friend.

"Now," She showed off the fresh picture. "Tell me, who do you see here?"

Wendy couldn't tell whether this was some kind of weird trick question or not, so there was a long pause before she cocked an eyebrow and finally answered, "Uhh….me?"

"That's right! You're looking at the one and only Wendy Blerble Corduroy, the amazing gal who always knows how to make stuff work out!"

That didn't sound exactly accurate to the lumberjill. On top of that, she had no idea where her friend was going with this. "You're losin' me here."

"I'm just telling you the facts here! Wendy, you're the person who can handle alllllll the major things, easy-peasy! Think about it! You mom decided to be a jerk and leave the family, and so you stepped up to the plate, started looking after all your little bro-bros and became the Ultimate Big Sister. A crazy triangle guy took over the town and then everything else, so you became Miss Survivalist Warrior Princess Extraordinaire and helped Dipper get the ball rolling on canceling Bill's dumb apocalypse! A hungry skull-headed psycho monster tried to chow down on your best friend, and so you beat it up like it was no big dealie at all!"

"Okay yeah, that-s"

"Let me repeat that last one." Mabel interrupted. "You beat up a hungry psycho cannibal monster! You punched it right in its ugly face because it though it could turn Dipper into its next meal!"

"Mabel-"

"Right in the face! POW!" Mabel emphasized as she excitedly punched the air. Wendy surprised herself when she cracked a wan smile.

"Yeah, that's all stuff that's happened. But that's all pretty different stuff from-"

"Oh pssshh! Forget about all your dumb exes! Look everyone make has stupid stuff happen to them, everyone makes bad calls, everyone goofs up sometimes. Even Mabel!" She declared in a rare display of humility. "But that's not what I'm talking about here. What I'm talking about it how you're the person who always figures out how to make things work out when it counts the most. We've seen you do it a billion times from you already, it's just what your thing is! It's what Wendy does!"

"Yeah but…." Wendy tried to attempt a counter-argument, but then quickly realized that she didn't know how to finish that thought. Mabel meanwhile was more than happy to keep going.

"So now let's take another look at what we've got going on right now. Sure, you've had bad luck with some guys in the past. But now you like a person who's not just anybody. He's the one who makes you the happiest, the one you have the most fun with, the one who you can talk to anything about when things are rough, he's the one you hate being out of touch with for too long, and oh, have I already mentioned how he's already your best friend in the whole world already? It's just perfect! You're just like two puzzle pieces that are waiting to be stuck together. And you tell me the one thing holding you back is that Dipper's going to end up like the other guys?" Mabel sent spittle flying as she blew on her tongue. " _Thbbbttt_! Not likely! If you like him just as much as I think you do, and if I know my Wen-Wen, if you two go for a relationship upgrade then I know you're going to do everything that you can to make sure that things between you and Dipper work out. And you know what else? There isn't going to be a single stupid thing in this whole big crazy world that's gonna be able to get in your way! Because you know what stops Wendy Blerble Corduroy when it really matters? Nothing!"

A long, long silence followed. Wendy chewed her lip as she let this all sink in. Mabel hugged her knees and rocked back and forth. It took immense restraint, but the brunette kept her lips buttoned tightly shut. She knew that more than anything, her friend needed a little bit of time to think it all over. That meant it was time for her to hush up and stay hushed up, no matter how badly she wanted to keep heaping on encouragement.

After what felt like an eternity for the anxious Matchmaker, a weak but hopeful grin started to sneak across Wendy's face. "...You really think so?"

Mabel beamed from ear to ear and nodded furiously. Now she was getting somewhere. "Uh huh, one million percent! But just in case you're still not sure…."

She whipped out her notebook from her bag of dirty clothes, and immediately had to give it a good shake to get some monster goop off. It looked like packing those together had definitely been a bad idea. "BLARGH! Gross!"

Wendy cocked her head. "What's that?"

"Oh, just my Random Ideas Book! For things like new arts and crafts projects for myself, and new activities I can do in my classes. You know, just that kind of stuff." She lied right to the lumberjill's face. "So, let's run through a couple more examples, shall we?"

"Um, sure." From what the redhead could see, her friend seemed to have far more than just a couple other examples. It actually looked like a pretty extensive list that ran for at least a few pages. Wendy almost immediately began to have second thoughts. "Mabes? Just how many did you come up with?"

Mabel merely smiled before she cleared her throat and started into it. "Okay, so when a pack of raccoons took over the entire gift shop that one time…."

* * *

Shortly his sister head down to the river with her bag of wendigo-ed clothes, Dipper sat down and started writing up a report for Ford on their latest brush with the paranormal. As he typed away on his laptop, his eyes wandered down to the fresh bandage on the back of one of his hands and automatically sprouted a grateful grin. This was just one of several scratches and cuts all over his body from the day's insanity, but they were absolutely nothing compared to the fact that he could have wound up as nothing more than chewed up pulp inside a monster's stomach. The young man paused and leaned back in his seat while he mentally replayed Wendy's save.

 _There just really isn't anyone like her._ He adoringly thought to himself.

 _"Oh, not this again."_ He heard the objection ring out from elsewhere in his brain loud and clear. Dipper sensed another internal argument coming on fast, and he performed a full-body wince. As if these weren't emotionally exhausting enough as it was, they seemed to have been getting particularly unpleasant as of late.

 _That doesn't mean anything_. He argued against himself. _C'mon, she saved my life today. There's nothing wrong with feeling thankful for that that, is there?_

 _"There is if thinking about it makes your heart rate pick up. Just listen to that thing go."_ The naysaying side pointed out. His heart was now indeed pumping several beats faster than usual.

 _Okay, look, I'm still working on it._

 _"I know. And yeah, you've done a real bang-up job here so for."_

 _"I'm trying, I'm trying. I'm….._ Instead of profusely apologizing to himself as he had already done countless times over the last few days, something finally occurred to him. Wait, hold on...j _ust what's the big deal anyway?_

 _"Say that again?"_

 _What's the big deal? Would it really be so bad if I actually went and...you know...told her about all of this?_

 _"You're joking, right?"_

 _No._ He firmly told his naysaying half.

 _"You're not seriously thinking that there's a chance of you and her becoming a thing, are you?"_

 _Well...no, I'm not saying that exactly. But_ _who really knows what might actually happen if I just say down and was honest with her? We don't actually know for sure._ The young man attempted to give himself the benefit of the doubt.

 _If she didn't want you that first time, what makes you honestly think that she might say yes now?"_

 _Hey, a lot of things have changed a lot since then._ He internally protested. _For one thing, I'm not just a little kid. I haven't been for a long time now._

 _"Fantastic. So instead of a little creep she now gets to deal with a big creep instead. Yeah, that's way better."_

 _This isn't creepy._ He tried to tell himself, but self-doubt crept upon him only moments later. _It's not that creepy, at least. Is it?_

 _"With the looks you've been shooting her?"_ He argued against himself.

 _Well….I still don't think it's that bad._ Dipper defiantly thought back. _And there's a lot of other things to think about here, you know? I mean, we've been best friends for years now, she and I are always-_

 _"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop. Just stop. Look, just because she's single again doesn't mean she's automatically all yours for the taking. You think now it's just your turn all of a sudden?"_

 _What, no? No! No, of course I don't!_ He thought to himself. _No, that's definitely not it. This whole thing just….it just happened. I didn't plan on this happening to me. But maybe if I just-"_

 _"In case you forget, she literally just got over a bad breakup. Remember? And if anything she probably hasn't even completely got over it. Why would she want another guy pestering her about a relationship now of all times?"_

 _Yeah, I know, I know. But….I'm not saying I should go crazy here or anything. All I'm saying is maybe...maybe I could sit down with her, start to tell her about all this...I don't think she'd freak out or anything. I mean, this is Wendy. She'd hear me out over anything-_ He tried to convince himself when his own thoughts interrupted.

 _"Wendigo."_

 _What?_

 _"Wendigo."_ The accusation welled up again from within his own mind.

 _What are you talking about?_

 _"That's what you are. You're barely any better than the same thing that tried to eat your face today. A wendigo only wants and wants and wants and wants. But at least it actually has a good reason for it. You? This isn't some kind of ancient curse or anything."_

 _But I-_

 _"This is just a case of not being able to take no for an answer. This is pathetic. No, this is beyond pathetic. Ten years and you haven't learned a thing, haven't you? Just because you want it doesn't mean you can have it. Especially the way you've been acting."_

 _No, this is different!_ Dipper then muttered out loud to himself, "This is different."

 _"Even if that was true, relationships can only happen when both people want in. You might be up for it, but what makes you think seriously think that Wendy could actually want to be anything more with you?"_

 _Well, there's-_ He didn't even get a chance to think up a few favorable reasons when his own brain someone interrupted himself yet again.

" _You've still got some pretty intense anxiety, more than a touch of paranoia, you're still way too stubborn for your own good sometimes, you're just as awkward than ever…._ Dipper felt like he was getting harsh on himself that it was quickly reaching the point of utter absurdity. Yet the fiercely critical thoughts kept right on coming, and he couldn't seem to turn them off. _Let's see what else she could get out of this deal….oooh, how could we forget? A significantly shorter life span to top everything off! Boy, you sure sound like a real winner!_

 _Wait, a what?_ Dipper paused after this last thought sprang to mind. It wasn't long at all when the horrible realization set in. "What? No!"

 _"Oh yes. With all the time she's spent hanging around with you, it's probably a miracle she's still alive today. Just think of that first summer! Seriously, just did she manage to make it through that in one piece? If you hadn't been careful, she could've ended up with her own axe buried in her stomach inside Ford's bunker, or..."_

 _No, no._ Dipper smacked the side of his head to try and physically knock some sense into himself. His thoughts were racing off like a runaway fright train. Wendy? Wendy Corduroy, getting caught off guard and bested by anything,? At firs the idea seemed downright ludicrous. This was the same friend he had seen turn herself into a master survivalist in the face of a miniature apocalypse. This was the same woman who he had watched fight literal monsters head on and handily win. This was the same person who had joined him on countless forays into the unknown without any problem. This was the redhead who literally had no problem punching evil right in the face.

"No, she'd be fine." He was now speaking out loud again as he hastily reminded himself. Dipper started digging up dozens memories of his redheaded friend in action to help him fight back these strange worries. "She's been on like, a hundred adventures with us before. She's always been able to take care of herself. I know that. Everyone knows that. She's always just fine. She'd be just fine."

 _"...But would she?"_ The naysaying thoughts piped up.

 _Yes, she would!_ He went back to internally arguing with himself. _She's always fine! This is Wendy we're talking about! She can handle anything!_

 _"Maybe...or maybe she's also just been lucky."_ The opposing thoughts replied. _"Think about it. How many close calls have you had just in just the last few weeks?"_

 _Well that means I've been lucky too._ Dipper fired back as he paced around the vehicle. _And I've had the same close calls she's had!_

 _"Exactly. Look, this isn't about you, this is about her, remember. Maybe if you two just keep things just as they are, going back and forth to Oregon, occasionally having her come along, then she'll probably be okay. But if you and two hook up and she starts going everywhere with you…..well with the kind of life you live, it might be just a matter of time until...well, you know. Don't you think?"_

"No...no!" Dipper blurted out defiantly. Unfortunately the seeds of uncertainty had already been planted, and they were already blossoming with incredible speed. The gang's most recent misadventures started began to surface at the forefront of his mind, and as soon as they appeared they immediately began to warp. Suddenly he was picturing Wendy and him back at the cursed lake, except now he was watching her breathe her last desperate breath as the mud-beasts held her deep under the water. A moment later he was imagining her getting chewed alive by a half-ape, half-bat, struggling furiously until finally going still. From there he flashed to an image of her getting trampled alive by a hungry vampire-cow, with an audible crack of bone mixing with her final screams. This was followed by an image of her chained to an old post, thrashing and shrieking in agony as the monotonous chanting of nearby cultists sent ancient magic painfully coursing through her body.

Dipper felt like he was going to puke. He nervously kept wandering around the Lady Mabelton while he desperately tried to purge the awful images. But the more he tried to clear his head, the more vividly realistic the scenes became. More and more memories were cropping up, and these too were altered hideously into gruesome worst case what-ifs, as if his own brain was rebelling against him. Or perhaps it was just a dark truth he had simply never considered at all over the last ten years. Either way, he could clearly picture all the could-have-been tragedies as if they were happening right there before his very eyes. Suddenly he could see a teenaged Wendy getting her memories wiped clean and being turned into a mindless drooling husk by the Society of the Blind Eye. Her lifeless body rolling limply out of an overturned police car after just barely clearly chasm. He could see her lying on the floor of an underground bunker, crying as blood oozed around the hatchet buried halfway in her gut.

"No. N-no." He murmured again, but this time his protests were much weaker. What had started out as an absolutely ridiculous worry was feeling more and more and more like a horrifyingly real possibility.

 _"It would probably only be a matter of time."_ The thought blared through his mind again with solemn conviction. Meanwhile the warped memories began to be mixed up with investigations and adventures that had yet to happen, but their endings were just as horrifying and gruesomely varied. Blood geysering from Wendy's neck as a were-bear ripped her throat out with only one flash of its teeth. Her flesh melting right off her arm after touching a freshly discovered magical relic. A thunderbird lifting her high into the air, dropping her and letting her body mash to an instant pulp on impact with the ground. A hidden trap in an underground chamber slicing her up into shreds. A sea-serpent rising from a lake, snatching her from a boat with its knife-shape teeth and leaving a trail of bright red in the water as it dragged her down out of sight. As if this wasn't agonizing enough, each and every scene ended the exact same way. She would always find a way to turn towards him, and her emerald eyes would shine with a mix of shock and betrayal as she seemed to silently ask, "Why?"

The terrible scenes just kept coming. Dipper still tried to get them to stop, but they continued kept parading in and out of his head. Soon it felt like his mind was going to overflow with all the images of gore and death, and he could only hold out so long before he began to crack. A wave of intense fear now possessed him. Before he knew it, the idea of Wendy meeting an inevitable horrific end as his girlfriend had been beaten so badly into him that he literally couldn't find the ability to doubt it.

" _It would only be a matter of time."_ The voice in his head repeated. Dipper was trembling as he took a seat. The painfully dazed young man didn't make a sound when the first few tears started to overflow from his welling eyes.

" _Just a matter of time. That's probably all it would be."_ One more merciless reminder echoed through his brain, just in case he had any last lingering illusions. The full weight of this realization came crashing down on top of him, crushing whatever tiny scrap of optimism or hope that he had left.

It was over. The battle that had been raging inside these past few weeks was finally over. As he despairingly nursed an aching heart, he was now fully convinced that he was merely waking up to a hard truth. Any other possibilities now seemed like nothing more than naive pie in the sky dreams. Dipper felt like there was absolutely no choice but to cave in and accept the awful reality as it appeared to stand before him.

Friends. For Wendy's sake, he was now miserably positive that was all they could even be. Mere friends.

And absolutely nothing more.


	20. Here Goes Nothing

Wendy felt like she was going to throw up.

To put it more accurately, she felt like she was going to throw up so badly that it made her genuinely yearn for half an hour earlier when she first started to get a little anxiously nauseous. At least then she had only felt like she wanted to hurl up everything she had eaten so far that day. Now she felt like like she wanted to retch up at least half of her insides. She hadn't felt this nervous since…..she searched her memories, but she honestly come up with anything.

"You know what?" She said to her coach. "Maybe we should try doing this another time."

"There's no time like the present!" Mabel quipped right back as she continued sprucing up her friend. Her face scrunched up tightly with concentration while she meticulously fussed over the redhead. It was a very fine balance that she was trying to achieve. She wanted Wendy to look nice, but not suspiciously so. After putting on a few more light touches she stepped back, thoroughly checked the lumberjill over, and quickly decided that she hadn't struck that fine balance just yet. The matchmaker promptly took out a brush and attacked her friend's long scarlet locks for the fourth time.

While she was received her semi-makeover, Wendy glanced across the short distance over to where the RV stood parked. She fervently hoped that Dipper wasn't going to look out the window anytime soon. That would probably raise all kinds of questions after Mabel had told him that they were going out on a quick "walk."

As her churning gut flip-flopped from fresh worry, she hastily tried reassure herself. It was fine, she was going to be okay for now. The cluster of trees that they were prepping behind gave them some nice thick cover. And more importantly, there was probably nothing that could make Dipper leave the vehicle anytime soon. He had gotten increasingly hyper-focused on their cross-country investigations over the past few days since their brush with the wendigo. As far as she could tell, it looked like force of habit was once again getting the best of the occasionally workaholic doofus.

Her course-correction started backfiring on her. As she pictured her best friend sitting inside the Lady Mabelton with his glazed eyes glued intently on his laptop, her stomach started twisting up again.

"Seriously, I think we should hold off for today." She gently protested.

"Nope!" Mabel cheerily denied her. "We talked about this. It's finally happening now."

"Does it have to? I mean, you've seen how he's been getting lately, right?" Wendy asked. "He's been going into crazy work-hermit mode again. Maybe we should work on snapping him out of that before we think about giving any of this a shot."

Mabel wasn't blind. Of course she had noticed how quickly withdrawn her twin had become over the course of just the last few days. It reminded her of the zombish-wreck he had turned into by the tail end of his most recent grad school semester, when he pretty much become the living embodiment of all work and no play.

However, she wasn't worried in the slightest, or really even surprised. Mabel felt like if anything, this was to be completely expected. If she knew Dipper, then she guessed that her poor sibling was just trying keep his own crush at bay by throwing himself into all their investigative work. And it just happened to be his foul luck that he was the absolute champion at letting himself get far too wrapped up in paranormal sleuthing for his own good. Fortunately for the big oblivious dummy-dumb, he wouldn't have to put himself through this silly nonsense for much longer. An excited grin danced across Mabel's face from ear to ear as she put the couple final finishing touches on her friend.

"Okay, you're all good to go!" She clapped her hands and excitedy proclaimed.

"I think I only look good to go." Wendy replied in a tone that wasn't exactly glowing with confidence.

"Pffft! Oh, you're going to be completely fine. Just remember the basics." The matchmaker dutifully reminded her. "Eye contact, confidence but too much confidence, be yourself, and most important of all, genuine honesty like crazy."

"I know, I know." Wendy rolled her shoulders to try and work some of the nervous tension out of her system. As she thought about what was about to happen, she couldn't help but laugh weakly with disbelief. "Hey, Mabes?"

"Uh-huh?" Her friend stood ready at attention.

"Bet you weren't expecting to deal with this when you invited me along for the trip, huh?" The lumberjill cracked. Mabel burst out giggling, but not for any of the reasons that Wendy assumed.

"Nope. But I couldn't have asked for a better surprise!" She happily fibbed. The young woman then proceeded to wrap her friend up in one of her infamous vise-grip hugs. "It's gonna work out just fine. You'll see! You two can't possibly be better matched!"

"Thanks." Wendy curled her wiry arms around her and thanked her with a quick squeeze. The brunette then continued to hold onto her for a good thirty seconds with no end in sight. "Uh...Mabel?"

"Hold on!" Mabel gave her one last hearty squish before finally freeing her. "Just a little something extra for good luck."

She then hastily added, "Which you definitely don't need. You got this. You totally got this one million percent, Wen-Wen!"

"Still appreciated." Wendy took a few deep breaths to try and calm herself down just a mere modicum. Her heart was thudding so hard in her chest that she wouldn't have been surprised in the slightest if it broke several of her ribs To say the very least, she was feeling painfully out of her element at the moment. Still, as they both started the short walk back to the RV, she repeated softly to herself, "No time like the present…."

* * *

Dipper's face was nearly pressed right up against his computer screen as he hunched over the keyboard. For the past hour and a half young man had been busily writing, reviewing, re-writing, and editing what was probably his most in-depth, detail-packed investigatory report ever. Such an intense devotion of time and energy would have been entirely understandable if this had been for a major discovery, like a new cryptid the likes of which no one had ever seen or heard of before, or perhaps an ancient burial ground that operated as a gateway to another realm. However, he was only writing about the small pack of self-proclaimed "miniature dwarves" they had found causing mischief on the outskirts of the nearby of town (bearded creatures who looked quite a lot like gnomes and wood elves, despite the fierce objections they raised when this fact was pointed out to them).

He of all people knew that this was extreme overkill, but as he saw it this was also the best strategy out out of his current mess. After all, researching the weird and unknown was specifically why they had been sent out on this entire road trip in the very first place, right? Right. So hopefully the others wouldn't notice if he put in a little (or a lot) more focus on all their investigations. Then with any luck he'd be able to keep himself sufficiently distracted all the way back to Gravity Falls. Afterwards he would be able to say his farewells, head back to school and put in some serious physical distance back between him and Wendy. And if all went according to plan, certain accursed feelings would finally be able to mercifully wither away for the good of everyone.

At the moment he was doing an especially efficient job at the whole distraction aspect of his grand scheme. He was currently so immersed in current work that didn't notice that the girls had returned. Mabel sat herself down right across from him, and he still didn't realize that they had come back.

"Heeeeey, bro-bro!" She dangled her fingers in front of his face and finally alerted him to the fact that he had company. "How's everything going?"

"Good." He didn't glance away from the computer for longer than a heartbeat.

Wendy shot Mabel a concerned look. The irrepressible brunette winked back before she sank down out of sight, slid under the table and popped up right alongside Dipper, all without her preoccupied brother noticing. Then with one swift movement she slide across the bench seat, body-checking him off and sending him sprawling onto the floor.

"HEY! Mabel!"

"Oooh, you're right!" She started to scroll through his excessively in-depth report. "This is some real good work you got here. Just check out all that nice detail! Thanks, now I won't forget anything!"

She took out the book of sketches she had been enthusiastically compiling throughout their entire trip and got straight to work drawing up their latest bizarre discovery.

"But I'm not done yet." He protested as he picked himself back up.

"I know, I know, Mabel still needs to do her part. Then we'll be done here!" She pretended to misunderstand him.

"What? I didn't say we, I said…." He saw it was no use. Mabel had already popped in her earbuds and blasted the music on her MP3 player to full volume. She was now humming loudly as she scribbled the outline of a small bearded man, pausing every now and then to reference her twin's write-up.

Now that his workspace had been taken over, it was Wendy's time to step up to the plate. After taking a few extra moments to steady herself, she slapped on a smile and pat her friend on the shoulder.

"C'mon dude. You could probably use a break." The lumberjill tried her best to sound like her usual casual self.

"I was almost finished." Dipper grumbled again.

"Dude, you've been inside most of the afternoon. You're probably way past finished." She countered.

"I just had a little more to go." He replied stubbornly. Dipper reached out to take his twin's sketchbook, but Wendy herded him away from the table.

"Alright, it's official. Someone's going workaholic-zombie on us again." She called him out.

"I'm not…." Dipper went a little red in the cheeks. He had no way to counter that accusation. Meanwhile his best friend gathered up some snacks and two Pitt Colas.

"Yeah, right. I'm prescribing you a major dose of Roof Time, stat."

"I-"

"C'mon man, you know you want it." She planted on a smile as she struck up the classic chant. "Roof Time! Roof Time! Roof Time! Roof Time! Roof Time!"

Dipper felt a painful twinge inside. The automatic urge to go eagerly join her was aggressively tamped down, followed by an annoyed thought. _"She really doesn't want to make any of this easy, does she?"_

Unfortunately he was in a bind. His friend's zombie remark had made it very clear that they were at least a little bit on to him. It was probably best to try and not arouse any more suspicion for the time being. The very last thing that he needed was for them to start asking questions about anything. He absolutely dreaded to think about about what happened if even a scrap of the pathetic truth managed to get out.

"Okay, okay. Roof Time." He acceded less-than-enthusiastically.

"There we go!" Wendy whooped with as much convincing enthusiasm as she possibly could. While Mabel continued drawing away at the table, together the lumberjill and the dork headed outside and climbed up on top of the boxy old RV.

Much to Dipper's surprise and relief, at first they just sat there in the late summer sun drinking their sodas, munching on chips and enjoying the sight of the surrounding hilly countryside, all in total silence. He actually began to relax just little bit for the first time in the last few days. For a few brief moments it even felt actually like any of the countless similar moments that they had shared together over the years. Just two friends hanging out together, and absolutely nothing more complicated than that.

"Man. This trip's been pretty nuts so far, huh?" Wendy suddenly broke the silence with what seemed like nothing more than a little bit of small talk.

"Uh-huh." Dipper replied with a grunt and a nod.

"I seriously don't think I've handled so much crazy all at once in years. It's just been like…." She spread her fingers and made an explosive sound effect.

"That makes two of us." He said distractedly before taking another sip of his soda.

"Yeah. But you know the weird part?"

"What?"

"Even with everything that's messed with us over the last few weeks…...honestly, this whole thing still somehow feels like a vacation,." She chuckled softly. "Though that's all mainly from just being with you guys."

Wendy paused, and let out a forced laugh. "I guess 'mainly' is my new way of saying 'entirely' now."

The experienced sleuth sitting next to her immediately went on alert. So much for some mere rooftime relaxation. Something was definitely up here. Wendy Corduroy was usually the Queen of Cool, but right now she was acting anything but. He could read it loud and clear in both her tone and her fidgety body language. It was a side of her that he very rarely saw, (and something that most people never witnessed at all).

A few seconds passed as Wendy gazed ahead and kicked her legs, looking more like a nervous teen than anything. Her friend meanwhile kept a wary eye on her. The young woman cleared her throat.

"So….I've….kinda been thinking…" She began, but then immediately stopped herself.

"Uh...thinking about…." He cautiously prompted her. It took a couple seconds until she could carry on.

"Well…..about….before Mabel got me aboard for the trip here. I….I really missed you, man."

"I missed you too." He automatically replied, recalling those days where it was nothing but him and graduate school overload. Those memories however were immediately swamped by a flood of irritation.

" _Does she even have any idea what she's doing?"_ Another side of him spoke up with irked scorn. While Dipper began to fight a lopsided internal skirmish, Wendy fell silent again.

"Yeah, so...after dealing with all that….I…." Once again she lost her voice. Her freckled cheeks began to go bright crimson as the blood rushed to her face. She nervously licked dry lips.

"Wendy?" He asked softly.

"So after dealing with all that….and after the past couple weeks together, I've been thinking about how...I….I really don't think I want to be apart from you like that again."

He grew confused. "But….we're not letting that happen again. I mean, we already know that right? Like we know way better to remember to give a call or shoot an email every now and then-"

"Wait." Her cheeks face continued to grow redder and redder as she tried to clarify, "No, I don't mean like, falling out of the loop with you."

"So...what do you mean?" He cocked his head.

"Dipper, I….really don't want to be apart from you like that again." She could feel a flock of butterflies frantically flapping about in her stomach as she awkward repeated herself. "Like, really….really…..really don't think I want to be apart from you…..

As she spoke, she slowly slid her hand until it rested squarely on top of his. Dipper just stared at it dumbly for a moment. Then he raised his head and met her nervous yet hopeful gaze gaze. When he finally put two and two together, his heart skipped a beat. Time itself seemed to freeze, and for the briefest of moments he welled up with a mix of shock, excitement, and joy the likes of which were beyond words.

 _Is….is she…._ He thought incredulously, literally unable to believe any of his senses. It took a few moments, but realization started to sink in. _She is..she's actually…._

This heaven on earth lasted for only a few brief moments. It was all crushed beneath a momentous surge of panic that geysered through every inch of his being.

" _What? No, she can't! You can't! No, no, no, no, no!"_ A massive alarm blared off in his brain. He yanked his hand from beneath hers as if he had just touched a hot stove.

Suffice to say, Wendy hadn't expected anything like this. The painful pause that followed seemed to last for an agonizing eternity before the utterly dumbfounded woman asked, "Dipper?"

Dipper's breathing picked up as he tensely gazed back, watching her in wary silence.

" _She can't. You can't. You just can't."_ The warning messages raced through his mind at both top speed and volume.

"Dipper?" Wendy reached reached out, but he immediately slid a little further away from her. Wendy had absolutely no idea what was happening right now, except that what it was, it definitely wasn't good.. "What's wrong?"

"No." He started to shake his head furiously.. "No. Just….I'm sorry, no."

"...What?" His reply hit her like a punch to the stomach.

"No. We...we can't." He said unhappily.

At first she couldn't believe what he was telling her. Or maybe she was just refusing to believe it what she was hearing. Either way, she literally couldn't fully grasp what was happening right now.

"Wait, what do you mean?"

For a slim second the deep concern in her voice made his heart flutter. The feeling was quickly pulverized under a wave of fresh panic.

 _"No, you can't let her. You can't!"_

"Dipper?" Wendy tried to get his attention. When didn't reply, she took him by the shoulders. "Dipper? Hey, dude!"

"No!" He blurted out. No, we can't!"

"Hey, what are you-"

"Wendy, we….we just can't!" He yelped before jumping off the edge of the vehicle. He hit the ground and rolled. Wendy cried out and hurriedly climbed down after him. The RV's door swung open wide as Mabel barged out in a hurry. The ruckus she heard from inside definitely didn't sound like a romance-in-process to her.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hey is happening here?" Demanded the bewildered woman, but she went ignored in the background.

"Dipper, what's wrong?" Wendy asked her friend as she tried hauling him back on his feet.

"Wendy, no!" Every time that he rejected her, Dipper could feel the words practically burn him on the way out. But still he repeated himself over and over like a broken record, all for her sake.

"Dude, what's with you?" She demanded after he thrashed his way out of her grasp. "You're freaking me out right now!"

The gruesome mental images that assaulted him a just few days before started to forcefully fill his mind again, pushing his panic to even greater heights. He couldn't let any of that happen to her.

"We can't! We just can't!"

"What do you mean we can't?" The frustrated redhead barked back.

" _You can't let her do this to herself! You can't! You can't!"_ Dipper could feel the message blare through him so loudly that it made him physically wince. Meanwhile the terrible what-if scenes continued to parade through his head, and Wendy continued to suffer death after horrific premature death.

"Wendy, no! I'm sorry, but no!" He told her flatly. "We can't! You and me, we…..we just can't! We can't!"

It was only then did it click with Wendy that he seemed to truly mean all of this frantic sputtering. The awful realization made her heart plummet into the pit of her stomach.

"W-wait…"

"Wendy, I-I'm sorry." Dipper miserably repeated. "But we-"

"D-Dipper…." She tried to reach out to him.

 _"Tell her again."_ His mind ordered him. But this time he paused. It all just hurt so much to keep telling her this.

"Wait..." Meanwhile his friend took hold of his arm. "Dipper-"

 _"You have to."_ He felt the harsh pressure well up inside. _For her."_

"No," He tried to pull away. "Wendy, we-"

"But Dipper..."

 _"Tell her again."_

"Wendy please. _..."_

"...I only..."

"Please, don't."

"But I-"

 _"Tell her again. YOU HAVE TO."_

"Wendy, NO!" He pulled away and gave her a hard push, and she nearly ended up stumbling all the way smack into the side of the RV.

"DIPPER!" Mabel raced in between the two, but the damage was already done. An awful silence blanketed the scene as the trio passed each other wordless looks. The girls couldn't haven't possibly been any more mystified. And Dipper couldn't have felt any more horrified when he gazed at the incredible hurt stamped all over Wendy's freckled face.

"I-I'm...I'm sorry." Dipper croaked.

"Dipper…." She quavered.

"We can't." He forced out those awful words one final and painful time. He then tore past his sister and into the RV. After slamming the door shut behind him, he was able to make it no more than three steps and then he sank down down onto the floor.

"I'm sorry." He whispered under his breath as the rivulets began to flow down his face. Today had turned into an absolute nightmare. It may have all been for his friend's sake, but he felt no pride or relief at all. Instead, his entire body seemed to ache mercilessly all over with ferocious regret. "I'm sorry….I'm so sorry…."

 _"It's okay."_ A comforting thought floated to the forefront of his mind. _"You did the right thing."_

It sure didn't seem that way to him though.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…." He repeated a few more times before he started to quietly weep. The mental reassurances meanwhile continued.

" _It's okay…..it's okay….trust me, you did exactly what you needed to do….."_

* * *

Right outside the Lady Mabelton, two young women stared dumbly at the trailer door. The both of them were literally paralyzed with incomprehension.

Mabel literally didn't know what to think at first. Absolutely nothing made sense to her at that moment. This wasn't what supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to happen at all. This...this was just beyond her understanding. She could have sworn she was only dealing with two lovesick but anxious friends who just needed a little push to cross that final boundary together. Not...whatever this was. Her brother's bizarre rejection spectacle had been so completely unbelievable that part of her genuinely thought that this was all some kind of strange dream. Unfortunately, she didn't wake up when she desperately pinched her palm.

The horrible quiet was broken by a small, choking sob. Wendy turned her watering emerald eyes towards her friend. Their stunned gazes met, and and soon she was piercing deep into Mabel with a look that burned with betrayal.

"W-Wendy," Mabel sputtered. "I...I….."

The redhead cut her off with a teary snarl. Wendy then shouldered her aside and out of the way as she vacated the scene. Stricken with equal parts confusion, anger, and heartbreak, she stormed off down the road towards the little town in the near distance.

Mabel was now all alone. Reeling with shock, the young woman just stood there, not sure what to think or do at all. But eventually pure instinct kicked in. With slow, mechanical movements she lowered herself to the ground, stretched her sweater over her knees and then tucked in each arm one after the other. Once her limbs were hidden from sight she tucked most of her head down beneath the neck of her garment. The hand-knitted cocoon muffled her sniffling as the failed matchmaker started rocking back and forth.

* * *

He had completely hit rock bottom. Dipper was absolutely sure of it. The mix of regret, frustration, and fierce self-hatred that flooded him all at once all seemed to mercilessly confirm that he couldn't go any lower than this in any way imaginable.

He didn't know how long he spent wracked with anguish. But eventually, even with the thick fog of despair enveloping him he couldn't help but realize something very odd. Raging emotional anguish or not, he was still Dipper Pines, and very few people could match his incredible talent for noticing whenever something was strangely off. In this case, it was the fact that while he heaped self-abuse on himself like it was going out of style, absolutely no part of him was attempting to speak up to try and convince him otherwise. There were no contradicting voices trying to console him how he had done the right thing, no opposing messages floating about in his mind trying to convince him that his frantic rejection of his friend had all been for the greater good. In a shocking change of pace, there was simply no debate raging inside his head whatsoever. Instead, all he had was a single narrative. It wasn't a pleasant narrative in any way, shape or form, but that was besides the point. What was important was the simple fact that for the first time in days he didn't feel like he was being torn in two. Now that he had regained the ability to think with single-minded clarity, he replayed the entire painful scene that had just taken place and almost immediately asked him a much-needed question.

 _Wait….just what was all THAT?_

Again, no voices inside automatically tried to pipe up and explain away how he had merely been saving his best friend from himself. His imagination made no effort at all to cook up any grisly images to try and show how dating him was basically a death sentence. What had seemed like undeniable truths no more than ten minutes ago suddenly began to make absolutely no sense whatsoever. His head began to fill with questions now. Did he really act like a maniac to his friend just now? Had he really convinced himself that Wendy of all people needed protection from him? The one and only Wendy Corduroy? The toughest, fiercest, most tenacious person that he had ever known in his entire life? _His_ Wendy? And had he really just shot down his dream girl, right when she was on the verge of telling him that he wasn't alone with the very feelings he had been trying so desperately to restrain? What had just happened?

No naysaying voices came rushing to the forefront of Dipper's mind to defend what had just happened. There was only him and a sinking feeling of horrified disbelief. It was like he had just woken from a drunken bender. He had absolutely no idea whatsoever what exactly was going on here. However, at least one thing was mercifully clear to him at that moment. He needed to find his spurned friend and start doing some explaining, fast. And then hopefully they could start to sort this whole big mess out.

But despite the fact that he was now burning with the frantic urge to go track down Wendy, oddly enough he didn't immediately shoot to his feet and race out the door. To his shock he couldn't get up of the floor. It wasn't just his legs that were refusing to obey him either. His head, limbs, body….nothing budged an inch despite the increasingly frantic signals he sent to his muscles. The only thing that moved was his chest as it rose and fell, and nothing more.

 _What's going on here?_ The panicked thought raced through his mind. Something was wrong here. Something was...unnatural about all of this. He tried to move his lips and say something, yet nothing happened. He tried let out a confused cry but still nothing happened. His mind seemed to be literally the only thing that was properly functioning. The rest of him meanwhile remained slumped on the floor of the RV.

 _Help! HELP!_ He tried to yell, but the cry echoed uselessly inside him. His motionless body meanwhile didn't make a peep.

Finally he began to move. Slowly, shakily, he leaned against the wall for support as he raised himself. However, literally none of this was due to his own free will. It was like he had become a puppet. He wasn't in control of anything that was going on. And so could only watch on while his own arms experimentally moved around as if they had minds of their own. Meanwhile his body lurched forward with no mental prodding from him as it took a few cautious, clumsily steps.

"Holy hell..." He could now hear himself murmur incredulously. It was his voice, but they weren't his words. "I'm...I-I'm..."

Dipper began to feel the jubilant chuckles bubble from his body, despite the fact that he definitely didn't feel like laughing right now.

 _What's going on? What's happening?!_ He cried out again from deep in the depths of his own mind, like a prisoner desperately calling from a dungeon cell. The frantic young man could feel his lips curl up into a smile.

"I told you already. You did exactly what you needed to do..."


	21. It's Not What You Think

Mabel Pines spent some time wallowing in shock over the unbelievable disaster that had taken place before her very eyes. However, it wasn't long until she started boil up with an intense frustration the likes of which she had rarely felt before. When she eventually reemerged from Sweatertown, she did so with fires raging behind her glasses.

Just what the heck was wrong with her brother? How could it be that he was so obviously yearning for his best friend one day, then reject her right just now like she was poison? How could he be so stupid as to refuse someone as amazing as Wendy Corduroy? How could he be insane enough to actually say no to his perfect match? Had he completely lost it?

Mabel rose to her feet, rolled up her sweater sleeves, and then marched into the RV like a one-woman army. She was getting some answers, and she was getting them right now.

"ALRIGHT!" The furious matchmaker hurled the door open with a thunderous slam. "YOU'RE TELLING ME WHAT YOUR DEAL IS, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME….right…..now?"

She encountered a very strange scene. The Lady Mabelton's little kitchen area had been completely ransacked by the young man who had been busy shoving provisions into a backpack when she first stormed in. He froze like a deer in headlights while she gawked bewilderedly. A long silence followed.

"...Uh….hey, Mabel." He greeted her with a wan smile.

"Dipper?" She looked around and tried to make sense of what she was looking at. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, well…." He drummed his fingers on the counter. "I….I thought maybe a long hike would good for me…..I'm still feeling really worked up, see and….thought that I'd bring some snacks along because I feel like it's probably going to be a while until I calm down….I know it's kind of late in the day and everything, but…."

Considering the mighty meltdown he had right in front of her very eyes not long ago, he didn't look remotely like the frantic emotional mess that she had expected. In fact, despite his claims to feeling "worked up," he actually appeared surprisingly composed. Unsettlingly so, actually. He only seemed noticeably nervous at the very worst, but it wasn't even his usual style of anxiety.

Her twin intuition began acting up. He just seemed to be unnervingly off right now, from the way he talked, to the grin the he wore, to the way he fidgeted with his hands, and even the way that he stood seemed a little wrong. It didn't even feel like this was her brother. It honestly felt more as if someone had put a Dipper coating around…..someone…..completely….different.

A symphony of alarms went off in her head. Every single hair on her body stood even thinking she shut the door tightly behind her. "Dipper" meaning continued flashing the same unfamiliar smile that she had never seen on his face before in her whole entire life.

"Mabel? Is everything okay?" Her "brother" asked with a forced laugh.

"...Wh-who….who are you?" she demanded.

Panic flashed in his eyes. It was pretty clear that it was no use trying to keep up the facade. He hurriedly shouldered the backpack and bolted for the nearest window.

"HEY!" She darted after him. In his desperate haste he actually managed to get his head and shoulders out before she wrenched him back inside.

"Who are you?" Mabel demanded again. "Who are you?!"

He refused to answer. Instead he poured all his energy on trying to get away from her as they grappled fiercely. However he wasn't as much a match in his new body as he would have preferred. No matter how hard he thrashed, she kept using her freakish strength to pin and again and again.

"Who are you?!" You ceaselessly demanded. "What did you do to my brother?!"

After she practically slammed him down on the floor for the fourth time, he managed to grab hold of the neck of her sweater and yank it halfway over her head. While she was temporarily blinded he managed to scramble free from beneath her.

"Okay!" She growled as she pulled her garment back down. "No more Miss Nice Mabel!"

Unfortunately, besides their food he had also raided their peculiar arsenal too before she had barged in. He pulled her grappling hook from the backpack, took aim and and fired. Mabel dodged the ill-aimed shot.

"Missed-" The metal hook bounced off the wall and ricocheted into her head before she could finish her taunt, and the lucky shot made her drop like a sack of cement. Her "brother" fumbled with the gun until he could get the hook to recoil. In no mood at all to tousle with her anymore, he grabbed the bag of purloined food and weapons and high-tailed it out of the RV.

Mabel lay there for a little while, with her head spinning from both the hard blow and painful confusion. But as soon as she was able to haul herself back to her feet she staggered outside.

"GET BACK HERE!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. Unfortunately he was long gone.

The young woman whimpered as she fruitlessly looked around. But before despair could smother her right there on the spot she managed to get a hold of herself and beat it back. This was no time to panic. She had faced down the weird and the outright bizarre in more ways than she could even count, and so she could handle whatever all this was. At least, that's what she fervently hoped. Not surprisingly her famed optimism levels were currently running far lower than normal as she got to work trying to figure out what on earth was going on here.

"Shapeshifter?" She murmured to herself, then quickly ruled out the possibility. If that was the case, then it definitely would have changed during their fierce scrap into a form that was far more suited to fighting instead of remaining a scrawny young man. It couldn't have been a clone either. With the sole exception of Stan's printer they had never met anyone else who had come close to developing the technology, either purposefully or accidentally.

It wasn't long until she decided against the entire idea of a full replacement. Every fiber in her body told her that the young man who had just fled had indeed been her brother, or at least it had been Dipper physically. He had looked exactly like her twin, from the birthmark that gave him his nickname to the same two particularly scraggly hairs on his little beard that had been driving her nuts over the past few days. He had felt like the same barebones Dipper Pines during their fight, he had sounded exactly like him, and he had even carried her twin's unique odor. The major difference of course was that he hadn't acted like her Dipper in the slightest.

Her blood briefly ran cold as soon as recalled a similar incident years ago when her twin had been behaving abnormally unlike himself. Could it be that….no, it couldn't be. Not him. Not Bill. It couldn't be. It just couldn't. That rotten demon was still nothing more than a lifeless hunk of stone lying half-buried in the middle of the woods that they occasionally vandalized for fun (they had had actually spray-painted him bright pink for good luck before they left for the road trip).

She started pacing around now to try and help her think better. Okay, so the chance of Bill Cipher being behind this was negligible. However, just because it probably wasn't a certain cycloptic triangle controlling her brother didn't rule out the general possibility of someone maybe possessing Dipper, and…

She halted dead in the tracks. Wait, but if that was the case, then….

"...It...it wasn't him." She gasped when a particular realization abruptly hit. A genuine smile swept across her face, and she couldn't help but perform a little jump for joy. "It wasn't him! It wasn't him! That wasn't really him saying no to her, that was just…."

Her glee was short-lived. Although there now was officially hope for her grand couple-making scheme, that didn't change the fact that someone (or something) had just taken control of her brother. And she literally had no idea who, what, where, when, or why.

"Think, Mabel. Think." She urged herself. It couldn't have been wendigo. All three of them had been been gunked equally. So what was the sole thing that her brother been exposed to that could have potentially led to his? She chewed on a few ends of her hair as she carefully recalled everything that happened over the past few weeks, starting from today and meticulously working her way backwards.

It wasn't long until she reached a very good possibility. She raced into the RV and started dashing around like a madwoman. Thankfully "Dipper" had only been halfway finished packing when she had interrupted and so all their electronics were still there, including her cell phone. Once she had it in her hands she quickly dialed a number she had been given after their incident in rural Massachusetts.

"Hello, this is the Dunwich Public Library." A familiar voice greeted from the other end of the line. "How can I help you?"

"Zeke?" She asked hopefully.

"Well hey there, Mabel!" The cultist leader said warmly. "So nice to hear back from you so soon! How are things?"

"Ummmm….things could be…..going a little better." Mabel understated. "So, I got a quick question. You remember that whole crazy dealie we had when we were up there? You know, when you got a little scared of our friend and tried to put a little curse thingy on her?"

"Oh, yes! We called upon the Ancient Old Ones to bring the Shrai-Mija curse down upon Wendy. To be more specific, we called upon the gods Ulduvi, Lady of a Thousand Wails and Skarl the Eagle-Eyed. Thank goodness that it didn't work." He laughed. "I would have hated to have given her an itchy leg for life all over a silly misunderstanding."

"Yeah….good thing it totally didn't work." She forced a giggle. " Now, about that curse…."

"Yes?"

"You think that maybe you can….um…." She wasn't sure how to put this. "You think it would be okay if I could take a look at it? Like, in the book? Please? You know, maybe you can get a scan of the pages that you could send over, or something? No real reason or anything, I was just curious that-"

"Sure thing!" He happily complied.

"Wait, really?" That was much easier than she had expected.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I?" He asked with friendly incredulity.

"Well….it's kind of like, your secret sacred text and stuff."

"True, but that doesn't mean we'll automatically turn down anyone who asks politely for a look." The old man chuckled. "That would just be rude, don't you think?"

"Yeah, rude." She said with another forced laugh. "So, um, how fast can you-"

"Oh, I can have it to you in just a jiffy!" Replied the incredibly accommodating weirdo. "Okay, now if you could just tell me what email address you'd like me to send it to…."

As soon as she received the scans a quick five minutes later, she immediately started trying to contact Gravity Falls. However, reaching her family soon proved harder than getting secrets out of a tightly-knit cult. She put in several video calls, tried each of her great-uncles' cell phones, and even put in a call to Stan's office, but no one was answering. Her anxiety grew and grew with each new failed attempt until the flustered young woman finally remembered that she had alternatives.

"Hey Mabel!" Melody picked up after the very first ring. "How's-"

"Melly I gotta talk to Grunkle Ford now!" The young woman gasped out in one breath,

"What?" Her tone immediately was dripping with concern. "Wait what happ-"

"Explain later need talk Ford now right now!" Mabel jabbered.

"Okay, okay, okay! Hold on!" Melody hung up, and less than a minute later Mabel had an incoming video call on her laptop.

"Grunkle Ford?" She answered hopefully.

"I'm here, I'm here." Freshly woken from a nap, Stanford Pines rubbed his foggy eyes as he inquired, "What's wrong?"

"Grunkle Ford! Curse! Dipper! Curse on Dipper!" His great-niece immediately sputtered, and immediately he became wide awake.

"What? Hold on here-"

"Dipper's in trouble!" She babbled. "Trouble because of the curse! I think he got something bad because when Wendy tried to talk to him he got all crazy and then when I…."

"Mabel-" He struggled to get a word in, but it was right at that point that she crossed the line over into peak panic.

"GrunkleFordIthinkthatsomeone'sinsideDipperandcontrollinghim!"

"Mabel, hold on-"

"Foughtwithhimbecauseitwasn'thimIseriouslyhadtofighthimjustnow…."

"Mabel-"

"...Somethinghashimit'sincontrolofhimandnowhe'sgone…."

"Stan? STAN!" Ford wisely called for backup. When his twin didn't respond, Melody was instantly on the case. She shot off out of the background like an arrow.

"Stan? Stan! Stan, wake up!" Mabel could hear her yell. Soon she successfully returned with her quarry, and now both the elderly twins were on screen.

"Mabel?" Stan looked into the camera. "What's the matter-"

"Troublethere'sbigtroubleIthinkDipper'scursedorpossessedorsomething…." She was still gibbering at a mile a minute.

"Hey, whoa! Mabel, you-"

"...Idon'tthinkit'sBillbutsomethingdefinitely…."

"Hey, hey, calm down. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. But first you gotta calm down for us first, alright?" Her great uncle motioned for her to relax.

"ButDipperisbeingcontrolled-"

"Deep breaths. C'mon sweetie, just take some deep breaths. With me, okay?" He gently urged her. Mabel's chested heaved in and out as she followed his example, and thanks to his efforts she began to space her words out again.

"Cursed! Cursed!" she gasped. "Dipper's been cursed!"

"What?!" Stan jerked with a start. "What kind of curse? Where? When?"

"I think it came from the cult-y people! In Dunwich! When Wendy was captured! Remember when we told you how Dipper tried to save her from a lame curse they wanted to put on her that didn't even work? Well now I'm sure Dipper actually got something while he was protecting her! Something real! Real and bad!"

"Wait, you think he got it where? Oh for the love of…." Stan's shoved his twin in the back of the head. "All you had to do was take a minute to warn them about the nutcases! That's all you needed to do!"

Ford didn't dispute his mistake. Instead he tried to ignore his twin's gruff protests as he focused back on their great-niece. First and foremost, the scientist needed some evidence. "Alright, now what have you seen so far that makes you think this is happening?"

"Lots of stuff! Alllllll the crazy stuff that's gone down today! Okay so first he and Wendy went to go have a talk together and then he went super bananas and totally melted down on her like you wouldn't believe! And then when I tried to go talk to him to see what his crazy deal was, he wasn't acting or talking like himself at all. At all! Even though it was definitely his body and voice and his everything else!"

"WHAT!?" The was a chorus of shock on the other end of the call.

"Wait, so where is he now?" Ford worriedly asked.

"Gone! When he knew that I knew that it wasn't him, he tried to make a run for it! But then I tried to stop him, and then we had a big fight, and I almost had him but then he grappling-hooked me and he ran off!" She rushed them through a summary. " And now I don't know where he is at all, or anything! But look! Look! I got an actual scan of the curse thingy the cult people tried to put on Wendy. I'm pretty sure this is what messed Dipper up! A scan, right from their book! I already sent it to you, in your email!"

"Okay, I'll-"

"You gotta look at it now! Please!" She demanded.

"Yes, just wait a moment! I'm looking at it right….now…." Ford's eyes widened as he read the old Polish text. "Oh…..oooohhhh….oh, no…."

"You just gonna look at it, or are you gonna give us some freakin' answers already?" Stan shoved him again. "C'mon!"

"Hey, will you knock it off?!" Ford pushed him right back. It looked like the old twins were on the verge of a sibling spat when Melody stepped right in between them.

"Hey! Both of you knock it off!" She warned, and the two brothers sheepishly toned it down. Ford looked to the camera again.

"Sorry about that. Anyways, between what I've read here and from what you've just told me, I can already safely conclude that we're currently dealing with a ghost that's taken charge inside of Dipper."

"I knew it! I knew it! So he's possessed! It's possession, right?" Mabel asked. "It's totally possession, isn't it?"

"I'd actually describe more as part possession, part infection." Her great-uncle corrected. When she gave him a puzzled look, he started explaining, "Remember, there' are big differences between demonic and ghostly possession. Now while there are many demons who can possess people on their very own, only a very small percentage of ghosts have the strength to possess people by themselves, and most of these can't do it for more than a few minutes at a time. Beyond this minority, your average spirit can only possess a person though the outside assistance of a ritual. For example, a shamanic religious ceremony or through something more forceful such as a curse, which appears to be what Dipper accidentally received up in Dunwich."

"Wait, wait, hold on. So it's only a ghost that they put in him?" His great-niece double-checked. "No demons? Just someone who used to be dead?"

"If I'm reading this right, that's precisely what this particular curse does. It looks like it opens the recipient and forcefully places a nearby wandering spirit in them. Unfortunately this spell specifically plants in spirits who…." Ford re-read the sixteenth-century Polish before he gently understated, "Well….they're not still roaming the earth because they're the kind and gentle types."

"Ooohhh, no!" Mabel tugged her chocolate groan locks and groaned. For a moment she wanted to burst out raging at the entire town of Dunwich. But she quickly (and unhappily) reminded herself that they literally had had no idea what they had been doing at the time they accidentally cursed her sibling; their entire community was based around the fact that they had misunderstood in literally every way possible

"So has the kid been totally under control since then?" Stan asked.

"No, he was actually okay at first after all that." Mabel answered. "He only started getting a little weird over the last couple days. But then today was just like, BOOM! A total freakout extravaganza out of a nowhere!"

"That sounds about right." Her other great-uncle said with a nod. "Not only do most ghosts not possess enough power to enter a living person on their own, but even if they can get inside someone through some means, most of them don't have anywhere close to the necessary power needed to take immediate control."

"So how did Dipper's thing happen?" She asked.

"First, bear in mind I've never witnessed this phenomenon personally." He cautioned her. "But according to what I've studied, the possessed human needs to be weakened severely enough. That's primarily done by invading the mind of whomever they're inhabiting, learning as much as possible and then masquerading as dark thoughts to gradually wear them down. If they can eventually break a person's spirit, then they stand a good chance of being able to seize complete control."

"So…." Mabel speedily put two and two together. "When I went to talk to Dipper after his freakout and he wasn't acting like himself anymore, then…."

"Yes," Ford grimly confirmed. "It unfortunately sounds like Dipper was pushed over the breaking point after his episode with Wendy, which is what probably left him vulnerable enough for a complete takeover."

An extremely frustrated-looked Stan looked like he was about to harangue his twin again when Melody grabbed his arm and gave a firm shake of her head. Reluctantly he held back.

"Great. So the poor kid's lost control of himself and is running around who freakin' knows where. So just how the heck are we gonna handle this?"

"Don't worry, I'm on it!" Mabel grabbed the laptop and buckled it in the passenger's seat.

"What are you doing?" Stan asked.

"Gotta find Dipper!" she climbed into the driver's seat. "So I gotta get help some extra help!"

As she started up the RV, Ford couldn't help but inquire, "Mabel?"

"Yeah?" She said distractedly as she cranked the old vehicle into drive.

"So, the incident with Wendy that you mentioned….what happened there exactly?" The old scientist inquisitively pried. "It sounds like it had to be pretty bad if that's what finally wore Dipper down enough."

"Is Wendy alright?" Melody asked.

The brunette drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she puzzled over how to answer. She looked at the computer screen and her family curiously stared right back as they waited. Her face contorted into an enormous grimace. "Wellllll…..okay, so long and kinda crazy story short…."

* * *

Sitting near the end of the main street of the little town stood a little bar. It wasn't anything special, it was just the local watering hole where locals liked to go when they wanted to grab a drink. And it was inside this little establishment that a crimson-haired young woman currently sat tucked off in a corner, nursing both a drink and a broken heart.

Her earlier anger had vanished, at least for the moment. Now Wendy mostly just felt numb. Never in a thousand years would she have expected Dipper to do anything like that. She gazed morosely into her beer and struggled to make sense of it. Maybe it was because her best friend knew her a little too well. Maybe he was just all too familiar with the long trail of relationships she had left behind in her wake. And maybe his fears had really been no different from hers, and he had only been trying to frantically save what they already had together. Now that was something she could start to wrap her head around.

Still, he could've done it with acting like such a psycho. That rejection had been so wild and so visceral, that….honestly, she could barely believe that she had even heard even of it come from his very mouth. The young man who had yelled at her today was only just barely the Dipper Pines that she knew. But then again, maybe he had just been that desperate to keep himself from inevitably joining her long list of exes. Good intentions or not, that wasn't going to make the next time they saw one another pretty. She could already tell that she was definitely going to break out into tears. The only question was whether they'd be tears of anger or humiliation. On the one hand, he had rejected her faster than a piece of flaming garbage. But on the other, she was the one who had broached the subject and made him explode like that in the first place.

It seemed like at the very least, things would be permanently weird between her and her best friend from here and out. And at that this low point that was literally the best case scenario she could possibly hope for in her wildest dreams. Considering her luck, it actually all seemed depressingly fitting.

"Excuse me? Excuse me? Over here? Please? Excuse meeee!" A sweater-clad brunette suddenly rushed in from off the street, beelined to the counter, and began waving frantically for the bartender's attention. When she bewilderedly approached, Mabel shoved her phone in her face. "I'm looking for my friend! Skinny, freckly, green hair, long red hair, answers to the name Wendy. Have you seen her? She was wearing flannel, blue jeans, boots, probably sadness all over her face, and…."

As she jabbered, the startled woman on the other side of the bar pointed over to the corner. Mabel raced over as fast as the wind the moment she laid eyes on her friend. Wendy's first reaction was to bury her face and groan wearily. She really, really didn't need any of this.

"Oh my God Mabel. Can you gimme at least an hour or something?" She complained bitterly. "I-"

"Wegottagorightnow!" Mabel didn't give her any choice. She threw down a few bills for the drink, grabbed her wrist and speedily dragged her out the door. In no time they were both back aboard the Lady Mabelton.

"Hey! HEY! MABEL!" Wendy finally yanked her arm free. "What the hell?"

"I need-"

"No!" she bristled. "Mabel, I'm not going to talk to-"

"Dipper's not here right now!" Mabel hurriedly clarified. But as far as the lumberjill was concerned, that only made things marginally better.

"If you think I'm going to sit down with him as soon as he shows up later-"

"But he won't do that! He can't come back! Not if we don't get him! Wendy, Dipper's gone!" She revealed, much to her friend's confusion.

"Huh? Gone? What do you mean he's gone?"

"He's gone! Gone-gone! I saw him run off! And now he's gone, I literally don't know where he is at all, and…..a-and…." Mabel had so much that she wanted to say at once that the the words clogged up in her throat before she managed to blurt out, "And it wasn't even Dipper!"

Wendy had only one thing to say to all this. "...What?"

"The guy who just ran off! It wasn't really Dipper! And the guy who had the big freakout at you today too! Also not Dipper!" She explained. "You think that was really him talking to you? Nuh-uh!"

"Dipper wasn't what?"

"The person who yelled at you! Wait, wait, no." She needed to stop and clarify. "Well, actually it was Dipper, kinda. But see, it was him but also it wasn't him at the same time! And it was the part that wasn't him that made him act all crazy on you!"

"What?!" So far Wendy had zero idea what her friend was jabbering on about.

"Dipper didn't say no to you because of you! He was only saying no to you because of the stupid ghost inside his head!"

"Wait, WHAT?!" The redhead involuntarily yelled. Well, that was definitely something she didn't expect to hear.

"Yeah! A real ghost! Right inside him! It's been completely messing with him for the last few days!" Mabel briefly summarized. "And now Dipper's not in charge of himself at all anymore! He's totally lost all control!"

"And I can completely confirm all of that." Another voice added with an air of authority. The lumberjill winced, turned her head towards the open laptop sitting on the table and saw that it was even worse than she feared. No less than four familiar faces looked back at her.

"Hey Wen-dawg!" Soos waved. "Sorry to hear you've been having such a bonkers day so far!"

"Soos?" Maybe noticed her roly-poly friend for the first time. "How long have you been there?"

"Oh, showed up when you were gettin' Wendy. I passed by and wanted to see what the big deal was. It's okay, I'm like, totally filled in on the situation!" He said reassuringly.

"Oooohhh…." Wendy's cheeks were lighting up. She only just barely suppressed the impulse to go crawl into hole and hide. "Mabel? Please don't tell me that they all know about…."

Mabel sheepishly shuffled her feet. "Sorry, Wen-Wen. I…. just thought that maybe giving them the full story mighty help out."

"Hey, it's cool! People get off to bumpy starts sometimes. First date I had with Melody, we got attacked by a video game." Soos attempted to comfort her. "A creepy jealous one too. And there were also a bunch of robots and…."

Melody nudged her husband to hush up while Ford leaned in towards the camera.

"Anyway, Mabel's right." He showed off printed scans from the ancient spellbook. "All the evidence agrees that Dipper has just undergone complete ghost possession."

"What?!" Wendy struggled to mentally process this bombshell. It was all a lot to take in, especially on top of everything she had already suffered within the last few hours. "So you're seriously telling me that….wait, he's actually…."

"Yes. It's been a process, but Dipper has just suffered a full takeover of his body by an outside spirit." Ford rephrased.

"Yeah, I saw it!" added Mabel. "Someone else definitely is calling the shots for him from in his head!"

"Whoa, whoa….wait, when did this even happen?" Wendy demanded. "How?"

"It all started when you were captured back in Massachusetts." Ford tried to answer before Mabel cut in.

"Back in Dunwich! After you creeped out all the people there and then they tried to punish you with their crazy magic!"

"What? Wait, but….I thought they were just going to give me like, just an itchy-"

"They didn't know it, but what they actually did was accidentally attempt to put a possession curse on you." Ford began to explain. "One that would have implanted a malevolent spirit inside you that would have ceaselessly worked to weaken you enough until it could take over-"

"But that's not what happened to you!" Mabel couldn't help herself as she excitedly interrupted the old scientist yet again. She had been waiting for this particular moment ever since she had found her lumberjill friend. "You're completely ghost-free, with nothing going on inside you except one hundred percent pure Wendy. And you know why that is?"

"I-" Wendy wasn't able to get anything more than a single syllable in.

"It's only because of Dipper, that's why! Because he stayed right there by your side and protected you, even though you told him to get his butt out of there! Because even though he had absolutely no idea what kind of freaky thing the cult-y people were gonna try and pull, he still wanted to take the hit just for you! Because that's our Dipper! The real Dipper! The Dipper you and I actually know! Not the guy that we saw today! Nuh-uh! Who we saw was just some stupid dead person inside of him who made him act totally out of his mind, and a stupid dead person who's only messing around in my brother in the very first place because, and lemme say it again, because you and Dipper were trapped in a crazy situation and even though everything looked totally hopeless he still tried to save you the only way that he could! All he had left to protect you with was himself, and so he grabbed on tight to you and didn't even think twice about it! Why?!" A massive smile was rapidly stretching across her face as she bounced up and down on her toes. "Because that's just Dipper! The real Dipper! Because the real Dipper is someone who cares for you more than everything else in the whole entire world! Someone who would do literally anything for you! Someone who would definitely do the same exact thing again if he had to, even if he knew exactly what he was gonna get! Someone who would do the exact same thing ten times again if he had! Fifty times! A hundred times! I know this! You know this! You've _seen_ it! You know the truth! This whole body-stealing mess right now is just the weird crazy result of it! The real Dipper is someone who can't even imagine not ever having you there in his life ever, ever again, _ever_!"

Once the epic passionate outburst was over, Mabel was forced to break for a couple deep breaths. Wendy meanwhile stood there silent as a statue, gazing out blankly into empty space. While she absorbed the massive onslaught of information and let it all slowly sink in, her emerald eyes grew wider and wider until they looked ready to pop clean out of her sockets. Mabel kept constantly gesturing to everyone on the other end of the video call to give the lumberjill time to process. Seconds ticked by and eventually turned into a full minute and counting.

"Wendy?" Soos finally asked from the laptop screen. "You doin' alright?"

Suddenly the redhead dashed towards the back of the RV and vanished into the bedroom, all without saying a single word. Mabel looked to the rest of the family back in Oregon and grimaced. This didn't look good.

"Wen-Wen?" She whimpered worriedly. The young woman picked up her computer, raced halfway across the vehicle, stopped, put the laptop back, ran towards the door again, rushed back to the laptop, and kept repeating this ridiculous process. She couldn't decide whether a one-on-one talk was what was needed the most here or if making this a group affair would be more effective.,

"Wait!" As she fetched the laptop yet again she shouted pleadingly towards the bedroom. "I know, I know, this all might sound super crazy, even for us! But that's what's going on!"

"Wendy, Mabel's telling the truth! We have copies the curse here to prove it." Ford waved them around. "We have hard proof! That's precisely what happened!"

"Wendy?" Melody tried to get a word in. "I know this is probably a lot for you to handle after everything Mabel told us you had to deal with-"

"Mabel!" Stan yelled as his great-niece. "Either take us with you or just leave us! Seriously, I'm gonna get sick at this rate!"

Mabel didn't pay attention to a single word that any of the others said as she distractedly decided yet again against bringing them along. And again she raced halfway towards the bedroom, stopped, and headed back to her computer, and all while still frantically trying to make her case. "Wendy, pleasure ! I'm sure that Dipper didn't mean anything he said to you earlier! I'm telling you, it wasn't all him! It was someone else inside him messing him up real bad! Now it's completely possessed him, and he needs your help! I need your help! We all need you! It's the truth! We're just telling you the truth!"

"I know, I know!" Wendy finally shouted back. Mabel now just stood there in the middle of the RV, awkwardly cradling her laptop.

"You mean it?" She cocked her head. "Wait…...so then what are you doing?"

Wendy reappeared after finishing her quick change. She had cast off her earrings and trademark flannel. Now she was wearing her old camo jacket, fingerless gloves, her long trademark locks tied in a ponytail, and a look of fierce determination stamped on her face. The experienced huntress looked her friend straight in the eye.

"Where was the last place you saw him?"


	22. Finally

It didn't take long to do a precautionary check of the little town just in case Dipper's hijacker had taken his body there. The two women only needed to do quick drive around while Mabel shouted at literally every single person that they ran into if they had seen into anyone who looked like her. As soon as it became clear that no one had encountered her possessed sibling, they hurriedly headed off to where he had last been sighted at the campground.

"Didya find anything yet?" Mabel poked her head out from the RV. Not too far away, Wendy was keeping her eyes sharply peeled as she meticulously combed the area.

"Not yet." The lumberjill replied. She then straightened up and asked impatiently, "What are still you doing in there?"

"Just getting something! Be out in a sec!" She retreated back inside, and the distinct sounds of rummaging could be heard loud and clear. As much as Wendy wanted to urge her friend to hurry up, she knew there would be no point since she hadn't found any traces of Dipper yet. While she kept up her careful search, she fervently hoped that all the skills she had acquired over countless missed Christmases with her father and brothers wouldn't fail her now.

Her efforts weren't being helped at all by the overabundance of anxious thoughts that kept distracting her. It frankly hurt to try to imagine the kind of torture that Dipper must have been suffering lately, and it was all because she had the bright idea to wander into a cultist community all by herself. While recalling the fateful incident that sparked off this whole mess, she had to take a pause. For a brief moment she could almost feel him desperately pressed up against her again, using himself as a living shield in a last ditch attempt to protect her from the Dunwich villagers' misunderstood magic. He had literally tried to give her everything he had, and for what? To be driven half-mad before having his own body stolen out from under him. The poor guy. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. No one deserved such torment, least of all Dipper.

Wendy gritted her teeth as she mentally steadied herself. No, no, no. Going on the world's largest guilt trip wasn't going to help her here, and it definitely wasn't going to help Dipper. The one thing she needed to do now was just keep her focus and try to find any trace of-

"Yes!" The young woman finally spotted her first clue. The slightly flattened spot of grass could barely be considered a footprint, but that was all that the experienced huntress needed. In almost no time she was able to make out a distinct path heading west into the surrounding woods. She immediately charged off without a second's hesitation.

"Okay!" Mabel emerged from the RV. "I finally got….Wendy? Wendy?"

The confused young woman looked around until she spotted the flash of red rapidly vanishing in the distance among the trees. With a yelp she launched into a hard sprint as she took up the far rear.

"Whoa, what happened?! Did you find something? Do you know where Dipper went? Hey, Wendy! Wendy! WEN-DYYYYYYYYYY!"

* * *

Somewhere in the forest, a sweat-drenched "Dipper" sat up against a tree. A break had been badly-needed after the long frantic sprint to get away from the RV and the suspicious brunette who figured things out far too early for the possessing spirit's liking.

It honestly couldn't believe that it had remembered to pack food and water, but had completely forgotten that a physical body could only be pushed so hard. It ended up running itself ragged pretty quickly. It had tried to keep right on going until throbbing legs and aching lungs had forced it to stop and take a rest.

So far, things definitely weren't going as planned with its grand flight. And on top of it all, Dipper Pines honestly wasn't the most ideal new corporeal form to begin with. His skinny arms and noodle legs were a joke. And others parts of him were going to definitely going to take even more time time to get use to.

However, beggars couldn't really be choosers. Also, the simple fact that it actually had a brand-new body at all was indisputably leagues better than wandering the earth as a mere shade of a formerly living person. Even now as it rested, it had to admit that it honestly felt incredible to be able to experience so many different sensations again, like the feel of the crunchy blanket of leaves beneath it or the subtle coolness providing by an overhanging bough above. It even kind of enjoyed the lingering aches in its tired legs and the warmth of the sweat rivulets running down its arms and forehead. And it was in for an incredibly special treat when it decided to try and speed up the recovery process with a drink and a snack. The cool water that it chugged down felt absolutely heavenly. Meanwhile the mere granola bar that followed tasted like a five-star meal, as did the bar after that, and the one after that. And the one after that. And the one after that.

It was halfway through the fifth bar, still ecstatically savoring every single bite of the first food it had enjoyed in decades when the ghostly possessor noticed something odd. A particularly tall tree in the near distance had started rustling, even though there wasn't so much as a slight breeze in the air. Also as the branches continued to quiver and shake, they did so in a very distinct bottom-up order. Curious, it kept snacking while watching on. Between the distracting oatmeal raisin flavors dancing on its new tongue and the fact that it was still feeling pretty beat from the initial escape from the Lady Mabelton, it genuinely couldn't figure out what it was currently looking at.

A head of thick red hair popped into view near the uppermost branches of the tree. The spirit was so shocked by the sudden sight of Wendy that it accidentally swallowed a large chunk of unchewed granola bar that automatically lodged in its throat. While the determined-looking woman carefully scanned the immediate area from her perch with the focus of a hawk, the ghostly possessor tried to keep its choking as quiet as it could. Unfortunately it ended up coughing up the piece of granola with a mighty hack that echoed out loud and clear.

Wendy's head automatically whipped down in its direction, and in a heartbeat she vanished from the top of the tree. Down below, her quarry could feel its new heart begin to pound like a drum. It raced away a couple dozen yards from its original spot and hurled its stolen body down behind some bushes. It kept all senses on high alert as it waited for any signs of the lumberjill. Thankfully, all it could hear was its own ragged breath. For a moment it looked like maybe she had completely misread its location. That overly-optimistic thought however was crushed only a few seconds later.

"I know you're there."

Wendy had managed to sneak close without making a single sound before she made herself known. At first her panicked prey kept as still and silent a statue. Wendy of course wasn't fooled in the slightest. A pine cone came sailing by it through the bushes.

"Hey!" Twigs and leaves crunched under her heavy boots as she approached. "I know you're there!"

Swallowing hard, it peered out from behind the shrubs to meet a steely emerald stare bearing down on it from only a few yards away. Hastily it slapped on a smile. "Hey, Wendy. I-"

The furious redhead glared daggers and angrily interrupted, "You're not Dipper."

"What? Wendy, what are you talking about?" It asked as it reached into the stolen backpack. Of course it didn't expect her to actually believe any of the weak act. It was simply trying to stall for time. If watching this tough-as-nails woman over the last few days and sorting deep through all of Dipper's memories had taught it anything at all, it was that Wendy Blerble Corduroy was one hell of a fighter. So with all that to unhappily bear in mind, it seemed that the only realistic strategy of getting away was to try and make this quick and take her out as speedily as possible.

"You leave him alone." Wendy ordered with a snarl.

"Huh? Wendy, what do you-"

"Drop the act." She hissed. "And leave. Him. Alone."

"Sorry." Its gaze hardened as it finally found what it had been searching for. "But I just finished moving in here. I don't really plan on moving out anytime soon."

"Leave. Him. Alone." Wendy demanded once more.

"Say that to me again. Maybe that will do the trick." It taunted her, then whipped out the magnet gun and cranked it all the way up to full power. The weapon hummed loudly with energy, but Wendy just stood there completely unaffected.

"You took my axe and knives, remember?" She was quick to remind it.

The spirit cursed. It then immediately discarded Dipper's weapon of choice, took out Mabel's grappling hook and fired. The redhead swiftly moved out of the way and it whizzed right on by her before bouncing hard at the base of a nearby oak. Thanking fastm Wendy lunged over and grabbed the metal hook right before before it started to recoil. The tug of war was over before it even started, and the military-grade tool came flying out of its hand. Wendy hurled the grappling hook aside and charged.

It growled as reached for her own axe. Things had just gone from bad to worse. Thankfully at least it wasn't opposed to taking a life if need be. Neither was it new to the grisly task thanks to a former life that was best summed up as "interesting." It aggressively slashed the air.

Wendy sent leaves and dirt flying in a small cloud as she skidded to a stop. It wasn't that she was intimidated, however. Her original plan hadn't consisted of much beyond the single-minded objective of "find friend's possessed body." With that officially accomplished, only now did she realize that she wasn't sure how to proceed from here. She started watchfully circling around as she tried to figure out her next step.

"Wendy! W-Wendy!" Hoarse cries suddenly filled the air as Mabel finally caught up. The young woman heaved raggedly as she stumbled out from between some trees. "Wendy, wait up! Can you-DIPPER!"

She gasped when she laid eyes on her brother's commandeered body. Her rosy-cheeked face twisted with anger. "You gimme me back my brother, you-"

"It's okay, I got him." Wendy assured her friend while she kept on circling.

"So what's the plan?!" She breathlessly asked. "What can I do?"

"Just let me give it a shot." The redhead motioned for the other Pines twin to hold back for now. She was the reason her best friend was in this whole mess, so it only seemed just that she try and get him out.

While she kept her gaze back on the possessed young man, the possessing spirit in turn kept a sharp eye fixed on her. Every now and then it chopped the air to wordlessly warn her to keep her distance. As it braced itself for action, it looked over the redhead's strong, wiry-muscled body and felt a pang of frustration. Why couldn't it have been put inside her instead? It really would have made things so much easier. Not to mention that the she would have been a much more comfortable fit. However, it was far, far too late for what-ifs. For now it needed to focus on getting out of here if it wanted to make this second shot at being a living, breathing person to actually last. This was an opportunity that it wasn't going to give up without a fight.

Wendy reached into her jacket and produced a small bottle. As soon as it realized it was holy water, the spirit let out an automatic snort before it burst out laughing incredulously.

"What's so funny?" The young woman asked.

"You seriously think that's going to work? I'm in here nice and good." It shamelessly bragged while it tapped the side of Dipper's head. "You're going to have to do way more than just splash me."

Wendy ruefully pocketed the bottle and the stand-off continued. Every second ticked by like a miniature eternity. Dipper's possessor snickered again as it watched her circle around and around while struggling over what to do next. It looked like the redhead genuinely had no idea what to do next.

"Face it." It smirked at her. "You're not getting me out of here."

This remark got Wendy thinking. And suddenly, she had it. She started slowing down and soon stopped circling entirely. The spirit started to fidget uneasily as a small smile sprouted on her face.

"Know what? I think you're right."

Immediately she turned into a blur as she rushed in. The ghost yelled in surprise and took a desperate swing. It ended up missing her by a mile before she grabbed the axe by the handle and tore it away with one yank. With a frustrated howl the spirit tried to get in a desperate strike. Wendy dropped the axe before catching the punch in one hand. The other fist came flying in fast, but she caught this one just as easily.

The spirit winced as it automatically braced itself for a massive beating. However, she just continued to hold on, and do nothing more. Confused, it tried pulling itself free but the young woman in turn tightened her vise-grip. Its bewilderment grew and grew the longer she simply held on without making any other kind of move whatsoever. This definitely wasn't what it expected from the ferocious redhead at all.

"What….what are you doing?" It finally demanded.

"Well what am I supposed to do? Hit you?" She retorted amusedly before she slowly began forcing it down.

"Hey! Hey, w-what are you doing?!" It yelped. When she didn't reply it sputtered again, "What are you doing?!"

Once she had it down on one knee, she looked it straight in the eyes and let out a genuine chuckle. "I know you've already been beaten up once because someone stole your body right out from under you. And that's definitely something you don't deserve to deal with twice in one life."

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" The ghost spat at her.

"I'm not talking to you." She shot back before asking in a softer tone of voice. "Hey, dude?"

"What? You're not seriously going to…."

Wendy ignored the incredulous protests and continued speaking directly to her friend. "I know you've probably not feeling so hot right now, especially after the last few days you've been having. Look, I get it. For now you can totally forget about everything that happened earlier, okay? We can talk about all that later. But what Mabel and I need you to do first is to kick out whoever this is."

"You seriously think this is going to do anything?" The spirit asked.

"Just go send this guy packing. Or her. Whoever, doesn't matter." She reemphasized.

"You think it's going to be that simple? What the fu-" The next rude remarks were interrupted when she tightened her hold on its fists.

"Look, I literally have zero idea what you've been putting up with lately or what it's like in there for you right now." Wendy readily admitted. "But I do know one thing, and it's that you totally got this."

"Oh yeah right!" The ghostly captor snapped and was promptly chastened with another hard squeeze.

"You know how you go on and on about me sometimes? You know what I'm talking about. Wendy, you're the greatest, Wendy you're the coolest, Wendy, you're the bravest, Wendy, you're so awesome, and all that?" She couldn't help but smile a little again as countless memories of her friend gushing uncontrollably began popping to mind. "I've been listening to all that basically ever since I've met you. And as much as I've always appreciated it, I think it's finally time to break something to you. Some of that stuff? Well, you've been totally wrong there. Because it's not me, it's you. You're the bravest. You're the toughest. Dipper? You're seriously the most amazing person I know."

"Why are you even-" The ghost was forcefully quieted again before she continued.

"When I first met you, you were just some kid from the suburbs. Your own great uncle would freak you out, you would jump at the drop of a hat, and sometimes you could barely even talk to me. But then I watched you deal with some of the craziest, freakiest stuff, again and again. You saw things, learned things, and fought things that probably would've broken other people's brains. When we had our own end of the world to deal with, you were able to tough it out for a couple days on your own without any magic stuff, any apocalypse training like me, or anything. I got to watch that skinny nervous kid help save the world, and I've been watching him grow up and keep handling everything weird ever since then. Dipper, you're one of the strongest people out there, and you know what? That means you can definitely handle whatever this is."

By now Wendy was visibly close to bursting with pride in him, and she couldn't possibly care less. "And look, I know, this probably isn't going to be anything easy at all. But while you take care of this, I want you to remember one thing. I'm right here. I'm right here, just like how you've always been there for me whenever I needed someone. And don't you even think about freaking about everything that happened earlier. I'm telling you this right now, I'm not leaving you. I'm staying right here. You got that? I'm not leaving you, Dipper."

Still standing a few yards away, Mabel was on the verge of bursting into tears after watching her friend spill her heart out. She wiped her eyes beneath her glasses and let out a sniffly squeak. Wendy's prisoner meanwhile was a very sharp contrast. It looked at the redhead like she was absolutely out of her mind before its lips curled up into a grand sneer.

"Just what the hell do you think this is, a Disney movie?" It snapped. "You think he's just going to spit me out now because you got all sappy? For Christ's sake, just how many times am I going to have to say it? You're-"

It suddenly winced, and winced hard. It shook off the strange interruption and tried to continue. "You're out of your mind if you think that-"

It was cut off by an uncontrollable twitch. It tried to continue. "Y-you're out of you mind if you think that I'm….I-I'm…."

Another twitch sent its head jerking to one side. A look of shock slowly spread across its face once it figured out what was happening. "No-"

Its entire body suddenly jolted. Wendy's eyes sparkled brightly.

"Dipper?" She said hopefully.

"No! It's not….He's not…." It arched its back and let out a strangled cry. Soon it was squirming and shivering uncontrollably.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Wendy whooped. "That's it dude!"

"No….no, he's not….this….is…..my-" The spirit's stolen body had a massive spasm.

"Yes! Yes!" She heaped on the encouragement as fast and as heavily as she could. "That's it! C'mon, man! You got this!"

"No….n-no, I'm not….I won't….this…" It hissed back utter nonsense in an attempt fierce defiance before falling down upon all fours. While it quivered and shook, Wendy placed her hands on top her friend's shoulders.

"C'mon Dipper….you can do it….you can do it…." She breathlessly urged him on. "You got this….c'mon…."

A mix of the most inhuman gurgles and snarling curses were pouring out. But suddenly they came to an abrupt stop. The young man's lips moved wordlessly, twisting and contorting until a barely audible whisper came out.

"W-Wendy…."

"Dipper!" She dropped down onto her knees. "Yes! I knew you could do it!"

"Wen….." He tried to speak to her again.

"That's it, you're almost there….you're almost there….c'mon….come back to us, dude….c'mon, Dipper….."

Wendy felt like she was about to explode with joy. But just when she thought that victory was pretty much assured, it was abruptly snatched away. His head suddenly snapped up with a resistant fury blazing in his eyes.

"NO!" It cried out, making her heart sink straight into the pit of her stomach.

In a heartbeat her Dipper had vanished again as the malevolent horror seized majority control. It grabbed the axe from where it lay nearby and took a wild swing at Wendy. She tumbled back with a start and a shriek. A fresh rip was now torn out across the front of her jacket in a messy diagonal, having just missed her flesh by a mere fraction of an inch. As she lay there on the ground, Dipper's body stood tall over her, still twitching and trembling from the young man inside trapped inside still putting up a desperate fight.

"NO! He's MINE!" The possessing spirit howled with defiance. But before it could even start to the axe, Mabel raced in off the sidelines and in a heartbeat she was standing protectively over her friend.

"HEY!" She snarled. It glanced at the fiendish contraption in the brunette's hands and found itself looking down the barrel of something from a sci-fi movie. Immediately it dropped the blade.

"Wha….what's…." It stammered as it continued to wince and twitch. A frantic search of Dipper's memories was performed to try and find any answers as to what this thing could possibly be, but found nothing.

"You've probably spent a lot of time in my brother's brain, huh? Well then you probably know pretty well just how good our Grunkle Ford is at coming up with all kinds stuff to fight all the freaky things out there in the world." She said coldly. Without hesitation she flicked a switch and everyone could hear it audibly crackle to life.

"Wait….w-wait a minute, hold on here…." The ghostly possessor gasped. "What's… what's that supposed to-"

"Just the thing to take care of you, that's what.." She vaguely threatened before clicking its safety off. It backed away from her, and she steadily approach step by determined step.

"No! No, wait! You can't! Y-you can't!" While it babbled at her, it started to jolt and spasm fiercely again as the young man inside renewed his ferocious efforts to regain control. The ghostly hijacker tried its best to keep him at bay while it made its frantic case to the young woman aimed the gun at it. "You….you have your brother to think about! Y-you can't get me without hurting him, right? Right?"

The fact that Mabel looked pained beyond words made it very clear to both the terrified spirit and the equally alarmed Wendy that she was quite much aware of this. She let out a regretful sigh.

"I'm sorry, Dipper."

"Mabel, NO!" Wendy scrambled back to her feet.

Mabel pulled the trigger and fired. A blast of brilliant bluish-white energy shot out and hit her target at point blank range. The possessing spirit let out an animalistic shriek of pain that mixed with Wendy's horrified scream. It lurched about with limbs flailing wildly. After it slumped heavily against a tree, it almost immediately began to shake and twitch while Dipper put up a fresh, albeit noticeably weaker fight from inside. After Mabel took aim and blasted it again, it quickly made up its mind.

"THIS….ISN'T….WORTH IT!"

Dipper's body stood up as rigid as a steel beam, and the girls watched on as it quivered and quaked. Finally his eyes rolled high up into the back of his head, and what looked like a thick white mist exited his mouth in a spectacular eruption.

Mabel however had come prepared for an escape attempt. She hurriedly took out a device that looked like a cross between glass jar and a smartphone and turned it on. The fleeing spirit was immediately sucked into Ford's prototype ghost trap in a flash of light. Dipper wavered back and forth on his feet before dropping like a sack of cement.

The spirit had been driven out and captured. But Wendy couldn't care less. At the moment she could do nothing except stare at her best friend's still body in wordless disbelief. Stunned, she turned to Mabel.

"What…..what did you do?" She quavered.

"Hold on, I-"

"Mabel, what did you do?!"

"I only-"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" She half-shrieked, half-sobbed. Wendy crawled over and gave her fallen best friend a shake. "Dipper? Dipper?"

There was no response. He continued to lie there, with eyes shut and mouth dangling limply open. She shook him harder.

"Dipper? Dipper? Dipper!"

He still didn't move. The world began to grow very blurry for her as her eyes welled up.

"Dipper, no! No, no, no, no….." She desperately babbled while she gathered him up into her arms. "Dipper? Dipper, c'mon! Dipper, wake up! Dipper, no, you….you have to be okay. Y-you have to! You have to be okay! You need to be, because….because…."

The first few hot tears spilled down her freckled cheeks. The heartbroken woman held him close as she started to rock back and forth. After fighting back the sobs that were trying to claw their way out of her throat, she finally let those three words free.

"I love you."

She started to weep. But while she became swamped in despair, Mabel meanwhile was stricken with panic as she tried to grab her attention.

"Wendy? Wendy! Wendy!" She waved her arms and yelped repeatedly. When calling her name failed, she grabbed hold of her friend's shoulders and frantically shook. "WENDY! LOOK!"

"Huh?" It was only then that Wendy saw she had been clutching Dipper so hard that she hadn't realized he had come to. Hs cries were muffled deep into her shoulder as he weakly struggled. The startled lumberjill hastily loosened her hold and he pulled his head back with a loud gasp.

"Dipper?" She sputtered incredulously. As she watched him sputter and wheeze for breath, a glowing smile swept the anguish off her face like a tidal wave. "D-Dipper!"

"DIPPER!" Mabel dropped to her knees besides the two and began bombarding her sibling with fretful inquiries "Are you okay? You feel like there's any ghost left inside you? Can you even hear me? Can you see me? How many fingers am I holding up right now? How're you feeling?"

She fired out her questions so fast that Dipper was only able to catch the last one, to which he wearily replied, "Feeling….weird."

"What kind of weird? Sick-weird? Hurt-weird? Weird-weird?" She relentlessly fussed.

"I think mostly weird-weird." He honestly replied. Besides looking a little physically and mentally worn out (not to mention understandably rattled by the whole ordeal) he otherwise seemed okay. Mabel let out a shrill squeak of relief before wedging herself between Dipper and Wendy so she could squash her brother in a grateful sibling hug.

"It's okay! You're okay!" She pat his back as she rained down reassurances. "You're, okay, you're okay, you're okay! Don't worry worry about anything that happened earlier, bro-bro. It was just that stupid jerky ghost driving you nuts. Okay, long story short it's been hanging out in you ever since it-"

"She." Dipper interrupted as he tried to sit up, and then slumped back into Wendy's hold (not that she minded at all).

"Huh?" His sister chirped.

"Not an it. She." He clarified. "It was a she. And no need to explain, I know what happened already."

"Wait, you do?" Mabel exclaimed in surprise. "Everything?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"How?" His twin asked.

"She's kind of a bragger. Really, really got a kick out of rubbing everything in my face." He rubbed his head as he explained. "We're talking every single detail. She felt pretty proud of herself. Well, until you called her out back at the RV."

"You sure you're okay?" Wendy worriedly asked. "I just watched you get blasted pretty hard back there."

"I'm okay. It actually wasn't even that bad." He then promptly took that back. "Okay, so it did hurt a lot. But still not as much as I thought it would."

"Really? It looked pretty bad from here." She replied while she checked him over. "Like, really bad."

"I'm okay. Actually, it kinda reminded me of that time when...you remember when Ford forgot he was wearing his stun-glove and then he gave me a pat on the..." He stopped and gazed up at his sister. "Uh, Mabel? You mind telling me what you just shot me with?"

"Yeah," Wendy joined in and shot Mabel a puzzled stare of her own. "What was that anyway?"

"Oh, that? Nothing special. It was just a crazy long-range taser gun that Grunkle Ford made." Mabel confirmed her sibling's suspicions. "He wasn't sure what you were going to do when we tracked you down, so he told me to bring that along just in case you got super cray-cray. Ummm….yeah, soooooo, sorry about having to shoot you like that, bro-bro. And super sorry to you too, Wen-Wen! Didn't mean to freak you like that at all. It was just all for show!"

She then burst out with a proud smile. "Oooh, but did you see how I totally psyched that stupid ghost out? That was all total on-the-spot improvisation back there! Genius, huh?"

"Go with what works, I guess." Wendy felt like she couldn't really protest that much against her friend's results.

"Wait…." Dipper cocked his head. "So….have we always had that with us?"

"The stun gun? Yup! But it was one of the very first things that got packed up on the RV, so Ford and Stan both kinda just forgot it was even on board until now. It was in a pretty weird place too, way, way, waaaaaaaay behind all that weird canned meat Stan packed for us."

Her brother stared in silent disbelief at her for a few moments. "Wait….seriously? So you're telling me that...wait, seriously? Seriously? So we've had access to a high-powered stun gun for the entire trip? Like, literally from the moment that we left?"

"Pretty much!" She answered with a shrug.

Dipper let out a mighty groan of exasperation. "Why would they forget to tell us about that? That….that would've helped out so many times."

"Yeah, I know. But at least it totally helped us this time!" Mabel replied as her good cheer returned at full strength. "It definitely made that jerk change her mind about sticking around inside you! Haha, did you see her totally freak out back there? I bet she probably thought that it was gonna make her like, ghost-melt her, or something."

Speaking of, there was a sudden explosion of ranting and howling nearby. The very same malevolent ghost had finally figured out what had happened to it, and was now making its displeasure incredibly clear to them as she vented from inside the trap. Wendy scowled as she and the spirit exchanged fierce glares.

"Any ideas what to do with her? My vote is we see how well she handles holy water now." She suggested.

"Maybe a double-dose?" Mabel suggested.

"No. Hole in the ground. With a rock on top." Dipper wasn't being serious as much as he was just being bitter about the whole affair, and understandably so. But it was then that Mabel realized that she had a prime opportunity to make what was probably a much-needed temporary exit. The moment was definitely right. She knew it. She could feel it all over. All she needed was to give the two a little bit of privacy, and now a perfectly good excuse to leave had just been served up to her on a silver platter.

"Oooh, and then she can be the one who's totally trapped somewhere! Nice ironic punishment there, Dipdop!" She pat her twin on the shoulder and then gathered up the trap. "Okay, it's settled then!"

Without any further discussion on the matter she started bouncing off into the surrounding woods.

"Wait, Mabel!" Dipper called as she vanished off into the twilight.

"I'll take care of her, it's fine!" She called back. "Wendy, you watch Dipper, okay?"

"You don't have-"

"It's okay, I can do this! You two just hang out there!"

"Ma-"

"You two! Together!" She insisted very unsubtly before dashing off. Dipper turned up at the redhead who was still cradling him in her arms.

"So…..hey." He awkwardly greeted her. The blood began to rush to his cheeks.

"Hey. Welcome back." She joked. Dipper smiled limply at her, then took a deep breath.

"Wendy….when I….I didn't mean it when…." He started to stammer, but didn't make it far before she easily sensed the apology-extravaganza coming on.

"It's fine. Don't worry." The redhead readily forgave him.

"Huh? Wait, seriously?" Dipper replied with understandable incredulity. "I mean, after everything that I…."

"Yup."

"...Seriously?" He asked after a long pause.

"Considering this has all just one big side effect you got because you saved my impatient butt…." She summed it all up rather succinctly. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can let this all slide."

"Thanks." His grin grew a little stronger, but only for a second before it vanished. She could feel him nervously tense up. It was pretty clear that he was working up the strength to say something else. Wendy didn't want to get ahead of herself with any overeager guesses, but that didn't stop her pulse from quickening, nor did it keep her freckled cheeks from lighting up. After a couple false starts, he cleared his throat with a cough and finally started to speak.

"So…..uh…..about all that….that stuff you said back there just a couple minutes ago….about how…." Dipper couldn't even bring himself to say it. It still just seemed so unbelievable. "Did….did you really mean that?"

He tried his best to play it cautious. But despite intense efforts, he completely and utterly failed at hiding the anxious hope that quite clearly drenched every single word that spilled out of his mouth. Wendy's heart sang with joy.

"Uh-huh." She very gladly confirmed. "You okay with that?"

"Very okay with that!" Dipper ecstatically blurted out without even a moment's pause. The intense happiness that coursed through him was almost instantly dampened with embarrassment. He definitely wished he had taken a moment to think about a smoother way to answer that.

Wendy meanwhile exploded with laughter. She honestly didn't care. In fact, as far as she was concerned she couldn't have possibly gotten a more genuine affirmation from him.

"I mean….what I meant to say…." He hastily attempted a redo. Luckily for him, she had just the thing to calm the dozen or so anxieties that were probably flooding his system right now. Without a word of warning she leaned down and pressed her lips gently against his. She felt Dipper go limp as the kiss took him by complete surprise. When she pulled away, he gazed up at her with bulging brown eyes.

"W-Wendy, you….y-you….we just…..w-we….Wendy…."

"Uh-huh. And you better believe that won't be the last time either." She happily warned him with a toothy grin.

Dipper temporarily lost the ability to use actual words. Instead he sputtered, gasped, and babbled like an absolutely maniac. Fueled with a surge of jubilation, he found the strength to sit up and throw his skinny noodle arms around her. He then started squeezing her tight as if he was never, ever going to let her go, and as she cackled with delight Wendy literally couldn't have possibly been more fine with this. After all, she wasn't planning on letting her doofus get away from her ever again.

* * *

As was to be expected, not too far away a grinning brunette watched from the cover of some thick shrubs. Mabel's dirtied hands hurt a little from the hole that she had dug, filled and covered with stones, all with lightning speed. Her legs also felt a little sore from the mad dash back from her frantic bury-job. But of course the minor aches were all more than worth it. She had managed to speedily sneak back just in time to catch the two dummies spill the honest truth to one another at long last.

It took every bit of strength that she possessed to keep from squealing in indescribable delight at the top of her lungs. For a moment she honestly thought that she wasn't going to be able to hold it in. However she managed to scrounge up the strength to keep herself quiet, or at least quiet enough. There was no force on earth that could make her turn off the giddy giggles that bubbled out in a nonstop river of glee. As she watched the freshly-minted couple share their second kiss together, Mabel gave herself a small high five as she whispered jubilantly to herself.

"Match made!"


	23. Epilogue: The Follow-Up

"Crap!"

The wiry redhead finally checked the time and saw that she had just let an hour and a half slip away from her. She immediately shot to her feet with a yelp. It looked like Wendy Blerble Corduroy was about to pay dearly for the fact that for once in her life she was actually taking her studies seriously.

It had started when she had returned to her humble trailer home after another long day at the logging camp. But instead of cracking open a beer and flopping onto the sofa, she grabbed a snack, turned on her computer and started to do a little bit of assigned reading for the horticulture class she was currently taking at Gravity Falls Community College. This freshly-established routine had become her new favorite way to unwind at the end of the day, much to her own surprise. Besides helping her continue the steady progress she had been making ever since she had recently started her arborist certification, she also was actually enjoying everything that she was learning so far.

Unfortunately, today she ended up enjoying her homework just a little too much for her own good. Had this been any any regular evening then she would have been just fine. But on this particular Friday she was expecting some company who was currently driving all the way up from northern California to spend the weekend with her. So when she finally saw just how much she had lost track of time, the Queen of Cool was instantly thrown into a flustered panic. After dashing around trying to get started on four different things at once to begin the process of getting her very unkempt home in order, she realized that cleaning up her dirty, sweaty self needed to take top priority.

What followed was one of the fastest showers she had even taken in her entire life. Right as she was wrapping a towel around her dripping body she heard a loud knock at the door. Wendy instantly froze. It looked like her guest had arrived a little earlier than anticipated. To be fair to him though, maybe the big dork had just been so excited to see her that he had been little heavy on the gas pedal during his drive north. The thought provided her with some much-needed consolation as she plodded out of the bathroom to go accept her embarrassing fate.

"Coming! Hold on a sec!" She opened up the door. "Sorry dude, I didn't-"

The badly started woman performed a full-body jolt. The Pines eagerly waiting for her outside was not the Pines that she had expected to see.

"SURPRISE!" Mabel greeted her with an excited squeal. "Hey Wen-Wen!"

"Mabel?" Wendy sputtered.

"The one and only! 'Scuse me, please!" Her friend squeezed right on by and cast a sweeping look around the messy little trailer home. "Oooh, looks like someone's running a little behind schedule!"

"What are you doing here?" Asked the shocked lumberjill.

"Just stopping by!" Mabel casually replied before she went right to work sprucing the place up.

"But...yeah, I see that, but why?" Wendy scratched her head while she recalled the video chat that the two young women had just the evening before. She definitely couldn't remember her friend making any mention of any plans to drive up into central Oregon for the weekend.

"Okay sooo, you remember our little chit-chat last night? So funny thing, you had pretty much just signed off when Grenda suddenly gave me a call from out of nowhere to tell me that she would be popping into town here to see her family. She said that she was checking and see if I happened to have any plans to visit Gravity Falls this weekend too. So then of course I was all like, 'Well NOW I totally do!' I seriously didn't even need a millionth of a second to think about it. And so since I was suddenly going to be up here anyway, I decided to come up a little early to check up on how half of my favorite couple was doing, especially with your Dummy in Shining Armor coming up to see you and everything."

While Wendy was still processing everything, Mabel had already cleaned a path all the way to her books and open laptop where the redhead's classwork was still on full display.

"Haha! No wonder you're not ready yet. You weren't kidding the other day, you've been turning into a total studybug!" The peppy young woman observed with delight. Wendy went a little scarlet in her freckled cheeks.

"Uh, Mabel? Can you-"

"Don't worry! I can handle everything out here." She confidently reassured. "You just go finish getting prepped up, okay?"

"But-"

"It's one million percent fine! I totally got this!" Mabel herded her off towards her room.

Although she was still reeling a little from surprise, Wendy had nevertheless accepted the fact that as usual, there was literally no stopping her friend. So she did as told and dried herself off before tossing on a clean flannel shirt and jeans. When she emerged from her room only a few minutes later she found that her messy home had once again been no match for Mabel Pines' boundless energy.

"...Okay, sounds good! Thank youuu!" The hyper-helpful brunette wrapped up a phone call as she just finished wiping down the little kitchen area. She pocketed her phone and nodded to her friend. "Hiya! So I just ordered your favorites from Panda Palace. The delivery guy should be here in about half an hour. So I think you should be allllll set to go for tonight!"

"Whoa, you took care of dinner too?"

"Uh-huh!" A toothy smile swept proudly across Mabel's face. "It's a good thing I decided to swing by, huh?"

Wendy cracked an enormous grin in return. She honestly couldn't deny that. "So….does Dipper have any idea you're up here in town already, or what?"

"The bro-bro knows that I made last-minute plans to come up and hang out with my gal-pals." She revealed, then winked mischievously. "But as far as he knows I can't leave for Gravity Falls until super-early tomorrow morning."

"As much as I appreciate the help tonight….this isn't going to become a regular thing, is it?" Wendy laughed. "Dipper and I have already kind of been a thing for like, almost a month and a half already. I mean, this isn't even the first time he's driven up like this. I'm pretty sure your brother and I are doing okay so far."

"You definitely are! I juuuuuust wanted to check and make sure you're alright while I was up in the area! No biggie!" Mabel replied with her usual cheery lack of remorse. Wendy snorted so hard it almost hurt as she wrapped up her unstoppably caring friend in a hug.

"Thanks, Mabes." She thought for a few moments, and decided now was as good as time as any to call the other woman out, albeit gratefully. "For everything."

"No problemo!" Mabel happily squeezed right on back. "And don't worry about needing to return any favors anytime soon or anything. Like I said, I was already planning on coming up, so I figured-"

"No, I mean thanks for everything." The lumberjill tried to clarify.

"Awww! Seriously though, it was nothing! All I had to do was a super quick cleanup here and ring up-"

"No, I mean thanks for _everything_." Wendy emphasized, and just in case that didn't do the trick, she partially repeated, " _Every_ -thing."

When the full meaning started to sink in in, Mabel fell quiet. For a moment it was so silent in the trailer that one could hear a strand of hair drop.

"Seriously, it's no big deal." As soon as she found her voice she immediately tried to play ignorant. She even tossed in a forced giggle for effect. "I...I just had to-"

"C'mon, Little Miss Matchmaker. Give it up already." Wendy interrupted, putting her friend at a temporary loss for words. Mabel's cheeks lit up bright crimson as as she gazed up at the redhead's smirk.

"Ummmmm….when did you...uh..….figure it out?" She softly asked.

"Only about like, two weeks ago. So way, waaaaaay later than I probably should have." Wendy laughed. "Maybe if I wasn't so wrapped up in my own head at the time, I probably would have noticed some of the signs while it was actually all going down."

"Well…." Mabel averted her gaze as she tried to explain herself. "I….I just thought that because...well since you two were so close already, you seemed like it'd be really good if….you know, and, it looked like it was about time for….

"Hey." Wendy ruffled her friend's chocolate brown locks. "Does it sound like I'm complaining here?"

Mabel looked up from the floor. When she saw the gratitude in the redhead's emerald eyes, relief surged through her system. She sprouted a fresh smile and answered, "No."

"Alright. So anyway, like I was saying….thanks." Wendy sincerely repeated.

"Anytime!" Her friend enthusiastically chirped, but then speedily walked back her reply. "Actuallyyyy...no offense or anything, Wen-Wen, but I'm actually kinda hoping I won't have to do all of that anytime soon. Or at all. Mostly not at all."

"Sounds good to me. So far I've been really digging this new guy you set me up with." Wendy joked. "I think I might stick with him for a while."

As the two shared a good laugh together, the lumberjill's eyes darted to a corner of her humble home.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Mabel inquisitively followed her gaze.

"Nothin.' I was just….." Wendy thought it over, then shrugged. "Eh, it's actually pretty much finished anyway. And since you're right here…."

The redhead then sauntered off to grab something, while her friend intently watched. "Might as well give her away now."

"Give away who?" Mabel's curiosity grew. She started to bounced from foot to foot as she tried to get a look. "What is it?"

"Just something for all your troubles." Wendy returned with something she covered beneath a battered old pine tree cap. She lifted the hat and revealed the small gift she had been working on for the past two weeks. "Hope you like-"

Mabel didn't just like it. She absolutely loved it, and made that extremely clear the very second that she laid eyes on the small hand-carved wooden statue of a baby hippogriff.

"Ohmigosohmigosh! FLAPPYYYYYYY!" She yelled ecstatically at the instantly recognizable likeness. Wendy burst out beaming.

"Glad you think it actually looks like h-" She was attacked by an enormous hug that squashed almost all the air out of her.

"Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank yooooouuuuuuuu!" Mabel squealed. "Thank you!

"No probs." The lanky redhead wheezed through the tight crush. As expected, Mabel kept up the squeeze for at least five seconds longer than necessary before finally letting her go.

"Okay! So the trailer's cleaned, food's here, so you should….wait, hold on…." Mabel produced a brush from a pocket inside her sweater and cleaned up the redhead's still-damp scarlet locks. "Aaaand now you're good to go!"

"Thanks again." Wendy chortled.

"Always glad to help out my Wen-Wen!" Mabel dutifully declared. "And just remember, if you need anything else here, I'm only a phone call away!"

"What, you going to try and pair your brother and me up again?" The other woman joked,

"Nooo, silly! I said in case you need anything else! I'm a Mabel of all trades, remember!" The brunette boasted before checking the time. "Oooh, whoops! Listen, I'd love to stick around, but I gotta get going. Dipper's probably gonna be here soon!"

"What makes you guess that?"

"I gave him a ring on the way up and asked where he was. It's not hard to do an estimate when you've done this trip a billion times already." She gave her friend one final hug and bounded outside. But she only made it halfway to her car before she stopped dead in her tracks and excitedly whirled around. "Ooohh! Idea! Maybe we can do lunch tomorrow? You know, have a nice big get-together with a bunch of the gang?"

"Sure." Wendy winked. "Just give us a call right before you get into town."

"Will do! Alright, c'mon Mippy!" She said adoringly to her gift before carefully buckling it into the passenger seat.

"Mippy?" The lumberjill repeated curiously from her front doorway.

"Mini-Flappy!" Mabel shouted before clambering into her ruby red hybrid. There was a squeal of tires as she raced out of the trailer park to meet up with her girlfriends. After waving her off, Wendy chuckled as she headed to her bathroom to do some final touches. She had just finished brushing her teeth when she heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Hey!" A familiar voice made her heart bounce with excitement. She was about to literally bound out to meet him when a devious thought suddenly crossed her mind. There was very little mental debate; the temptation won out almost instantaneously. Stifling a snicker, she eased her lanky body out a back window. Wendy could hear repeated knocks and puzzled calls at her door as she used her expert stealth to creep around the trailer.

"Hello? Wendy? You there? Wendy? Helloooo?"

She peered over the corner and laid eyes on her hapless boyfriend, standing there and looking more and more confused with each passing moment. While she crept up on him as silently as a shadow, Dipper checked the time on his phone and frowned bewilderedly.

"There's no way that she could still be at work. Wait….we weren't supposed to meet up somewhere else first, were we?" The young man muttered to himself. He tried to recall if he had been supposed to go to a particular restaurant in town, then scrolled through their most recent text conversation to make sure. "No….I told her I'd be at her place around seven-ish, and she didn't say anything about….huh…."

Dipper ran his fingers through his hair as he thought hard, and finally he decided to give her a call. Shortly after he dialed her number he heard a familiar ring chime from right inside the trailer.

"What the-" Everything clicked together in his head exactly one moment too late.

"BOO!" Wendy playfully yelled loudly from no more than four feet behind him, and Dipper proceeded to almost jump clean out of his skin.

"GAH!"

"Boosh! Gotcha!" Wendy let out a celebratory whoop as he hastily whirled around. Without further ado she leaned in and wrapped him up in a gigantic bear hug.

"Thanks for the welcome." Even before he could finish the sarcastic remark, he had already broken out into an enormous smile upon sight of her beaming freckled face. The two of them were now grinning uncontrollably like a pair of idiots.

"Pleasure's all mine." Replied his unrepentant girlfriend. The two gazed into one another's eyes for a moment before they shared a quick kiss. As Dipper tightly embraced her back she shamelessly snuggled into his arms.

"Missed you." He murmured. Of course in true Dipper Pines fashion he began to fret whether that came out as sweet or just creepy considering the last time they had spoken was just that morning.

"Same, dude." She was quick to reassure him with another squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. After she felt his skinny body relax in her hold she leaned back and asked, "So, you ready for tonight?"

"Am I!" He brightened right up with excitement. "You?"

Wendy sniggered as she grabbed him by the hand and took him inside. "I think I've been ready for this since at least Monday…."

It wasn't long until they were both in total heaven. The two were hunkered down on her sofa, stuffing down pan-fried noodles and crispy sesame chicken and filling the trailer with laughter while they enjoyed their first bad flick of the evening, _Invasion of the Alien Martian Invaders Who Invade the Earth_. It was only one of the many cinematic atrocities that Gravity Falls Local TV had lined up for one of its regular marathons of hilariously low-budget films.

"...General, look!" A soldier pointed to the sky and cried out. "The alien martian invaders! They're invading! The capitol!"

As the couple watched a small cardboard White House go up in flames, Dipper cried out in stilted panic, "Oh no! Those dastardly alien martians are attacking all of our cheap models! I spent an entire afternoon working on that!"

Wendy almost choked on a mouthful of lo mein. She barely managed to swallow before she burst out cackling like a madwoman for at least ten seconds straight.

"You okay?" Dipper asked as he pat her back. She nodded while wiping tearing eyes.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I just…." She put down her food and flopped against his side. "You have no idea how much I needed this."

"Busy week?"

"Yup." She passed a glance to the graduate student and remarked, "Though probably not as busy as yours."

"Eh, I'm used to it." He shrugged, then passed her a crafty look. "Hey…. if you're feeling that stressed, I think I know something that can help."

"What's that?" She raised an eyebrow.

By this point Dipper had already sneaked his hand around behind her. Suddenly she felt his fingers scratching her behind the ear.

"HEY!" Wendy however did not automatically start thumping her foot and begin relaxing. She did however sock him right in the arm.

"Sorry! Sorry!" He laughed while rubbing his now very sore shoulder.

"Dude, c'mon." She said unsympathetically. "You had to know you were taking a major risk there."

"I know, I know. Sorry, couldn't help it." He winced as he continued to nurse his aching arm. "Ow."

Wendy brushed some of his hair aside and playfully traced her finger against his iconic birthmark.

"So, you having any second thoughts about all of this yet?" She teased. "Wishing you were going out with someone a little less rough around the edges?"

"Most of the time? No. Right now? Kinda." He jokingly fired right back at her, but she wasn't going to let herself be outdone.

"Then why didn't you saw so? Awwww, my poor, poor lil' Dipper!" Wendy began to mercilessly gush in the sappiest tone possible. "He's got a nasty hurt on his lil' arm!"

"Aaaaaand taking that all back immediately." He deadpanned.

"My Dippy doesn't like that?" She stroked his head and mock-pouted.

"I don't know….depends if I can do it too," He then looked her right in the eye and mockingly cooed, "Honey-pie."

"You sure can, my mister smarty-pants." Wendy speedily returned fire.

"My sweetie-pumpkin."

"My lil' Indiana Jones."

"My snookums."

The pair couldn't keep up the stupid joke for very long before they both cracked. For a few moments they rendered themselves temporarily helpless with laughter.

"Truce?" Dipper offered as soon as he could speak again. "Please? I really don't want to make myself throw up."

"Me neither. Truce." She pecked his cheek, and together they settled back down in front of their movie. Wendy burst out cackling as a particularly atrocious special effect quickly caught her eye. "Ha! Dude, did you see the string on that UFO?"

"What? Where?"

"When it was flying over the tanks. Look! Look! There is it! Right there!"

"Haha! I see it!"

"C'mon, how'd you even miss that?"

"No idea. Well, at least it shouldn't be that hard for the military to defeat them now." He then ordered in a stern bark, "Alright! Send in the Scissor-Troopers!"

"Oh no! Our greatest weakness! How did you humans find out?" Wendy bemoaned in a robotic voice as they continued to riff on the the awful excuse for a movie together.

Two and a half laughably terrible films later, the two had reached the point where they were both on the verge of nodding off. A dozy Dipper grabbed the remote and turned off her little TV. The two occupied every available inch of her couch now as they both lay spread across the full length and cuddled tightly close.

"Y'know what?" Wendy decided as she mulled over the distance to her bed. "I'm good here. You?"

"Yeah, I'm fine with this." Dipper agreed with a yawn. "Though I'm always good wherever you are."

Her sleepy giggle made him quickly realize, "….That...that wasn't in my head at all, was it?"

"Nope. Not even close." She adoringly confirmed. Wendy hugged her big doofus closer before she let her head rest comfortably atop his chest. "Seeya in the morning."

"See you in the morning." Dipper felt like a million dollars as they lay there wrapped securely in each other's arms, right where they both needed to be. He couldn't sense so much as a flicker of anxiety anywhere inside him. Instead there was nothing but peaceful bliss beyond compare.

"Goodnight my sweet lumberjill. Love you." He playfully murmured to her in a sappy whisper. Wendy let out a loud snort and feigned a punch at his shoulder. After the couple shared a sleepy chuckle together, she planted a small kiss on his cheek before curling back against her boyfriend with a contented sigh.

"Love you too, dork."

 **The End**

* * *

 _Whew! And that finally does it!_

 _In case you want to see more along the lines of what you've just read here over the past twenty-something chapters, just remember that this whole thing was just a long-overdue prequel for all the "Future-Pines" stories that I've been writing for over a year already. You'll find the full chronological listing of all the assorted stories that are part of my peculiar AU on my profile ("Pines Will Be Pines" being the behemoth centerpiece of it all, of course). I'll continue writing more of the same once I have a small a break and take a look at the small stockpile of ideas I've gathered over the past few months while working on this story. Also, most of you know the drill - if you have any suggestions, you're more than free to send them my way!_

 _Thanks to all of you who read, extra thanks for all those who took the time to review, and an overall huge thanks for all who stuck with me the whole way through this over these past few months. And as always, hope you all enjoyed it!_

 _-_ _ **SGA**_


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